A/N: Read bottom a/n

Warning: There may be referral to mature subjects. If you think you can handle it, read on! Please don't flame.

Disclaimer: I do not own McFly. Just this story line.

Imperfection

Sometimes its hard. I feel like they don't understand me. They think that I'm just not important. And that really scares me. And when I get scared, I do stupid things. Thats what started this. I want to atop, but I can't. I can't stop because I hear them talking. Saying whats wrong with me. So I hide, trying to block it all out. I just want to scream, tell them to go away and leave me alone. But I don't. So I do it again. It sickens me, which causes me to do it even more. They think nothings wrong, that I'm perfectly fine. Then they go away, thinking I can't hear them. Thinking I can't hear that they're pointing out my imperfections. I try so hard to be perfect. I do. Everyday I plaster a fake smile on my face, and carry on like nothing is wrong. No one thinks about it.

I wonder everyday if they would notice if I was gone, notice that I knew what they said. From the way they act, I think they wouldn't notice, just carry on with their life. It's the complete opposite for me. I care for each of them more then they know. I would die for them. I don't like seeing them hurt or in pain, so I try and cheer them up, even if they laugh about it later. Thinking I can't hear them. I just take it all in, then do that sick thing, so I can let all the pain out. I used to just stuff myself with food, then puke it all up, but I got to weak and tired, so I stopped. I found something that works, and no one can tell that I'm doing it. I still don't like it, and wish I had better control over it. But it's my only escape.

You three were out, it was getting late. I went outside, walking in the damp grass barefoot. Suddenly I just collapsed onto my knee's, ignoring the dew seeping into my jeans, and let the tears fall. I threw my head back to the sky and screamed. Just letting it all out. I was done. I couldn't take it any more! Slowly I got up, blind to my surroundings, and headed up the stairs. I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. All I saw were my imperfections. I let out another scream before punching the stupid mirror. It cracked then shattered to the ground, sharp pieces of glass were everywhere. For the second time that night I collapsed onto my knee's. I grabbed the sharpest piece I could find and put my back against the bathtub.

I looked down at my covered arms. Slowly I pulled up both of the long sleeves, revealing all the scars. My visions blurred with unshed tears. I placed the sharp end to a clean piece of skin, pulling it along. Slowly the crimson blood slid down my arm, dripping onto the white tile floor. My tears soon followed, mixing with it. Then I was filled with anger. I started cutting deeper marks, along both arms. Opening old scars and creating new ones. I was blind to what I was doing. Blind with anger. Soon my arms were red, stained with my blood. I was never so at peace as I was, sitting in my own blood. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of freedom. But my eyes slowly and lazily opened as I heard the front door slam shut. I heard footsteps climbing the stairs. I watched the white door intently, listening to the footsteps coming closer. They stopped, but only for a second, before the door was thrown open.

"There you are Dougie! I thou-" Danny stopped mid-sentence as he took in the scene. His smile faded and his skin paled before he took a step back and yelled.

"Tom! Harry! Come here quickly!!" Then he ran in, trying to put pressure on the open cuts. All he kept muttering was 'why', over and over. The other two suddenly appeared at the door, probably thinking Danny was yelling about a spider. Like Danny, their smiles faded and their skin paled. I smiled before closing my eyes. I finally had their attention. I could hear their voices, but they were faint. Slowly I let the blackness take over.

A/N: I know, you are probably going "Omg! What happened?!" Well I am posting a sequel thing that shows what the guys are feeling and when Dougie explains to them why he did it. I don't hate Dougie. He's actually my favourite. But I got this idea reading another fanfiction and had to write it. And since Dougie is the youngest, I thought it suited him. It's basically just Dougie going through teenage problems about being ignored. It also has to do with something in my past that I don't want to remain unknown. Please don't ask. Also, don't label me because I wrote this. I know for a fact that cutting and eating disorders are a big deal with teenagers, and this was supposed to be like when Dougie was 16ish. Thanks for reading, please review! Also read the sequel thing. It'll be called 'Why?'
Bye!

-FallennAngel