A/n: Well, um, okay, here is my little intro, that probably no one will read, but feel obliged to write anyway.

Lucy the Mary-sue Slayer was created quite a few years ago, when I was liddle, and she saved Jack and Will (potc) from a terrible fate at the hands of Mary-sues. I never really finished the story, because it was taken down for being script, not prose. I got into Avatar:TLA a couple of weeks ago (weirdly, from watching the Abridged Series on YouTube, and then going to watch the actual episodes), and looked up all the fanart I could on DevArt, and read some fanfics, and learned of the various ships and stuff.

And so, here is the resuscitated Mary-sue Slayer, here to protect the poor, poor characters of Avatar from all the evil things we viewers want to do.

Oh, and any views expressed by Lucy probably aren't mine; I don't want to offend anyone, so pleeease don't take this too seriously. I am a shipper myself (I'll never tell you, NEVER. Maybe I'll slip little clues into this though…), and a condemned fangirl.

'kay, enough rambling from me. Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar; The Last Airbender. It's owned by Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko. I also don't own Avatar: The Abridged Series or Haru's Sexyfine Shampoo, that's Gan Xingba's on YouTube. (Go watch! Go watch! Funneh!) (Is that an unsolicited advertisement? I hope not)

Prince Zuko, exiled heir to the Fire Nation, walked through the woods with all his belongings on his back, and his uncle by his side. It was three days since they had escaped his sister, Azula, and severed their ponytails, a symbol of their now permanent banishment.

He was still sulking.

Iroh had tried to comfort him several times, but had failed to rouse his nephew from his silent and sullen state. Now, he too walked without speaking, hoping they would find something to eat soon.

'Watch out!' cried a voice behind them, and both royals turned, Zuko's hands going to his swords. A second later, a girl erupted out of the bushes and threw herself at him, sending them both tumbling down a slope, and ending up Zuko on top, hands braced either side of her head.

The was a moment when the world melted away, and Zuko blinked down at the girl; Her raven hair spread like a cloud, her sky blue eyes wide and bright, and her red lips, parted as she tried to regain her breath. Slowly, he lowered his head-

'OWWW!' He cried, and rolled off her. The girl jumped up. 'Sorry, had to wake you up. I have this effect on some people. Um…sorry.'

With a little difficulty, Zuko stood. 'Who are you? Why did you attack me?'

'Attack? Nope, no attacking. I was saving you.'

Zuko's unscarred eye narrowed. 'Saving me?'

'Yes.' The girl scrambled back up the slope, and hunted in the grass for something. 'Here!' She held up a dart, small and sleek.

'What's that?' asked Iroh, holding out his hand. 'A poison dart.'

'Something like, but much, much worse. This, my rotund and aged friend, is Haru's Sexyfine shampoo. The shipper's long gone by now though, sadly.'

Zuko followed her up the slope. '….What?'

She nodded sagely. 'Sexyfine shampoo.. Side effects include blood clots, increased risk of attack by cyborg koalas, and,' She shuddered dramatically, 'Zutara.'

Both men stared at her. 'Zuwuh?' asked Iroh.

'Zutara.' She hesitated. 'Um…I think it's better I don't tell you.'

'Why not?'

'Because Zuko might die of horror.'

Iroh said the word again. 'Hmm…I think….ah!' He looked horrified. 'I agree with you, Zuko, you are much better off not knowing.'

'Uncle! Tell me!' Zuko ordered, feeling left out and threatened.

'No Zuko. Maybe another time,' said Iroh.

'Anyway,' the girl cut across Zuko's next words, 'My name is Lucy. I'm the Mary-sue Slayer, and I'm here to protect you and Zuko. Mainly Zuko.'

Iroh looked saddened. 'I see…I feared this would happen.'

'What would happen?'

'See, there's a rip in the fandoms, caused by the combined anticipation of the third series of all the fans. I'm not sure why it's got this bad – Avatar isn't a particularly huge series – but I'm here to protect Zuko – and yourself, to a lesser extent – from all the fangirls, Mary-sues, shippers, and whatever else wants to come and screw up the canon.'

