Disclaimer: Okay, so this is my first story, and thus my first Disclaimer...Am I supposed to be excited for this? Basically, I don't own Inuyasha or any of the characters or products related to it. I do, however, own a plentiful collection of lint and melted chocolate.
Author's Note: Feel free to review as much as you want; I love feedback. I don't, despite what you may think, enjoy scathing reviews that tear apart my stories. Thanks.
Also, I don't know whether I can do songfics anymore on so I played it safe and removed the lyrics. In case you were wondering, though, this story was inspired by the song, "Cold As You", by Taylor Swift--which I also do not own.
I might be tempted to do a sequel, so let me know what you think.
And, just in case you can't figure it out, italics mean flashbacks.
Cold Rain
It was raining again.
It seemed to rain all the time, nowadays, falling from the sky like tears, and creating little puddles that she wished were deep enough to drown in.
Kagome sighed, and turned her head so that, instead of resting her chin on her folded arms, it was her cheek. She stared dully at the pale cream paint on the kitchen wall that was next to the counter she leaned against.
Her eyes burned, but were dry. She almost wished she would cry, just so that she didn't feel so dead inside.
He was gone again. Or, rather, he was late. But it didn't matter anymore; he was always either late or gone recently. And this would be the last time this kind of thing happened.
Her chin trembled, and her wavy black hair that he used to wind in his fingers as they cuddled fell over her face, hiding blue-grey eyes that he said matched the sky before it stormed.
Her shoulders, that he used to wrap his arms around as they walked, shuddered, and a choking sob wracked through her. Bile rose in her throat, burning just like her stubbornly dry eyes.
The door to the apartment opened with a dull click, and Kagome sat up, tensing, as Inuyasha came to the kitchen doorway.
"You're late," she commented, glad that her voice didn't tremble too much. It was just hoarser than normal; a side-effect, she was sure, of suppressed despair.
"Yeah," he agreed, looking at her through hooded amber eyes that had once held so much emotion, but were now hard.
He was still so handsome, Kagome thought. Silver hair, the same that had first drew her to him, was held back in a low ponytail. His dark wool jacket, that Kagome had once given him for Christmas, was dewed with rain.
"Your stuff's sitting in the hall near the bedroom…" Kagome bit her lip; she'd almost said 'our' instead of 'the'.
Inuyasha didn't seem to notice the slip. He turned on his heel and left the room he hadn't even bothered to enter.
Kagome sat on the wooden stool—the one that matched the kitchen table they'd scrounged and saved for—silently, until Inuyasha's voice broke through her thoughts.
"I've got my stuff," he announced, holding a duffel bag over one shoulder and a box in both hands.
"Okay," she agreed dully, her heart in her throat as he turned to go.
She stood up and walked to the door, her arms crossed over her chest in an unconsciously protective movement. She opened it for him, and he paused just past the threshold.
"Kagome…" he sighed. It wasn't a wistful sigh, it wasn't even sad. It was resigned, like he was tired of dealing with her.
She clenched her jaw and refused to look at him, her hand tightening its grip on the unforgiving hardness of their—now her—door.
"I'm sorry," he finally said in the awkward silence.
She didn't believe him. Not one bit. But it didn't matter; he was moving on, and, maybe—eventually, hopefully—she might too. She swallowed before rasping out a reply.
"I'm sure you are, Inuyasha. I hope you're happy."
She slammed the door shut, just made it to the living room, and then her legs collapsed under her. She slumped to the floor and hugged her abdomen tightly, fighting the urge to vomit. She was choking on her sadness, she couldn't breathe, and her heart was fluttering erratically against her ribcage.
And then, finally, just when she thought her eyes couldn't take any more of the burning, they filled with tears at the sight of a stain on the beige carpet. A red stain that would be otherwise nondescript, it represented her once-beautiful relationship.
They'd created it when, in a moment of passion, Inuyasha had stumbled into a wall and dropped the glass of red wine he'd been carrying in celebration of their two year anniversary.
They'd ignored it then in favour of other activities, laughed about it after, and now Kagome sobbed over it.
"Where the hell were you?" She demanded quietly. He stank of alcohol as he stumbled towards their bedroom.
"Go 'way," he'd mumbled as he fell into bed fully clothed.
"Answer the damn question, Inuyasha!"
He ignored her, covering his eyes with an arm as he rested.
"Where were you!" her voice was high now; it didn't sound anything like her.
She crossed the room over to him and threw his arm off his face in a fit of anger. "Tell me!"
He sat up, the sweet scent of beer filling her nose as he breathed into her face. "Leave. Me. Alone." Each word was enunciated carefully, as though he were sober instead of wasted.
"NO!" He pushed her away firmly and stood up, swaying as he did so. Kagome fought the urge to steady him.
"I'm leaving," he announced, walking out of the room, Kagome following.
"Where're you going to go?" she asked, her arms and legs trembling. They'd never fought like this before. Not ever.
"Out." The paintings in the hall shook in the hall from the force of the door slamming.
The tears had stopped, but Kagome was still hunched in the hallway, staring dully at her knees.
