Yay, new story! So this is an amazing crack story conceived by me and my second wife staying up too late.
Speaking of which my second wife, idiot-chan, is the co-author. And if she was answering my texts, then she would get to put something witty in here about me finally posting this year after it sitting in my note book for almost a year. But she's not, so meh. Stupid idiot-chan....
Oh and the one part goes into the third person for no apparent reason... I wrote this like a year ago, so I don't remember why I did that, but there was a reason! And now I'm just too lazy to change it....
Pure Taintedness
Chapter 1- Who drugged us?
"I can't, I need it, I'm homeless!" -Nicky in 'The Money Song' from Avenue Q
"Then that chick was just like 'but sex!!!'" I laughed lightly as I hung up the wig I had previously been wearing.
"I remember her! She was hornier than Light when Sayu is around!" My partner in crime announced causing us both to laugh hysterically. Sadly enough, this was a perfectly normal conversation between the two of us. But, that's just who we are. Taylor and Jessie. I being Jessie.
"Oh yeah, so my mom said that she and my step dad won't be back for the rest of the summer." I remembered to tell Taylor as I walked into the same room that she was sitting in. She had her legs propped up on my coffee table and her head leaning back on the recliner she was sitting on. Her shoulder length dark brown hair was up in a lose pony tail as her bangs covered her eyes.
"What do you think they're doing?" She asked as she sat up, her green eyes shining with mischief.
"Baby making." I said simply with an equally mischievous smirk adorning my face. She laughed lightly as I continues to walk into the kitchen, "I'm going to go cook us some diner, you just sit there and look sexy." See, Taylor lived a few blocks away but her parents got called off on a business thingy in Canada for the next six months so she was staying with me until they got back.
-
-
"Hey Taytay?"
"Hey Jayjay?"
"Wow, that was so Dr. Sues." I commented dryly as I walked into our bedroom.
"You started it..." She mumbled lazily.
"Loser, what did you do with that pixie dust shit that that creepy as lady gave us?" I asked as I walked towards her bed slowly.
"That was a lady? I thought it was a guy..." she shrugged to herself before getting back on topic, "And in my bag on the kitchen counter"
"You suck at hiding things..." I informed her as I went to grab the bag.
"Who's going to steal it? Shinigami?" She asked then laughed as she walked towards the door that led to my basement.
"Come on, let's go." I said lowly as I drag her down the stairs and into my cosplay room/ basement.
"Dominating today, are we?" She laughed again at her own joke.
"Only for you." I winked while reading the back of the package. 'Once it is dark make a circle on the ground with chalk, on the circle place a symbol for the four elements: air, earth, water, and fire. place the dust in pile in the middle of the circle. Make a wish. Warning: be careful what you with for, you never know what you will get.'
"Whatever, so what are we wishing for?" I asked Taylor as we both ran around the room to gather what was needed.
"Anime." Taylor stated simply.
"We already have that dumb- dumb." I laughed at her.
"No, like if anime was real. Like if we could go to anime worlds and shit." She clarified while she drew the circle in chalk.
"That would be the shit!" I cheered as i started putting the element things around the circle. Lavender incense, a pile of dirt, a bowl of water, and a lit candle. And the pixie dust in a heap in the middle of the circle. Taylor and I sat on either side of the circle and started at it for a minute.
"We wish to visit all of our favorite animes and cause total and complete havoc!" Taylor yelled out suddenly with a bright smile on her face. A loud rumble of thunder shook the house, lightning flashed, wind from the open window in the room blew out the candle and spread the pixie dust around the room.
"Well that was a bust." I muttered lowly. Just as I said that all of the lights went out. "What the fuck?!" I screeched angrily.
"Kira, I'm tired..." Taylor yawned wildly. A quick stroke of sleepiness engulfed my body causing me to follow her into our bed room as I too yawned. The second our heads hit the pillows, we were out.
-
-
"Bitch!" I yelled as I sat bolt upright, a pounding head ache already affecting me. "Taylor, what did I say about drugging me?"
