Like Me For Me

by Gingerstorm101

Ziva had been used by men her whole life, now Ray, the one she loved, has gone and done it too. What else is there to do but have playback? Takes place during A Desperate Man but AU at the same time. Take note that this was a class project first so the names had been changed to begin with before changed back. M just in case

Like Me For Me

That fucking bastard! How could he do this to me! How could he leave me there, like that! How could he just leave me in that beautiful restaurant? All alone with no contact from him, may it be a call, a text, or even quickly stopping by my work place to tell me. Such embarrassment... But that frickin' bastard still left me there! God I could just kill him! I paused in my silent rant. Could I kill him? Kill the man I had fallen in love with and considered spending the rest of my life with? Could I kill the man who had created the smile on my face every time I had spoken with him? Could I kill the man that had been my whole life for the past year? Who has been my everything? Hell yes! That bastard betrayed me and hurt me! I lashed out, kicking the vending machine in the cafeteria. What was I thinking in letting another man into my life, after l had been hurt so many times by so many men? After my own father has hurt me by leaving me to die? How can I even trust my own boss? How can I trust Tony, my own best friend?

I can't, no matter how much I care for him. I can't trust him. Nor any other guy in my life. Not the doctor, nor his assistant. Not my partners out in the field. Not my boss or even my boss's boss.

"Ziva?" I freeze, my spine stiffened behind me. Tony. I didn't look, I couldn't look at him. Was he going to hurt me again? I can't handle that pain again, to have the feeling of my heart being pulled out right between my ribs. "Ziva, this is not you, not anymore." He said, as I could hear him take steps towards me, the muscles in my back tensing as he stood behind me. I kept my eyes on the candy behind the glass in front of me, not daring to look into the reflection. "Ziva, please, talk to me." I could practically hear the plea in his voice, in which caused a slight tug at the corner of my lips without my knowing. Instantly I frown, hiding the evidence.

Behind me, Tony raised his arm, stopping before he could place it on my shoulder. "Tony, please." My voice cracked, from what I hope was only from lack of use for the past twelve hours. I flinched when his hand made contact with my shoulder, my breath catching in my throat.

"What did he do?" His voice had dropped significantly into just below a whisper. If I wasn't listening so hard to what he had to say, I would have missed it.

I turn my head to the opposite side of where my friend stood. I couldn't answer him, if he knew; he would know he was right about Ray. I could hardly look at him right now knowing he was right.

"Ziva," His hand pulled on my left shoulder, but I refused to turn around at his will. "Are you alright?"

"I am fine."

"You always say that, but I know you're not." His voice was soft, but I could hear the firmness underneath.

"Why are you pressing?"

"Pushing, it's pushing Ziva." He putting in quickly, almost too quickly that I almost didn't hear him.

"Whatever." I mumbled, shrugging his hand off my shoulder and made my way back to the squad room, leaving him to stare at the vending machine.

Sitting at my desk, I listened to McGee say goodnight to his girlfriend and my mind went back to Ray and how, back when he actually called me. Why didn't I see it before? The weeks on end without a phone call or a text, and him being silent and not telling me where he is for the missions, yes, I understand the TOP SECRET part, but it still made me nervous to not hear from him.

"You're thinking about him again." God! I wish I had those extendable arms so I could strangle him. Tony turned the corner into the bullpen to stand in front of my desk, his eyes landing on my worrying hands that were busy ripping apart the Phone Records that I had printed off a little while ago. "Have you actually broken up with him?"

I looked up at him, staring into his eyes. "No, I have yet to talk to him." I didn't say anymore, knowing he understood.

The time to go home had finally come when we were rock-walled. McGee and Abby, our forensic scientist, volunteered to stay behind to get pass our misfortunate stopping point. Our boss sent Tony and me home.

