Watching: the act of observing or taking a patient look
It takes a long time to realize that the world doesn't always rely on you. For almost all my life people have told me that I'm going to make something of myself, I'm going to be great. There's a hero within me somewhere just waiting to come out... or so they say. I sighed and leaned back against the school wall. The damp grass underneath my finger tips and the soft breeze around us helped calm me down just a bit. Sometimes I'm just tired of all the expectations. I'm supposed to come here and talk to these kids who probably don't want to have anything to do with me.
The teens the school was scared for began to head over to the wall I was sitting at, so the teachers knew where the kids go but didn't have the courage to talk to them. The leader was a tall but slim redhead. His eyes were a soft green but filled with a sense dangerous intentions. I stood up and looked at the fourof them. There used to be around thirteen but then most of them graduated. This year Axel and Zexion will be graduating leaving Roxas and Demyx here for their senior year.
"What are you doing here, Sora?" Roxas asked me. I brushed myself off thanking god that I'm not a girl, this would be incredibly uncomfortable with me being forced to hang out with four boys. This group is known for not being quite stable. I'm strong enough to where I can probably escape if something bad happens but I don't know enough about these guys to be certain if I'll need force.
Roxas is my height and we have the same crystal clear blue eyes but where he's blond I'm a brunette. "I just wanted to see if I could hang out with you guys for a while. Kairi and Riku have been busy with their own things and I guess I'm just getting bored. This is kind of selfish I know..." I started but instantly Demyx, the guy with a mullet, ran up to me and took my hands jumping up and down.
"Do you want to go with us to my concert?" He asked with a huge grin on his face. I blinked at him in surprise then nodded slowly not quite sure if this is code for something. Zexion was shaking his head in annoyance but I thought I saw the ghost of a smile on his face.
"You seem like an okay brat. Don't tell anyone Demyx is in a band or else your out, got it memorized?" Axel asked. I looked at his fiery red hair and decided that even if that was a threat I'm still going to find out what this group is up to. I noticed some odd feelings between Demyx and Zexion, but instead of focusing on them I watched Roxas who was looking at me curiously.
"Why are you here, Sora?" He asked once more but this time nobody paid attention to him. We all just left into the car leaving their Nobodies corner alone.
Why do they call themselves The Nobodies anyway?
Nobody: A person of no influence
The concert was amazing, but only because of Demyx's partial concert afterwards. His sitar playing was good and all but his singing is better than anything I've ever heard. I may get into music after this as long as the singer or artist is at least half as good as this blond. Everyone was grinning and cheering him on. It was nice to know this group seems to be a lot more civilized then the school board had informed me.
"Why does everyone think you guys are such freaks?" I asked softly as we walked to the car.
"Probably because we mean nothing to anyone there. We're just not interested in the things they like and with our odd appearance people just ignore us completely." Roxas shrugged while Demyx and Zexion left to a taxi. I watched them go for a moment then blinked when Roxas grabbed my wrist and dragged me into the car.
"Yeah weneed to hurry to get to the bonfire!" Axel grinned looking incredibly happy. Is this guy a pyro or something?
When we got to the school I found out that due to my absences I didn't know about the senior bonfire going on tonight. I'm always having to go talk to kids my age and younger then begin to speak with parents about what goes on in high school. Kairi and Riku do the same thing but not at the wide range where I'm forced to. I even have to leave school all the time in order to fullfill my demands. It's nice having a break to do some in-school help.
Axel seemed to be completely ecstatic as he ran around the fire and seemed to fall into a trance as he stared at the flames. "Seriously Sora, what are you doing here?" I looked Roxas is mild curiosity.
"I'm here because I want to be here." I lied and watched the fire burn each new thing a senior dropped into it. Some kids dropped some drugs into the flames while others struggled not to grab it, I watched Riku toss one of our old wooden swords into the huge pile. My chest tightened watching that and then seeing Kairi toss in a paupau fruit. When we were kids no one expected all that much from me and so I got to play swords with my friends and get paupau fruit to confess to people. It was just an easy little childhood thing that we loved to do all day long. Why are they tossing it into this fire?
