Hiya peeps!
Well, unlike a lot of my other random smut fics, this one actually has quite a strong plot! O.o So I'm going to take this chance to say MAJOR SPOILERS for everything up to the last episode of season four. You have been warned!
I would also like to take this chance to tease you with the fact that the title to this fic is not at all referring to Sam in any way XD
With the lyrics I used, I took some lines and put them in BOLD, these lines are from Dean's point of view. The lines in ITALICS are Sam's POV.
Disclaimer: Neither Supernatural, nor any of its characters are mine. This plot however, is. The lyrics used in this story are from the song 'Scared' by Three Days Grace.
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Sam slipped from the car easily, throwing his pack over his shoulder and stalking into the motel room, ignoring his brother's vehement cursing as he ran his hands over the new dent in 'his baby'
"Come on Dean, don't worry about it. We'll just bash it back out later when we stop at Bobby's."
Dean hissed angrily, "'Just bash it out'?! Sammy, this sort of thing has to be handled with precision and care!"
Sam shook his head with a grin, "yeah, if that's what you would call Bobby with a mallet in his hand…"
Dean just ignored Sam, crouching down to inspect the small dent closer, cooing soft words of apology to his shiny black Impala.
Sam barely noticed the room's interior; it was just another motel room. He dumped his bag on the bed that he instinctively knew his brother would delegate him, and moved to the bathroom to wash his face free of blood and grime. A few seconds later he heard his brother enter behind him, noisily slamming the door and plunking down hard on his own bed.
Sam grimaced as the TV buzzed into life, his brother's answering curse meeting the news that they had no reception in this abysmal place. Given a few hours free, Dean could rig it up for them, but he didn't imagine they'd be staying that long.
Sam looked back up to the mirror and cried out, taking a sharp step back he slammed into the wall, bruising his back painfully on the towel rack.
Dean was beside him in a second, reassuring hand on his shoulder and the other on his cheek, checking his face for signs of what disturbed him. "What is it Sammy? What's wrong?"
Sam just shivered, pushing Dean away, "it's nothing, don't worry about it.
At night I hear it creeping
It couldn't be happening already could it? It had only been a couple of weeks since his last hit; his last dose of pure demon blood. They both knew it was coming, but to be confronted by his fate so soon, so abruptly?
At night I feel it move
What had stared back at him from the mirror was not his own face; not truly. Its mouth was twisted into a vicious sneer, its bare chest covered in fresh wounds that didn't bleed, and its eyes the blackest of pitch.
I'll never sleep here anymore…
Dean wasn't buying it for a second, but he left his brother in the bathroom, moving back to lay idly on his bed. He drew his feet up behind him, cushioning one ankle atop the other as he lent back fully into the coverlet. He hated this; the quiet, the lies, the animosity. He wanted his little brother back; the Sam he used to know.
But he wasn't there anymore.
I wish you never told me
He couldn't ignore it, not really. And he wasn't ignoring it now either; he knew the signs. Sam was going into withdrawal; but it was too soon. Still, the brothers had promised to work through it together this time, and Dean would go back to hell before he let his little brother continue down this path.
I wish I never knew
He had two dreams these days; two horrible, nightmarish dreams. His worst, and most hated was Sam falling back into the pit of his own addiction. The recall of it stung at Dean every time their eyes met.
I wake up screaming
'It's all because of you!'
But the second dream was old; so very old it felt that he had been seeing it since he was but a child. He heard screaming, felt the burn of red-hot fire, and the bite of ice-cold pain. But more than that, he felt it. Though what he felt was the one thing he would never let Sam know.
Sam steeled himself against the images flashing through his mind; it was coming on quickly. Unsteadily he moved back into the main room, slumping down onto his bed as though he might collapse. "It's coming on too quickly Dean; we'll need to go to Bobby's tomorrow, first thing."
Dean nodded silently, "I know. But don't worry, we'll have you fixed up soon Sammy."
The older man stared darkly at their ceiling, so many thoughts bubbling around in his head. It would be painful for Sam; so very painful. But if a junky was anything, it was powerless, and he refused to allow his brother to remain in that position for any longer. Still, there were the echoes of hell whispering in his mind.
So real these voices in my head!
If Sam needed blood, he could get it for him no problem. But in doing so, Dean would be feeding his own sick addiction; a desire he refused to give in to. Still, his bones ached with need, his heart speeding at the scent of blood, the thump of a heart, and the screams of unadulterated agony.
