"Every second... I want you here with me. Ok?" Bill whispered softly into his brothers neck.
"I promise," Tom stared blankly down at the hospital bed.
The past few months had been hell for the both of them.
There wasn't much of a problem at first-Bill had went along with his life normally, with Tom always at his side. A few months later, his health started to go down immensley.
"Tomi," Bill mumbled in to his brother's chest. "It hurts. I just feel so sick..."
"It's ok," Tom ran his hand from Bill's lower back up to the tan beanie covering his bald head.
"You don't know what it feels like Tomi... It hurts!" he sobbed.
"Do you know how much it hurts to see you like this?"
"It's not the same..." Bill wiped his nose on Tom's shirt. "Please don't make me go to chemo anymore Tomi... Please? For me," he weakly lifted his head up.
Tom wanted to laugh at how Bill's makeup was smeared around his red watery eyes, but he knew this wasn't a time for joking. He pursed his lips, knowing that Bill needed chemo, but not wanting to put down his wishes. "Fine," Tom said, not sure if he was making the right choice.
They had spent every second of the day together now that Bill wasn't going to chemo. Bill wouldn't even let Tom sleep in his own room-they simply had a need to be together. Sometimes they would go for a walk with their dogs, but mainly they stayed inside. Tom always felt wary when they went on walks-he was scared that Bill's legs would give in, as he would sometimes simply fall. Luckily though, most of the time when Bill's legs gave out, Bill was inside near something soft.
Bill and Tom walked out of their house, with Bill having a tight grip on Tom's arm. "You sure you wanna go? You seem kinda... shakey," Tom asked as he locked the door.
"I need out, Tomi. I can't just stay inside," Bill tucked his beanie behind his ear.
Tom helped him over to the car and carefully lifted him in. He knew that Bill didn't like to be babied so much, but Tom had been extra careful with him recently.
Bill held on to Tom's free hand as they drove to the movies. It was silent in the car other then the twins quiet breathing. As Tom approached a stop light, he turned his head over to the passenger seat. "Do you want the radio on?"
"Sure," Bill answered quietly, staring into Tom's eyes.
Tom unwinded his fingers from Bill's and turned on the radio. "You wanna play DJ?"
"This station is fine," Bill grabbed ahold of Tom's hand again as they took off. He rested his head back on the seat and silently sang along.
Half way through the movie, Bill started whimpering to Tom about not feeling good and they left. "What exactly is hurting you?" Tom asked as they pulled back up in the driveway of the house, a worried expression on my face.
"Just... everywhere," tears ran down Bill's face.
"I'll get you some Advil once we're inside," Tom got out of the car and went to help Bill get out.
When Tom got him out and into his arms, he simply fell over on to the ground crying.
"Bill? Bill, are you ok?" Tom quickly fell on his knees and tried helping Bill up.
Bill layed there, curled up in a ball with tears dripping down his face.
Tom picked up Bill and put him in the car again. Bill curled up and leaned his head on the window once Tom closed the door. Tom picked up Bill's beanie that had fallen off and got in on his side of the car.
"Where are we going?"
"To the hospital, where else?" Tom pulled out of the driveway and started speeding.
Bill was admitted into the hospital. Each day that passed by, Tom could see that Bill was only getting worse. Tom spent day and night at the hospital with Bill, refusing to leave.
On the twenty-fourth day of Bill being at the hosptial, Tom awoke to the sound of Bill's coughing. There were three nurses around him, one holding an oxygen mask up to his face, one putting an IV in his arm, and another standing there like she had no clue what she was doing. Bill's coughing had calmed down a little, and his face was scrunched up in pain.
"What's wrong with him?" Tom asked to the nurse that wasn't doing anything.
"He stopped breathing," she didn't even bother looking up at Tom, she simply watched the other nurses.
Bill stopped coughing and laid on the bed panting. The nurses stayed in the room for awhile until his pulse went down to normal and left.
"Tomi?" Bill asked in a weak voice.
"I'm here," Tom sat next to Bill on his bed.
Bill's shakey arm reached up and pulled the oxygen mask off his face, "will you get me some water?"
"Sure," Tom left the room to search for a water dispenser. He hurried, not feeling right about leaving Bill alone in the room.
He found a water dispenser, right around the corner from the nurses that were in Bill's room.
"That boy ain't gonna last another day," one of them said.
"Yeah," another agreed. "Poor boy's gonna be leaving any time now..."
Tom bit his lip, trying to not pay attention to them. 'They're not talking about my Bill, they're not talking about my Bill,' he repeated in his head.
He returned to the room, with Bill lying on the bed staring up at the television.
