Innocence
Disgust.... that is the only emotion I feel at the moment, not the kind of disgust someone feels when they see someone eating messily, this kind of disgust is deeper, so much so, that it's hard to be around those two people without wanting to vomit or grimace, or anything that would give away what I felt for them.
The worst part of this situation though, is that I live with them, but if I had any other choice, I would've moved away the moment all this happened, they try to protect me from knowing everything that happens, but it's so obvious, they hardly protected anything, if it was my innocence they were trying to protect... they failed miserably (I'm not talking about my virginity... that, I still have.) My innocence left me the day I saw what had, and still was, happening.
I have seen the fights, the anger, the blood, the bruises, and the activities that I really shouldn't have seen, I have heard the screams, the curses, the obscene language, and the moans I really shouldn't have heard at that age. The kind of people I live around is not the kind of environment I should be living in, but I cannot change that fact till I am at least 18, and I still happen to be 13, which means I still have 5 more years till I can get out of this little peace of hell that is supposed to be my home.
It's always the same... mom or dad, either one, sometimes both actually, sleep with some prostitute or something, the other parent finds out about it, and -even if it is being hypocritical- they yell at each other for doing that,. They yell at each other, they hit each other, and every time they fight, it is always screaming, they curse each other, then they sleep together, and some of the times when it gets really bad, is when mom or dad brings home said prostitute, they fight each other longer, and hit each other harder, and the most disgusting part, is that the prostitute ends up in bed with them in the end. When I finally learned of what exactly these activities were, I had vomited (where my parents couldn't see) for at least 3 days... all of this started when I was 5 or 6 years old, and truthfully, I don't think somebody, especially a girl at that age, should lose their innocence.
So here I am now, sitting in my bedroom trying to block out all the sounds I really don't want to hear by my radio, and even though children are supposed to love their parents... I feel disgust for them... I mean, don't get me wrong, I do love my parents, but it doesn't mean I can't feel disgust for them, and not want to be around them....
Suddenly a sound from them that was louder than my blaring music made me growl out and shut the music off, then jump out my window... I don't care if I get punished later for this, I can't just sit there listening to them do... that, I shivered in disgust and started walking to... well, to where ever it is my legs are taking me.
After my feet had stopped, I finally looked at my surroundings, and saw that I was standing on top of the Hokage mountain, at the very edge of it, if I were to move my foot one more inch, it's likely I'll fall off.
"What are you doing?" came an emotionless voice, making me jump, my eyes widened as I started falling off, I pulled in a deep breath ready to scream out in terror at falling off the cliff, but my breath all came out in a rush as I felt arms around my waist, stopping me from falling to my speedy death. As soon as I was safely on my feet, and a few feet away from the edge, I turned around and glared at the blueish-black haired boy in front of me
"What the heck were you thinking?! You could have killed me Sasuke!!" I yelled at him, totally ignoring the fact that I am supposed to be all goody-goody with him. He raised an eyebrow.
"I wasn't the one standing at the edge of the cliff, looking like I was going to commit suicide now was I?" I glared harder.
"I wasn't trying to commit suicide." he gave me a sarcastic look.
"Yeah, cause you weren't standing at the edge of a cliff just now, too close I might say." I crossed my arms and turned my head away.
"It's none of your business why I'm up here, but I will say that nothing has happened to make me want to commit suicide, and I sure as heck ain't going to let my parents inspire it!" I stated without really thinking of what was shooting out of my mouth.
"Why would your parents have that kind of impact?" I looked at him with my eyebrows raised and my eyes wide open, and I scanned over my words in my head, and I realized I had said to much.
"Uh..." I scratched the back of my head like Naruto would when he was nervous. "I uh... hehe," I gave a sheepish smile. "I don't know what you mean, I never said my parents would have that kind of impact."
"You said you weren't going to let your parents inspire it-"
"No I didn't." I said quickly, trying to confuse him, I don't think it's working too well.
