Fukachi no Rin is here, back with another Tobi tale! This takes place after Tobi's April Fools Special. Now, we all know how school is coming up and stuff like that. Well, I got the idea of school shopping and changed it to the Akatsuki group going shopping. Now, in Naruto, I know there is no such thing as super malls and such, but this is just a huge joke, so please play along. And if you want to understand the story more, go read Tobi's April Fools Special.
But for the basic rundown: Itachi's eyes are glued together with super glue, Kisame's goldfish were fried, Kakuzu is being held together with goat guts, Hidan is bald, Pein had his earrings replaced with pink gem earrings, Konan is out of origami paper, Orochimaru had his shampoo replaced with glue (which he used and had a horrible hairdo after), and Naruto's ramen was stolen.
Most of the characters here are... well OOC and I completely admit that. Once again, it's not suppose to be serious or anything to that effect.
I apologize for the badly written format, for I always seem to write oddly when trying to add humor. Please once again forgive me.
Man there are a lot of notices and by now, the readers are probably just saying "get on with it already!" At the end, there are references for about how much the mentioned yen are in United States dollars. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I only own the concept of the fanfiction but not any of the characters or places.
The alarm clock rings. The ever so cheerful Tobi pressed on the off switch.
Months ago, Tobi had been at the brink of being kicked out of the Akatsuki gang for his unforgiving pranks he pulled. He now was somewhere on the awkward still-hated stage of the resentment.
"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi cheered, hopping out of bed. "Tobi is going to go school shopping with the Akatsuki members today!"
Indeed, Tobi had been allowed back in Akatsuki's daily activities. Today, Akatsuki decided to go shopping at the local super market. I hope Deidara-senpai has forgiven me…
"Tobi can't wait! Tobi wants to go no-"
"TOBI, WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!" Deidara yelled. The agitated blond picked up one his clay statues (a model of Sasori in fact) and chucked it at the still bouncing 'evil' Akatsuki member.
"But Tobi needs to get ready for the shopping trip!" Tobi cried.
"For crine out loud, it's 3 A.M. in the morning! We don't leave until 10 A.M. Ten o'clock!" Deidara yelled.
"But Tobi needs to get ready!"
"Get lost Tobi," Deidara groaned. He felt around on his nightstand, pushing away his ponytail holder, a hairbrush, some nail polish, many necklaces, a sapphire ring, and a Kelly Clarkson CD. He picked up another statue - this time one of Tobi's head on a pike - and lobbed it at Tobi's head. Tobi leaned out of the way before continuing on his crying.
"Tobi just wants to be friends! Tobi is a good boy! A very good boy!" Tobi ran out of the room, running around the newly built Akatsuki building screaming 'Tobi is a good boy.' Deidara punched the wall next to him before burying his head under a mountain of pillows.
:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;
"Is everyone ready?" asked a tired looking Pein. "Good," he said without waiting for an answer. "A few months ago, we managed to fix the hideout. Today, we raised enough to replace the items that Tobi… er… damaged during the last holiday." Pein hid his face in the shadows. Perhaps it was because he was ashamed he still was wearing pink crystal earrings instead of the tube plastic studs he was used to.
"Sorry about that everyone!" Tobi sang while holding up two fingers. Each Akatsuki member exchanged glares; all except Pein, who was willing to put up with all the ridiculous actions Tobi did and Itachi, who at the moment had his eyes glues together. Itachi swore, though, the day he got the item to weaken the super glue, he would use his Mangekyou Sharingan until Tobi was writhing in pain, pain, and more pain.
"Lets go then."
They all went outside of the pink painted building (Itachi had bought the paint, but his being blind didn't help the cause) and hopped into the black van with red clouds painted across it. They stopped at the local super mall, all ready to go their separate ways.
Tobi stood amidst, alone and unsure of who to accompany.
"I know!" he exclaimed, lifting two hands and pressing them into a shinobi seal. "I'll just follow all of them. Kage Bushin no Jutsu!" Seven more Tobis appeared, all following onto another Akatsuki member. Tobi smiled at his work, skipping off to the food mart.
Itachi
Itachi listened very carefully. He couldn't get the best sound reception after all the people marching around. A vein in his forehead twitched. This may take forever to find a pharmacy. He stumbled blindly into the closest store, aka Claire's.
"Excuse me," he said politely, into the habit of trying to find eye drops at the pharmacy. "Do you have an eye care section?"
"Why sure!" the peppy cashier said. She dragged him to the cosmetics section, with sunglasses on top. "Here's what you're looking for. Enjoy!" She gave an unseen smile while skipping off. Itachi felt around blindly for something he could use for reopening his eyes. He pulled out something that felt longish- a nail filer- and pulled it into his hands. He grabbed something else - a pair of sunglasses with a plastic white frame decorated with jewels and tan lens- and walked to the counter.
"I'll take these," he muttered.
"Righto. That'll be 1658 yen!" Itachi grumbled over the ridiculous price while handing the bills over the counter. "Enjoy your day!" She said while handing him the change and a plastic bag. Itachi stepped out of the store, placing on the girly sunglasses.