It was still raining, but the clouds were now a dark purple. The sound of the rain hitting the windows soothed Kagome as she sat there.
She'd tried so hard to fix the problems between them.
They'd been so good together, at the beginning. All smiles and held hands and tender embraces. Kagome couldn't help but wonder if it all had been one-sided.
He'd been so kind, so sweet, so amazing, that she couldn't help falling for him.
But sometime, somehow, in the last few months—the last year, even—he'd started pulling away from her. But she couldn't leave him…couldn't find the strength to forget all the love they'd once shared…couldn't bear to never see his lopsided smile as she did something that amused him…couldn't erase memories of shared kisses.
She'd tried asking him what was wrong, but he always dismissed her concern and told her it was nothing.
She'd set up little romantic dinners, took him out to their favourite haunts; he'd gone along, but it was more like he was putting up with a child than a loving girlfriend.
She'd tried so hard.
And then, in the last month, he'd withdrawn completely. He would barely talk to her, barely even acknowledged her existence.
He was rarely ever home; when he was, they usually fought. The fights always ended up with Inuyasha leaving and Kagome crying.
Then he would come back, and Kagome would forgive him, and the cycle would start again.
It was raining again.
And Inuyasha was late again.
Kagome glanced at the clock once again, and then panned a look over the bedroom.
She'd wanted their third anniversary to be special, to be a milestone that would mark the beginning of a new part of their relationship. She'd wanted it to rekindle the fire between that had somehow been extinguished.
She'd gone all out: the silky sheets, the scented candles, even the clichéd rose petals that would create the perfect romantic atmosphere.
A humourless laugh bubbled inside her as she blew out the candles that, by now, were no more than shapeless blobs of white, vanilla-scented wax.
The clock glared the time in little red numbers, mocking her as it announced "2:14 A.M".
Kagome changed out of her lacy, sexy lingerie and into a T-shirt and boxers, pulling back the sheets to lie down.
The only sound besides the silence of the otherwise empty apartment was the rasping breaths she took to hold back tears she was tired of crying.
When he'd come home that night, and woke her up as he moved around the kitchen to eat something, they'd had another fight.
Inuyasha had left with a snarl without a jacket, despite the weather.
When Kagome snapped out at him, "Happy Anniversary to you too," the stunned look on his face before she'd slammed the door had been enough to let her know that he'd forgotten completely.
She'd broken the dish his cooling ramen was sitting in, and then she'd broken the picture frame around the photo of their first date. Then she'd thrown out the candles, the lingerie, the sheets, the rose petals, and cried herself to sleep.
God, she'd loved him; loved him more than anyone else, enough that she had been willing to stay by his side even as he pulled away from hers.
And, God, she'd hoped; hoped so hard that they'd be able to fix what was wrong with them.
She'd wanted a happily ever after so badly. She'd wanted the white picket fence, the dog and the two point five kids. She'd wanted Inuyasha to be her knight in shining armor that swept her off her feet and made all right with the world in an Earth-shattering kiss.
She'd wanted so many things…
"I can't take this anymore, Inuyasha!"
They stood there, opponents across the living room, tears glittering in Kagome's eyes and Inuyasha's mouth pursed tight, jaw muscle jumping.
It had started out as a nice evening. Inuyasha had come home early with a bouquet of flowers, her favourites, and they'd eaten a home-cooked meal of Inuyasha's favourite.
It would've been perfect if he'd talked to her about his day. She'd asked about work, and he'd brushed her off with a terse 'Fine,' as if that ended the conversation.
She hadn't been satisfied, and she'd started pushing for answers.
Finally he'd snapped, "Would you stop fuckin' interrogating me like I've done something wrong?"
"I'm not," she'd protested, affronted. "If you'd just answer my questions, I wouldn't have to 'interrogate' you!"
"Right," he'd snorted increduloudly.
It had gone downhill from there.
"I need you to talk to me, to TELL me what's wrong instead of brushing me off!" Her voice cracked at the end, and she violently swiped away the water that trickled down her cheeks and made her nose run.
Inuyasha looked torn as he stood there watching her cry, like he wasn't sure what to do.
"I just don't know what to do anymore," Kagome whispered, hugging herself dejectedly as she looked at a picture of them at an amusement park.
In the photograph, Inuyasha had both arms wrapped around her waist, and she was holding a large, stuffed white dog that he'd won for her, smiling up at her boyfriend with a radiant smile.
"You act like I don't exist half the time, and the other half you act as if you can't even stand to be near me!"
What she'd said had seemed to trigger something in him, something that had apparently been a long time in coming, because he finally burst out, "That's 'cause I can't! You're ruining my LIFE!"
They'd both frozen at that; Kagome's heart had stopped, and then started again with struggling, rib-cage shaking beats.
"…What?" Her hoarse whisper was too loud in the sudden, charged silence. Inuyasha seemed just as shocked as she; his crossed arms hanging limply at his side, his eyes wider than normal.
"I—forget it," he mumbled, looking away finally. "Forget I said a damn thing."
She laughed, almost hysterically, and said, "'Forget it'? You want me to forget that you just said I was ruining your life? How the hell am I supposed to forget it?"
Inuyasha flinched.
