Kevin and Jandro emerged from the showers in the boys' changing room at school with towels wrapped around their waists, and went to sit on the wooden bench nearby where their bags and clothes were waiting for them.

'Is he watching us?' Kevin whispered to Jandro.

'Yeah,' Jandro whispered back, 'I can see him in the mirror. You know he's only doing it 'cause he wants to get a look at our junk. All gym teachers are perverts – it's a fact of life!'

Kevin giggled, and started rummaging in his bag; Jandro then started rummaging in his, and a few seconds later they were both anointing their bodies liberally with deodorant.

'This procrastination tactic is costing me a fortune in extra deodorant,' said Jandro.

'Me too,' said Kevin, 'but it's worth it. Is he still there?'

'Yeah,' Jandro reported, gazing into the wall mirror again. 'Jeez, Kev, I look really puny sitting here next to you!'

'What the hell are you talking about, dude?' Kevin laughed.

'I mean it,' said Jandro, frowning slightly. 'You remember that part in human development class with the list of body changes for boys during puberty? One of them was an increase in height and muscle mass.'

'Yeah,' said Kevin, 'I remember.'

'Well it obviously only meant you!' said Jandro. 'Just look at yourself, Kev – you're about seven foot tall and you have the muscle mass of Arnold Schwarzenegger! And then look at me sitting next to you – I have the body of a seven-year-old girl! And I'm eight months older than you!'

'Look, Jandro, I'm sure you also remember from that class how these changes happen at different times and different speeds for different people,' said Kevin. 'We all grow at different rates and we end up all different shapes and sizes; it's perfectly natural and it's perfectly okay.'

'Easy enough to say that when you're growing into the shape and size of the Incredible Hulk!' Jandro said sulkily.

'Dude, you're being silly,' said Kevin. 'Quick, we'd better put our pants back on – Mr Page is all the way down the other end of the room.'

Kevin and Jandro stood up and let their towels drop to the floor, revealing that they were both wearing white gym shorts underneath. They fumbled on the clothes hooks above the benches to get hold of their trousers, and then started to pull them on as quickly as they could.

'Seriously, Jandro, you mustn't have thoughts like that about your body,' said Kevin. 'It could cause you terrible emotional problems... and maybe even physical problems too!'

'What, you mean like steroid abuse or something?' said Jandro.

'Yeah, that kind of thing!'

'Don't worry, Kev – I'm not going to do that. Say, do you want to come over to my place after school today? We could practise some Spanish, do some homework, maybe watch a movie...'

'I'd love to, dude, but I really can't tonight,' said Kevin. 'My mom's making a special birthday meal for me and I just couldn't handle the guilt of telling her there's something I'd rather do instead. But I can do it any night next week – you name the day!'

'Yeah,' said Jandro, sounding a little subdued. 'Yeah, I'll have to get back to you about that. Hmm, I wonder if Lucy's free tonight. I'm gonna catch her as she comes out of the girls' locker room and ask her.'

Jandro finished worming his way into his shirt, slipped his shoes on without doing them up, picked up his bag and dashed from the changing room. Kevin stared after him for a moment, frowning, and then started to put on the rest of his clothes.

In the firehouse, Garrett was sitting in his wheelchair and poring over a small book full of medical diagrams, muttering to himself, 'Acuéstate y te daré un... Oh, I'm stuck!'

Eduardo stopped flicking through the TV channels to ask, 'Can I help?'

'No, no, I got it,' said Garrett. 'Te daré un... Oh, I am stuck!'

'What's the word you're looking for?'

'Massage.'

Eduardo sniggered. 'What kind of massage?'

Garrett frowned at him. 'The medical kind.'

'Well, in that sentence it's masaje.'

'Ugh – I knew that!'

'It's not very specific, though, is it?' said Eduardo. 'I mean, am I lying down on my front or my back or my side? And we're not talking about a full-body massage here, are we?'