"Only while the sheep sleep..." she mumbled from besides me, still fast asleep.
"Of course, the insomniac is asleep." I rolled my eyes while I took in my surroundings. Kind of looked like a labyrinth. "Hey, Taylor, wake up." I mumbled while poking her side until her eyes finally opened.
"Huh, where are we?" She asked as she sat up and looked around. "It kinda looks like the labyrinth from Ouran. Oh my Kira, maybe we're at Ouran!"
"Cos you know that kind of shit happens every day." I huffed as a small ball of energy tackled me to the ground.
"Stop being so narrow minded." Taylor scolded with a light slap to the back of my head.
"I'm not narrow minded. My mind is very open." I rolled my eyes.
"Because daddy loved you too hard?" She asked with the most innocent looks she could muster which ended up making her look like a three year old on Christmas morning.
"No, daddy never loved me. But my mind is still pretty open." I grunted out as I attempted to stand out and walk towards the direction that I deemed as the exit to this labyrinth like place.
"Hey, where did you get your bag from?" Pointing to said bag that hung at my side I looked over to confirm it's presence. It was my bag that I brought with me everywhere. It was a black half circle with white lace trimmings, a heavy silver chain as the shoulder strap, and more white lace and safety pins decorating the front. Opening the bag I noticed that it held parts of my Hunny cosplay and parts of Taylor's Mori cosplay. It had both of our Ouran shirts, ties, and coats. Along with that it help black mid thigh length skirts, and knee high black socks.
"Clothes." I shrugged as I took them out of the bag. "That's so weird."
"If you think that is weird then you should look around!" Taylor squealed as she pointed to the people walking around. Looking around I saw elegant looking girls in long yellow dresses that made me vomit and boys chasing after them in uniforms that were rather similar to the ones in my hands.
"Holy Christ on a muffin."
-
-
"No, Taylor, the one on the left. On the left! You got the one on the right? Good, that sounded better." I shouted into the phone as I paced the third music room.
"How about some.... okay, I don't even know what the fuck this shit is! Stupid ass rich people." Taylor mumbled into the phone as I heard her shuffle through the refrigerator in the second kitchen.
"Just get the food and get back over here, this place is fucking creepy as all hell." I mumbled as I lounged on one of the couches.
"How the hell is it creepy? It has the essence of the twins! Do you smell the essence?" Taylor giggled loudly into the phone.
"You know what I mean, I hate being alone. Like what if they show up, that would end up being epic fail material." See, when I'm with somebody I know, I'm loud and obnoxious. But alone, my body takes over. either I become, shy and quiet, dark and brudish, or bubbly and hyper. Depends on where I am.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll be there in a minute." And with that, Taylor hung up and I was abandoned. That is, until I heard the door behind me open. Was Taylor really that fast?
"Excuse me miss, the club is not open yet." Defiantly, not Taylor. Turning around slowly I saw that it was Kyoya standing in the door way.
A dark blush erupted on my cheeks as started wide eyed at the man standing before me.
"Miss, are you alright? You seem rather flustered." Kyoya tried to coax me as he slowly aproached me.
"Dude, do you have any idea who you are?!" I squealed happily in place.
"Yes, I do believe that I am aware of whom I am." He said with a light smile gracing his features. His beautiful features that are about to cause me to pass out. I am going to die!
"Ok, so I ran into this weird ass guy on the way back over here. Kinda hot, like if L and the uke from Love recipe had amazing hot kinky sex and then something went horribly wrong and and an mpreg occurred. Anyway, he would be the baby. Gave me his phone number and everything. So here's your food, and holy shit do you know who you are?" Taylor asked after entering the room and finally realizing the other person present.
"We already discussed that Taylor." I said as I began to return to my normal mental state.
"Just making sure." Taylor clarified as she handed me my tray of leftover lunch food. I don't really know what it is, but it looks expensive.
