A/N: Please note that this story is supposed to be stupid and written weirdly, that's part of the joke… Enjoy.

Parody of Evile

Thunder clapped, rain poured, mist rose and generally spooky things happened to set the mood. In the distance a black house… Black? (Gets confirmation from writers…) Okay… a black house covered in vines, the garden looking overgrown and forbidding… What, can't they afford a gardener? Stupid cheep villains! Be afraid be very… Hey! Stop laughing this is serious!

Lord Voldemort sat in his chair, a scowl being put in place.

"No, a little to the right…" Wormtail moved the scowl as he was obeyed. "Uhuh, a little bit more…" Wormtail moved Voldemort's nose… Well… Slits were his nose would be. "Perfect! I really must thank Mr Jackson for his help."

"Yes my Lord, with the plastic surgery and botox you look most evil" Wormtail bowed, moving away from his Lord. "Why thank you Wormtail, but because I'm an evil dude I have to CRUCIO!"

"ARGH! No-ooooooo!" Wormy squealed like a girl on sugar. Most unwormly-like. Lucius Malfoy, in a jesters outfit ran into Voldemorts… Pink chamber.

"My Evilness… Is quite good really, I do think I pull it off rather nicely."

Wormtail looked up at Malfoy Senior. "Not dressed like that you don't."

Voldemort pulled a lollypop out of his mouth and put his hand on his hip; "Your suppose to be under the pain curse! Now stick to the script and whimper…"

Wormtail nodded putting on a baseball cap and doing the Macarena on the floor - Whimpering. "Oh the pain…"

"As I was saying My Lord." Malfoy spoke up, he walked over and bowed the little bells on his joker outfit's shoes and hat rigging. "What is your next, most evil plain to get Potter? Also what is the flaw in this plan so that it is obvious that a 16 year old hormonal raging teenager can get out of it?"

Voldemort ruffled his cheerleader yellow skirt and sucked on his lollypop. "Ummm… We could… Try to steal a magical stone that… Will give me ULTIMATE POWER!"

Wormtail stopped mid dance move; "My most plastic faced Lord, we already did that."

"We did? Oh right we did! Okay then… Hey! Your suppose to be whimpering! Now CRY!" Wormy screamed like a girl and did break dancing. A group of 16 year old Pamela Anderson wanabe's appeared chanting "GO WORMY! GO WORMY!"

Lucius and Voldemort turned away from the screaming; "Riiight… Anyway… What to do about Pots." Lucius played with his hat and sat on the Dark Lords yellow skirted lap. "Ummm… We could like, get one of your Death Munchers to dress up like a girl and drag him away…"

Voldemort pushed Lucy off his lap. "You're going to wreck my skirt. No we already did that…"

Bellatrix giggled running into the room with a white, wet singlet on. "My Lord! I'm all wet!"

"We can see that Bella." Lucius muttered.

"I also look a lot like Tomb Raider!"

The group of screaming girls suddenly ran over to her. "Angelina Jole! OMG! OMG!" Voldemort yelling over the nose; "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT POTTER?"

Silence.

"And stay out!" Volley yelled after the group of girls.

"My Lord." Bella said; "Yellow is SO your colour! And I love the fluffy pick armchair!"

Voldemort smiled but his nose fell off… "Damn Jackson!"

"Oooo! I know what to do about Pots!"

Oldie + Locus + Wormy: "What?"

"Tell him that you're his real father and then 'cause he want family he'll come over to our side and then I can kill my husband and marry him. 'Cause he is SO hot."

The lighting dimmed, another flash of lighting. The mood darkened… Scary music played. "Hey who let them in here?" Wormtail yelled at the orchestra.

Voldemort sat in his pink fluffy armchair…

"MAH.. HAHA…. MAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH - (Cough cough) Dam those plastic surgeons!"

-MEAHWHILE AT THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC-

Even though he was killed in the 5th book and we've all read lame arse excuses of how he survived, Sirius Black without explanation amazingly climbs out of the veil and again without explanation arrives at Hogwarts…

George Weasley running up to Sirius. "DRINK THIS DUDE!"

Sirius looked taken back. "Huh? What?"

Waving the bottle in Sirius face; "Just drink it…Please?"

Sirius shrugged; "Can't hurt." Takes the glass from George. "What is it?"

George sighed; "Just drink the dam thing!" Sirius drank - stupidly. George laughs under breath.

Fred skipped up in a fairy outfit. "Did he drink it?"

"Yeah he did."

"Sucker!" Pointing at Sirius.

Licking his lips; "Hmmm… I'd say that, that was pepper-up potion. Why?"

George threw a hand over Sirius shoulder. They walked together towards the great hall "Because it's part of our new plan to cause chaos!"

"Oh? Well I use to be a marauder! Tell me your plan!

-BACK AT THE BLACK CASTLE-

Voldemort laughed evilly; "And now we shall storm Hogwarts and take over!"

Bella; bouncing happily. "Oh you're so hot! I'm glad I killed my husband for you!"

"Yessssss"

Still jumping around like a 5year old. "PLEASE can we go now?"

Voldemort sighing; "Anything for my little killer!"

-CUT TO HOGWARTS-

"You WHAT?"

"We contaminated,"

"The water,"

"Supply and,"

"Pumpkin juice with,"

"Pepper-up potion!"

"…Really?" Sirius was looking at the twins like he'd been hit with a bludger.

Suddenly a ghost arrived. It was Albus Dumbedore! "Oooooo! Arrrrrr!"

Fred smiled. "Good morning Dumbedore how's it going?"

"Younglings! You came back!"

Sirius whispers; "Why is he dead?"

"Snape killed him."

"Snivillus? Kill Doors? ... Fuck."

Albus' ghost floating away; "BEEEEEEP! Floor!"

-LATER-

Harry was currently running for his life. "ARGH! Get away from me! GROUPIES!"

A murder of… FEMALE groupies followed Harry threw the halls of Hogwarts. "Please! Come back! We just want to steal your identity!"

Harry screamed in utter terror.

"Harry! Mate wake up!" Ron shook Harry, before throwing a bucket of cold water over him.

-END-

A/N: Meh, I think It's funny…