Kylie walked in, gave Eduardo a comical look and said, 'Am I interrupting something?'

'Yes, actually,' said Garrett. 'Okay, so suppose I said, "I'll massage your thigh"?'

'Suppose you did,' said Eduardo. 'I don't know what you're talking about. Anyway, why are you asking me – why don't you get a Spanish dictionary?'

'I have one,' said Garrett, 'but I'm not using it anymore. Relying on a dictionary'd be embarrassing.'

'In what context?' asked Kylie, who by this time had seated herself on the arm of the sofa and draped most of her limbs over Eduardo.

'Working with athletes,' said Garrett, beginning to look a little uncomfortable. 'I, um... I was gonna wait for Roland before I said this, but since you asked, well...'

'You got yourself a new job, didn't you?' said Kylie.

'Yeah,' said Garrett. 'I'm actually joining the tennis tour when it comes to Flushing Meadows in September. As a physical therapist, obviously.'

'Yeah, that is obvious,' said Kylie. 'Wow, Garrett, that's amazing! Think of all the places you'll get to see!'

'Do you even like tennis?' asked Eduardo.

'Not especially,' said Garrett, 'but I keep an eye on it. Besides, I like physical therapy. I won't be working with any of the big names yet, but for me, one hamstring strain is the same as another.'

'And you're making an effort to learn another language,' said Eduardo. 'That's cool, man.'

'Why don't you learn French?' asked Kylie. 'Isn't pretty much everybody in the world supposed to speak either English or French?'

'I don't know, maybe,' said Garrett, 'but I took Spanish in high school, and I actually did okay at it. And besides, it's easy to learn body parts in Spanish, since they're practically the same as the technical terms in English. I guess it's because they both come from Latin.'

'So does French,' said Kylie. 'French and Spanish are almost the same.'

'Which is why the French-speakers will probably get the idea from your Spanish,' said Eduardo.

'Thank you, Eduardo,' said Garrett. 'Gracias por defenderme.'

'De nada.'

'I got a new job too,' Kylie announced suddenly. 'I just came from the interview, actually, and they told me then and there that there'll be a job ready for me in September.'

Eduardo looked at her sharply. 'You didn't tell me you had a job interview today.'

'Yeah, well,' said Kylie, 'it might not have come to anything.'

'But it did,' said Garrett. 'What is it? I thought you'd be pretty happy working here.'

'I am,' said Kylie, 'but I don't just want to be an exterminator anymore.'

'You're more than that,' said Eduardo. 'You do all that research and stuff.'

'Sure,' said Kylie, 'on things we want to trap. Look, don't worry – it's not on the other side of the country or anything. It's in the Upper East Side.'

'Where exactly?' asked Garrett. 'And doing what?'

'The Parapsychology Foundation,' said Kylie, 'doing probably nothing very interesting for a while... stacking shelves in the library and stuff like that. But I bet I can move up the ladder fast.'

'I bet you can,' said Garrett. 'That's awesome, Ky!'

'What's at the top of the ladder?' asked Eduardo.

'Running the place, I guess,' said Kylie, smiling at him and running her fingers through his hair in a soothing manner. 'But very near the top is lecturing and working on the International Journal of Parapsychology. Maybe this time next year they'll let me read some of the proofs or something.'

'You should be writing the damn thing,' said Garrett. 'I bet no one there knows half as much as you. Roland's sure missing out on a lot of news, isn't he? Where is he?'

'Does it matter he's missing this?' said Eduardo. 'He decided to leave months ago.'

'He still cares about his friends, sweetie,' said Kylie.

'Yeah,' said Eduardo. 'He'll be real happy for both of you.'

Kylie gave him an odd look, but she didn't say anything.

'I wonder if it'll really work long-distance with him and T'Keyah,' said Garrett.

'I don't think so,' said Eduardo.

'Oh, Eduardo!' Kylie said admonishingly, and smacked him on the arm. 'I think it'll work.'

