When she'd been a child, Rachel lost her parents. They'd lived on Vulcan for most of their lives as correspondents to earth. While the Vulcans had insisted that their embasidores to earth would serve the same purpose sufficiently, Star Fleet had reasoned that human correspondents would be able to explain what happened in Vulcan politics in a way that humans would understand, whereas Vulcans would be able to explain only logically. Sometimes, emotions communicated an idea better than logic. Rachel's parents had been killed when Vulcan was attacked one day. She forgot who had attacked and for what reason, being raised on Vulcan, she'd been conditioned into a very wise child. Being conditioned thusly, she did not want the knowledge of the specifics of her parents deaths to allow her to grow bitter over the years. After her parents died, she was sent to live with a family that they'd known quite well. The family of the Vulcan ambassador, Sarek, and his wife, Amanda, allowed Rachel into their home. She was nine years old, they had a son about eighteen years old.
"Spock, Rachel is your charge. You will treat her as if she is your sister. Remember, she is raised on Vulcan, but she is human." Amanda had said when Rachel first arrived. Spock had nodded and shown Rachel to her room.
"This is your room." He'd said coldly when he and Rachel arrived.
"Thank you, Spock." She whispered and moved to put her bag beside the bed.
"You will have linins for your bed by this evening and you will resume school after your parents funeral." He informed her.
The very thought of school made her stomach turn. She knew that if she showed this on her face, Spock would report it to his parents and they would try to make her see that crying over her parents death would not help matters. She would need to wear her Vulcan mask at all times now. She turned to Spock and nodded.
"You do not wish to return." Spock stated.
"Would you, if it was your mother?" was all Rachel said before laying down on her bed and curling up.
Word had traveled fast about Rachel's parents. The other children had always made fun of her for being human and trying to keep up with Vulcan schooling. The only Vulcan that had ever been remotely kind, as kind as a Vulcan could be, was Spock. Because his family had been so close to Rachel's, it was…logical…for him to treat her kindly from the moment of her birth. Now that word was out that she no longer had human parents to cause a scene and report that their child was being treated unfairly to Star Fleet, the other children were ruthless. They pushed Rachel and refused to allow her to participate in classes.
One day, Rachel was leaving her school after classes had concluded, when two boys and two girls approached her. "The Human decides to go home rather that remaining after hours to study and learn even more." One boy said.
"Look how she wears her hair pulled away from her face. Logically, in order to blend with our society, one would assume she would cover her hideously human ears." One girl remarked with a deadpan face. She reached out and ripped some of Rachel's hair lose so that it would fall messily around her face.
"Look at her human eyes. They morn for her parents. Morn the fact that they can no longer protect her with their tremendously horrific display of human anger at our observations that none of them belonged here." One boy took a step forward and pushed Rachel so that she stumbled.
"Leave me alone." Rachel sniffled. She hoped that if she showed emotion, they'd be satisfied and leave her alone.
"How disgusting." One girl damn near smiled. Rachel tried to stand to walk away when the same girl reached out and pulled on her hair to keep Rachel from leaving.
"Rachel!" a familiar voice called. Rachel turned and saw Spock standing only a few feet away, on his own way home from his classes. "Come here." He ordered. The girl let go of Rachel's hair. "you will leave this girl alone, child. Am I understood?" Spock addressed the children.
"You have as little right to demand that of us as she does." One girl insisted. "You are half human and have no right to tell a full Vulcan what we may and may not do."
Spock approached the children and leaned down to be at eye level with the girl. "I have dealt with children like you all of my 18 years, do not think that you will so easily get an emotional response from me." He growled. The children did not push for another insult and Spock walked with Rachel all the way home.