In the parking garage, I watched Tony get into his red 1963 split window Corvette, a car at the man baby's, waiting for him to leave. He sat in the driver's seat of his car with the car door left open. I scoffed, knowing he wouldn't leave without me getting into the car. Unlocking and opening the door to my Mini, I gave my partner a meaningful look of which would say 'fuck off' before stepping inside. He gave me one last look before revving the engine and taking off.

I watched him drive off as I started my car. Seeing his Corvette disappear, I drove out of the garage and out of the Navy Yard, except turning right to go home, I turned left. Towards him. I had to talk to Ray; I need to find out why he left me there at the restaurant all alone for three hours. He's suppose to be in Washington for the next couple of days before he's suppose to leave for his next mission in Europe.

I drove down the streets of Washington, the car's headlights lighting up the street names, as a sped down the street I watched out of the corner of my eye as streets H, I, K, and L came into view without having to stop at the red light, my memory going back to a couple of years ago where the Doctor's had gotten lost when his assistant didn't know that there is no J street; a way to help drivers, or even people roaming the street to not get lost. Jimmy didn't find that out until after he had gotten lost.

Time had passed before I had made my way to the hotel the Ray was staying in. I walked right pass the check in desk and up to the fifth floor and to the door labelled 509; the room signed to Ray Cruz. Standing in front of the door, I raised my hand to knock on the door, but I froze. I couldn't do it, could I? Of course I can, I'm a trained assassin. And a trained interrogator, I can talk to him. I took a deep breath, gently placing my knuckles on the door, fighting for the courage to talk to the guy.

I closed my eyes and knocked.

There was no answer.

I opened my eyes, one at a time, to see if it was really true. It was. I leaned back, keeping my feet in place, looking around to see if anyone was around. There! Down the hallway was one of the maids, I smirked. I walked up to her, pulling on a panicky look and called to her with a heavy laced accent. "Hep! Hep please."

"Senorita? Are you alright?" The maid asked her own voice heavily laced with a Spanish accent. Why is it always the Spanish that are the housekeepers and maids?

"Hep! I be locked out." I told her, my heavy Israeli born accent mixing English words with Hebrew. "... man, ...friend... locked out!" I cried, letting the real tears that has been building up out to pretend to this woman, I hated to trick her, but I had to do it.

"You want to see a man, yes?" She asked me, a smile growing on her middle aged face.

"Yes?" I kept looking back and forth between her and the door, keeping my feet moving to keep the panicking state alive. The woman took pity on me, but a smile still plastered her face. She unlocked the door to Raymond's room and let me in. In keeping my act up, I stepped towards her repeating "Thank you Thank you" as I kissed both of her cheeks twice.

The woman smiled, accepting my kisses before leaving me to go back to do her work not without saying "Goodnight" with a teasing voice.

I stepped inside the hotel room and closed the door behind me. The room was empty of any human beings aside from myself inside the room, but I searched the place just in case. From what I could see in the living room his work laptop; that's strange, he usually has it with him... I walk towards the bedroom to find a suit lain out on the bed, it seems to have been worn recently. Odd. I look around, nothing seems out of place.

In the bathroom, it was different. The bathtub was still wet from a shower, so were the walls and curtain. He was here recently. On the counter, was Ray's aftershave and cologne, along with fresh stubble in the sink. What is he planning on doing? Is he at a meeting? Or is he meeting another girl?

Whatever he is doing, I can wait.

Right here.

"Ray, it's almost midnight!" A feminine voice replied as I heard the hotel door unlock and open.

"I know sweetheart, but surely you have the energy for some fun before bed." My boyfriend told this lady, and from what I could see from her, she closer to his age, much older than me.

Ray's 'sweetheart' froze when she saw me leaning against the door frame to the bedroom. "Ray, who-who's that?" He turned his head towards me, standing behind the woman. I could see the panic written all over his face when he noticed me.

"Ziva? What are you doing here?" He asked, leaving the woman he was with and walked over to me. I didn't say anything, but looked over at the woman staring at me. "How did you get in here?"

