Dreams

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter or anything else you recognise. The plot however, is mine.

He's stretched across my bed, his arms and legs hanging off as he tenses and relaxes. The early spring sunshine falls onto his hair and it shines like waves of dark, falling water. Brown eyes grin up at me as he watches my quill dart across the page.

This is studying for Sirius Black, watching me do all the work.

"I think you might have spelt that wrongly," he smirks.

I know I haven't but I double check regardless. He grins and a small bark of laughter escapes. Sighing, I run my hand through my hair. A few strands fall onto my shoulder and he takes one, holding it up to the light he smiles softly.

"Your hair is such an interesting colour," he mumbles softly.

Inside, I question what is so special about my brown hair when his own is such a strong, beautiful shade of black but I don't say anything out loud. These moments are odd contemplations that can be spoiled by any syllable uttered by me.

Quidditch practise is finished as I can tell by James tumbling into the dormitory, fresher than he probably was twenty minutes ago but completely exhausted. He falls onto my bed, in front of Sirius and sighs loudly.

"Awwh Jamie, was practise so hard?" Sirius asks dramatically, stroking James' head in a ridiculous fashion.

"Of course it was, it's hard being the star player, so much pressure."

Peter stood at the door awkwardly, watching us warily. I sympathised with him, I really did. Sometimes, I wondered if he had ever had any real human contact before Hogwarts, it certainly didn't seem like it. Of all the people I met here, I always figured he would end up being my only friend. Now, he was much closer to James and Sirius than I would ever be to him. It was as though our similarities pushed us apart.

I never imagined the gorgeous and charming Sirius Black would ever be my closest friend, in all honesty I never really thought I would have any friends and I would not dared of dreamt about having friends who accepted the other side of me.

Sirius seemed to delight in the mischief of the situation, ignoring the gravity for the laughs but inside I was grateful. Between him and James, I never spent too moping about my…condition.

Time drifts on in a leisurely fashion and before I know it, I am safe and tucked up in bed, the buzz of my classmates' snores a comforting sound in the background.

My curtain is yanked upon and Sirius is on the other side, he is smiling slightly and dripping wet. It takes me far too long to realise he is not wearing any clothes.

I want to ask what is wrong, if something terribly frightening happened in the shower or if he was just going insane but words would not form. Slowly, I rose up onto my elbows and stared blankly at him but all he did was continue to smile.

Then he closed the curtain with himself inside and sat down on my bed, his hand gripping my thigh tightly.

It was four days until the full moon and on those occasions, I am more sensitive than others, I am a string just waiting to snap. He appears to feed on this tightness inside of me, rather than fear it and continues to smile. But he says nothing.

I can handle anything from Sirius except this silence. Being spontaneous is just part of his personality, being quiet isn't. I wonder if this is a dream, if he is sleepwalking. Anything more logical than his light smile and the fingers clutching my thigh.

After what feels like decades, his hand slips from my thigh and slides down to lightly clasp my knee. Slowly, he shuffles on the bed so he is lying flat beside me. There really is not enough room for the both of us so I wiggle slightly, trying to shift the trance Sirius appears to be in. He stills me with his hand and moves onto his side.

I know he is looking, staring, boring holes into me with those dark, dark eyes.

For a while, I stare at the canopy above, imagining thousands of stars while ignoring the warmth radiating from the figure beside me. Then I realise how gentle and even his breathing is and turning around, I see is he sound asleep. His pink lips parted, his eyes closed. Sighing, I close my eyes, praying for sleep.

He's gone when I wake up and as normal James shakes my curtain, makes a joke about masturbation and heads into the shower. I can hear Peter leave and Sirius' groans as he pulls himself from his bed.

Last night was a dream.

I step out and he is there, right in front of me; looking as he always does first thing in the morning. Black hair sticking up ridiculously at the back and brown eyes dull and tired. He looks like he needs a cuddle but I shake the feeling off and stand up.

Another smile but nothing like the one from my dreams; this is a Sirius smile, it's full of cheer and mischief. Back to normal.

It took four weeks for the dream to return.

I know it was a month as the full moon was steadily approaching.

Once again I was lying on my back, pondering sleep when my curtain was opened and he stood there, as naked as the first time and with that same mysterious smile. He skipped the earlier actions of the last time and lay on his side, looking at me.

His hand took my face and cupped it. This was not Sirius who would have made a comment about me needing to shave; no this was a dream Sirius and a figment of my lonely imagination. The realisation that he did not exist meant that when he leant in, he captured my lips easily.

