So I wrote most of this like halfway through last year when I went through my Portal phase (in which I played both games and devoured the fandom in the space of like three weeks). It's less of a fic and more of an activity in finding a character's voice, which for Wheatley is hella fun. Enjoy.
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How had he never learnt her name?
"Well, I mean, it's not like she was very talkative. Or even talked at all, really. And yeah, I didn't ask for it either, but then we were running for our lives, weren't we, so there wasn't time for talking and name-asking anyway. Even so, she probably wouldn't have answered, would she? Brain damage and all that. I wish I'd asked, though."
"We're in space."
"What's even worse is that I saw it! In her file while I was all 'god of the facility' maniac jerk and trying to kill her, I looked in there to see if she had any weaknesses or anything. I went through the entire bloody thing, left to right, top the bottom and I bloody saw it- but for the life of me, I can't remember it. I must have thought it wasn't important and it there wasn't room for it when I disconnected. It's only her bloody name and I thought it wasn't important! Oh man, I really screwed up, didn't I?"
"Space. We're in space! Space, space, space!"
"Shut up, mate. I wonder if I can guess it. I mean I think it started with a… errrrrh… 'G'. Yeah, it started with a 'g', didn't it! Or was it 'M'."
"Space."
" 'G' or 'M', one of those. What names are there that start with 'G' or 'M'? It's probably a girl's name, because she's a girl, so that narrows it down. Unless it was one of those unisex ones or maybe she just had a boys name for the hell of it- okay, to keep it simple, let's just try the girl's names first. Mary- no. Margaret, Marcienne? Is that even a name? Genevieve? Gwen? George- Georgia? Jean or Janice? No wait, those are 'J'. 'J' is definintely different from 'G'. Man this is harder than it should be. Gertude- ugh no. Madeline, Michelle, Glenda, Gloria?"
"You know what, I think it may actually have started with a 'K', so… yeah, I think I'll just give up. It would have been much easier if I'd just asked her in the first place, anyway."
"Space. We're in space."
"I know, mate. If reckon, if I ever did see her again, that'd be the first thing I'd ask her. Her name, that is. Well, second thing, because the first thing would be to tell her I'm sorry for all that crap I did. Well, I suppose I'd have to say hello first as well. I'll just be like, 'Hey, remember me? It's Wheatley. Anyway, I'm really, genuinely sorry for what I did. Oh, by the way, what's your name?'"
"Oooh look, more space. Space. Space cops. Space cops!"
"Yeah, you're right, that's rubbish. Totally, completely rubbish. She'd probably add another crack to my optic lens, and then where will I be, huh? I probably won't be able to see clearly ever again. It's already terrible with this one crack, everything's all divided in two. Not that I can see much out here, anyway. Mostly just heaps of stars and sometimes the moon and the Earth. "
"Space space space. Earth?"
"Well, to be fair, I didn't really tell her my name either, not until I got plugged into the computer anyway. Bloody hell, why did she even come with me, I was just some bonkers robot. Humans are mad. Mad and great.
"Bored. Bored of space. Wanna go back to earth."
"You know what, so do I. I wish I could take it all back. I've already said that, haven't I? But I really do. I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I was back at the facility. Just, you know, rolling along on my management rail, no huge expectations on me. Back in the good old days, before everything went crap, and no one was counting on me to help them escape and I wouldn't have to worry about someone not catching me when I dropped from my management rail, because I never would have done it the first place. And I'm sure if someone hadn't so happened to shove me into the control console in the first place and press that conflict resolution button then I wouldn't have gone mad and had to take over the whole facility and had to come up with all those really complicated tests all by myself in the first place! Wait, does that mean it's her fault I'm up here? I mean, yeah, if she hadn't been soooo good at jumping, then none of this would have happened! I'd still be on my management rail, following the rules, where I belong and she would probably-
"Tired of space."
"She- she'd probably be dead."
"Wheatley. Wheatley. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth. Earth earth earth earth earth."
He sighed.
"Me too, buddy."
Space was a big and lonely place to drift around in for all eternity. He wished he'd learnt her name.
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"Just kidding! Stay in space, stay in space foreveeeeeer! Space space space! Spaaaaaaaace!
"Thanks for just ruining a nice, peaceful moment of self-reflection. By the way, you're absolutely bonkers, mate."
"Space"
"Uggghhhhh."