Death is freeing they said. But only for one of two reasons; either your heart stops and your body, or what's left of it, is buried in a confidential location and you are freed from this mortal- whatever. Or the other reason; they think that's what's happened to you. You're declared dead, your name gets put on the wall and it is announced you are buried in a confidential location, because just like the other instance they're not certain where that would be.
Meanwhile your heart's still beating, but no one's tracking your movements, listening at your ear, or evaluating you. You're no one. Years have been spent making sure people will not know who you are when they see your face. But that's not all you've been trained for; you have combat or firearm training; you know how to spot someone who doesn't want to be; you know how to maintain an illusion; worse you know government secrets; bloody important ones maybe. And you're alone to decide what to do with this knowledge.
"Character is what you are in the dark" what you decide to do when you don't have the burden of personal consequence. I came back. I could have stayed in my retirement and blackmailed everything I needed from the hotel manager who was terrified somebody found out what ever it was he was hiding, fucked girls to keep my evenings busy and drank spirits to do the same for my mornings; everyday enjoying who I am without my bloody job. But I came back. Here I am standing in her living room, in London, in the dark. Maybe that shows my character as heroic, dedicated or selfless possibly.
I could step back out this window right now; enjoy childhood haunts, find myself a new Vespre, discover a love for some mundane hobby I didn't know I had heart enough for. But I won't, and not because I'm too heroic to slip out of this window.
Part of me knows that who I am in the dark isn't a sleeping hero awaiting my country's hour of need, no, that's too easy. This job I'm returning to isn't kind, there is no glory, there's not even an assurance you're making the world a better place. You're just doing what your life has built you to do. And that's the point. What made me come back was realising what I am in the dark, who I was without the job, was and will be, is nothing.