Roland came in at that moment, holding a plastic baby doll in each arm, and various sanitary items in his hands. Egon and Janine were behind him.

'Hi, guys,' Roland beamed round at them, putting his bits and pieces onto the coffee table but keeping hold of the dolls. 'I'm glad you're here. Everybody should see this.'

'Why is that, Roland?' Egon asked doubtfully.

'Because it's important,' said Roland. 'Everyone should know how to do it.'

'I can do it already,' said Janine, taking one of the dolls from Roland. 'I used to do it for my nephew all the time.'

'Do what?' asked Kylie.

'Change his diaper,' said Janine, laying the doll on the coffee table and removing the lower portion of its clothing, which included a small disposable nappy. 'Oh... wow. Thanks, Roland.'

'What's she got?' asked Roland, grinning at his own inventiveness, knowing perfectly well that the doll had antiseptic cream smeared all over her lower body.

'She's had cream cakes,' said Janine, to the amusement of everyone in the vicinity. Then she found a wet wipe and began cleaning the doll up, saying, 'Obviously I wash my hands before and after this. And I hold her legs up by the ankles. That hasn't changed since Victor was a baby, has it, Roland?'

'No, Janine, you're doing great,' said Roland.

'Front to back,' Janine went on cheerfully, 'and then when she's clean, I put this cream on her so she won't get a rash. Hopefully.'

'Seems kind of counter-productive,' Eduardo remarked.

'Not if it's a real baby,' said Kylie. 'Did you ever do this for Kevin, babe?'

'No,' said Eduardo, as Janine put a clean nappy onto the doll. 'Beth would never ask a nine-year-old boy to change a diaper.'

'All right, Egon,' said Roland, holding out the other doll. 'Your turn.'

Egon took the doll tentatively by the arm, then dropped it onto the coffee table and began to pick away at its clothing.

'This one's a boy,' he remarked, once the doll was exposed.

'Really?' said Kylie, leaning forward to look. 'Well, that's educational. They didn't make 'em like that in my day.'

'It makes no difference to the process, Egon,' said Roland. 'Now, how do you hold him?'

'Like this, I believe,' Egon said uncertainly, clasping the baby's two plastic ankles in his left hand as he began to wipe away antiseptic cream with his right. When the soiled area became too difficult to reach, however, Egon picked the doll up by one ankle and sent it swinging to and fro with the force of his wiping. Everyone laughed at this except for Eduardo, who only smiled a little.

Beth placed her free hand over the telephone receiver and called into the dining room, 'Kevin, it's for you!'

Kevin sauntered into the hallway, cramming the last of a large piece of birthday cake into his mouth, and said, 'Who is it, Mom?'

'It's Lucy,' said Beth. 'Apparently she needs to talk to you about something really important; she sounds rather agitated.'

Kevin made a questioning face, licked his sticky fingers and took the phone from Beth.

'Hi, Luce,' he said into the mouthpiece. 'What's up?'

'Kev, you have to get over here right now and help me with Jandro!' Lucy's voice shrilled into his ear.

'What's the problem?' asked Kevin.

'He's drunk.'

'He's what?'

'He's drunk!' Lucy squeaked. 'He's absolutely off his skull! I need your help right now!'

'Jesus,' Kevin muttered. 'You'd better tell me everything, Luce. You're at his place, right?'

'Yeah,' said Lucy, 'I went back home with him after school. At first it was really great – we had a snack and did some homework and walked his dog and talked about some stuff. It was nice – it was fun.'

'Then what happened?' Kevin prompted her.

'Jandro went to this huge wooden cabinet in the lounge and opened up a kind of folding flap and showed me his dad's supply of alcohol,' said Lucy. 'There's gallons of the stuff, Kev – you wouldn't believe it! And then he started drinking it... then he drank some more... and he just kept on drinking and drinking and I couldn't stop him, and now he's completely smashed off his face!'