When they reached home, neither Amanda nor Sarek were home form their work yet. Rachel walked through the door as Spock closed it behind them, "Rachel." He began but Rachel got up the stairs as quickly as she could without running. She did not want to talk to Spock about it, he would only lecture her. She got to her room and closed the door. It had only been two weeks since her parents had passed, she didn't feel ready to be back at school yet. She wanted to lock the door to her room, until Sarek and Amanda returned, and cry for her parents. Knowing that a locked door after such an encounter would only draw attention to her, Rachel put her belongings away and sat down on her bed to begin her homework, crying would have to wait until after everyone had gone to sleep and she could cry quietly through the night. She'd only just opened her first lesson when a knock sounded at the door.
"Enter." She quietly said.
Spock opened the door and entered her room. At eighteen years old, his black hair was cut only just above his brows, his eyes were slightly more open than other Vulcans and his posture held only a shadow of the human insecurities that Rachel knew he carried. Being half human could not be trained out of him, he had insecurities that one would not notice if one did not know him to be half human. Being raised with human parents and being human herself, Rachel could see his insecurities in his slightly hunched shoulders and his arms that hardly ever uncrossed from over his chest. Yes. She was a very wise child.
Spock crossed from the door to sit on the bed across form her, his arms firmly crossed. "Rachel, emotional display will only cause these children to further torment you. I speak from experience. You cannot allow yourself to show anger or sadness again." He said.
"is that all, spock?" she asked.
Spock waited a moment, then continued, "Rachel. You are human, you are also, for all intents and purposes, my sister. Do not hide yourself from me." He opened his arms now so that they fell to his sides, "Do not feel that your emotions are unwelcomed in my presence." He reached out his index and middle finger and pressed them to Rachel's forehead. A brotherly kiss, "I will openly listen to your emotions when you need to express them. Be it joy, sorrow or anger. I am your brother, ko-kai, that means I must do whatever I can to ensure that you are healthy. For humans, that means expression of emotion."
That night, Rachel went to bed before everyone else. Spock was passing her open door and glanced in to see her standing at her window. "Mama, I want to see Earth. I want to see the stars. You always told me stories about the stars…I wish I could see them, I do not want to stay on Vulcan forever. I want to walk on stars and discover new planets…I want to live on a star ship. I want to be just like you." She whispered. Spock quirked and eye brow, walking on stars is not physically possible but he understood what the child meant.
That night, when Spock was sure that Rachel had fallen asleep, he went to his parents and reported the incident that had taken place between Rachel and the other children. "Due to the rise in hostility since her parent's death, I believe that it would be only logical, for her safety, that we send her to the Star Fleet academy." Spock sat across from his parents.
"We have a duty to her parents to raise her." Sarek said.
"We have a duty to ensure that the child is safe, educated and happy." Spock corrected. "Though we cannot understand the idea of joy, it is obvious that Rachel is not happy on Vulcan. She is no longer safe and she will not receive quality education with the emotional strain of the Vulcan children continuously attempting to elicited an emotional reaction from her. It is only logical to send her to Star Fleet's academy so that she may have all three items that her parents wished for her."
"Your son makes a valid argument, Sarek." Amanda smiled. She could see her son's concern for the child. It pleased her.
Sarek nodded. "Flawlessly logical. Very well, Spock. I will withdraw her from our fine school and make arrangements to send her to Star Fleet. It is your duty to prepare her for her departure. I will arrange for her to complete the last two weeks of this term and she will begin at Star Fleet next term."
Spock nodded and retired for the evening.
********************************ten years later**********************************
Rachel was laughing with her friend, Oria, in their dorm when her vidcall beeped on her computer. She turned to see who was ringing her and saw that it was a call originating from Vulcan. She'd made a point to visit Vulcan every earth summer since she'd been attending the Star Fleet academy, she'd just returned from one such visit only a month ago. Sarek never called, and Amanda called once every three weeks, she'd call more, Amanda assured Rachel, if only Sarek would allow it, "But he is set in the belief that you were raised as close to Vulcan as a human can be, that you should be able to go at least three weeks without hearing from me." Amanda had laughed. Though she was forbidden to call more often than once every three weeks, Amanda secretly received calls from Rachel every week. This could not be Amanda calling her.
