One magical day, Harry was walking to the Gryffindor common room, briskly. He came upon a unicorn, saddled by malfoy.
"Malfoy! What the fuck are you doing?" Harry exclaimed.
Malfoy chuckled.He looked toward the rising eastern sun, his pale blonde hair shining as white as the unicorn he was riding. "I'm here to take you to Unicorn-Happy-Rainbow Land, where all your wildist dreams come true...and you might die."
Harry squinted at the glare caused by Malfoy's impeccably executed (and dyed) hairdo. He rebuttled Malfoy's carefree demeanor with a dissaproving snort. "Unicorn-Happy-Rainbow Land? I suppose it's where a child's innocence gets sent right before they get raped, right?" Feeling accomplished, Harry turned opposite Malfoy, adding an unnecessary hair flip for effect.
It was however, lost on the other boy, as Harry's hair stood on end like an african-american woman's tracks. Malfoy raised a delicate eyebrow and his grey eyes watched Harry leave.
"Potter!" he called calmly, rocking slightly on the now unsettling unicorn. Greening, he gripped the white, pearly handle for support. But his efforts were preformed past their usefulness, and he ungracefully clambered to the damp forest soil, landing in a position that a trained gymnast would come to envy.
"Graarelgwrweqwgaalgggggg...gg...gg..." Draco mumbled, mouth now full of an unpleasent mixture of soil and unwashed sleeping robe.
Startled out of his impressively feminine exit walk by the unintelligble noise, Harry spun around and promptly doubled over with laughter. His whinish giggle was ear-spliting and extremely uncalled for, Draco thought, as he rose raggedly, unknowing of the heightening pitch Harry's laugh was reaching.
It rose and rose, a treble becoming an alto, or whatever, and soon, it was unheard by human ears.
But the unicorn heard. Oh, did it hear, and it grew stiff with shock, and bucked wildly as it's ears where assulted by Harry Potter's assinine chortle. The unicorn arched its back, kicking a rising Draco in the head and stabbing the other boy with it's horn, a pure white now coloured red the blood of the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Suck-Cock. The unicorn pulled out of Harry, horn shining, and ran towards the heart of the Forbidden Forest, a shelter from homosexuality and poorly developed character personalities.
Draco collasped into himself, slowly falling to the earth with a malicious "I totally don't deserve all the shit that happens to me" expresssion. Contrary to Malfoy's easy defeat, Harry refused to give up. Harry watched the speactacle of Malfoy's death, confused in all simplicity. Unaware of what the fuck was happening, he looked down, observing the growing pool of blood that undoubtedly was his. But the peculiar thing was that Harry didn't feel anything. Curious, he looked down to the place of animal impact.
His genetailia.
Or where it was supposed to be, for all intents and purposes.
"Well, it's not like you need them, anyway!" came an aloof voice, rough and easy, that reminded him of Malfoy-
He looked to the motionless lump of shit on the ground, where ants where picking his pale body. Yes, the boy was definitly dead.
"Harry, what are you doing, by Merlin!"
He knew who that was. "You know what, Hermione? Why don't you just go get laid, or something? I'm so sick of you, you're sudden attractiveness, and you're horrible acting. You...you just..."
And, Harry, with his tesicles bleeding crimson like the tears of Voldemort's seven-piece soul, waddled over to the soft red couch and sat down with a heavy-hearted sigh. No one in the house understood him. And Hermione...he just...couldn't talk to her when she was like this.
Hermione, as usually, wiped away the sudden sparkle of tears in her eyes. She and Ron, who was soon regretting his earlier comment, as on both side of Harry, who was nursing his wounded manhood. Hermione, rolling her eyes affectionatly, swatted at his clumsy hands. "Move, let me see."
They looked into eachother's eyes for a moment, and Harry, smiling, gave a slow, elaborate nod, holding his hands, on either side of him face.
The scene warmed Ron's heart. He was tired of Harry and Hermione's fighting...he just...couldn't deal with them while they were like that.