The first time they met for a long time, it didn't turn out so well.
It obviously turned sour pretty fast when Lapis finds her arms pinning Peri under her, their faces just a few centimeters away from each other and the blue haired girl can already feel her best friend take a small gasp under her breath. Her green eyes wide open with a hint of a rage, something she knows for the many years they have been friends that she isn't liking it one bit.
Lapis doesn't even seem to remember how it led to all this.
"Lapis," she hears the steady tone of the blonde and the moist breath hits her right in the face but she didn't dare break her gaze. "What do you think you're doing?"
She takes into account that nobody has yet entered the room, the darkness outside Peri's window contrasting to the bright light emanating from the room's light bulb. It's also late by now and that they should be sleeping but damn it she hates the thick coat of tension in the room and this is the first thing she thinks of doing. Personal space be damned.
"Lapis," Peri speaks again, her tone hinting out the warning that she isn't liking this one bit, not at all.
The taller of the two takes note of the furrowed brows and her squinting eyes, remembering Peri taking off her glasses probably thinking that they were finally gonna sleep. Although, her sight is not as sharp, Lapis can still see the quiet fury behind her friend's green eyes. She almost looks so sad, and confused.
"Tell me."
That takes the blonde out of her silent seething, only bringing her out for a temporary number of seconds before finally catching on to what the taller one is trying to do. Her eyes now expressing the wariness. She does not speak and Lapis takes this as a cue to continue.
"Do you –" she whispers, making the words low enough for only Peridot to hear. "Do you still like me?"
Just like that, a spark hit the blonde, widening her eyes a fraction of what it was before gritting her teeth in frustration, her hands twisting in the blue haired girl's hands for escape from the hold, and when she felt that she isn't loosening from the taller one's hold, she exclaims. "Get off me Lapis!"
Of course, Lapis does not, only tightening her hold on her. It was merely impossible for the blonde to escape the hold since Peridot was by no means athletic or had any physically affinity unlike the other which is a swimmer.
Muttering out expletives under her breath, trying to get herself as much space away from her captor as she tries to resist, she feels her eyes beginning to moist but she tried her hardest not to let it out.
"Just let me go, Lapis." It is all but a silent plea, her movements growing slower and soon it stopped. "Let me go, please."
"Not until you answer me." Her stare hard and firm and she can feel Peridot squirm in her place, looking at her side to avoid it. "Look at me, Peridot."
She does not listen.
"Look at me." She sharpens her voice, earning a quiet squeak from the blonde and a reluctant turn to get her to look back at her, and at that moment Lapis feels bad. She looks at her friend, probably scared and at wits end. Softly speaking, she tries to soften her gaze. "Peridot please."
"Do you still like me?"
She sees Peridot slowly gulp at her own saliva, unsure of what to say. The blonde again looks anywhere but her, hoping probably for a miracle to get her out of their current situation.
Then she mutters something all but too quietly but Lapis' sharpened senses heard it nonetheless. "So what if I do?"
Although the answer may have been expected, she herself doesn't know what to do. Sighing she lets go of her hold and sits up cross legged away from her. Peri proceeds to do the same but only pressing herself closer to the wall, staying away from the other as far as possible.
She watches as the shorter fiddle with her fingers, the soles of her feet much more interesting to her now. The expression on her face is now blank, as if blocking her emotions from escaping, not wanting the blue haired girl to know.
She stares at her do all this, mentally slapping herself for not seeing it much sooner. Lapis sighs and hugs her legs together, burying her face on her knees. How could she be so stupid.
"I didn't want this to happen." The rough voice of her friend breaks her from her thoughts and she looks up from her knees to find Peridot playing with her feet, head lowered to avoid looking at her.
Lapis listens quietly, choosing to let the other express herself.
"We were 15." Peri started, rubbing her legs in comfort, "It was during the party Steven and the gang decided to throw up. We had so much fun dancing and laughing. Heck, even Pearl of all people decided to show her flip side." Lapis hears the chuckle coming from the blonde. Smiling to herself, she remembers Pearl going all out on her karaoke performance, drunk. It was a good memory.
"But the thing was," Lapis frowns at this, not at all excited to remember what happened later on during that party all those years ago. "You told me earlier that night that she–" Lapis quietly thanks her friend for not saying the name, "–wouldn't come and even if you assured me that you're alright, I couldn't shake the feeling off that something will go wrong."
Scoffing, Lapis blurts out "And it did." Earning a concerned glance from her companion.
"Yeah, it did." Peridot repeats.
"So when I found you in the bathroom, washing the tears off your red eyes, I was so worried," the blonde grits her teeth, unable to contain the anger boiling in her gut upon recollecting the memory. She hated it, she hated that night because of it, she hated Jasper so much after that night. "and mad. Stars, I would have walked out of the room and skinned her alive, after you told me that you saw her just minutes before."
"I was seething." She hisses, clenching her fists so tight, her knuckles turned white and red crescents started to carved out of her palm's skin.
Breathing deeply, she lets loose of her hold, and exhales. It's funny how much of the event affected her. It has been over four freaking years now. She sees Lapis resisting to reach out for her, an impulse whenever the blonde lets herself get swayed with her emotions.
"I had no right, though." She laughs at the thought, she knew she can't just barge in to the relationship of the two. "Instead, I just listened to you rant about it all, hiding my intent to kill the stupid clod who hurt you. Trying my best to make you happy just by talking to me."
