The Lord of the Twigs
Don't ask me why I'm doing this, it just seems the way I'm rolling right now.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for a laptop and mind. Whether or not that mind is like Cartman's messed up mind is for you to decide.
Prologue
Zaron is changing. I see it in my shit. I feel it in my belly. I smell it in my farts. Once that once was, is now lost, but for some reason only I can remember it.
It began with the making of the Great Twigs. Four were stolen by the Elves, because they're douchebags. Another two were given to the Humans because the Humans stole them, and they're douchebags. And none, none were in the possession of the Orcs because the Humans and the Elves took them, and they're douchebags.
But they were all deceived, for another Twig was made. In the forests of Larnia, upon the great Tree of the Ancients, the Orc, Dandar, forged in secret, a master Twig, to control the others. And through this Twig Dandar poured the essence of the universe so that he that held it would have control over all things.
One Stick to rule them all….
One by one, others fell to the power of the Stick. Yet, the great Elf queen came to love Dandar when she saw him through her Twig. And so an alliance was made by the cuckolded Elf king and the Human king to lay waste to the Orcs, and on the slopes of Mount Ass-Fire they fought for the freedom of Zaron.
Victory was near, but the power of the Stick could not be undone…. Until the Humans and Elves used a more ancient power than the Stick. To save their races, they all farted on the Orcs' balls and killed all the Orcs. So terrible was the smell of that day that Humans and Elves swore never to fart on anyone's balls again.
Dandar, the enemy of Zaron, was defeated. The two kings had this one chance to rid the world of influence of the Stick forever, but Humans and Elves are fucking stupid douchebags. The Stick of Truth has a mind of its own.
It betrayed the two kings to their deaths. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. And for many years the Stick passed out of all knowledge until, when chance came, it received a new bearer.
The Stick was found by the human wizard, Cartman, who took it deep into his back yard. And there, it seduced him. But the Elves heard of the Stick's presence in the kingdom of Kuppa Keep, and fearing the intensified power of the wizard, the Elves waged war with the Humans for a thousand years.
But now, the time is near. The time has come for me to take my rightful place as queen and take back what is mine. For I, Princess Kenny, am the true heir to the Stick of Truth, and I will have my revenge…..