I looked back at him. And brought out my heavy Israeli accent once again, mocking what I had said to the maid. "Please hep! I be locked out! Hep!" I raised my voice, fake tears in my eyes. "Do you think you can just leave me there all alone?" I spoke to him, going back to my slightly watered down accent from after living in America for the last several years and walked towards the man, glaring up at him. He gave me a questioning look. "You don't remember do you? DO YOU!" I shouted in his face, holding back the tears.

"I-I-," He started but I cut him off.

"You left me at the restaurant for over three hours! And what were you doing? Fucking this bitch!?" I asked him, pointing at the blond chit that was inching her way into the room, walking around us.

"Ziva, I am so sorry!" He grabbed onto my arm, I tensed and shrunk back when he pulled me closer. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

"Ray!" The blond bitch shouted at him. "What about me!"

"Who says I can't have both of you?" That's it. I ripped my arm out of his grip and punched his square in the face, my knuckles making contact with his nose, the bones breaking on contact. Distracting him with it, I raised my foot and kicked him in the crotch, sending him to the ground. I turned in a roundhouse kick, hitting the older woman in the face as she rushed towards me; knocking her out.

I looked down at the both of them. I couldn't just leave it at this. He had hurt me, and he knows that I am a trained assassin; there is no way I am letting him get away with this.

Looking around the room, I get an idea. It sounds like a good idea, but at the same time I know it's wrong. But, with my training, they shall never know. I looked down at Raymond, he was moaning in pain. I quickly kicked his face to knock him out, at least for a few minutes for me to get ready.

I searched around the hotel room for rope, looked high and low in every room I could find. But apparently hotel rooms don't supply rope. Oh well, I guess I'll take the next best thing. Heading to the bedroom, I stripe the bed of its bedding and took the top sheet and balled it up before taking it to the main room where Ray and his little whore lain. The little blonde bitch was starting to stir. She is to not wake up yet. Walking up to her, I kicked her hard in the back, then the stomach before once again smashing my foot into her face. I look over at Ray to see if he was starting to wake up yet. He's still out cold. Good.

I grabbed a couple of chairs from the kitchen where a small dining table sat, and brought them out one at a time, facing each other. When the chairs were in place, I grabbed and dragged the bitch into the chair facing the door to the balcony, her unconscious form heavy and difficult to move. When she was in place, I took the white top sheet and pulled the knife from my belt, I sliced strips of the fabric off and I wrapped one of the fabric strips around her wrist before tying her ankles to the legs and one last one wrapped around her chest to keep her from moving. I checked every knot before moving onto Ray and doing the exact same thing to him. I made sure that the knots on his bounds were extra tight.

I still had a few minutes before they woke up, so I decided to go to the kitchen to make a cup of tea before I continued with my assault. The kettle took longer than I expected, probably because at home the kettle I have is brand new, after having to get one after I had decided to go home to Israel. Once the kettle was done, I made my tea, extra strong, and returned to my victims. I dragged a third chair into the main room with one hand, holding my tea in the other, I sat down and waited.

"Emily." Ray groaned as he started to come-too. His head rolled to the side, his shoulders rolling as it pulled on his bonds. Then his head shot up and he started jerking, I like. He struggled in his chair, pulling at the fabric on his ankles. I crossed my right leg over my left, getting his attention; he jerked his head up, staring at me. I innocently smiled at him and waved. "You bitch!" He screamed, tugging on the bonds again. "You fucking bitch! Let me go!"

I leaned forward, resting my arms on my knees with my mug resting between them. "Now, why would I do that?" I ask, my facial expression blank as I look deep into his eyes and into his soul. "You hurt me Ray, hurt me like others have before you. You used my love for you against me," I smirked. "And therefore, against you." Ray stared at me, his eyes hard as they stared into me, yet he didn't say anything. I tilted my head to the side, thinking of what could possibly be the reason that this man could cheat on me. ME! The born and bred Mossad Assassin to play Daddy's perfect killer? This man is an idiot.