"Hey... got your water," Tom handed it slowly into Bill's shakey hand.
"Thank you," Bill took a sip of it while staring at Tom. It took him a minute to swallow. "Are you ok?"
"Why do you ask?" Tom bit his lip again and sat on the bed.
"Your eyes... they're all watery," Bill copied his brother, biting on his lip.
"Don't worry about me, Bill. It's nothing, really..."
"Tell me, Tomi. Please?" Bill set his water down on the nightstand.
"I... I heard some nurses..." Tom wanted to get it off his chest, but he didn't want Bill to know what they said about him.
"Just tell me what they said, Tomi... It won't hurt my feelings if it's about me."
"I'm not scared of it hurting your feelings... It's just..." Tom looked in his lap.
"Please just tell me..." Bill's already weak and small voice whispered.
"They said you won't live another day," Tom looked out the window, not wanting Bill to see him cry. "I don't know if they're telling the truth or not..."
"I'm gonna die soon anyways Tomi..."
"No!" Tom shouted, turning back around to Bill. "You can't leave me, Bill..."
Bill reached his arm up, carefully wiping away at Tom's tears with a shakey hand. "It's the truth, Tomi... We can't escape it..."
"I want to," Tom said it barely a whisper.
Bill smiled at Tom, "you'll die one day too. And then we can be together again..."
"Why are you so happy with the thought of death? It's like you want to die!"
"I'm in pain, Tomi," Bill's smile dropped away. "You don't realize it but I am. Every minute of the day... I don't want to hurt anymore."
Tom couldn't think of a good response. He didn't want his brother to be in pain, but he didn't want to have to live without him.
"Look, Tomi. I can see that you're still tired... Lay down on your little shitty uncomfortable bed and go to sleep," Bill smiled lightly.
Tom smiled back, only because Bill called Tom's bed what he always called it. He sighed, looking over at the clock. It was only 2:37 in the afternoon, and going to sleep now would screw up his already screwed up sleeping pattern. He stood up and went over to his bed and laid down, just because Bill said so. Tom rolled again and again on his shitty uncomfortable bed, not able to fall asleep. After so long of laying there not asleep, he sat up and saw that Bill had fallen asleep. It was now nearing 4 in the afternoon, and he was hungry after going the whole day without eating. He went down to the cafeteria to get food, and right back up to Bill's room, not wanting him to be alone. Tom ate in silence, watching Bill sleep. As soon as he finished his food, he finally nodded off.
When Tom woke up, the first thing he noticed was Bill's empty bed. He started having a panic attack-it was 9:20 at night, where the hell could he be this late? The sheets were tossed, and Bill's favorite tan beanie was laying on the pillow. Tom grabbed Bill's beanie, looking down at it for a second before running out of the room. He looked down both hallways before running over to one of the nurses that was in Bill's room earlier. "Have you seen Bill?"
"Last I saw him he was going up the stairs... He said you were up on the roof and he wanted to see-"
Tom ran off, trying to find the stairs. He thought about taking the elevator for a minute, but figured it would take too long. In too much of a hurry, Tom tripped on one of the stairs, slightly hurting his ankle. He cursed down at it for a second, then resumed running. By the time he reached the roof he was out of breath.
Bill was standing there, looking down over the edge of the roof.
"What are you doing?" Tom panted, still tired from running up the stairs.
"What does it look like?"
Tom walked closer to him. "Bill," Tom murmured. "Why are you doing this?"
"You heard them... I'm dying tonight either way," Bill closed his eyes, leaned his head back, and took in a long, fresh breath of air. A small tear made its way down his face, "I love you, Tom," he put his right toes off the edge of the hospital building, exhaling what he thought to be his last breath.
"No!" Tom yelled, running after him and grabbing his arm.
"Let me go! I wanna die!" Bill screamed, struggling in Tom's arms.
"I know... and I'd never stop you from doing something you want to."
Bill paused and looked up at his brother. "What do you mean?" he asked in a weak voice, his knee's buckeling.
Tom's grasp around Bill tightened. "It means I'm jumping with you."
Bill stared at Tom, tears slightly building up in his eyes again. "Why would you end your life for me?"
"I can't live without you... And I promised... every second, remember?"
Bill smiled, and lightly kissed his brother sweetly on his lips.
Tom grabbed Bill's hand, and they both walked to the edge together. "I love you, Bill," Tom whimpered, looking at Bill.
A small smile lightened Bill's face. "Meet you on the other side," Bill's weak voice cracked. "And I love you too, Tomi."
Their grips on eachothers hands tightened, and they looked at eachother one last time.