Kagome walked over to the picture she had been looking at, calmly picked it up, opened the back, took out the picture; she methodically tore it into shreds.
"Tell me, Inuyasha," she began, letting the torn confetti drift to the ground from loosely curled fingers. "Tell me how I ruined your life."
That was apparently the straw that broke the metaphorical camels back, because Inuyasha began yelling back.
"My entire fucking life is passing me by—and I'm stuck in a goddamned relationship that got too serious too fuckin' fast! I hate my job, I hate my life and, sometimes, I really hate YOU!"
By this time Kagome was gasping, her stomach a tight knot, her heart in her throat as she struggled to breathe and swallow.
"So I don't know what to do—I mean, we had something great for awhile, but I don't know if I want this anymore…I don't know if what we had is worth anything anymore. I really don't."
Her world shattered as Inuyasha told her that everything they'd once shared, everything they'd built together, had been a waste of time and he resented every single goddamned MINUTE he'd spent with her in the last year.
Kagome sank down into their battered, but, she'd thought, loved, couch, and tried to think. She didn't know what to say, how to think, what to feel. She didn't know anything anymore.
"So…" She cleared her throat of the mucus that suddenly choked her and made her throat huskier than normal, "What does this mean?"
Inuyasha looked relieved, as if he'd finally lifted a gigantic burden off his shoulders, and shrugged.
"I think…that I need to just get away for awhile. Away from this apartment, away from my job. Away from everything."
Away from me, Kagome knew he meant, and clenched her hands tightly into bloodless fists.
"Does this mean we're over?" Her voice was dull. Empty. Defeated.
"Yeah," he sighed, taking a step towards her and then hesitating, as if not sure what to do next. "We're over."
"Okay," she whispered, feeling sick. "I think—you should go now."
He took another halting step towards her, and then another, and then he was standing directly in front of her.
Kagome looked resolutely at his socked feet, remembering all the times he'd painted her toenails as they lazed in bed on weekend mornings.
Her eyes traveled up his legs, which had steadied her the first time he'd taught her to ride his motorcycle; she'd been so scared her entire body had vibrated, but his low, soothing voice had allowed her to press the gas and go.
She studied his stomach, recalling the times she'd lain her head there, watching him reading the newspaper at night; his chin, and all the times she'd kissed that almost invisible dimple; his cheeks, and the way they turned a bright red when he'd done something both extremely sweet and embarrassing.
Her study stopped there; she couldn't look him in the eyes, couldn't bear to see indifference where once she'd seen her entire world.
Inuyasha bent over her, brushing her forehead softly with his lips, just like he always used to do in the morning before he went to work.
Kagome drew in a hitching breath, wanting to wrap her arms around his neck, nuzzle his throat, and never let go.
Her hands lifted of their own accord and traced his features: his eyebrows, cheekbones, nose, and the shape of his lips. Memorizing the face by feel that she would no longer see every day.
"Goodbye." The word was uttered so quietly she almost didn't hear it; but she did, and her arms dropped like lead to fall at her side.
She didn't look up, but she heard him as he gathered his jacket, packed a small suitcase, and left their—now her—apartment, shutting the door with a click.
It was raining, and her eyes were burning, but no tears fell.
He'd only called her once, after that final fight, to tell her he was picking up his stuff.
It was the last interaction they'd have.
Kagome drew in a shaky breath as she stepped onto the plane, her carry-on clutched tightly in her hand.
She was shown to her seat by a brightly-smiling flight attendant, and sat down, staring out the small, rounded window listlessly.
She had spent the two months following their breakup trying to piece together her shattered reality. She'd been unable to destroy the other pictures that marked their fatalistic relationship, and so had carefully packed them away in a box marked, "Do not open".
She'd moved out of the apartment and into another with two female roommates, unable to face all the memories that leapt out at her from every turn of her head from their shared home.
She'd tried continuing work, but had been hard-pressed to make an effort, deciding, finally, to resign.
How could she look at this city and not find a memory in every store window, every park bench that they might have sat upon? And how could she face these memories, unable to even be consoled by the fact that their relationship had been worth it, when Inuyasha had told her he'd resented her and everything she'd come with? Commitment. Responsibility. Forever.
She was haunted by memories, forbidden to move on, and had decided to leave the city.
She had spent the last few weeks tying up loose ends and making arrangements in her new town, a smaller city far to the east, where she would now work as an elementary school teacher. Her friends had been heartbroken that she was moving, but more understanding than Kagome had hoped.
The plane rumbled to a start, and the pilot made his usual statement about where they were flying, to please keep their seatbelts on, but Kagome wasn't listening.
As the plane took off, bumping along the runway, tears spiked Kagome's eyelashes together as she watched the city where she'd spent the last six years of her life loving the man of her dreams.
It hurt, and it would for a long time—maybe forever—but at least she was leaving, giving her the closure she needed to repair her broken heart.
When they reached a high enough altitude, the dark clouds that had hung ominously over the city were beneath them and Kagome was struck by the blueness of the sky.
The plane disappeared into the cloudy sky, and a light drizzle began to fall over the city.
The End.
Thanks for reading.