Movement caught my eye to the left of me where this 'Emily' bitch was waking up. I continued to stare at Ray for a few more moments, watching him watch her. "Ray – Ray, what's going on?" She asked her boyfriend, keeping her gaze away from me. "Who is she? Why is she in your hotel room?"

"Don't worry about it Babe, I'll handle it."

Yeah, right.

"I am Ray's girlfriend, Babe."

"I'm his girlfriend you lying bitch! Ray tell her!" She urged on Ray, struggling to move closer to him. Rocking back and forth on the chair, Emily's chair legs leaving the floor for only milliseconds at a time before setting back down as she tried to move closer to her 'boyfriend' only a few feet in front of her. I looked at her, studying her. She rocked again on her chair and I grabbed the back, forcefully pushing it backwards and onto the floor, the blond's head hitting the floor and causing her to cough up blood that was already in her lungs.

Painful moans could be heard as I got up from my chair and left the room for a few moments. Behind me I could hear Ray and Emily talking, I didn't care what they were talking about, but I knew that they were talking about me and Ray bagging Emily to forgive him. That he was 'sorry' and that he never knew just what 'she' would do. I walked to the closet in the bedroom and opened it to find most of Ray's clothes, they weren't neat, nor really organized, and there was hardly any suits hanging up then I would have expected, unlike with Tony who would have at least two suits for every day he was on vacation or if he was sent somewhere on a case. Seeing as there were only a few suits in the large closet, there were a dozen more coat hangers with paper sleeves on them that were left untouched.

I left the bedroom, taking the dozen metal hangers and ripping off the paper sleeves as walked passed my prisoners without taking a look at them, even though I could feel their eyes on me. I stepped into the kitchen to turn the burners on the gas stove, finding some way to cause the couple pain. I threw the paper in the garbage, glancing back at the fire on the stove, double checking my opinion on this. It's going to work. It has to. I grabbed the naked hangers and walked back to the main room and sitting down in my chair, looking down at Emily who was still tied in place in the chair as it still laid on its back on the floor; I smirked as she glared at me.

"Ziva, please! I'm truly sorry for leaving you there all by yourself, but you must understand! You have left me so many times because of your job! Your job and your boss have kept you from me so many times Ziva that once again I expected to be ditched." He growled at me, shifting the entire blame on me.

"So you decided to cheat on me." I spoke, my voice calm as I manipulated one of the coat hangers in hands, turning the end into a 'C'. "Surely that wasn't the best idea you had."

"No, but she is hot, willing, and doesn't have a job to keep her away from me when I want her." I stopped in the middle of creating the 'H' which ended up being loose as to the fact that I do not have a pair of pliers. Damn hotel rooms, I should have kidnapped them and taken them to my apartment where I have duck tape, rope, knives, guns, and knowledge of where every and anything I need at anytime I need it. I really should have done this in my own apartment. "And with Emily, I get to be on top." He smirked. He really shouldn't have said that. I got up; not bothering to strike the man as I walked passed him to the remaining fabric on the top sheet, I pulled my knife out again and tore another couple of strips from it. I wrapped the first around Ray's mouth, keeping the idiot from speaking anymore and then I pulled Emily up from off the floor and wrapped the second around in her mouth, just because I can.

I went to sit down in my chair to continue with my art work and was only inches from being seated when there was a knock on the door. Please don't let that be the front desk. I silently begged to myself but I kept the blank face to keep my prisoners from seeing weakness. Don't show fear. One of the first things my father had taught me from such a young age. I look threw the peep hole; in the fish-eye lens in the peep hole was him. I opened the door and let him in. "What are you doing here Tony?" I ask him walking back to my chair.

