A/N: So, I started thinking about how depressing my other Edwin fic was, and so I started to write another one. This is a songfic, set to Bob Franke's song Hard Love. It's still kinda angsty and cliched, but I really like it. Hope you do, too.
Disclaimer: Bob Franke owns his lyrics. Hiromu Arakawa and Square Enix and/or whoever else has dibs on its copyright. I own nothing.
Note: Winry's perspective is in italics. Ed's are just plain. I hope you could have figured that out on your own, though.
I recall the gentle courtesy you showed me as I tried
To dissemble in politeness all the love I felt inside
And for every song of laughter was another song that cried
This ain't no easy weekend, this is hard love
Edward. For as long as I have known you, I have loved you. For me, that fact has always been as true and plain as the grass is green or the sky is blue. For ever, and for always, I have loved you, and I know that I always will. Sometimes, as a child, it was hard to get by carrying this truth inside of me, knowing that we were still children, and love like this was not something we were supposed to know, or understand. And yet, I knew. But we were children, and so I waited, however much that cost me.
It was hard love every step of the way
Hard to be so close to you, so hard to turn away
And when all the stars and sentimental songs dissolved to day
There was nothing left to sing about but hard love
Winry. You are the one thing that I could never leave behind, never forget. When I burned my house down, I left myself a reminder. Never forget, I said. Things don't have to be like that with you. I never worry that I will forget you. You are always here with me. You are everywhere around me, and that gives me some comfort, when I think of you, alone with Granny, both of you back home. Because, the truth is, Winry, that you are my home. You're all that I have left, but that's okay, because I've always felt that I could be at home as long as you were with me. When I left behind my past, you were the one thing I could not leave behind. I didn't want to leave you behind, but what I felt was stronger. You exist in every fiber in my being. And that night, when I left everything behind, I could not cry for the life that I had lost. I could not cry about Mom, or what had happened to me and Al. But I could cry, and did, about leaving you behind.
So I love you for your courage and your gentle sense of shame
And I love you for your language and your laughter and your name
And I knew it was impossible but I loved you just the same
Though the only love I gave to you was hard love
Edward. It's always so hard when you leave. You never stay long, and then I turn around and you are gone, off again on some new adventure. I never know where you will go, or even if you will be safe. And I want to be there with you, even though I could not save you in a battle or help you with your alchemy, because whenever I am with you, I feel totally and completely safe. And it scares me to know that you are always in danger. I don't want you to get hurt. So, maybe, when you come home the next time, I am a little angry. I don't want to be left here waiting, but I know that's just how things are. I know that it's hard on you, Ed, because everything is so hard on me, too. And when you leave again, my greatest wish is that I could have told you how much I love you. But somehow, I can never get the words out. I'm sorry, Ed, for being so hard on you.
It was hard love, it was hard on you, I know
When the only love I gave to you was love I couldn't show
You forgave the heart that loved you as your lover turned to go
Leaving nothing but the memory of hard love
Winry. No matter what, you always welcome us back. You are always so glad to see us, even if you act angry. I know this because I can see it in your eyes. This is not a speculation. This is a fact. In my heart I know it to be true. Every time I leave you, my greatest fear is that you will not be there to welcome us back again, but every time, you are there, you eyes sparkling with laughter and joy and relief, even if you are scolding us for the danger we've gotten into. I know that this life is hard on you, Winry. I'm sorry for what I do to you, and if I could have it any other way, I would. But this is the way our choices lead, and now, it is inevitable. I try to show you how much I appreciate all you do. I try to show you how much I really care. But it all just seems to come out wrong. Sometimes I don't even get a chance to really talk to you. I'm too busy staying strong for you and Al and Mustang and whoever else is watching. Sometimes I feel like I have to be strong for the whole world. I go on living as if we have hope, even when all hope is gone, because that is the only thing I can do. In a way, it's because I'm too weak, too afraid to admit that this was all in vain, that there is no way for me to fix this mistake. I can't ever admit that there are no options left, because that will mean that I failed Al, failed you, failed myself. So I will keep on going until I find a way. And I'm sorry when I leave you but I know that, when we return, you will still welcome us back, still love us, and so that makes leaving you a little easier, even if I never get the chance to say those three little words.
So I'll tell you that I love you even though I'm far away
I'll tell you how you change me as I live from day to day
How you help me to accept myself, and I won't forget to say
Love is never wasted even when it's hard love
Edward. The first few days after you leave, I feel hopeless and helpless and infinitely small. Even though you're gone so often, when you're here, I always feel complete. When you leave, it is no less painful than losing a limb. Because, Edward, you always have been, and always will be a part of me. You are my most essential part. I love you more than air, my mother used to say, and it is true. Without you, I feel like I am drowning. Edward, you are my life, you are my heart. And so, you cannot blame me if I sit at the window sighing sadly for a few days after you leave, or if I suddenly smile when I remember your face. Even though you're gone, you are all around me. You are in everything that I do. And knowing that helps me to get by, on those long days in between your visits. I know that you will never leave me, and that I will always carry you in my heart. Those days spent sighing and watching and waiting are never wasted, because they only bring me closer to you. I love you, Edward.
Its hard love, but its love all the same
Not the stuff of fantasy, but more than just a game
And the only kind of miracle that's worthy of the name
For the love that heals our lives is mostly hard love
Winry. I love you. I mean that, more than I have meant anything in my life. I know that I'm far from perfect, but what I feel for you is true. What we have, it's not that fairytale stuff that Havoc always dreams about, but it's a hell of a lot more serious than Mustang makes it out to be. What I feel for you, it's not a game. It's life-and-death. Because I need you, Winry. I don't know what I would do without you. When I feel like I can't keep going any longer, I see your face in my mind and that is enough to make me feel alive again. Everything I have done, and everything I will do is for you, Winry. I know that I hurt you when I'm gone, and I know that I've put you through more than any human being should have to go through, but I only hope that I can make it up to you someday. I want to be with you forever, Winry. I want to be there for you the way you've always been there for me. Because I know that, as long as I have you, I can keep on walking, keep on breathing. The only thing I need to live is you. So maybe someday soon, I will be able to really tell you how I feel, how you can always understand me, and make me want to live again. Maybe someday soon I will be able to tell you that I love you. Because I do, Winry, with all of my heart and soul.
A/N: Feedback is always appreciated. I love when people look at, or favorite my stuff... but its kind of a mixted feeling when you favorite things without reviewing them. Or read them without reviwing them. Anway, I hope you liked it. Peace out. MoD