I could never tell her how beautiful she looks in the morning. Or how when shes angry she scrunches up her nose in this cute little way that makes her look anything but. Rosalie had taken my cold dead heart and lit it on fire the first moment I laid eyes on her. Does she even know that she did that to me? Her sly movements and the way she looks at me with her eyes answer that question for me, but how could I be sure? She is a goddess compared to any other creature and I am such a dark animal. How could I be right for her?

I see it in her mind almost every day that she wants me. Does she know that I want her to? She thinks I think of her as some stupid petty thing that only cares about her looks but that's only a front. To me really, she is the most amazing thing I ever seen. Not just her looks but everything. She could sit in a room for hours upon hours almost reaching days just reading old books. She doesn't have a thirst for bloodlust and I admire that about her. I struggle with it everyday and for her it seems like just a small technicality. She murdered the men that made her downfall when she was human. She ripped them to pieces without ever dropping a single piece of blood. If she would have let me I would have shredded them apart and drank every last drop of blood that they had in them.

After she first turned I wouldn't look at her for days because I was too ashamed at how I first treated her. She must have thought I hated her for coming into our family and turning everything upside down. She must of thought I loathed her for having to move to a different state because of her death and the "accidents" she might have when she first learned to hunt. But the truth is I love her.

I love how she glides across the room with her timed movements. How the light catches in her golden hair that makes her face glitter in the sun. How she looks at me when she wonders how I feel about her. How she looks when she is reading a book with her legs curled beneath her and her golden hair casually swept aside on our chez lounge. How we can spend hours just sitting in a room making casual talk with it getting awkward. I just wish I could tell her how I feel now, but I'm afraid at how that would change things.

I know how Carlisle and Esme adore her and how they wish we would be together. I know Carlisle thought after he changed her that she would be mine and she would complete our family, make us whole. How could I tell them that I am afraid that I'm not up to her standards and would ruin everything I love about her. What if I am not her guy? He would tell me that I think too much and that I should just tell her how I feel and how I might be surprised at her answer. How some times I just daydream about meeting her in an abandoned hallway and just throwing her up against the wall smothering her with kisses?

How I planned one night to finally tell her how I feel and waited for her to come home after hunting only to find her carrying some broken man in from the woods. How my dreams were shattered when she asked Carlisle to fix him, make him whole. How she pleaded and begged him to do it with her bright golden eyes making him give in. How she didn't even glance in my way after Carlisle took him in his arms and went into the basement for her to follow. How during the three days that went by she didn't even come up to talk to me, instead just holding his hands and running her fingers through his dark hair murmuring soft nothings into his ear.

How heart broken I felt when she spent all her time with "Emmett" instead of with me. How I should of fought for her when I had her instead of letting this guy Emmett come in the way. Now I just think it was a fairytale being in love with her.