Author's Note: This was written as a one shot that I may or may not continue. It's for a contest. Please enjoy it. Warning: keep tissues nearby...
"Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone,
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer"
"F.B.I!" An angry woman's voice boomed throughout the warehouse. Her gun was pointed ahead of her, poking into every room. Her heart pounded as she neared closer to the quiet whimpering of the little boy. He had recognized her voice; he knew his mama was there to save him.
"Mommy!"
JJ gulped as her breathing sped up. She felt a comforting hand on her shoulder as she took a steady step towards the back room. "That's it, it's okay." He whispered encouragingly. She knew it was Hotch; her caring superior's hand. His large yet gentle hand lingered on her shoulder for a moment, encouraging her to stay calm.
JJ didn't want to scare her son; he had already seen enough. He would be scarred for life. She wanted so badly to just leap bounds and run into that room, bundling him up in her arms. She wanted to tell him that he would never be harmed by anyone, ever, but sadly, it wasn't true. She couldn't stop people from hurting him all the time. She could only stop them now.
But even then, in that moment, she wasn't sure if that was entirely right.
"No," she heard behind her. She spun around on her heels and stared into her superiors eyes. "He knows one of us is his mom." Hotch answered, his mind filling itself with the possible outcomes of this day. JJ swallowed thickly as she heard Henry's little cries. She closed her eyes to stop herself from holding back tears; but it didn't work. "What if he's done stuff?" She whispered. Hearing her own voice breaking was scary to her. She hid everything so well but the break in her voice had passed any of her limits.
"We're gonna get him out of here," Hotch promised, his hand placed on her wrist. JJ breathed deeply for a moment. "I don't know how to do this." She admitted. The rest of the team lowered their guns. That's when they realized; JJ had reached her breaking point. It had taken 9 years.
And they didn't even know what happened with Hastings in that warehouse.
"We're all here for you, JJ, we're gonna go in there and get Henry out, you hear me?" Morgan said softly. JJ's eyebrows creased as she frowned. "I'm not a child, Derek. Nobody really is there for you. They just say stupid things to calm you down. You're always alone. I know from experience." The team looked cautiously around at each other. "I-I'm sorry." The blonde sighed.
"JJ, I promise you," Hotch whispered, "we will get him out of here." The woman choked back tears as she swallowed. "And what if we don't?"
"We will."
JJ sighed to herself in panic. She heard the last phone call her superior had made to his wife. He had promised her that they would be okay, but now all he has is a dead wife and a son who doesn't know whether to forget the day she died or to remember it; whichever hurt his father less. "Then let's go." JJ said quietly, drawing her gun.
She swiftly entered the dark and dingy room. A small bit of light seeped through the small windows; hitting certain spots on the floor, one of which her son was in. She swallowed thickly upon the sight of her baby boy. He was curled up in a ball. His cheeks were stained red from crying, his hair in a mess, clothes dirtied. Grass, dirt, and rocks lay scattered on the floor. As much as it saddened her, what she saw next nearly killed her.
Her breathing sped up as she noticed the man holding a gun to her 5 year old's head. The armour in her hand shook violently at the sight. Hotch had debated in his head on whether to leave her or drag her out.
"Put the gun down," she demanded between shaky breaths. The man turned back and pointed the gun towards JJ.
"Please." She begged. She felt as every inch of her voice turned into a cry for help. The unsub couldn't help but laugh. Was this the boy's mother? He had described her as a strong woman who could leap tall buildings in a single bound... But this? This was weak. Anybody at this point could see the glock 26 shaking with her trembling hands.
"Mommy!" Henry called out upon seeing her. Closing her eyes tightly, JJ kept a steady grip on her gun. "Baby, I'm here, it's okay." She soothed.
The unsub scoffed. "You're Henry's mother?" JJ's eyes widened as she looked between her son and the kidnapper. He knew her son's name. She needed to avoid the question. If she answered, without a doubt, he'd make it personal. "Who are you?" She asked.
After a moment of silence, she could feel the rage boiling in her system. "Who are you?!" She demanded. The unsub laughed internally. She was getting mad. He'd definitely seen her around. He knew her so well.
"Don't you remember, Jareau?" He snickered. JJ gulped as she pushed everything in her mind aside. She knew him from somewhere, he knew her name. Her last name.
The only time she was known by her last name was in-
"Afghanistan? 2011? Hastings? Askari?"
"No," she whispered. She recognized him. He worked with her for a little bit before she left to help Prentiss in DC. "Yes," he smiled, "remember? I watched you fall down and in that moment, I knew you'd lost the baby."
JJ knew exactly who it was. How many people knew about the miscarriage? How many people had Hastings told? "Daniel." The blonde stated. The blood inside of her had began to rush. "JJ?" She heard behind her. Prentiss' voice seemed concerned. "Oh no." Morgan whispered, "girl, no." He couldn't believe it. His own friend— his colleague miscarried?