"Yes, you did. Why would your parents be any cause for your suicide?" I narrowed my eyes in anger.
"Hey! I wasn't trying to commit suicide!"
"I didn't say you were."
"Yes you did, just now! You said 'be any cause for your suicide' implying that you really did think I was going to kill myself!" he rolled his eyes.
"Are you going to answer my question?"
"I can't, cause they wouldn't be a cause if I ever did try."
"Then what did you mean when you said you weren't going to let your parents inspire it?"
"It isn't any of your business what goes on in my house!"
"So something has been happening?" I growled at him, how dare he trick me! I saw him narrow his eyes. "But what could be so bad, that they would- I mean, could inspire your suicide?" my face melted into one of nervousness, I don't know why I'm trying so hard to keep the truth from him, it's not like it's some big secret... well, in my neighborhood it's not. I covered my nervousness up with anger.
"Just drop it and leave it alone Sasuke!" I tried to brush past him, but he grabbed my arm and pushed me to the ground below.
"If they are abu-"
"Don't make assumptions Sasuke, you'll never get it right."
"Hm... then what is wrong?"
"I said. Leave. It. Alone!"
"No, if whatever that's happening is bad enough to make you come up here and commit suicide, something needs to be done, to stop whatever is happening." I growled.
"I didn't come up here to commit suicide!!! I came up here cause I had to get away from my parents!!" I gasped and turned my head away, that basically sounded like a confession. I felt a hand pull my head to look into black eyes.
"So they are abusing you?"
"No! Gosh!! Can't you ever leave something alone!?!"
"You basically just told me they-"
"You misunderstood Sasuke, I had to get away from them cause," I took a deep breath. "Cause they... well... would you really want to be in the same house with your parents while they were... you know... um... doing... certain activities? Especially when they are louder than a radio that is turned up as loud as it can go?" he made a shocked face.
"So you left cause they were..."
"Yeah."
"I can understand why you wouldn't want to hear, cause you don't want to imagine your parents doing... that, but you act as if it's the most revolting thing you have ever heard of."
"Trust me, you don't know the half of the story." he raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean?" I sighed, I might as well tell him, otherwise he'll never stop bugging me, even if it is with the littlest of sentences.
"At the age of 5 or 6, my mother started sleeping around the block, I guess you could say, and at the same time -unknown to my mother- my father was sleeping with prostitutes, when they both found out, I had watched them physically fight each other, cursing, screaming, and what ever else you can think of, but in the end, it always ended up with them doing... ahem, you know... yet, even after they both found out, they didn't even attempt to stop cheating on each other, and almost every night, they got into a fight and the same thing happened again and again, and the worst fights they have is when my my mother or father brings home a man/woman, and in the end, it's even my disgusting than before, cause the man/woman ends up sleeping with them. The worst part of all of this -for me- is that, until I was at least 9 years old, I had witnessed it all, not just the fights, but the activities, at that age I didn't know what it was they were doing, but when I found out, I was literally ill for 3 days straight. And although I'm a virgin, I'm am, for sure, not as innocent as I really sincerely wish I could be, whats the use of still being a virgin when you aren't innocent?" I turned my head, I didn't want to look at anyone at the moment, but most of the reason why I turned my head is cause I was trying to hide the tears that threatened to fall. "No child that young should see or hear something like that, especially when it's your parents." my voice was thick, I felt Sasuke trying to bring my head forwards to look at him, but I kept my head firmly to the side.
"Sakura, I agree nobody should have to go through that, but that isn't a reason to try and commit suicide." immediately my tears went away and I had an impossible rage fill me.
"I wasn't trying to commit suicide!!!!!" I looked at his smirking face.
"I know."
"Huh?" my eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.
"I only said that so you'd look at me." I brought my hand up to slap him, but he caught it and pinned it to the ground above my head. "I was going to say -had you turned to look at me- that -even though under normal circumstances I would never consider this- Instead of just wandering around the village like this, come to my place and sit there till you want to go back."