Pein had given each Akatsuki member around 3,317 yen each. He had to spend it carefully, or else he'd have to wait another year until he could seize his revenge on Tobi.
"Style-ish sunglasses, Itachi!" Tobi said.
"What are you doing here?"
"Came to check on you. You need some guiding, Itachi-san?"
Itachi gave an audible groan. "No, I don't need held from you, Tobi."
"Aw… Come on, bro! Lets hang out and be friends!" Tobi pulled from behind him a picket sign with a rainbow painted on it. "Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?" he sang. Itachi swore angrily before pulling out a kunai and stabbing the kage-Tobi with it. Tobi disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"It's kinda drafty in here," Itachi remarked before putting his kunai back in its holder and walking off.
Kisame
Kisame browsed through the many fish tanks. He preferred goldfish to any other, but according to the signs, they were out of goldfish.
Kisame sighed, continuing to look at the variety of fish across the store. "Kisame-san!"
"Tobi?" Kisame said, surprised.
"Hi Kisame! I bought you some fish!" Tobi said while holding up ten separate bags with identical fish in them. "I hope you like them!"
"Jeez, Tobi. You're not as much as a screw up after all," Kisame said while taking the fish, not taking notice of the label on the bag reading: Warning! Piranhas! "I'm so happy, I could take a swim. In fact, I think I will now."
"Have fun, Kisame-san!" Tobi replied as Kisame went out to the fountain. He looked at his fish in pity and dropped them into the fountain before jumping into it.
The fish circled around Kisame before starting their assault. "Ouch! What the heck! Ouch! That hurt! Ouch!" Tobi looked guilty before making the sign and disappearing into a puff of smoke.
Kakuzu
Kakuzu looked at the many threads. All were thin, and not of any use when it came to holding body parts together that weighed at least 25 pounds each. He sighed, tossing back the sewing string into the bucket.
"Hi Kakuzu!" Tobi said while hopping into the scene. Kakuzu gave Tobi a tired look before returning to his search. "Look at this Kakuzu! Twine! It looks strong enough to hold you together!"
"No," Kakuzu replied in a dead flat monotone.
"Awww come on Kakuzu. Tobi is just trying to help."
"You know what, Tobi? I don't want your help." Kakuzu grinded his teeth together. "Last time you tried to help, you replaced my deluxe leather bounds with goats guts. Explain how that was helpful?"
Tobi ignored the statement. He just wanted to help. He picked up candlewick, observed the strength, and handed it to Kakuzu. "This could work, right?"
Kakuzu looked at the strong string-looking substance. "Yes it could. Thanks Tobi!" he said. Kakuzu bought it, not caring what it was, and immediately replaced the goat guts with it and walked out the store.
A local smoker stood by the outside. "Hey," he mumbled in a combination of slurred words. "Can I have some money?"
He blew out a puff of smoke, lighting Kakuzu's new threads on fire. Kakuzu let out a howl of pain and rage, running in circles, and attempting to put the fire out. Tobi had sweat cover his hidden face before disappearing in a puff of smoke.
Hidan
Hidan pulled the beanie more over his head in pure disgrace. He once had the most beautiful hair, longest in the group with the silver sheen blowing in the air. Hidan gritted his teeth, looking through the beauty products for something to re-grow his hair.
"Hidan! Do you need some help?" Tobi asked optimistically.
"No. Go away," Hidan replied. "You're the reason I'm stuck finding some fucking hair re-grow crap. So do be a fucking favor and fuck off."
"Woah. Easy on the language," Tobi sighed as Hidan gritted his teeth more. "How about this?" Tobi asked, holding out a hand sized tub.
On it, it said 'wax.' Hidan's face went red.
"Tobi," he said. "Run."
Tobi jumped out of the way, narrowly avoiding the pointy edge of the scythe. He ran for what he was worth out of the store. Hidan caught up and smirked as he decapitated the kage-Tobi.
"No!!" Hidan yelled as Tobi disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Pein and Konan
"Have a nice day," the gothic girl giggled while handing the plastic earring studs to Pein. Pein took the bag calmly, walking out or the Hot Topic store arm linked with his girlfriend, Konan.
"Why don't you change the earrings?" Konan asked.
"It takes a real man to wear pink," Pein replied with a smug smirk on his face. "Where to next?"
"Michael's Arts and Crafts," she replied. "I need some origami paper, after all."
They continued walking, exchanging sick puppy dog faces to each other, neither taking time to look at the path. The stopped, both catching sight of a long haired blond.
"Deidara, are you finished?" Pein yelled. Deidara turned, catching the love sight and almost throwing up on the spot.
"No. I need to find some clay still. Any idea where I can find?" he asked, giving a desperate look to the store local, Konan.
"Isle 5," she rolled her eyes. Deidara's eyes lit up as he bolted off to the next five isles. "This way," she muttered.
They continued down to the isles until wandering into the one with many papers, prints and plain. Konan picked up piles of plain white paper, and hesitated while picking up a Chinese printed paper.