"How did you know about the baby?" JJ asked, lowering her gun. "Hastings told me." He watched as JJ tensed up at the thought of Hastings. "But I don't wanna make things personal for you." The blonde had had it. She had truly reached her breaking point. She had before, but she did so well with hiding it, nobody could see the pain she felt. This time, everything was out. "THINGS ARE ALREADY PERSONAL!" She yelled.
It frightened Hotch and the team to hear their small, fragile, sweetheart of an agent yell. She knew how to handle the press. She knew how to handle hostage situations, calm down and comfort victims. She even knew how to stay calm when Henry was with Izzy, and when Will was shot. Now she was reminded of that baby; the one she'd grieved for alone for 3 years.
"I knew you'd break down eventually." He smirked. JJ shook her head as her gun continued to tremble. "Don't think I didn't see you crying when Cruz told you about it." JJ felt herself nearly choking on the tears. "You're not very strong, Jareau.' The man scoffed. JJ shook her head slightly. "I- I am strong. I was always told that the strong ones grieve, the strong ones feel, the strong ones hold emotion."
"I grieved over my child," JJ said, shakily. She could feel that lump in her throat, the one that appeared when she was on the verge of crying, "I LOST MY GODAMN CHILD AND NOBODY WAS THERE FOR ME. NOBODY!" The team's eyes widened as the anger in the woman rose. "That right there is weakness. I might as well kill you both."
"Go to hell." Hotch said, for the first time, his voice heard. "It's okay, I can handle this." JJ said. The unsub rolled his eyes as he moved the gun back and fourth between the mother and son. "Jareau, just accept the fact that you'll only have one child. You're so ungrateful, you know that? You've already got one. Isn't that a little greedy?" The pain and anger in the blonde's system went crazy. Was she greedy for wanting to share her love with her husband in hopes of another child? One that they'd both love and protect? "And in your line of work? Your husband's a fricken police officer, and you- you're an FBI agent. You can't fend your children off to babysitters their whole life." He turned back with the gun and pressed it against Henry's forehead. "I'm sure your son already knows what that's like."
"DROP THE GUN RIGHT NOW, OR I WILL SHOOT YOU!" JJ yelled. This guy had hit a nerve, again. She never intended for this to happen. She thought that being in the FBI meant her family might even be more safe. This was the opposite. "Shoot me. I'd rather die from a gunshot than an explosion." JJ gulped back tears. "You wouldn't dare." She growled. "Come on, Jareau," The man laughed, "we all know how this is going to end. You and your son will leave this room in body bags, or you give me what I need."
"And you'll either be dead or rotting in hell. So choose."
"You know what I need, honey, don't be stupid. You know it off the top of your head." JJ knew it. She knew what he needed all too well. He needed the code; the one that allowed him access to the files for Integrity.
"I'm not giving it to you." She said.
"What's this about?" Hotch intervened. The conversation had puzzled him. "Nothing, just something from my last mission." JJ answered, barely turning her head from Daniel. "Oh, Jareau knows all about this. Tell them, JJ." He said, emphasizing on the nickname he'd heard.
"It's nothing." JJ whispered as she neared closer to Henry. She was going to save her son, no matter what it took.
"Fine, I'll just shoot you." He growled.
"P-please." JJ's voice shook as she fell to the ground in tears.
"Holy water cannot help you now." He whispered, his finger pushing lightly on the trigger.
"NO!" Hotch yelled, watching as the enemy applied pressure on the trigger. "NO!" He repeated, this time louder.
But it was too late. All their efforts had failed.
JJ sunk to the ground, clutching her son tightly. "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" She screamed, burying Henry's head into her chest. "You were too greedy, Jareau. You should've just told me the code and I would've let both of you go, but now look what it's cost you." The blonde's breathing sped up, and at once, she had collapsed with her son in her arms.
Her baby boy was dead because of her. She blamed herself for the loss of both of her children. She was a terrible mother.
"Maybe, I can make you another one." Daniel whispered. The words rushed through JJ's head. She had nothing left but a husband who needed to be informed of their 5 year old son's death. Their 5 year old son's death.
Before JJ could even respond, Hotch had gunned down Daniels. She was now in Hotch's arms as he held her tightly to stop her from shaking. "I'm sorry I couldn't save him." She cried, stroking her boy's hair softly. "And I'm sorry for making that promise." Hotch admitted.
The other agents and Hotch had left the room in tears, Morgan was carrying out the body of Daniel. "I'm gonna let Will know." Emily said.
All that was left was a broken mother, rocking her dead 5 year old son back and fourth.
"I have died every day waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more"
— Christina Perri, A Thousand Years
Author's Note: I'm not sure whether to continue this.. Leave a review and tell me if you would like another chapter. It may or may not be fine on it's own.