A/n: This is not supposed to make any sense. It's a Sue parody, remember? ...and the song is to the tune of 'Winnie-the-Pooh.'
Disclaimer: Tolkien's characters belong to his estate. You can have the Sue.
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Mary the Sue
Mary the Sue
Trouble in a bubble with pointy ears
It's Mary the Sue
Mary the Sue
Sleazy cheesy easy-to-hate
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She knew Frodo back in the Shire - was his best friend, in fact. She was Sam's long-lost sister who had been raised by wolves. Not to mention, she was Merry's ex-girlfriend and Pippin's fairy godmother.
She had single-handedly defeated all the Ringwraiths, yet was also mortally wounded. Both Glorfindel and Arwen had sped to her aid, though she gallantly refused their help and flew Frodo to Rivendell on her magical unicorn. Stopping the flood waters with one manicured hand, she stumbled to Lord Elrond with the noble bearing of a queen and collapsed at Legolas' feet. The golden-haired archer took it upon himself to heal her.
After all, she *was* his first and only love, whom he had thought dead for a thousand years. She was also Galadriel's daughter by Isildur, and thus the rightful heir to both, though she heroically gave up her claim to Gondor in favor of her noble cousin, Aragorn, out of love for her twin sister, Arwen Undomiel Evenstar.
She was, of course, invited to the council, being both Elrond's niece, granddaughter, abandoned child who grew up in Minas Tirith, and sister-in-law - not to mention, a powerful enchantress who could speak to trees and had taught Gandalf everything he knows. She offered her Ultra Sonic Bow of Accuracy to Frodo when he volunteered to take the Ring, since she had borne the trinket herself when she was but a poor half-hobbit, half-elf lass who taught herself to wield a sword.
Boromir welcomed her company, for she was his father's ward, the last of the White Dames who dwelt in the White Tower in the White City, and the court poet of Minas Tirith.
And Gimli...uh...
We won't go there.
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