"I knew you were up to something." He said, looking over at Ray and Emily who were still tied to the chairs. "I went to your apartment to talk some sense into you, when you weren't there I knew where to look." He crouched and looked up at Ray as he spoke, being glared at by the man closer to his age. "Why did you even go out with this guy? He's not even cute."

"Oh and you would know?" He looked over at me.

"I know the difference between cute and not, and he," He pointed to Ray, "Is not cute, unlike myself." I laughed as I walked up to him. It was true that, even at the age of 40, Tony was still very handsome.

"Well, as long as you are here, do you mind handing me your pocket knife?" He gave me a questioning look as he handed it over. I flipped it open, looking for the mini pliers that some pocket knives hole, after a few incidences in the field he had infested for one. I took the 'H' I was making and tightened it before I worked on the 'E' and 'A'.

As I worked in my project, Emily talked, or rather mumbled threw her gag as she looked at Tony. I could tell that part of her was flirting with him, Disgusting little tramp.

"Tony, find me some gasoline, and a bucket, or a bowl, I am not picky." He didn't question me this time as he left the hotel room. I worked on the hangers while he was gone; I was able to finish with the 'T' and 'R' and started on the 'B' before there was a knock on the door. I should have given him Ray's key. Once inside, Tony poured the gasoline into a bowl and set it on the coffee table a few feet away from me.

"No one saw me, but whatever you're doing you better do it quick." He pulled off the coat of his suit and pushed the sleeves of his dress shirt up before pulling his tie off.

"I can do it a lot faster if you help." I smiled, glancing up at Ray and Emily, both showing fear in their eyes. I look over at Tony. "Take these," I hand him the hangers I finished. "Put them on the stove, so they are in the flames. I want them hot." In their seats, Raymond and Emily eyes widened and squirmed violently in their seats, the chairs legs stomping on the floor of the hotel room. I quickly finished off the 'I' as it was simple and easy fix. "These too Tommy!" I called handing the last of the coat hangers to the man before walking off to the bathroom where I grabbed the 3 face cloths that were draped over the towel rack and headed back to my victims.

"Ziva, what are you going to do to them?"

I shrugged. "Not sure yet, let me think on it, now take this," I handed his one of the face cloths and grabbed Emily's hair, twisting it around my hand and tugged her head back. "And soak Blonde's hair in the gas." I growled, staring into the woman's eyes and she cries out in pain, more tears forming in her eyes. "You know what? Let me do Blonde, I bet it was all her idea." I could feel her tense and cower under my hand. I dipped the cloth in the gasoline, soaking it through and through and squeezing the liquid on top of her head and soaking her hair.

I looked up to see Tony doing the same thing, even poking fun at Ray's hair. I guess he found a bald spot, I giggled, Guess that's what I get for dating older men.

"... I mean seriously, you have to have bad genes if at 45 you are going bald." Tommy said, soaking the older man's hair. "You're only a few years older than me and losing your hair? I understand if you were older than that, or repeated head trauma to the back of the head like I get." He looked up at me. "Ziva, why were you dating someone who is at least 15 years older than you?"

"You are 10 years older than me."

"But that is different." He dipped his cloth in the liquid gas once again. "I am cute, and girls want me. Besides, I have told you this many times before." I knew that Ray's hair was soaked when Tony left to go wash his hands of the residue; it took me longer due to blonde's long hair before I joined him.

"How is it different? You've never liked the guys that I date."

"I liked Roy."

"But he died before we could date." I checked my watch on my wrist to find that it was getting close to midnight. And if I stay up any longer I'll have trouble getting up for my morning run at four am. Or I could just stay up the entire night, finish with these two and do... something. I am still not sure. "And you killed Michael."

"He was a bastard, and he was using you. I heard from McTourist that he had another girlfriend in LA." I rolled my eyes; he followed me to the kitchen where I found the coat hangers red hot. Perfect. I grabbed the 'B' and handed Tony the 'C' and nodded to him; he nodded back.

