Pendular Relations

"Hey," Kelly greets loudly as he enters the apartment, unsure who's in. Unanswered, he rounds the corner to finds Matt sitting at the table, cradling a mug, lost in thought. Reading Matt's grim features, he knows something isn't right. "Hey," he says now softer, closer, his hand caressing Matt's hairline, pushing his hair back as he plants a kiss on the top of his head, noticing Matt's eyes momentarily close at the contact, feeling him relish the touch.

Leaning against the countertop, drinking a glass of water, he takes Matt in. It's always difficult when he comes back from these things, but today something is different, worse. He looks drained, run-down, defeated. Kelly can almost hear his self- belittling thoughts running through his head, pounding at his self-esteem. "How did it go with your mom?" he asks quietly as he sits down next to Matt. Matt just shakes his head, his eyes down on the table, biting down on his bottom lip to keep everything from spilling out.

"What can I do?" Kelly asks gently as he tilts Matt's face to find his eyes, drowning in the sad blue gaze that meets his. He feels anger bubbling inside him at whoever or whatever put this sentiment in Matt's eyes, but he knows anger won't help. He wishes he could make it go away, disappear, rid Matt of the constant burden he carries around with him, make him smile and laugh and shine like he knows Matt can when he's happy.

"Make love to me," Matt answers so softly, Kelly isn't sure he's heard it right. But he can see the question in Matt's eyes, the request, the insecurity, asking Kelly to take the pain away, make him forget, show him he's worthy. Kelly's heart breaks and he doesn't have words for the feelings beating inside him.

.

"I can walk myself to the bedroom, Kelly," Matt grumbles, a bit begrudgingly but doesn't loosen his hold.

"I can't Matt," he whispers against Matt's skin, "I need you, I need to feel you," He's not lying or exaggerating. It's like the roles have reversed; Matt's request having broken something inside him, his need to care for Matt turning into an impossibility to let him go. In his head or his heart, he unconsciously hopes it might give Matt a feeling of worthiness, of purpose, of being needed. God, he's so needed. His mother is such a fucking idiot for not noticing how much good comes from her son. Or taking advantage of it and leaving him feeling insignificant.
"You're beautiful," he whispers as he leans on his hands above Matt, looking down into his face, having laid him on the bed. They stare at each other for a while, taking each other in. "Your mother is a fucking bitch,"

"Don't talk about my mother right now, please" Matt's voice isn't even angry, it's just pained and tired. The conversation missing the point of their actions.

"Sorry," Kelly mumbles as his lips flutter delicately across Matt's face, like he's afraid to cause him any pain, showering him with butterfly kisses, "I hate how she makes you feel," he whispers, "you deserve so much better," with that his lips find Matt's, sealing the conversation with the touch of their tongues, turning his words into actions. But his mind doesn't turn off, and for once, instead of the expressive silence that usually characterizes his lovemaking, he lets the words fall from his lips onto Matt's skin as his hands stroke along Matt's body, pulling desperately at his clothes to undress him. "I can't get enough of you, Matt, you don't know what you do to me. I want all of you at once."

But there's nothing hurried or aggressive about his actions, his touch is soft and sensitive and warm as his fingers ripple along Matt's ribs and down his back and his tongue trails along Matt's bare chest and down his abdomen, nipping lightly at his toned muscles, to come back and find tears running down Matt's cheeks.

"Please stop talking," Matt pleads, Kelly's kind words painful against the fears running through his head. But to his surprise, Kelly shakes his head lightly, his lips never leaving Matt's skin.

"No," he says as he straddles Matt, taking his face in his hands, "I want you to hear me," his lips finding Matt's in a deep kiss, moving to cover every inch of his jawline and neck, as his hands rake Matt chest and arms, bringing Matt's hands to lay above his head, Kelly's one hand holding them there, while the other moves back down to the buttons of his jeans. Matt eagerly lifting his hips, Kelly one-handedly frees his penis from his boxers, only to slow down and stroke him deliberately, as his eyes bore into Matt's. It's as if time stops at the tips of Kelly's fingers.

"Look at me, Matt," Kelly orders when Matt closes his eyes to avoid Kelly's intensity and give in to the pleasure, Kelly unrelentingly waiting until he has Matt's gaze again. "You're beautiful Matt, inside and out. You're like sunshine to me. You glow. I can't explain it." He dips his head down momentarily to Matt's lips, offering him his tongue, but his hand doesn't quicken on his penis.