"You know that's a lie. This bonfire is supposed to be a place where you can let things go and move on before graduation. Your friends are tossing their childhood into it, ready to forget the past and become adults. What would you throw away in order to let go?" Roxas demanded looking angry.
I could tell what he's thinking. This poor kid is probably wondering why I'm here right now with them trying to join their group when I have every pathway in the world open to me. I'm a school idol and one of their heroes. He thinks i couldn't possibly understand them, the group that everyone ignores and throws away like garbage. How could someone who has everything understand someone with nothing.
I can't.
"I don't have anything I need to let go of." I answered feeling a sense of emptiness in my chest. It was hollow like my heart had left a long time ago and I was finally realizing how truly empty I am. I want to join this group so I can... so I can hide and no longer feel the pressure of a hero. Being told when you're thirteen that your world is going to change because from now on... it's going to be to help others.
I'm supposed to make a difference.
I'm supposed to be perfect.
I'm supposed to help everyone.
I'm supposed to be a hero.
But right now I want to be a nobody.
"That's bull. We all have something we want to let go of." I ignored his statement and watched the flames dance, and mildly thought about the ridicule the seniors were giving Axel as he sat down and stared with a smile and tears streaming down his face.
Empty: holding or containing nothing
I stayed with Axel and Roxas for a week, not talking to anyone but them. The teacher and school board were becoming concerned about how I was distancing myself from everyone. Riku and Kairi tried to talk to me but staying quiet became as easy as breathing. With the Nobodies I felt no pressure or restraint. I can do what I want and be who I am, there is nothing there forcing me to do anything. This is my home, I like it here.
Roxas and Axel were the only ones I truly hung out with and spoke to. Zexion was busying himself with research in the name of science and Demyx was constantly working on his music. It was a nice thing hanging out with those two when I wanted silence or music without the conversation afterwards. They seemed to realize that I need silence.
"Hey Sora." Axel grinned and sat down next to me. I looked at him for a moment then nodded. Axel was looking at the sky, the ground, the parking lot, and then finally he looked at my hair as though attempting to look at me.
"What do you want?" I asked him and tried to put some emotion into my question. I keep thinking about things and its making me rethink everything. Maybe I should just stop everything. I should keep hanging out with these guys and do what I want to do.
"Don't turn out like some of the others who hung out with us. If you're running away then stop. If you need some time to think and get away for a bit then this is fine, but know you have to go back eventually." He said softly like he knew what's going on with me.
"At the moment I'm not feeling much of anything or caring about what I used to have to do." I informed him and stood up. I'm about to have to head out for a while. My parents have been a bit worried about how much time alone I've had. The school must have called them, otherwise they wouldn't have noticed.
"Do you really think you're okay?"
No I'm not okay.
I'm empty.
Help: to give assistance
The school seemed grey in the dim light of the morning. I walked up to it waiting for Roxas and Axel as the chill filled me whole. Demyx and Zexion graduated early, or they will be in a couple weeks. I haven't seen them in a while, which I guess is to be expected. They need to get ready for college. The snow around me felt like expectations welling up and chilling me to the bone.
"Sora?" Roxas called from behind me. I turned around and saw him and Axel staring at me curiously.
"Hey guys, what's up?" I asked in a bored tone.
"You need to get a grip and go back where you belong. We're the Nobodies because of the way we are not because we're trying to escape. Get. A. Grip." the redhead growled looking extremely pissed off. I looked at them both and saw that they were concerned for some reason.
"I need to get away and stay away from the stupid school and all the expectations of everyone." I said blankly and tried to walk past them into the school, to my disappointment, the building doesn't open for another half hour.
"Running away isn't going to help you. Ask for help." Roxas informed me simply. I looked at him for a moment and tried to think of how I could even do that.
"What do you want?" Axel asked.
I... I don't know.
Desire: a wish or longing
I sat down in the cafe feeling a bit nervous. I haven't talked to Kairi or Riku in a while, and I don't know how they'll feel about my desire or new wish. I never really told them any of my real thoughts or feelings simply because it's a burden. Why would I do that to them? Granted my text for them to come here was simply 'Meet me at Starbucks near the school tomorrow at ten a.m.' so I won't blame them if they don't show up. I haven't looked at my phone since.
