The phone rings. Its mechanic voice echoes amongst paintings and half-eaten meals. I reach blindly for it, calming my breathing, forcing my grin into place. Silly, funny, ever so bright Kio. That was who it is time to be again. Now don't get me wrong, I really am like that, just not all the time. Sometimes though, I want to be just Kio, just a man who can be sad and angry and bitter about all that I've given and never gotten back so people other than me see those things. But I have no regrets. Not when it's all for- "Soubi?"
I hear quiet breathing through the phone. It sounds a bit shaky, but that could just be my imagination. "Kio. Are you at home?" Why do you ask? What is it you're running from this time? …It's that Ayoagi. I know it. The first one breaks you, the second one steals the self you so painfully built. I can see the edges in your smiles again. They're never the real ones, the small, genuine, slightly crooked ones that permanently snared my poor, foolish dreamers' heart. "Yea. Why, are you coming here to seduce me with all sorts of wicked proposals, Sou-chan? ~" My voice echoes brightly. It doesn't say the things I want it to. Things like 'Yes, I am, did he hurt you again, he did, didn't he? Run away with me, we'll never have to come back, we'll never be found, I'd care for you like you want to be cared for, I'd do anything for you.'
But it is not my place. I can never be the one he ties himself to. Even if we both know that, maybe, in a different place, in a different time… But it is useless to think about could be's. We both know the rules that govern our friendship. We both know when it is appropriate to stretch them a bit. And we both know that no matter how hard we try, they'd still keep us bound.
"…Can I come over?" I want to shout from joy. But I also want to weep. He needs patching up then, as he doesn't react to my offer. "Sure. Do you want tea or something a bit stronger?" A bit more serious voice now. As the rules demand. If it's-"Tea. Black, if you have it." So, he's soul hurt too. I want to strangle that kid. But it's not really the kids fault. He doesn't know Soubi. He can't know that every refusal to shackle him is like forcing him to swallow glass. And he'd do it too, if it meant he could be tied to the brat so that neither can abandon the other. But Soubi is to blame too. He plays by rules that he never explained to the kid. And the brat hasn't known him long enough to call him on it or switch to his rules.
"Yea, I think I still got some left. I think I still have some of those crackers left too, now that I think about it…" My voice trails off towards the end. He has permission now, he'll come. Sooner or later, there'll be a knock on the door. I'll babble about bright, inconsequential things while ushering him to the couch and patching him up and Soubi will nod silently, sometimes smiling that small crooked smile of his that I fell for. "Thank you, Kio. I'll be there in a few minutes" Click. I drop the phone on the table and put the kettle on so that the tea will be done as soon as Soubi arrives. I wonder how bad it'll be this time, and if tonight is one of the nights that Soubi will allow me to comfort him in some other way than bright chatter and crackers that he secretly loves but never buys for himself because The Ayoagi once told him that he shouldn't eat them.
But maybe he'll let himself sleep for a bit, without torturing himself with nightmares. Maybe he'd even let me sleep next to him, since it keeps the nightmares in check most of the time. But no, that only happens very rarely. The only things he's allowed me for a long time now have been the tea and crackers and bandaged wounds. But I can still hope for him to loosen the boundaries of our friendship for a bit, can't I?
Ah, the doorbell rang… Time to be the cheery, chatty Kio again. Let's open the door and see how bad it is this time, shall we? "Sooouu-chaaaaann!~" Maybe he won't flinch much from my touch this time.