Rachel hit the receive button and almost gasped to see Spock on the other end of the call. His hair was now cut to expose the V of his brow, his eyes were colder now but brightened a bit when he saw Rachel. He had grown into a fine Vulcan. Of course, Rachel had witnessed his growth into this man, but she still couldn't help but compare him at 28 years old to himself at 18 years old, when she could easily see the human insecurities in his posture. All shadows of such insecurities were gone now.
"Spock, what an unexpected pleasantry." She smiled. She always spoke like a Vulcan when talking to Spock, but she openly showed her human joy at hearing from him. He rarely called, and when he did, it was only for a brief period of time. When she would visit, they were inseparable, but vidconversations were always short and to the point because it required open displays of affection rather than the brief press of a hand to hers, a brotherly Vulcan equivalent of a hug, that they indulged in when physically in the same place as each other. Their father disapproved of open displays of affection, even in the privacy of their own home, but never objected to the hidden hand embraces.
"I am merely calling to inform you that you will be seeing me very soon. I'll be attending the Star Fleet Academy with you." Spock informed her.
"What happened to the Vulcan Science Academy?" she asked.
"It was…an unsatisfactory meeting." Spock explained.
"I'm sorry, Spock. Did they say why you were denied?" Rachel noticed her friend leaving and waved while she pulled her legs up to her chest to turn her full attention to her brother.
"On the contrary, it was I who denied them." Spock almost smiled.
"What!" Rachel almost fell out of her chair.
"Their views on my heritage were displeasing, I therefore found their academy displeasing." Rachel could almost see the 'fuck it' shrug that would have accompanied such a statement if made by a human.
"They insulted Amanda." She nodded.
"Negative, they assumed me to be at disadvantage because of my human blood." Spock corrected.
Rachel nodded. "Well, welcome to Star Fleet, Spock. I'll be here to welcome you. It will be my honor to graduate beside you." Rachel smiled. She said goodbye to Spock and hung up.
Just as Rachel was about to watch a movie, her room mate came back in, "Hey, Ray, that
Kid that's fauning over you is here to see you, Schmernof, Cheko?"
"Pavel Chekov." Rachel laughed, "Let him in. He's a sweetheart."
******************************Nine Years Later**********************************
Rachel and Spock graduated from the Star Fleet Academy together and had been assigned to the USS Enterprise under Captain James T. Kirk. They'd gone to school together for four years and traveled for five. Now, Rachel and Spock were with Kirk and Bones on a landing party to a new planet that was supposedly a paradise but turned out to be mostly desert infested with bandits. Spock, Kirk and Bones had lost their weapons in a sand storm and now had fashioned weapons out of sticks and other natural materials. Rachel stood by Spock's side. As the years had passed, Rachel had grown to feel something more for Spock than sisterly affection. It had started when they'd go on landing parties together and face danger side by side. Rachel found that she could not bare the idea of life without Spock. Couldn't imagine not seeing him almost every moment of every day. She found that she wanted to see him every night too, wanted him to be hers in a far more intimate sense than a sister wants to be with a brother.
Now, Rachel and Spock hid behind a bolder to hide from bandits that were tracking them, Bones and Kirk were behind a bolder across from them. Rachel was pressing her face into Spock's back. She had no trouble facing hand to hand combat when armed with phasers and weapons she knew how to operate, but she'd been given what Kirk called a 'bow-and-arrow' and had next to no idea how to use it. She felt Spock's arm come around to slightly shield her with his body and warmed at the idea that he was so willing to protect her. She pressed her hands into his waist to hold him close, he tensed but rested a comforting hand on her own waist. After the bandits passed, Kirk motioned for them all to come out of hiding and discuss their next move.
"Alright, Spock, report. What are we looking at on this planet?" Kirk asked.
Rachel was scanning the surrounding area. She'd heard of too many crew members getting killed on landing parties because they thought they were safe and dropped their guard. Rachel glanced around their perimeter and listened closely to anywhere she wasn't looking. If she looked forward, she listened intently to any sound from behind her.