My eyes were a bit wide when I noticed them both come in together. Riku and Kairi were holding hands and looking at the other with soft expressions. I wonder how long they've been going out. I stood up and walked to the counter in order to order some hot chocolate, I don't have to drink black coffee if I don't want it anymore. No one is here to force my order and my parents are back to not caring as long as I do them proud. They watched for a moment then stood in line behind me. Although their orders were more complex they still got their drinks first and waited for me at a different table then where I had been sitting. If I wanted to I could sit where I wanted and wait for them there but that seems almost prudent of me.
I got my drink and sat down watching as Kairi glared at me angrily but I could still see the concern in her eyes. I didn't say anything for another moment then took a sip of my steaming cocoa. It was good but a little too chocolaty. Today just might be a too much chocolate day though.
"What do you want to talk about Sora?" Riku asked slowly. It's obvious the teachers have been talking to him. They must be concerned that their hero hasn't been checking in with the progress of the Nobodies. I looked at my old friends then shook my head. These two old friends burned the two things that made us old friends. The two memories I held close were the two memories they chose to let go. How can I possibly know how to handle that? What do I even want to talk about today? Oh yeah...
"I'm no longer giving speeches or helping the school with its problem students." I said bluntly and got ready to leave. Riku grabbed my wrist while Kairi's eyes widened in shock. The silver haired boy looked taken back but Kairi just seemed disappointed.
"Why?" She asked as though I'm one of the problem students they are trying to help. I thought about Roxas and Axel as they laugh and talk about burning cardboard boxes or some suicidal sounding band. Somehow they lived a much better life then I could ever had imagined and yet I was sent in to help them!
"Do you remember how this started for me?" I asked softly and took a sip of my drink. Somehow the hard chocolate slid down my throat and soothed the anger within me and allowed my calm and logical tone to come out. "I had helped Tidus when he was having problems at home. With one conversation I got him to stop cutting and to call home to apologize. That's when the school and my parents decided to use me in order to test out my persuasive abilities. They never asked me. Instead the principal just told me when I would be speaking to my fellow classmates."
They both looked at me blankly as though I'm stating nonsense that has nothing to do with what we've been talking about so far. Of course they wouldn't understand, but I somehow continued to talk anyway. "Did you even notice me there when they asked you two to join. You guys had a choice. I was there to help make you guys join but I never wanted to do this. Helping people is great but when you're forced to do it there's no more... kindness or true help in the action. Instead it comes out wrong."
"You're being dramatic." Kairi smiled pleasently. I glared at her and stood up but before I could leave Riku gave Kairi a harsh look and motioned for me to sit down again, I did so reluctantly knowing I had people a phone call away who would listen and care about every single word I'm saying here.
"What do you want to do?" Riku asked making me smile. It was a real smile. It was a reaction of the muscles in my mouth, there was no forcing it because I just wanted to.
"I have no idea." I grinned and stood up taking my cocoa. "Please tell the board for me since I will no longer be talking to them unless there is an incredibly good reason."
When I left the coffee shop I felt...
Free.
Fun: activities that are enjoyable or amusing
I spent most of my time with Roxas watching movies, playing video games, and going to the park. I think he realized that I needed a break and also needed to let loose. Somehow it seemed to make him happier then he was before with me. Summer came which meant we had to help Axel pack up his things. When I called him a pyro at the bonfire I think I was being too light on him. His house is full of lighters and matches. It's very possible he burned his house down when he was a child, by accident of course!
"The school board called me and asked for me to make a speech in the beginning of the year. I think I'm going to do it. It'll be my last one unless I decide to do more." I informed them as we were shoving boxes into the moving van. Roxas smiled at me while Axel allowed a slow smirk to cover his lips.
"What are you going to talk about? Do you think the gang and I can show up?" He asked making me grin and nod. Hopefully they can since these guys mean the most to me right now. Riku and Kairi aren't talking to me which is fine, no matter what they'll have to hear my speech when we get back. I don't hate helping others but being forced to isn't fun. It's probably one of the hardest things I've had to do.