'Oh my God, why the hell would he do that?' said Kevin. 'I thought he was acting kinda strange in the locker room this afternoon, but... okay, Luce, I'll be right there.'

Lucy opened Jandro's front door and flung her arms around Kevin.

'Thank God you're here!' she exhaled into his ear. 'He's in the living room.'

Lucy led the way into the front hallway, lurching slightly as she did so. Kevin frowned.

'Luce, are you drunk too?' he asked.

'Of course I'm not drunk,' said Lucy, turning back round to face him. 'I'll admit, I'm feeling a little light-headed... but I'm not drunk!'

'But you have been drinking, huh?'

'Well... yeah, I did drink a little.'

'How much?'

'About a pint... or a pint and a half... or two pints, absolute maximum!'

'Jesus,' Kevin muttered. 'So when you told me that Jandro had showed you his dad's alcohol stash and then started drinking from it, what you actually meant was that the pair of you raided his dad's alcohol stash and started boozing it up together!'

'Yeah, well... I guess we did do that,' said Lucy. 'But he had way more than I did! I'm really worried about him, Kev.'

'But why did you do it at all, Luce?' Kevin persisted.

'Because I was curious, okay?' said Lucy. 'My dad doesn't allow alcohol in our house – my mom always has two bottles of wine on the go at work because she can't drink at home! She says she only drinks it during the lunch hour, but I don't really believe her... and I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.'

'And did you?'

'Not really. But it did feel kinda fun... you know, dangerous and daring. And then after we'd had a few, we definitely felt different. We started laughing and joking around and... stuff.'

'But Luce, it's much better to do that without getting drunk first,' said Kevin. 'We do – all three of us, all the time!'

'Okay, Kev – don't start getting all preachy,' said Lucy, giving him a wry smile. ' Are you gonna help me with Jandro or not?'

'Yes, of course I am,' said Kevin. 'Let's take a look at him.'

When Kevin and Lucy entered the lounge, Jandro was standing on the sofa with his legs spread as far apart as they would go, making a series of extraordinary vocalisations and doing air guitar.

'Hey, Kev!' Jandro beamed. 'Way cool – the gang's all here! Lucy, Lucy, go and get the... the... the ghetto blaster thingy from the dining room. Let's put some music on and have a dance!'

'Nobody's doing any dancing right now, Jandro,' Kevin said firmly. 'We need to sober you up as quick as we can!'

'Don't be silly, Kev,' Jandro giggled. 'There's no need for that. Come on, lighten up – let's have a party!'

'Dude, just think about what's gonna happen if your folks come home and find you in this state,' said Kevin. 'And what about your little sister, huh? What's she gonna think?'

'They're not coming home!' Jandro declared triumphantly. 'They're spending the night in Massachusetts – all three of them!'

'Why?' asked Lucy.

'Ana has a... a... a clarinet thing,' Jandro slurred. 'You know, where they all play the clarinet and then they spend the night in a hotel.'

'A recital?' Kevin suggested.

'That's the one!' Jandro declared. 'Ana has a recital – and it's a really special recital, so Jandro has to stay here all by himself for the night!'

'Is that why you were so desperate to have one of us over after school?' said Kevin. 'Because you didn't want to be alone the whole time? Jeez, I feel really guilty for turning you down now.'

'Oh, Jandro,' Lucy said softly, 'you should've told me all about it.'

Jandro looked downcast for a moment, but then he shrugged and adopted a massive grin.

'It doesn't matter – you're both here now!' he said. 'So, how about this party? Let's do something really exciting and really stupid! Kev, we should go back to your place – I bet you know where your dad keeps his gun!'

'Oh my God,' Lucy muttered.

'I do know where my dad keeps his gun,' said Kevin, 'but the last thing I'd ever do is show it to anyone, or play with it myself!'

Jandro smirked and said, 'Are you sure you're still talking about the gun, dude?'

Kevin smiled secretly to himself for a moment, then he shook his head and refocused.