Kissing dream Sirius was always how I had imagined kissing the real Sirius. He was passionate and hungry but affectionate, warm. Feelings rushed through me or was it blood? I didn't know anymore but what I did know was that nothing could ever make me feel as good as Sirius did in those beautiful moments.

I woke in the morning; perfectly normal except there was a stickiness between my legs. Grimacing I hope no one hears the whispered cleaning spell I cast or the "shit" I mumbled when I realised. When Sirius pokes his head out of his curtains and gives me that smile, I colour. Praying and praying for him never to realise exactly what was happening in my mind.

The attraction to Sirius had always been there, from the second his rough hands touched mine and it has just strengthened since. These days, it's more a pleasant buzz in the background rather than a rush of feeling but now, after those nights in my head; I cannot control the fizzle under my skin. I wonder if he can tell I am avoiding him.

Two months pass this time.

Instantly, I can sense urgency. He does not hover over my curtain nor does he wait to stretch himself out beside me. Before I can really comprehend his return, his lips are on my mine and my hands knotted in that mass of wet, black hair.

His hands slip into my pyjamas and he pulls me closer to him. Someone groans deeply in the back of their throat and I hope it's him. More kisses but they are erratic as his hands investigate the skin covering my chest, smoothing the hair and stroking the bare patches.

Slowly, his lips descend onto my neck and he continues his path there. Licking, slurping and nibbling slightly, as his hands take on a more determined course.

Oh if this was anyone else, if this was real it would not be happening. But in these crazy moments when reality fades, I can let myself go. I can have what I want.

He grasps my erection lightly and looks up questioningly. I nod and he smiles, not the Sirius smile but the dream one. Sighing, I lose myself to the sensation of his grip, of the varying textures of his hand and the gentle flurry of kisses he is dotting on my neck.

I'm getting dangerously close to the edge and he can tell, I know he is enjoying the thought. His lips suck harder and his hand moves faster.

Before I can reign myself in, I let out one low keen of pleasure and slump back into the mattress. He kisses me lazily and I fall asleep.

When I wake up, I'm sweaty, sticky and sated. I hear the usual noises of everyone else getting ready and sigh. Relieved and irritated that the dream is over.

Sirius is sitting on the edge of his bed, half dressed and scribbling frantically to finish a potions essay.

"Your never going to make Slughorn's favourite if that is how you behave," I said, smiling.

"Well some of us don't want to be," he retorted, sighing his name with a flourish on the bottom of the sheet.

Putting the parchment back on the bed, he stood up and stretched, yawning widely like a cat. Then his arms relaxed and he looked at my oddly. He looked taken aback.

"What's wrong?" I panicked.

"What is that on your neck?!" he exclaimed, laughing excitedly.

James came running into the dormitory, toothbrush in hand and his slacks sliding over his bony hips. Once he had taken his place next to Sirius he gaped the exact same way his friend had at first.

I blushed and ran into the bathroom and there it was.

A horrible mixture of purple and red on my neck. There was no hiding what it was, I had a love bite… But what was more interesting was where it came from because they were just dreams…Weren't they?

Sirius was leaning on the door, smiling.

"So, where did you get that Moons? Clearly the girl can suck for Hogwarts so looks like you have been having a good time."

He is smirking, contemptuous. He thinks I've been with a slut, he has no idea what happened…I don't even know what passed under my canopy, in that stupid bed.

"Shut up Padfoot, some people actually have restraint."

"Maybe they do, but you clearly aren't one of them," he whispered in my ear.

Five nights later this time, the day directly after the full moon. He's not wet this time but still completely naked and already half-hard. Not a single time previously have we focused on him but right now, I am much too horrified to do anything.

He opens his mouth as if to speak but he doesn't, instead he takes his place next to me and links my hand with his.

"It's not a dream."

"I know."

"Do you hate me?"

"Only for letting me think that."

"Remus?"

I nod but I don't think he can see me.

"I thought this was the only way."

My heart beat increases and I can feel it echo against my rib cage. Part of me wants to be annoyed at him, rant and scream about him taking advantage of me like he does with everyone else, I want to tell him I am not one of his whores but I can't.

Instead, I lean over and kiss him. Pressing my lips firmly against his as he sighs against me.

"Moons?"

That odd smile is back, the dream one or perhaps the dreamy one. I don't know.

"You're awesome."

I laugh, it's not really the most romantic declaration or even a declaration but it was Sirius stamped all over it, dreamy smile and all.

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