Slowly the room began to dim, and after a while Dean heard his little brother's breathing even out; each breath deep and heavy, rattling noiselessly through his lungs.
He would protect him; at any cost he would save his one and only. Sam was all he had left.
When it comes back you won't be
Dean was just dozing off when the sound of Sam's whimpering met his ears.
Scared and lonely
He crouched beside the other's bed, his finger's reaching out to brush through Sam's hair gently as he murmured quiet words of safekeeping.
You won't be scared, you won't be
Sam woke with a start, shooting up off his bed he was enfolded instantly in warm arms. He blinked tearfully, his hands pushing against the chest holding him close. It took him a long time to realise what was happening; who was holding him, and as he did, he slowly melted into the other's arms.
He could feel the tension in the other's muscles; this was his fault. He was worrying Dean; scaring him. He clutched the other close for a short moment, before pulling back; he couldn't use his brother like this, couldn't make him worry or fear.
You won't be scared and lonely
Dean looked into Sam's eyes carefully. He knew Sam too well; he was a caring older brother, it had always been his role, but an emotional one who showed feelings? No. He had to put Sam at ease; make him think this odd version of his most loved was all a dream. It wouldn't do for Sam to know that he was worried. "It's all a dream Sammy; you're hallucinating. Get back in bed, and you'll wake up to the real Dean."
You won't be scared you won't be
Sam stuttered uncertainly, but nodded smiling, "right, sorry. Still, at least this time you're not yelling at me…" he moved slowly to lie back down again, his eyes tearing as he rolled onto his side; facing away from his brother.
Dean watched Sam for a short while, before following suit. He led staring at the ceiling once again, and felt the familiar prickle arching up his spine. It was on nights like this that he needed Sam; needed the grounding of a little brother who relied on him.
LONELY!
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Sam woke with a start, his eyes snapping open in a frenzy as he searched the room frantically for his brother. His eyes met Dean's concerned ones and he relaxed visibly. Slipping slowly from his place beneath the twisted sheets he stood and stretched. He felt good, really good. At least, he thought he did.
He moved towards the bathroom and stopped dead in his tracks. Looking down at his hands he saw them shaking visibly, spots flashing before his eyes. Looking up quickly, he took a step back as Ruby walked casually from the bathroom.
I know there's something out there
I think I hear it move
I've never felt like this before…
"Dean…" Sam whispered, "Dean, is that Ruby, or am I hallucinating again?!"
Dean caught Sam by the face, turning his startled eyes to meet his own, "there's no one there Sammy, it's just you and me."
I wish you never told me
I wish I never knew
Horror flashed through Dean's mind, before quickly being replaced by anger. That's right, it was Ruby who did this; her and her scheming master.
I wake up screaming
'It's all because of you!'
He shook Sam almost angrily, "come on Sammy, snap out of it!"
Sam just looked at him blearily, his eyes unfocused and hazy. "She knows me Dean…she knows everything about me." His little brother's eyes were filled with hurt and pain at remembered wrongs. Dean shook him again, and began pushing him towards the door. He quickly grabbed their still packed bags, and forcefully shoved Sam out to the car.
Ten minutes later they were on the road, rock music blaring loudly to cover the occasional sounds of Sam's sobbing. It appeared that 'Ruby' had followed them into the back seat.
Sam shivered and quaked, his body rocking slightly in his seat beside Dean.
Ruby sat in the back making casual conversation, drilling every word to the base of Sam's skull, "you know Sam, he's going to leave you again. He doesn't understand you, not like I do."
"Shut up, just shut up!" Sam groaned. But no matter how hard he pressed his palms to his ears, he couldn't drown her out.
"Oh Sam, Sam, don't think I don't know. You loved it really, that feeling of power, even the way you had to cut someone open to get it. You loved it all, and you loved me for giving it to you. You want more, don't you Sam?"
Dean watched Sam with pained eyes, before returning them to the road, the sun's early morning light barely showing over the horizon.
He wanted to hurt something; most notably Ruby. But the bitch was already dead and gone. He felt a flash of power lance up his spine, the tingling longing dripping from his bones as he clutched the steering wheel. It was getting harder every day; trying to hide the new him was taxing, so very taxing. He couldn't do anything; couldn't fight, couldn't cut, tear or rend. He couldn't kill, for fear of letting it loose.
So real these voices in my head!