'Lucy, could you go into the kitchen and see if you can make some black coffee?' he said. 'I'll get Jandro into a sitting position.'

'Okay, Kev,' said Lucy, and ran through the nearby archway into the kitchen.

'Now come on, Jandro – it's time to get down from there,' said Kevin. 'Here, give me your hand.'

Kevin reached for Jandro's wrist, but Jandro pulled it away sharply.

'What the hell do you think you're doing, Kev?' he snarled. 'You think just because you're bigger than me you can make me do what you want? You think Jandro doesn't have his own mind, huh? You think Jandro's not grown up and responsible enough to take care of himself? You're just like the rest of them – you think Jandro doesn't know how to take care of people, don't you?'

'I think Jandro's drunk and he needs to get off the couch!' said Kevin. 'Come on – get down right now.'

'What if I don't, huh?' Jandro shot back. 'Are you gonna make me? Huh, tough guy? Is that what you're gonna do?'

Kevin frowned, made a lunge, grabbed Jandro around the waist, lifted him bodily into the air and dumped him into an armchair. Jandro started screaming and flailing in Kevin's grip.

'You all think you're so much better than me, don't you?' Jandro yelled. 'Well, you're not! You think I'm afraid to fight you, Kev? You think I'm scared of you? I'm not, and I'll prove it to you!'

With surprising speed, Jandro jumped to his feet and aimed a clumsy blow at Kevin. Kevin ducked out of the way and punched Jandro in the face; Jandro swooned, fell back onto the chair and lay there, unmoving and with his eyes closed.

'Jesus Christ!' Lucy exclaimed from the kitchen archway. 'What did you do that for, Kev?'

'Oh my God, I'm so sorry – it was a reflex!' said Kevin. 'Did you find the coffee?'

'No, I don't think they have any,' said Lucy. 'Jeez, Kev, you've knocked him out cold!'

'I have not!' said Kevin. 'He's passed out because he's completely drunk – I just triggered the collapse, that's all. Maybe we should put him to bed and let him sleep it off, seeing as there isn't any coffee and his family won't be back until tomorrow.'

'But are you sure he's really okay?' said Lucy. 'What if he's in a coma or he's had an alcohol-induced stroke or something?'

'I don't think he has, Luce.'

'But we can't be sure, can we? Maybe we should call an ambulance.'

'Yeah – emergency room staff just love to have drunken teenagers wasting their time!'

'But we can't just put him to bed and leave him there without making sure he's okay!'

'I guess I could check his pupils,' said Kevin.

'How do you mean?' asked Lucy.

'I could shine a light into his eyes and see if his pupils react the way they should,' said Kevin.

'What would that tell you?'

'Well, if they don't then there's something wrong with his brain. I'd need a flashlight – or a penlight, preferably.'

'I think I saw one of those when I was looking for coffee,' said Lucy. 'Wait a second.'

Lucy went back into the kitchen, and returned a few seconds later with the required item. She passed it to Kevin, who went up to Jandro and started to force his left eyelid open with his thumb and forefinger.

'Ooh, be careful of his eyes,' Lucy winced. 'You might poke them out or something.'

Kevin shone the light into both of Jandro's eyes, and nodded in satisfaction.

'They're doing what they're supposed to do,' said Kevin. 'I really think he's okay, Luce.'

'Let's get him to bed, then,' said Lucy. 'Do you think he'll wake up for a minute, so he can help us just a little?'

Kevin slapped Jandro's face and said quite loudly, 'Come on, Jandro – wake up now, buddy,' and Lucy fetched a damp cloth to wipe his face with, but nothing worked. In the end, Kevin picked Jandro up by his shoulders and the backs of his knees and carried him to his bedroom, while Lucy went on ahead, opening doors.

'Jeez,' Kevin exhaled heavily, as he dumped Jandro onto his bed, 'he's not all that puny!'

'What do we do now?' said Lucy.

'All we can do,' said Kevin, 'is wait for him to wake up.'