-
-
"So what exactly are you doing here?" Kyoya asked as he looked at the two girls. The first, a girl with light blond hair with choppy layers that fell just below her ears and had a deep red at the tips and bangs that covered her eyes, blue eyes, pale skin, had incredible amounts of energy despite her small stature. She went by Jessie. The other girl, Taylor, had brown hair to her shoulders, and bangs that barely covered her emerald green eyes, lightly tanned skin, and equal amounts of energy though she was taller than her partner. The only big difference between the two girls was the fact that Jessie cursed a lot. Taylor's language was a bit more clean.
The rest of the host club had arrived only a few minutes after Kyoya and now the two girls were on the floor playing with Hunny.
"We don't know, we just wished to visit our favorite animes and here we are." Jessie shrugged
"Anime?" Hunny asked cutely.
"You're breaking the forth wall, bitch!" Taylor yelled loudly at her friend.
"So? Kyoya broke it in the first episode and Tamaki broke it in the third episode." Jessie pointed out in a tone of voice that suggested that it was obvious.
"Yeah, but they're not supposed to know that they're just an anime!"
"They are not just an anime! They are an anime, manga, drama cd, and a way of life!"
"Girls." was all Kyoya had to say for them both to be quiet, "Now, please explain yourselves."
"Well you see, where we come from you guys are an anime that we practically worship. And we cosplay you guys-"
"I do Hunny!" Jessie cut in.
"And I do Mori." Taylor finished.
"What about the rest of us?" Tamaki asked in an offended voice.
"Well we could cosplay any of you but we're poor and don't have money for the wigs." Jessie shrugged.
"But last night we asked if we could visit our favorite animes and then we woke up here." Taylor finished her story from earlier.
"How strange." Kyoya remarked as he began writing in his note book.
-
-
School was done, the club was closed, customers were traumatized, we were bored.
"What are you going to do tonight?" Haruhi asked Taylor, as she had learned that Taylor was more likely to answer a question.
"That, is a very good question." Taylor said smugly.
"We have no fucking clue." I finally answered for her, which did in fact throw Haruhi off. Looking up I noticed that Kyoya was giving me a small glare out of the corner of his eye. He does not like it when I cures, which tends to only entice me to curse more.
"We figured we would have woken up by now." Taylor elaborated.
"This is a fucked up dream." I laughed lightly
"What if it's not a dream?" Haruhi asked, "Like a parallel universe. Like your universe is the main universe and when people created our shows, our universe was created."
"That would be so cool!" Taylor and I cheered together.
"Yeah right." the twins said together.
"These girls are just crazy-"
"They're just making it up-"
"And plus-"
"We'd be the main world." They finished together.
"Blah, blah, blah." I mumbled lazily.
"Well we have to go home." Haruhi said after a slightly awkward silence.
"Well I guess we'll just sleep here." Taylor said as she looked around the room.
"I can put you up in a hotel." Kyoya said as he pulled out his cell phone.
"Or you could stay in one of our houses." Tamaki suggested.
"Naw, we're good. If we're not here in the morning then it means we're back home." I laughed. They all nodded and left. Taylor and I got into pajamas that were in my bag and moved couches together so that they were more like beds.
"Night Jessie."
"Night Taylor."
Ok, that was fun!
Now, let's see... Ok, the LightxSayu was a reference about one of Weird world's video, they are a cosplay group on youtube, they're epic, check them out~!
Dr sues is a way that my friends and I call something instead of saying "that's gay." we say "that's Dr. sues.", yeah, we're weird.
The 'daddy loved you too hard' was a reference to an amazing death note story I read like a year and a half ago. I would say to check it out but I don't remember the name of it...
Love recipe is an amazing yaoi about a young journalist (i think he's a journalist...) who becomes an editor at a yaoi magazine and has to edit for the only male author and they fall in love. Really cool, check it out.
And the fourth was is broken when a character either looks directly at the camera and eludes that they are in a show. Kyoya broke it in the first episode when he looked at the camera and said something after Tamaki found out that Haruhi was a girl. And Tamaki broke it in the third episode with his whole 'homo line' speech.
I think that's all the references I made....