"I might wake you up." I said as an excuse, even though I knew he knew I was just saying this cause I was still mad at him.
"I don't care, I won't allow you to walk around here at night."
"Why not?!" he looked down at my body and back up to my confused face, I looked down also and looked at my pajama cloths, and saw that it was just a pair of sky blue pants, and a sky blue colored bra, red flooded my cheeks.
"I uh... I think I'll take you up on that offer." he chuckled.
"Good." I can only imagine what was going through his mind when he said he wanted me at his house rather than out on the streets at this time of night, I shivered, thinking of the kind of position I would put myself in if I happen to be out at the wrong time. Even though my shiver was of fear of what could possibly happen, Sasuke didn't think that was the reason, cause the next thing I know, I'm sitting in his lap, tucked into his body, instead of on the cold hard ground, with me under his body. I could feel myself getting tired, and right before I fell asleep in his arms, I whispered out to him.
"Thanks Sasuke." then I fell asleep, not at all taking notice to the kiss place behind my ear, and the 'anytime' whispered back to me.
I woke to the sound of a bird chirping, I groaned and turned around, back into the heat source that was probably a bunched up piece of my comforter, but as soon as I did, I realized that it wasn't a piece of puffy cotton I turned into, it was much harder, and more soft, and the heat was more of a body-heat type of feel, not comforter heat. I slowly tried to open my eyes to see what I was cuddled into, but a burning light made me shut my eyes, groan, and clutch onto a piece of cotton that was not a blanket, then bury my head into it. I felt a vibration from underneath my head, and finally deciding to figure out what is next to/ under me, I opened my eyes ever so slowly, and when my eyes refocused, I saw what it was... it was a person... but not just any person, no... this person was Sasuke Uchiha!! and that wasn't the most shocking part, he was laughing, but soon I got over my shock and became angry... he was laughing at me!!
"What?!"
"Do you always hide from the sun like that?" I blushed.
"Sh-Shut up!" he chuckled again. "Anyway, what happened?"
"You fell asleep on me last night." I nodded.
"Okay... but where did the blanket come from." I lifted my hand that was still covered by the blanket for emphasis.
"I didn't take you back to your home cause I didn't want to take the chance of waking you, so I quickly went to my place, got a blanket, and came back, and no, I wasn't going to just lay the blanket on you and leave you out here like bait."
"Ah, but you did, when you went to go get the blanket."
"I was being as fast as I could, and had anyone attempted to attack you, I would have been back fast enough to stop them." I nodded, okay, I guess he's right.
"Well, uh, judging by the position of the sun, we should be heading to the bridge by now." he nodded, got up, took the blanket off of me -which made me curl into a ball and shiver for a few seconds- and folded it. Then he held his hand out for me, I took it and he pulled me up, where we proceeded to walk to the bridge.
"Tell me."
"Yes?"
"When did you learn to read time from the position of the sun?"
"My grandmother taught me. But she died about 3 years ago."
"Oh, sorry."
"Don't be, she was waiting to go, and was happy to, she even died with a smile on her face, and even though I was sad and didn't want it to happen, I can't help but think that it was good thing it happened, cause it meant she didn't have to live to see more war, she lived though all of the shinobi wars, and although she was old, I am a bit puzzled as to how she died looking like a 25 year old, cause I don't think it has much to do with 'age was good to her' she was at least 165 years old, or at least, that was the last birthday age I remember celebrating." he had a shocked look on his face, but said nothing.
We were walking for a few minutes, and were only a few minutes away from the bridge when we saw Ino, and she was headed right for us, looking angry.
"Sakura, what do you think you're doing with my Sasuke-kun?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You are too close to him." I raised an eyebrow, okay, I knew Ino can be possessive, but this is overboard... this is obsessive. "We were -I guess you could say- in a game with each other, trying to win his affection, but this is going overboard." um... that made no sense whatsoever, but I just brushed it off.