"You're killing me, Kelly, go faster," Matt voices between raspy breaths but Kelly's rhythm doesn't change, his hand moving all the way down to cup Matt's balls, squeezing ever so lightly and sending Matt into a daze, before sliding slowly back up.

"I love you, Matt, you're golden."

"You've lost your mind. Just fuck me already,"

"Say it." Kelly dominates as his hand stops its movement.

"Nooo, don't stop, don't stop, say what?"

"You're golden. You're sunshine. You're beautiful."

"No." Matt pants but won't give in, frustrating Kelly into finding ways to enhance Matt's pleasure and desire. He lifts Matt's weight against him, his fingers skimming against Matt anus, applying the most delicate pressure and then holding back.

"Say it."

"Mm-mn," Matt shakes his head stubbornly, becoming frustrated at Kelly's fingers but enjoying their powerplay.

Kelly's lips take his in a zealous kiss, leaving suddenly, to find their way to Matt's ass, rimming him swiftly and pulling back without warning. "Say it!" he barks, amused at Matt's stubbornness, but furious at his inability to accept how incredible he is.

"OH GOD, Kelly, Kelly," Matt's hand flail desperately to find Kelly's face, "don't stop. I'm luminous, I'm glowing, I'm fucking awesome just don't stop, don't stop,"

Kelly laughs lightly, in triumph, granting Matt what he wants, his mouth returning between Matt's legs, licking at his erection, nipping at the skin of his ass and around his anus but not committing to the one spot he wants it most. His free hand moving to free his own erection, before he grabs a condom, tears the package with his teeth and surprisingly slips it on to Matt, flipping them so Matt's now lying above him.

"Wha-" Matt so surprised at the sudden change, he has to doubletake to his own erection to see it covered with a condom. "You sure?" This has never happened before. As open and equal as they've been throughout their relationship, mutually adventurous in bed, Kelly has not once let Matt penetrate him.

"I'm sure, Matt, come on," Matt's not sure what's brought this on, realizing he's misjudged this entire, weird, encounter in terms of what it means to Kelly, but he's definitely not going to refuse now. He's so hard it hurts, Kelly having driven him to the verge and back, but he won't deny Kelly the pleasure he's given him. His actions more hurried than Kelly's were, he lowers his head to kiss him, pouring his love and his gratitude into the kiss. Soon he finds the lube, smearing his fingers and his own erection and Kelly's hole, feeling Kelly's breath hitch at the cold gel, his fingers quickly finding their way into Kelly, making sure he's ready for him.

And then he's in. Inside Kelly Severide. And it's like nothing he's ever felt before. And this man, this beautiful man, that's always so much stronger and bigger than him, is suddenly so close and open to him, and he can read every expression on his every pore and he can see the blush rise up his neck and his blue looks at him with such light that it's completely overwhelming. And all he can do is push himself up even further, to be able to kiss Kelly, because all he wants is to emit to him how incredible he is and how unbelievably beautiful he makes Matt feel, how loved and seen and appreciated, even when they fight, even when they disagree and Kelly's being an ass, he knows it's because he cares. Because he's never met anyone who cares like Kelly, who fights and feels with every fibre for what he cares for. And all these thoughts run through his head as he thrusts into Kelly, kissing him, holding him against him and he thinks his heart is going to explode or his dick or maybe his eyes, everything is just so fucking too much but he doesn't want it to end. And he stops, just for a tiny moment, to see if he can freeze time and savour the feeling and keep it like that, forever perfectly beautiful and right.

"Matt," Kelly's whispers, waking him from his tiny stupor.

"Kelly," a whisper escapes him and then he knows it's going to come, he's going to cum. "Kelly," he means to say, I love you and thank you and forever and golden but all that comes out is "Kelly".

And he collapses onto Kelly, his mind blank, his ears pounding with white noise and it takes a moment for him to come to his senses, or for his senses to come back to him, and a shudder comes over him as he feels the sweat dripping off his body and suddenly he's not sure if Kelly even came. And he opens his eyes to find Kelly panting under him, his eyes closed with pleasure, and he can feel he's on the verge, so he thrusts one last time before pulling out completely, sending Kelly growling and grunting as he comes. And Matt can't help but laugh at how happy he feels just then and how beautiful Kelly looks. And he climbs up to find Kelly's lips again, and they come down their delicious highs connected in a kiss.

"I love you," Matt manages to finally whisper on Kelly's lips. And Kelly bursts into a loud laughter.

"Matt," his features scream astonishment as he tries to fathom what he's just experienced, and how the man beside him suddenly shone so differently and made him feel so wildly good, "What the fuck was that?!"