"I'll get it for you," Pein said smoothly, taking the paper out of Konan's hand.
"Thank you," she said as he leaned into the kiss.
"Wohoo! Go Pein-san! Making his move on Konan!" Tobi whistled. "Nice job. Glad you could do it, my good friend!" He whistled some more.
"Tobi, what the hell are you doing here?" Konan questioned, her mood ruined.
"Just came to watch the show," Tobi replied happily, oblivious to her raging anger. Pein sighed as Konan ripped open the many bags of paper. They folded into birds and came beak first to Tobi. Tobi screamed before starting to run with a swarm of paper birds following him.
Deidara
"That'll be 3,317 yen!" the store clerk announced.
"What?! The clay only costs 1,106 yen!" Deidara yelled across the counter.
"Yes but the sludge hammer costs 2,201 yen," she argued. Deidara mumbled, handing over all his earnings over to the counter. He left the store, stuffing the clay into his pocket.
This will be worth it, he kept telling himself. A few hundred bruises for today and another million for the rest of Tobi's life is worth all that yen. Deidara sighed. He really wanted to buy some more clay to make another statue of Sasori. But prices were outrageous and his craving for revenge was much more then the person he looked up to. Just wait until I see Tobi again. I'll-
Tobi skipped in front of his senpai. "Hi!" he said, high from sugar and such. "I was wondering, Deidara-senpai-"
Deidara lunged with the 50 pound sludge hammer in his hand. Tobi yelped before narrowly jumping out of the way. Deidara smirked, running after Tobi. "PREPARE TO DIE!" he yelled, repeating his words from months ago.
The kage Tobi continued to run, afraid of the pain the real him would get if he returned to his original body, pain and such.
"Out of the way!" The Tobi being chased by the swarm appeared and the two Tobis collided. In a poof of smoke, Deidara stopped, utterly confused until he was pelted with paper origami birds.
Tobi
Tobi looked at the candy. He wasn't too much of a fan for Mike and Ike, more of a Swedish Fish person. But the Three Musketeers and Candy Corn looked so good…
"YOU!!" Tobi turned around, meeting the amber eyes of a very angry snake looking human.
"O-Orochimaru?" Tobi asked.
"Yes! And I still haven't forgiven you for antagonizing me with the glue in my shampoo! Because of you, my wedding with Sasuke-kun was postponed! I have to wait another 3 years at least!! You have been booted off the wedding guest list."
"What?" Tobi said. "No! Anything but that! Tobi is sorry! Tobi wants to go and have oderbs and wedding food!"
"Too late!"
Tobi looked at the angry man before saying, "Hey, is that Garnier Fructis hair products?"
"Yes. Do you use it?"
"No. I'm more of a Suave person," Tobi replied. "Makes my hair with its spikiness. Garnier Fructis is too expensive for my low salary to afford. Besides, that stuff smells bad."
"What… did… you… say?" Orochimaru growled under his breath.
"Um… Garnier Fructis smells bad?"
Orochimaru lunged for Tobi with a sword slithering out of his neck.
"Ah!!" Tobi yelled, running as far as he could.
"Get back here you Garnier Fructis insulting freak!" Orochimaru yelled, chasing after Tobi with an angered expression. Tobi ran fasted, scared, until he ran into a passing by boy with a basket full of food. The basket flew up as packages and cups of ramen flew everywhere.
Uzumaki Naruto's eye's glinted with pure hatred. "Who did this?" He glared at Tobi before a red cloak surrounded him and red tails sprouted out.
"Um…" Tobi stepped aside, Orochimaru coming into Naruto's view.
"Orochimaru!" Naruto yelled. "Where's Sasuke?"
"Naruto-kun, eh?" Orochimaru said, his attention suddenly occupied. "Sasuke is at the moment picking out a tuxedo for our wedding. I'm sorry, but no tailed demons are allowed. May I interest you in-"
Naruto lunged for Orochimaru. Orochimaru dodged, and yet another fight begun as Tobi slyly snuck away.
Later
"I'm baaack!" Tobi announced as he skipped into the center of the mall. He avoided the angry glares from each person.
"Get him!" Hidan yelled. He threw his scythe, lopping Tobi's head off. "Victory!"
"Wohoo! I have my own room now!" Deidara yelled out.
"Think again," Pein mumbled as a puff of smoke appeared.
And at the Akatsuki hideout
"Aw man, I love this show!" Tobi lunged across the couch, a plastic bowl in his arms, picking out pieces of popcorn at a time.
"Why do you try so hard to save my little sister," the man in the television asked.
"Why don't you try?" was the response of the orange haired Death God in the television.
"Yeah! Go kick his butt, Kurosaki Ichigo!"
Tobi's eyes lit up. "Apparently, the other members are coming back to kill me." Tobi thought over the information for a moment. "Oh well," he shrugged, popping another piece of popcorn in his mouth.
1658 yen: about 15 in USD
3,317 yen: about 30 in USD
1,106 yen: about 10 in USD
2,201 yen: about 20 in USD