"Rachel." Kirk called to her. Rachel snapped to attention to answer Kirk's question when she saw a flash of motion out of the corner of her eye. She whipped around and saw a native aiming a weapon at Spock. It appeared to be a sling shot of some kind.
"Spock!" she pointed but the native was too fast. It snapped it weapon and the ammunition, with a sickening crack, made contact with the Vulcan's head.
Kirk and Bones loosed their arrows and took down the attacker. Rachel dropped to her knees beside Spock and found him knocked out. She brushed her fingers against the temple that had been hit with the rock and pulled back to find green blood on her fingers. "Captain, Spock's been injured, he may be Vulcan but his head wounds will bleed just as quickly and strongly as a humans!"
"Kirk to Enterprise, Kirk to Enterprise, come in, Enterprise." Kirk tuned his communicator into the frequency for the star ship.
"Chekov here, Captain."
"Landing party beaming up, have medical stand by."
In medical, Rachel didn't leave Spock's side after Bones treated him. Nurse Chapel obviously wanted to be the one to care for him but Rachel wouldn't leave her brother, the man she loved, at a moment like this. Chekov stayed with Rachel, offering comfort and friendship. Rachel adored Chekov, he was the sweetest person she'd ever met. Eventually, Chekov had to return to his post and left Rachel to watch over Spock alone for a few hours.
"Spock, damn it, wake up, Spock." Rachel was close to tears but refused to allow her anger and fear to win over until it appeared that Spock wouldn't wake up. After several hours, Spock opened his eyes. "Spock." Rachel sighed in relief. She leaned forward and pressed a Vulcan kiss to his cheek before then brushing hands over his face to check his eyes for concussion, his head for any more bleeding, his pulse points to check his heart rate. Spending a majority of her child hood on Vulcan had taught Rachel exactly what to look for and to trust her hands more than medical instruments that weren't designed with Vulcans in mind.
"Rachel, Rachel. I am perfectly healed. I can assure you, my injuries were not as extensive as we believed." Spock lightly batted her hands away and then brought his to rest his hands on hers. "Will you please ask Dr. McCoy to run his final tests on me so that I may go back to my duties?"
Rachel brought Bones in to check on the Commanding officer. "Your vitals seem normal, Spock, as normal as your Vulcan readings ever are." Bones nodded and pulled the sheets back to allow Spock to sit up. "I suppose you can return to your duties." Bones obviously didn't like allowing someone who had just suffered such a bad head injury back to work but couldn't find a valid medical reason to hold him. "Kirk would like to see us in his quarters as soon as you're able." He said to both Spock and Rachel before leaving them together.
"Spock, I have never been so grateful that you were half Vulcan as I am today." Rachel said as Spock swung his legs out of the bed and looked at her with a quirked brow, "A blow that massive would have caused severe damage if you'd been completely human." She stood and, for the first time, humanly hugged her brother, "For once, it seems your Vulcan hard-headedness came in handy."
Spock allowed the hug to last a few moments before unwrapping her arms from his neck and lightly hugging her hands in his Vulcan style, "And your human hardheadedness has yet to prove as useful." He smiled. It was the smile that only Rachel was privy to.
Kirk allowed Spock two days to recover fully then ordered the same landing party to go down to the planet again. The natives had now been notified that they would be beaming down to meet them. Again, the party beamed down without weapons, after the last time, this made Rachel very uncomfortable. However, Rachel trusted Kirk's judgment and did not voice her worries. The party beamed down and was taken to the tribes leader. This planet had some valuable minerals that the Starfleet needed to fuel their ships. Kirk's mission was to establish a unity with the tribes and strike a deal between Starfleet and the natives that would allow the starships to land on this planet to refuel whenever they needed, without harming the natives.
After two long days of negotiations between the tribal leader and Kirk, allowing Bones, Spock and Rachel to walk among the natives and learn of their culture, an agreement was reached. Kirk exited the tent and called his party to join him, "Well, I am pleased to inform you that we have successfully created a union with the people of this planet. They've agreed to allow our people to stop on this planet to refuel whenever they need, in exchange, each ship will allow the people to choose one gift from each starship that lands."
