G.R.O.W.-U.P.
GROWING
RESULTS
OFFER
WHACKY
UNIVERSAL
PROBLEMS
SUBJECT 01
NAME: NIGEL UNO
AGE: 13
POST-DECOMMISSIONING: SUBJECT 01 WAS NOT DECOMMISSIONED. SUBJECT 01 IS UNDERCOVER FOR THE KIDS NEXT DOOR AS A TEENINJA.
FRESHMAN YEAR: SUBJECT 01 IS CONTINUING ON AS NORMAL.
WEAKNESS: BOSSY
STRENGTH: ABILITY TO BE A GREAT LEADER
SUBJECT 02
NAME: HOAGIE P. GILLIGAN
AGE: 13
POST-DECOMMISSIONING: SUBJECT 02 HAS BEGUN TO DETACH HIMSELF FROM SOCIAL COMMUNICATION. SUBJECT HAS STARTED WEARING CLOTHING ARTICLES SUCH AS PLASTIC-FRAMED GLASSES, SCARVES, BEANIES, BOW TIES, AND SUSPENDERS. SUBJECT 02 HAS BEGUN PUTTING PURPLE WASH-OUT HAIR DYE IN HIS HAIR, AND USING WHOLE BOTTLES OF HAIR GEL IN ONE SITTING. SUBJECT 02 HAS ALSO STARTED USING WORDS AND PHRASES SUCH AS "MAINSTREAM", "YOU DON'T KNOW ME", AND "YOU KNOW MY NAME, NOT MY STORY."
FRESHMAN YEAR: -
WEAKNESS: HUNGER
STRENGTH: TECHNOLOGIC SKILLS
SUBJECT 03
NAME: KUKI SANBAN
AGE: 13
POST-DECOMMISSIONING: SUBJECT 03 HAS ALSO BEGUN TO DETACH HERSELF FROM MUCH SOCIAL INTERACTION. SUBJECT GETS UP EARLY AND SPENDS AT LEAST 3 HOURS ON HER HAIR, USING MULTIPLE PRODUCTS, TO TURN IT INTO A MASSIVE RATS NEST. SUBJECT 03 HAS BEGUN WEARING (WHAT WE PREDICT IS) 3 POUNDS OF MAKEUP JUST FOR SCHOOL. SUBJECT HAS ALSO GAINED AN UNUSUALLY LARGE INTEREST IN CHARACTERS SUCH AS HELLO KITTY, PIKACHU, AND GIR.
FRESHMAN YEAR: -
WEAKNESS: IKUK
STRENGTH: SMARTS
SUBJECT 04
NAME: WALLABEE BEETLES
AGE: 13
POST-DECOMMISSIONING: SUBJECT 04 HAS DETACHED HIMSELF COMPLETELY FROM ANY SOCIAL INTERACTION OUTSIDE FAMILY. SUBJECT DOES NOT GO OUTSIDE ANYMORE MUCH, IF AT ALL, EVEN. SUBJECT 04 HAS STOPPED TALKING MUCH, IF AT ALL (SHOCKER). SUBJECT SPENDS MOST OF HIS GIVEN TIME SLEEPING, SITTING ON THE INTERNET, OR STARING BLANKLY AT NOTHING IN PARTICULAR. SUBJECT WEARS OVERSIZED HOODIES DESPITE LIVING IN AUSTRALIA, WHERE IT'S LIKE, 80 DEGREES EVERY DAY.
FRESHMAN YEAR: SUBJECT HAS STARTED DEVELOPING AN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT NO ONE CAN SEEM TO UNDERSTAND. WE HAVE HAD TO PULL IN SOMEONE WHO SPEAKS THE AUSTRALIAN LANGUAGE TO TRANSLATE SOME PHRASES SUCH AS "BIKKIE", "BLUDGER", "DAG", "EARBASHING", "GRINNING LIKE A SHOT FOX", "YAKKA", "YABBER", AND MANY MORE MULTIPLE TIMES. SUBJECT HAS GAINED INTEREST IN FOOTBALL AND OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES ONCE AGAIN. SUBJECT IS ALSO AS TALKATIVE AS PRE-DECOMMISSIONING.
WEAKNESS: ABSENT-MINDED AND SHORT-TEMPERED
STRENGTH: AGILE
SUBJECT 05
NAME: ABIGAIL LINCOLN
AGE: 13
POST-DECOMMISSIONING: SUBJECT HAS ALSO PULLED AWAY FROM MUCH SOCIAL INTERACTION. THERE'S A PATTERN HERE. SUBJECT 05 APPEARS TO THINK OF HERSELF AS A RAPPER OR GANGSTER. SUBJECT USES MULTIPLE PHRASES SUCH AS, "YEEEEEAAAAAH", "FOOL, YA FOOL", "KNOCKIN' DA BOOTS", "NO DIGGITY", "BREAK YO'SELF", "WHOADIE", "LIKE A BOSS", "FLOSSY", "RESPECT, RESPECT, KEEP YO ASS IN CHECK" AND MANY, MANY MORE. SUBJECT HAS BEGUN WEARING HAT BACKWARDS, AS WELL AS "SAGGING TO DA FLO'". WE AREN'T EXACTLY SURE HOW TO REACT TO THIS.
FRESHMAN YEAR: -
WEAKNESS: ROMANCE
STRENGTH: SPORTY