Iroh looked thoughtful. 'Aren't you destroying the canon by being here.'

'Yeah, I suppose. But I'm only here to protect Zuko and the others while the rip's open. When I find and plug it, I'll leave, and the plot will continue as normal.'

He nodded. 'Very well.'

'UNCLE!' roared Zuko, a plus sign throbbing on his head. 'What are you TALKING about?!'

Iroh sighed. 'I hoped I would never have to explain…but sadly it seems it is time to tell you…'

'Oh no, I'll do it,' grinned Lucy evilly. 'Zuzu, you're very, very popular with a lot of girls who watch this cartoon, and if I don't hang around, you're going to be swamped with multi-talented, super-strong girls who all want to – well, I'll let you use your imagination.'

'What?'

It took a while, but between them, Iroh and Lucy explained his terrible danger to Zuko. He was quiet for a long while, and during that time Lucy went fishing, and Iroh collected some large leaves to wrap them in. As they built the fire and a spit to cook the fish on, Zuko sat, staring into the flames, his face blank and pale.

Lucy waved her hand in front of his face. 'Damn. He's gone into shock.'

Iroh looked worried. 'How do we snap him out of it?'

Lucy sat beside him. 'Hey, Zuzu-'

'Don't call me Zuzu,' said Zuko, suddenly turning to glare at her.

'Oh look, he's better. Eat up Zuzu, we've got a long way to go tomorrow,' she handed him a fish, parcelled in vine leaves and impaled on a stick.

'Where do you intend to take us?'

'Wait, uncle, take us? Why are you going to let this…peasant, lead us? We have our own path to follow.'

'Yes Zuko, but for now, our paths go with Lucy's. She will protect us from those who wish to unset the balance of canon.'

'Huh,' Zuko turned away, and ate his fish with his back to the fire.

'I must apologise for my nephew; he does not understand the good you do for him.'

Lucy shrugged. 'I don't mind.'

'So, Lucy, what is your story? Where do you come from, and how is it you came to be a Slayer of Mary-sues?'

Lucy looked into the fire. 'I am one. But then I was saved by an Author, who gave me the task of protecting pretty boys like Zuzu here from drooling fangirls. That's why Zuko's first instinct was to kiss me – until I reassert my self-control, I naturally twist the whole story so it's about me. And don't try to deny it Zuzu,' she poked him as he made a sound of protest. 'Better men than you have tried to resist the OOC-inducing aura of a Mary-sue.'

Iroh nodded wisely. 'I see.'

'So, tell me, when is this in the plot? Zuko's still kinda bald, but neither of you have ponytails, so you can't be too far into the second season.'

'We're just after the first episode; Azula tried to kidnap us three days ago.'

Lucy stroked her chin. 'Hmm…so the Gaang must be on the way to Omashu. Great, we'll head there.' She stood, and brushed herself off. 'Right, well I'm going to sleep. I suggest you two do too; we need to move as fast a possible to meet up with Aang and the others.'

'What? We're going to 'meet up' with the Avatar? Uncle, are you sure-'

'Zuko,' said his uncle soothingly. 'In times like this, we must brush aside enmity and grudges. Lucy needs all the help she can get, if we are to heal the tear between the worlds.'

Zuko stalked off with his bedroll, and Iroh turned to Lucy again. 'He will be a great prince someday.'

'Yeah, whatever. At the moment, he's a big liarbility. Oh my god!' Lucy clapped a hand to her mouth. 'I forgot Jet…damn, we need to pick him up sometime, he's in deep trouble too…urg, so much to do…' She lay her bedroll down. 'Oh, and while I'm here, I need a bit of teaching on bending. I'm a Mary-sue, so I automatically pick up whatever skills I need when I'm in this world, but it'd help to have a fire-bending master give me some tricks.'

Iroh smiled. 'Of course.'

A/n: Um, so? What do you all think? I will post more when I see what reception this gets (Ie, Please send me nice reviews. Pretty Please?)