Sam sunk lower in his chair, and Dean thought perhaps he had lost consciousness. But Sam's eyes still rolled lividly in his head, his breath hissing through his lips as he curled in on himself. With a gentle sigh Dean let his fingers tangle in his brother's hair, stilling him instantly.
When it comes back you won't be
The soft caress broke through to Sam, drawing him up from the well of remembered agonies. But it didn't make any of what he had done better.
Scared and lonely…
Dean continued to pet his brother reassuringly, his foot heavy on the pedal as he sped down the highway. They would make it to Bobby's soon; they would get there if it killed him.
You won't be scared, you won't be
You won't be scared and lonely
You won't be scared you won't be
LONELY!
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Dean skidded to a halt outside Bobby's house, sliding from his seat he opened Sam's door, grabbing his brother around the waist and forcefully dragging him from his seat.
Sam screamed and struggled feebly, his eyes running with tears and hands shaking where they gripped Dean.
It's all because of you…
I wish you never told me…
I wake up screaming now…
"You know Sam, I really don't know why I spent all of my time on you…you were never any good at any of this," drawled a voice beside his ear.
"…why else do you think Dad threw you out?"
Dean grinned at Sam viciously, his eyes glinting with malice, "he threw you out because you were a liability! But you know, I thought I would give you another chance…" He threw his arms out to the sides, yelling at the sky, "and look what you've made of yourself Sammy!"
He grinned and spun in a circle, before letting his eyes fall on his pitiful excuse for a brother, "the only way you can stay alive without me is to suck on some bitch's demonic blood! You are that weak!"
He moved closer, his fingers tracing wet lines in Sam's tears, "and look at you, little Sammy, all weak and blubbering. Even then, it still wasn't enough, was it?"
Dean opened his mouth wide and screamed, "FAILURE!"
So real these voices in my head…
Sam broke away from Dean's grasp, his eyes on some invisible target, "Dean, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he cried painfully, his fingers clawing at his face, before tearing off between the cars.
Dean felt pain prickle along his sides as he understood that his brother's most recent tormenter had been himself. Suddenly Bobby was beside him, sweat trickling down the side of his brow. "Was that Sam I heard wailin'?" he gasped, "we have to get him back! How could it have started already?!"
Dean didn't answer; he was too busy chasing after his brother, his feet carrying him swiftly between the wreckage of dumped cars. He could feel it building already; the lust in his veins. It felt his heartbeat, and his brother's, and it wanted to shred.
So real these voices in my head!
Dean couldn't find the power to resist it. He felt the last of his walls cave, and it burst from him in a wave. He could feel him now; his brother. Not twenty metres ahead of him; huddled between two cars, curled in on himself. Dean could feel his panicked heartbeat rolling over him like the beat of a drum.
I wake up screaming now
I wish you never told me
I wish I never knew!
In a rush Dean was upon him, his brother's form pushing him down hard into the ground; pinning him in place.
Scared and lonely…
Dean saw the flash of pain in Sam's eyes, knew the implication. He was hurting, hurting so badly that he might even be breaking. He was also afraid; Dean couldn't let that happen.
You won't be scared, you won't be
He grabbed his little brother strongly, and fought down every urge that was screaming at him.
You won't be scared and lonely
With an effort he dragged Sam back to Bobby's house with him, pushing him forcefully down the stairs one at a time, dragging him by the ankles at one point, as he fell to the ground screaming.
You won't be scared you won't be
Sam begged then, screaming painfully, "I did what you wanted! I did it! Why are you dragging me to hell! I brought your master back!"
LONELY!
With a sinking feeling, Dean knew that Sam was being plagued by their yellow eyed enemy. It seemed that in his hallucinations, nothing stayed dead.
With a final tug he was standing before the open iron door, his little brother on his knees beside him, swaying dangerously.
Lifting him up with a grunt, Dean dragged him the rest of the way inside, dropping him unceremoniously on the cot. He moved back out to the door, where Bobby was standing with a tear leaking from his eye, "it's for the best son."
Scared and lonely…
You won't be scared, you won't be
You won't be scared and lonely
You won't be scared you won't be
LONELY!
"I know," Dean grimaced, and slammed the door behind him.
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Well there you go!
And who ever said I couldn't write angst? (There's a proper one of those on the card actually, should I get enough interest.) In any case, this is nowhere near done, so stay posted! XD
And please PLEASE press the button and tell me what you think!