"How reasonable." Bones quirked a brow, "for science purposes?"
Kirk nodded, "He said that each gift they chose will infinitely progress their society."
"Fascinating." Spock commented.
"They've said that we may refuel before reporting back to Starfleet. Now they are just deciding what gift they'd like from our ship." Kirk nodded.
"How exciting," Rachel breathed.
"Kirk." The leader of the clan called. Kirk turned as the leader and two guards approached them, "We've decided what gift we'd like."
"Without even seeing our ship?" Kirk asked.
"We've seen what you have to offer. We'll take the girl." The guards seized Rachel.
"What!" Rachel struggled but did not attempt to hurt her captures.
"That was not our deal!" Kirk roared.
"The deal was, Kirk, that we could choose any gift from your ship. This female is from your ship, therefore, she is the gift we choose." The leader motioned for the guards to take Rachel away.
"Rachel." Spock breathed and took a step forward. His brotherly protection snapped into action and he shoved the leader aside and tried to pull Rachel to him.
"Your crew is not honoring their side of the bargain." The leader commented and reached out to stop Spock. Spock spun around and punched him. The guards released Rachel and turned to attack Spock.
"Spock!" Rachel pushed her way passed the guards and stood beside her brother. "Spock, it is illogical for us to fight. The Enterprise is not meant to fight and we are out numbered. Retreat is the only option to keep peace."
"Agreed." Spock took her hand and turned to run. Kirk and Bones followed closely. The four of them ran into the dessert. They still had their communicators so they'd be able to be beamed up from wherever they were. Rachel listened closely and could hear the army coming after them.
Rocks started to be fired at them. Rachel felt the adrenaline kick in, these were the same rocks that were used to injure Spock. Rachel knew what would happen if one made contact with-
Rachel felt a rock crack into the back of her head. She shouted and fell to the ground. Spock stopped, picked her up, and continued running. Spock caught up with Bones and Kirk and followed them into a cave where they were hiding out. "We need to take cover to allow the army to pass before attempting to beam back aboard the Enterprise." Kirk informed Spock, "Bones, do what you can for her until we can get back aboard."
Bones removed his shirt and pressed it to the back of Rachel's head, "Spock, keep pressure on this, I'm going out to scout for some herbs." Spock nodded and held Rachel's head in his lap. Kirk was at the mouth of the cave, watching Bones and making sure that the army wasn't catching up.
"Sp-spo-spock." Rachel breathed.
"I'm here, ko-kai." Spock whispered.
Rachel opened her eyes and reached out a hand and pressed it to his face. She stroked her hand against his cheekbone and smiled softly. She pressed two fingers against his lips. He jerked but did not pull away, "I love you, Spock."
"I care for you too, ko-kai."
"No, I'm in love with you." Rachel finally confessed. "I thought it would be a logical choice to tell you. Not because I want you to return my feelings but because I'd rather not die without you knowing. Every time I go on a landing party, or set foot on the Enterprise, I run the risk of dying. I'd rather die with you knowing I love you."
"Rachel…" Spock was about to continue but Kirk came in and ordered them to move outside to beam up to the Enterprise.
Upon reaching the Enterprise, Bones took Rachel into sick bay and worked his magic on her. Spock staying beside Rachel the entire time. Because she was human, the damage was more severe than it had been for Spock. "She may suffer from some memory loss." Bones warned Spock. Spock nodded and stayed with Rachel. Kirk ordered Spock to relieve his command to Chekov so that he'd be with Rachel when she woke up. When the change of shifts came around, Chekov came in and sat with Spock, he held Rachel's hand and murmured to her in Russian before leaving Spock alone with her again.
After five days, Rachel woke. She sleepily looked at Spock and smiled. "Spock. Brother. It is so pleasing to see you." She held out two fingers for him to press his to. Spock hesitated and briefly pressed his fingers to her. "Why do you hesitate, Spock? Aren't you pleased to see me awake." She laughed softly.