"Honestly, just thinking about it makes me wished I did it." She mutters, an after-thought. Lapis smiles at this, only to drop it once she sees the blank look on her friend.
Yes, even after all this time, she still looks at her as a friend, and it makes the blue haired girl wince in guilt.
"I didn't realize it back then but once I got home, I couldn't shake the feeling why I began feeling that way. Why I wanted to just be with you all the time and protect you from those who hurt you."
"The morning after, I realized my feelings for you and the rest is history."
Her story ended and silenced reigned the room. With Peri finally resting her head on her hands from exhaustion while Lapis stares at her, uncertain on how to react.
She remembers two years later after the party, Peridot rushing to her in her lockers, shoving a small piece of folded paper onto her hands, yelling. "Read this when you're alone!" Before rushing away from her, leaving her with much confused thoughts, till two days later she understands why the shorter girl was all red and fidgety.
Sighing, Peridot stands up and gets off her bed, grabbing her glasses, she takes her pillow and a blanket with her. Lapis watches this, confusion etched on her face. "Peri, where are you going?"
The blonde turns to her back, glancing at the girl she crushed on since then. "Living room. I'm gonna sleep on the couch, my bed's all yours." She says before turning the knob of her door and steps out of her room.
Leaving Lapis to her own devices which is to say, none. So, it's quite understandable for her to not be able to get lulled into sleep when there's so many thoughts swirling in her mind right now.
She's walking alone by herself circling around the park she's so accustomed to roam when she has a lot of things in mind when she sees Steven walk towards her, holding a nervous Peridot behind him. She hears her mutter incoherent curses under her breath probably towards the smaller teen leading her towards the person she has been avoiding for about three days.
"Oh, Steven." she greets the boy, deciding to ignore the other person near him. If she feels uncomfortable about the situation of being forced to talk to her, she doesn't want to seem as too straightforward about it.
"Hey, Lapis." He greets back, waving at her, finally letting go of his hold of Peridot. Closing on her, he lowers his voice so that only Lapis would hear.
"Look, Peri wants to talk to you and please be careful with her. She's not taking it well." He subtly eyes their third companion, worry evident in his eyes. Nodding, Lapis tries to follow his advice knowing for a fact that the blonde is very emotionally unstable.
"Of course." Is all she replies. Patting him in the shoulder, she leaves him and joins the lone blonde who is back to looking down at her hands, fiddling with an imaginary object.
"Hey," she greets Peridot, making the shorter girl suddenly flinch.
Peridot looks at her, unsure of what to do and she can see the red tinging the side of her neck. Awkwardly, she waves at her. "Hi."
Feeling the need to walk the tension off, she let her legs move and the blonde follows after her. They proceed to follow the paved cement of the park, admiring the trees, plants and grass forms giving the area an almost therapeutic atmosphere. She likes staying in here when it gets too much harder to bear her silent problems.
It's ironic when she realizes that she's still feeling the tense air between them two.
"Come on, Peridot." she laughs it off at first, "Don't get so awkward with me now!"
Said person stiffly chuckles at her, "Okay."
The chuckles dies down and the suffocating silence comes back in. Lapis wishes that she had a clear answer already. "So…"
Peridot turns to look at her, repeating her word. "So?"
"How long?"
Freezing up for only just a second, she hesitantly answers. "Two years ago."
"Oh."
Feeling a bit of discouraged, Peridot looks down at her front but she wills herself not to break. No, not now.
"That long, huh?" she hears Lapis speak, a teasing tone to her voice but she knows when the girl is trying to take this heartfully.
"Yeah, that long." She softly smiles to herself.
Silence.
…
"Look," Peridot starts, and Lapis turns to look at her, "I don't care if you hate me right now but I just wanted to tell you this."
"You can stop being my friend if you don't like where this is going and it's okay. I know I'm screwing our friendship up just because of my stupid feelings but I just needed you to know." She explains, looking at the taller girl, eye to eye now hoping that she'd understand and even if she'd stop being her friend, Peridot hopes – prays – that she'd give her a chance.
"Peridot, I…" Lapis is now the one playing with her hands, uncertain on how to answer her. Sure she's her friend and doesn't want to let go of it but sometimes she feels that maybe that she can see her as something more but right now? She's not so sure.
"It's okay," the blonde cuts her off, putting up her finger to stop her, Lapis shuts her mouth and Peridot takes this as a cue to continue. "I don't need an answer."
"You don't have to answer me right now."
Lapis is tempted to retort back but she finally takes note of the darker rings under her friend's swollen red eyes. God, she looks so tired and so weary. Nodding, she gives in to her wish.
"Alright,"
That night, the blue haired girl doesn't sleep.
Waking up from the couch leaves the blonde sore and groaning. Peridot wonders why they kept their stiff of a couch for a long time. Rubbing her head, she regrets moving to the couch, apologizing to her poor back.
Checking the wall clock, she finds the time to be a quarter past eight in the morning. Realizing that she hasn't prepared breakfast for the both of them, she heads to her kitchen but before that she decides to check up on her visitor.
Gently knocking on the door, she patiently waits for Lapis to answer. She waits for a few moments when she realized that Lapis probably hasn't woken up. She leaves for the kitchen instead.
They should really talk about it later on.
idk if i'm gonna continue this but for now i'm gonna leave it as complete. onto other stuff, human emotions are dumb and so am i. what else is new?