"I'm going to be talking about the Nobodies, naturally." I said in a arrogant tone. They both looked at me warily. "Nothing bad of course! I haven't even seen anything bad from you guys." I cried raising my hands in defence. This seemed to calm them down a bit but Axel was laughing by the end of the calm moment.
"You would be surprised at what the graduates were into... Larxene better go to jail along with Marluxia before you kids graduate but the others are good enough for society... as long as they work in jails or as bodyguards. Get that memorized." For some reason this really didn't disturb me all that much. No matter what these guys have been the best friends I've ever had.
"I can't wait to hear your speech!" Roxas smiled and then looked at me expectantly. That's when I realized that these looks meant something I wasn't getting.
"Tell us a little of your speech, buddy. We can wait to do the rest when you've done a bit." Axel said casually but I could tell he really wanted to hear it.
"No." I said slowly hoping I wouldn't insult them. "Wait till that day. I want everyone to be surprised so there's going to be no sneak previews." They didn't push anymore but I could tell that just made the anticipation worse.
Memory: The ability to recover information past events or knowledge
School starts today but we, the Nobodies, hung out on the island where I spent most of my childhood before I was forced to become a hero. The forts made of wood and the cabins were still up but of course no kids were here. School doesn't start for another hour but Roxas, Axel, and Demyx wanted to come here. Zexion and I didn't really decide on anything. He looked at the beach and the slow currents along the sand and almost glared the sand down to it's original element.
"What did you and your friends normally do when you got here?" Demyx asked looking excited. I looked around at the palm trees and patches of grass then turned around and grinned.
"Sword fight." I said and then raced for the sword shack. It was full of jump ropes, sticks, blitz balls, and wooden swords; I grabbed a wooden sword and smiled at Roxas who did the same. We fought for a while until we were both pretty battered.
"What now?" Zexion's dry voice asked from behind me. I turned to him and thought for a moment.
"Paupau fruit. Have you guys heard about the legend of this fruit?" I questioned feeling hyper for the first time in a long time. Everyone looked at me blankly but it was a blank curiosity. I took that as my cue. "Whoever shares this fruit makes it so that their destinies are intertwined."
We grabbed a fruit and split it up so we all got a piece of it. "Cheers." Axel said with a sly smile and we all cheered then ate the fruit. After this we didn't have time to do anything else since we would have been late for school, but this... this is a memory I will never forget.
Speech: The act of delivering a formal spoken communication to an audience
I walked up on stage and felt the glaring lights, the room looked pitch black and empty which made me feel better. I stood in front of the mike and closed my eyes, after taking a deep breath I started.
"Last year in the middle of the school year I was told to help out the Nobodies by joining their group and setting a good example. This is routine for me and I was ready to get it over with. I didn't know that instead of helping them they would help me." When I said this there was a stunned silence in the crowd. Almost every student here knew me personally or almost. I've talked to most of them but have a relationship with few.
"The Nobodies is what the group calls themselves. They hang out all the time and trust each other more than most of us trust our parents. My first day I could find nothing wrong with what was left of this group. Only four were left that year and we hung out for a couple nights. Soon I trusted them more than I trusted my old friends. They helped me realize I should be able to do what I want to do and not just what everyone else tells me to. They showed me just how much control I can have over my life if I stand up and say 'hey give me a break.'
Every moment I've spent with Roxas, Axel, Demyx, and Zexion have been the best times of my life. There's nothing bad with being an outcast. I think it's been the best time of my life, personally. Thank you for listening to me today. I've grown up a little and have grown a pair and now I think I'm ready for life. I can live in confidence of knowing that whatever I choose to do with my life it'll be my choice and I'll have my Nobodies around to help me." I said with a smile.
I bowed a bit and listened to the applause then walked down in order to sit in the back next to the nobodies. For some reason I think in that moment everyone in this room tried to think of becoming a nobody with me.
I may not be a hero but that's alright.
I'm Sora Lionheart.
Hero: a man distinguished by exceptional courage and nobility and strength