"Honey... you weren't even piece on the game board." With that, I stood on my tip-toes and kissed Sasuke full on the lips, it was a quick one, so as soon as my lips touched his, I pulled away, and looked back at Ino. "So, I win." I smiled and she just kept opening and closing her mouth, till she finally had enough, turned around, and stomped away. I snickered then turned to look at Sasuke's amused face. "What?" he shook his head.
"Nothing." he replied, then put his arm around the top of my shoulders and pulled me into him.
"Uh, what are you doing?"
"Am I not aloud to have my girlfriend next to me?" by now he looked wickedly amused as I blushed.
"I was just joking you know."
"Sorry, but you're not going to get out of this." He smirked then touched his lips to mine, and instead of it being a simple little kiss, it was a bit prolonged by his hand on the back of my head.. but I didn't care, I was enjoying this. As soon as the kiss ended, I smiled the biggest smile I could, then started walking in the direction of the bridge again, with his arm around my waist. "So, you and Ino were competing huh?" I blushed again.
"Yeah, sorta."
"And you say you've won?" My blush got bigger.
"I was just trying to make Ino mad."
"I didn't ask you that, you said you won, correct?" I nodded slowly. "And what's the prize?"
"Generally, you were."
"Ah, but I couldn't have been, you see, anyone could win my affection, but that doesn't mean, I will ever be in a relationship with them, so what would the prize be?"
"I uh... I don't know." he was looking too deep into what Ino had said, but something told me that he was only doing this for amusement.
"Well then, I guess I'll have to give you your prize myself, though it might be many years from now."
"I don't need a prize." he smirked.
"Ah... but you won." I sighed, giving up.
"Alright, and why will my prize have to wait a few years?"
"Cause, I believe we are too young for what I would like to give you." I stared at him in shock... is he thinking what I think he's thinking? If so, then I must admit, I never thought of Sasuke as a pervert, many other things, but pervert was definitely not on the list. Suddenly I smirked, I'll play along.
"Oh come on, why not now, I don't believe we are too young, in fact, the best time to start is when you're young, it gives you more time to enjoy life." I smiled, when his smirk widened.
"Maybe you're right, give you more time to give me more children." my eyebrows raised, okay, I honestly didn't expect him to go that far, but I quickly got out of my shock.
"Yeah, maybe 10 or 20 kids, but they will keep you on your toes, sure you can handle it?"
"Give me another 10 and maybe then I will stress, but only a little."
"Oh? And tell me, how would you manage 30 kids all by yourself?"
"And why would I be alone?"
"Well, I certainly wouldn't be able to birth that many babies in a lifetime, I would surely die."
"No, you wouldn't, your determination to see your kids, and to stay with me would keep you alive, along with the fact that the doctors will help, and the kids will be spaced out between the years, there wouldn't be that much stress on your body." I tried to think of something to counter what he said, I sincerely wanted to win this childish argument, but I could think of anything, so I sighed and put my hands up in defeat, but suddenly I burst out laughing.
"What?"
"How did we get to talking about me giving you 30 kids?" I laughed out, he chuckled.
"I don't know."
"I doubt I would even bare you one." his eyebrows raised, then shot down in confusion.
"And why not?"
"Cause you don't love me."
"And who said that?"
"I... um... do you?"
"No." I sighed and kept walking, did he have to lead me on? "But, I could grow to." I stopped, thought about it, then smiled.
"Okay... I guess that's acceptable." I started walking again, but I suddenly heard a voice in my ear.
"So Sakura, when do you want your prize?" instantly my face flushed with embarrassment, and I sped up, leaving Sasuke there chuckling. I'm not ready for that yet! I may have thought I lost my innocence, but some of it might still be here, I looked back at him, then at the ground in front of me and smiled... maybe sometime in the near future...