I HEART FINNICK, a hunger games fanfic

I HEART FINNICK

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: For those of you who didn't read the summary, THIS STORY IS A JOKE. I do NOT own The Hunger Games or any of its associated characters, which were all created by Suzanne Collins.)

MY NAME is Krystal Ashley Taylor Nessa Ilsa Sarah Silverman. Together, my initials all spell KATNISS. Isn't that great?! My nickname is Mermaid, though, since I live in the fabulous District Four! Seriously, isn't that the best of all the Districts? Forget Twelve - the people stink over there, and they're covered in coal. I admit that fish might not smell all that good, either, but at least we don't get "fish lung disease", okay? I'm sixteen years old and am going to volunteer for the Hunger Games with - squee - FINNICK ODAIR!

I. Heart. Finnick. He is absolutely the HOTTEST GUY EVAR, and forget Cato. Seriously, his name sounds like Kate-O. That's my best friend's name, or nickname. She and I fight over Finnick all the time. Duh! We're both Careers, of course, because all the other people in Four are loser fishermen and whatever. Do you seriously think that I would be anything else besides one of the best fighters in the District? I'm really, really good with knives and stuff, but my trainers say I'm the best when I go hide. What do they mean? Anyway, Finnick and I spar all the time, but he always wins. GRRR! Even though he'll be my District partner, if I'm going to win the Games, I'll have to kill him. Maybe I'll make him choke on my tongue. Ha!

Seriously, I hope that happens. I don't want Kate-O to volunteer, even though she will anyway. What a freaking show-off. She's always sticking her boobs out at Finnick, and he doesn't even look. Is he gay? No way. Besides, I have a way better rack than she does. I also have long gorgeous blonde hair that goes past my cute little butt, crystal blue eyes like my name, lips to die for, and everything else to die for too. When I go on the chariot ride, I honestly hope I'm naked. Who needs costumes and all that with my body? I mean, look. Everyone else needs a stylist besides me because they're U-G-L-Y, all except for Finnick.

I. Heart. Finnick. Did I say that before? I don't think I did. Oh, well. What the hell? I can't say it enough. He is the studliest manly man on this whole entire planet, and he's MINE. If any other girl even so much as looks at him, I'll kill her. I mean, that's what we have to do before the Hunger Games in practice, so why don't I get started? There's nothing better than taking out the competition, especially with cyanide.

Did I say that out loud? Oopsies!

On the train ride, I can't wait until he has sex with me.

Did I say THAT out loud!? Oopsies again!

Anyway, you're probably wondering why Finnick is my one and only, my obsession, my heart's desire. Are you stupid or something? HE'S HOT. I mean, why would I even think about any other guy? U-G-L.Y. Can you imagine any other one besides Finnick in my bed? It would be like a mermaid mating with a squid. Totally gross, almost as gross as Kate-O can get when she keeps talking about killing people. Come on. We're supposed to do it, but why be so brainless as to spoil your big plans? She won't make the cut. Our trainers say she's good, but to volunteer for the Hunger Games, you have to be the best. Like me, IKR?

How am I going to kill him when I have to? Simple: I'll give him a heart attack my SPECIAL way! Heehee!

IG2G. If you don't know what that means, go Google it - I mean, go Panem it. See what I did there? FTW!

KRYSTAL ASHLEY TAYLOR NESSA ILSA SARAH SILVERMAN ODAIR

KRYSTAL ODAIR

KRYSTAL SILVERMAN ODAIR

K.A.T.N.I.S.O.

I HEART FINNICK!