"Immensely pleased, but what troubles me is that which you admitted to before losing conciseness." Spock knew he should leave it alone but he had to hear her say it again, had to know it wasn't the ramblings of a sick woman.
"Confession…Spock what are you talking about?" Rachel asked.
"Your confession of love for me." Spock quirked his brow.
"Love…of course I love you, you're my brother." Rachel looked honestly confused now. Spock had never known her to be an excellent liar. Either she had improved, or the memory loss had caused her to forget her confession and her feelings.
Bones entered her room and smiled to see her awake. "Are you suffering from any memory loss?" he asked.
"Would I know if I was?" Rachel smiled.
"Good point."
"Can I see Ensign Chekov? I wish to speak with him." Rachel asked.
"Of course." Bones left the room to call the ensign.
"This experience has caused me to realize how honest I should be with people. Chekov has expressed a romantic interest in me over the years and I've secretly felt great love for him." Rachel whispered to Spock. "At least…I think it is for him. I have this secret affection in my heart but cannot remember who it is for at present. But I'm sure it is Chekov. Who else could it be? Thinking about him now, I don't see how it can be anyone else. He's sweet, loyal, funny, loving, genius. What more could I ever dream of?" Rachel smiled at Spock.
"Rey-chal?" Chekov entered her room and threw himself into a chair beside her bed. "Ze doctor seys you hev somezing you vish to tell me."
Spock stood and exited the room. He stood beside Bones and watched as Rachel confessed her love for the ensign. "Have you noticed any memory loss, Spock?" Bones asked.
"Before beaming up, Doctor, my sister confessed to being in love with me. Now, she claims that she can remember the emotion, can remember keeping the affection a secret, but cannot remember for whom she felt the emotion. She believes it was for the ensign, she claims that thinking about him now, sparks that affection." Spock looked at Bones, "Who am I to remind her of what she forgot when reminding her would not change the fact that I cannot return the feeling?" He briskly turned and exited the sick bay. He decided that he needed the rest of the night to recover from the stress from the past five days.
Spock locked his quarters and settled in to meditate. He focused his mind but found that he began to lose himself in memories. Memories of himself and Rachel when she came back from her first year at Starfleet:
"Spock, it's amazing out there! I'm learning so much! One day, I'm going to walk among the stars!"
Memories of Rachel when she was bullied at school and how Spock had comforted her:
"I am, for all intents and purposes, your brother."
Memories of Rachel when she'd gone off for another year at Starfleet at age 15, sporting a single braid to tame her curls, correctional lenses, braces and next to no womanly curves. Memories of Rachel returning that summer a 16 year old who now wore her hair in a short, curled bob, had gotten surgery on her eyes to fix their sight, had her braces removed and now had a charming hourglass shape accented by her cadet uniform.
"I do not understand it, mother. Rachel is my sister and yet, part of me…the human part, feels drawn to her." Spock whispered.
"Spock, she's becoming a young lady. A young lady that you know better than anyone, whom you know would match your intellect and understand your Vulcan ways. A woman you already know you can love in some way. And…she is not your biological sister. But, she is yours. It is nothing to be ashamed of, this feeling you're having. It's called love. Possibly, true love. My advice, Spock, is to wait until she's completely grown, then learn if she has the same feelings for you before offering your heart to her." His mother had whispered.
And the most recent memory Spock had of feeling his love for Rachel in a new way: the night he called her to inform her that he would be attending Starfleet academy with her.
"Well, welcome to Star Fleet, Spock. I'll be here to welcome you. It will be my honor to graduate beside you." Rachel smiled. She said goodbye to Spock and hung up.
Spock sat at his vidscreen for a moment before whispering, "And mine to stand beside you, k'diwa."
Spock centered himself again. He'd loved Rachel for years but had trained it out of his mind. He'd refused to acknowledge it until now and had missed his chance. He did not doubt that he could train it out of him again, but knowing that Rachel had confessed her love that had once been his, to Chekov…may…complicate…matters.