Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no profit off this story.

"Old man my ass." Marvin (John Malchovitch)

Prologue

"Lady, get your tits out of his face."

"My tits are nowhere near his face."

Nero begged to differ. He sat next to Dante on his tattered, cat-piss smelling couch with a violent brunette's cleavage inches from his face as she leaned over the arm of the couch and over him to grab a handful of Dante 's coat. Lady practically pulled Dante over Nero, but the devil hunter sat without a care in the world with an arm draped behind Nero over the back of the couch. Nero was sandwiched. He couldn't lean away because Dante's arm was there and he couldn't stand up because he would dive in face first into Lady's boobs.

"Are we on or not, you slippery bastard? Don't think I'll let you off so easily, so stop wasting my time! I've got shit to do!"

"I already did one shit job this week and that's one too many for me. Ask Nero here. He's pretty good."

"Um...what?"

"Look! The poor kid can't think! Give him space to breathe!"

With a growl Lady yanked Dante forward. Now there was a broad, old, unwashed-leather smelling chest nearly crushing his face as well. Nero closed his eyes and counted the seconds for the torment to be over.

"He doesn't owe me a ridiculous amount of money!" Lady paused for a second and abruptly released Dante. "Fine, I think I'll take the kid after all," she said, sitting on the arm of the couch and throwing an arm around Nero's shoulder. Lady was slender but her biceps were power-packing rocks. Had to be for a woman that handled a motorbike and bazooka like they were sacks of grain.

"What are you scheming now?"

"Listen, Dante, I need help. I can't go further than the catacombs. This kid is part demon right? If you won't go than I'll take him but I'll make sure he doesn't lend you a cent. Got it, kid?"

"Do I have choice," muttered Nero.

"Not if you want to keep the tires on that black beauty parked up front."

"Shit, Lady. Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass?"

"Say that when you've been on the receiving end of my strap-on, Dante. Or shut up."

"I'll help you out, Lady," Nero interceded before he was further enlightened on Lady's sexual endeavors. "Arguing with the old man is just wasting our time."

Dante looked affronted. "Old Man?"

Lady grinned. "I like him. He's actually got a brain, unlike you."

Crossing his arms in what everyone knew was false nonchalance, Dante said to Nero, "Kid let me tell you something. Whether you're right or wrong doesn't mean shit. We're men. We're supposed to protect each other from women - not team up with them!"

"Dude, what are you on?"

Lady tighten her hold on Nero, crushing her soft tits against the side of his head. "He just knows to pick the winning side. At least it'll get him laid."

"Please. I get plenty, okay? You can't handle this."

"I really do have a strap-on."

"And I don't want you to handle this even if you could."

"Okay," cried Nero and shot off the couch. He had enough. "Thanks for that class in how not to be when you're old."

Even though Dante looked offended, Lady let out a great peal of laughter. "Ah," she said. "You're cute. Okay, get strapped, boy. We're going on my bike!"

Dante watched Lady saunter out of his office, before turning to Nero with a look of fatherly concern. "Don't let her get too strapped."

"Oh, shut up, Dante." Nero shook his head at the older devil hunter and followed Lady out of the Devil May Cry agency, his new home.