We didn't say a thing as we each ripped open the shirts of Emily and Ray, hers was a little hard considering that she didn't have a button up shirt, she had a skimpy little dress that I had to cut open and that I wouldn't dare to wear it... You know, unless I was getting information out of a guy. I hastily shoved the 'B' coat hanger into her right breast. A muffled scream escaped her throat as the hot metal burned her skin, the skin baking itself onto the coat hanger and just when her screaming stopped and tears welled up in her eyes, I pulled the coat hanger away, ripping another scream out of her. I looked over at Tommy, who had done the same thing, and walked off back to the kitchen where I picked up the 'I' by the handle, away from the red-hot metal. I walked pass him on my way back to blonde who was panting, tears rolling down her face as Ray reassured her that 'everything will be fine.' Yah right. The older woman slouched forward, hiding her body from me, I couldn't allow that. I grabbed her hair, tugged it back to expose her throat and shoved the 'I' into the woman's flesh beside the previous burn.

Behind me, I could hear Ray's muffled screams as Tony pulled the 'H' coat hanger out of his body. It took us at another 15 minutes to burn the words "BITCH" into Emily's chest and "CHEATER" into Raymond's, being the word is longer; the man had to go through the pain longer. But it still wasn't enough. Why was I not satisfied? What could I possibly do to satisfy myself?

"It's not enough." I spoke out loud to my partner in crime.

"Not enough? Ziva, there are words burned into their chest, how is that 'not enough?' What else could you possibly do to them?" I knew that he knew that Ray deserved a lot worst for what he had done to me; a life sentence in jail does not look good on him. I don't want him to get caught; I don't want him to ruin his life, for me. "Ok, fine, so if you were going to do more, what are you going to do?" He asked, making me too think of what I could possibly do to them. That when I remembered the gasoline soaked in their hair.

"Do you have a lighter?"

"No."

God dammit! I went back to the kitchen, opening and slamming the drawers, looking for something that I can get a flame from. Why now? Why does it have to be now that things go wrong? I growled, ready to give up when a white hotel towel dropped in front of me. I looked up to find Tony standing beside me. "Use this." He said before leaving me to myself. My gaze went from the towel to the stove a few times.

The next time Tony saw me, I was carrying the towel back into the main room, the material engulfed in flames. He stepped aside as I placed the towel on top of Emily, her gasoline soaked hair, quickly catching it on fire, burning it. Burning her. I smiled, her screams filling the room, the flames heating my face and the walls of the room. I took a step beside Tony who handed me another towel that I set on fire and set it down on top of Ray's head. He couldn't hold back his screams.

Tony grabbed the bowl of gasoline and spread it around the hotel room as I stood in place, watching the scene of the burning bodies before me. I didn't hear Tony shouting at me, telling me to leave, I didn't feel him grabbing my arm, and I didn't feel him pulling me from the burning room. I didn't feel a thing. I didn't see a thing, nothing but Ray, the ever cheating bastard he is, burning to a crisp as the gasoline has been burnt away and the flames hitting the flesh.

My partner, the one that always has my six no matter what I do; he is always there for me, pulled me out of the room and led us down the stairs as the fire alarm went off, blaring into our ears. We are going to get caught. Oh god, we are going to get caught. And for the first time that night, I let my face show my emotions. I let Tony in to see just how scared I was and he knew it was bad when he looked at me.

The rest of the night, however many minutes there were left until midnight... That is, unless it has already passed midnight, was all a blur. I didn't notice it when Tony grabbed the security videos, nor did I notice that he had one of the hotels cloths in his hand so he couldn't leave finger prints.

I didn't even notice it when Tony took me home.

I was free, free from that bastard. He was gone; burnt away into ash. I was free to live my life again and not have to worry about how I look for my boyfriend, or being available. Or hold back of who I really am and what I had been taught as a child because I want to be liked.

But I have Tony here with me, he likes me for me. He and everyone at work likes me for me.