Yeah, I know the last thing I should be starting is a fan fiction when I have so many I need to update and finish...but alas, I was inspired and I could not control myself. Forgive me? Hope you like. This fan fiction is set after New Moon, however Edward never came back. Bella jumped off the cliff, but Alice didn't see it, and the wolves protected Bella from Victoria. No vamps. The chapters will alternate point-of-views. This first chapter is in Bella's, and the next will be in Jacob's. And so forth.
Sharing You With Memories
By Sara Elizabeth a.k.a. your21
"There are times it seems to me, I'm sharing you with memories. I feel it in my heart, but I don't show it, show it….and then there's times you look at me as though I'm all that you can see, those times I don't believe, but I know it, I know it…"
Prologue
It's been two years. That's what the calendar says, anyways. Sometimes, I'm not so sure. Has it really been two years since Sam found me shattered and broken laying on the forest floor, mourning the loss of the greatest love of my life? Yes, yes it has. According to this calendar it's been exactly two years since Edward abruptly decided it was a fine and dandy idea to leave me and make it "as if he never existed". He did a fairly good job, of course. Oh there's still pieces of him and the rest of the Cullen's lurking about. Memories here and there. Small shreds of evidence that this strange family that I knew to be vampires, did indeed exist and live in the small town of Forks, Washington. But sometimes, it's like one of those dreams you have when you're half awake and half asleep…is it real? Did that actually happen? I'm so torn sometimes, because half of me just wants all the pain to go away. I want the memories to fade…but my heart, the more dominant side of me, I want to remember it all. I want Edward Cullen back. I want to know it's real. That everything we shared was real. I want to go back to our meadow. I want to see Alice again. I miss her. I miss it all.
I tuck this all away and look at something else other than that lame calendar Charlie insisted on buying from some local charity to help raise money. Although today holds deep and painful memories for me, I must move on. If I think about it much longer, that empty hole will be back before I know it, aching with a vengeance.
Besides, I tell myself, later today I will get to see Jake. My sun, and as of three months ago, my boyfriend. Yes, Jacob Black, Forks very own werewolf boy is my boyfriend. I sometimes question my choice in men. Am I simply attracted to the supernatural or are they attracted to me? I think it's my fault. Something is seriously wrong with me. Honestly, why didn't I just say yes when Mike Newton asked me out? I would be leading a normal life now, if I did.
But in all honesty, it doesn't bother me that Jake is a werewolf. How could it, when Edward was a vampire? Edward…I push it back, only to bring it right back out. What is wrong with me?
The days are hard. I wish I could somehow transfer to the reservation school…but alas, they will not let me. Not that I tried. I mean, I know how those things work. It'd just be a lot easier if I had Jacob with me…time flows easier when I'm with him, and the pain…it's not so bad.
* * *
School's out and I'm already driving my truck over to the reservation, so I can go to Jake's house. He's going to do some work on my crumbling truck, while I kick back and watch. And talk. We talk a lot when we're in the garage. It may sound kind of lame, but Jacob and I do a lot of talking. We never really go on dates….
He still knows to be careful. Jacob knows hiking isn't a good date idea, nor are movies, and he still makes sure not to listen to any music. He is so careful with me that it almost breaks my heart. His love is so deep, and it hurts. He shouldn't have to be so careful with me. Why can't I just be normal --- for his sake? But I'm not and I can't be…and Jacob is okay with this. He knew he was only getting a half person, a ghost.
I love him. I really do…but….
"Hey, Bells!" Jacob calls, as I pull up.
I smile at him, "Hey!" I hop out and go give him a hug and a quick kiss. "How's Billy doing?"
"Good. Says your Dad is supposed to come by later for dinner."
"Cool."
We talk a little more as we make our way to the garage. I see the bikes Jake and I used to ride together hidden away in the corner. Our little secret. However, I don't ride backs anymore nor do I do any more cliff diving. After nearly drowning myself and getting killed by Victoria, well, I decided it's best I keep safe. Besides…after some time, Edward's voice faded…even when I did something really dangerous. Like when I started speeding (as fast as my truck will go, anyway) towards a cliff. I could only faintly hear Edward's voice urging me to hit the breaks. Don't do it, Bella, he whispered, Stop. But it was just a whisper, so I kept speeding on. I got closer and closer, but his voice never returned. Eventually, I hit the breaks.
I feel a fresh wave of memories begin to attack me. And I wonder, where would Edward and I be today if he never left. If he actually loved me like he said he did…before he took it back. Before he revealed it was all a lie. And stupid me, oh stupid, stupid, me. I can't believe I thought for one moment that someone as glorious as Edward could truly love me…but, I guess that's all over with. And wondering 'what if' wont get me anywhere.
"Bella, you there?" Jacob waved his hand in front of my face.
I can feel the hole in my chest again, and I start having difficulty breathing. It takes me a moment to regain my composure and I look up at Jake. "Yeah, sorry. What were you saying?"
Jacob looks at me with those sad, knowing eyes of his. "Nothing." He sighs deeply, and then smiles at me. "So, I was wondering…you don't have to…but there having this celebration here on the reservation. Native American heritage stuff and well…did you want to come hang out?"
"When is it?"
"Next week." Jake says as he goes to grab a tool sitting beside me.
"Sure."
"And Bella?"
"Yeah, Jake?"
He walks over and lays the tool aside, and kneels down so we're face to face. He looks so broken right now, and I feel bad. "I love you." He says these three words with such passion that it almost erases the pain I'm feeling. Almost.
"I love you, too, Jake."
I only wish I could say those words back with half as much passion as he does.