There a lot of lasts in a life. He's had a lot of them.
But the thing about lasts is: you either don't know it's the last time or you assume it is but it really isn't.
He's had cases of both.
When he left for Hogwarts, he thought this would be the last time he'd used his plushie to comfort him.
He'd been wrong.
When he tried butterbeer for the first time, he'd thought it'd be the last time, too.
He'd been wrong.
When he'd had a very bad fight with Albus, he'd thought it'd be the last time he's spoken to him.
Thank Merlin he'd been wrong.
There were lasts which he didn't know were lasts.
The last time he'd seen Grandfather Malfoy.
The last time he'd used the word 'bothersome'.
The last time he'd used hair gel.
Out of all the lasts, he'd never expected this particular last to be a not-conscious-last.
He'd always imagined he'd savour the moment, would soak in every scent, every touch, and every look to relive it later on, when he'd dwell on the loss he'd feel.
Never in his life would he have imagined his last kiss with Rose Nymphadora Weasley to end up in the 'unexpected-lasts' category.
Since then he's been wondering: Which is worse? Assumed lasts or unexpected lasts?
Assumed lasts are expected. The heart-break is expected, sometimes even wished for. It might be easier to deal with them, because you think it's how it's supposed to be. And when you find out the last was only assumed, you get to be happy again.
Unexpected lasts aren't cruel at first. Because you don't know. You kiss and smile and walk and talk and one day you remember. The remembering is what hurts the most. Because in the last moment you don't know. It doesn't hit you. It doesn't destroy you.
The aftermath is your doom.
So he is doomed.
Doomed to wander and wonder. About the how and the why, the woulds and the coulds.
The what ifs.
What if he hadn't kissed her in that moment? Would the previous kiss have been their last? Would other kisses have followed?
What if he'd know it was their last kiss?
Had she known?
She couldn't possibly have.
He wished he could've known before.
He wished he could've known the pain she'll cause him at some point in time.
He wished he could stop loving her.
But there was no way he would ever stop.
She was too perfect.
The only person he had ever loved with all his heart, with every cell of his body, every thought of his mind.
And now he had to meet her again. Nearly five years after she'd broken up with him because she wasn't the kind of person to feel comfortable in a long-distance relationship.
Well, he wasn't the kind of person to feel comfortable without Rose Weasley.
He didn't want to meet her. He didn't want to not meet her, either.
"Oi, Scorp! Snap out of it", the annoyed voice of his best friend brought him back to life.
"Oh, shut it, Al", he murmured, closing his eyes.
Scorpius knew that he had been staring blankly into space for the past hour or so, sitting on the sofa in his flat's living room.
"No, I won't. I'm sick of it. Ever since I invited you to my bachelor graduation party and you found out that she'll be there, too, you've been a pain in the ass."
"Yeah, maybe because I miss her and I love her and I can't get over the fact that I'll see her in two fucking hours."
"It's been five years!"
"So what? Am I not allowed to still love her? Lots of people love for a long time!"
"You were 18 when you two broke up. Life goes on and it was just a teenage relationship. You've had girlfriends after her and she had boyfriends after you. Actually, she's bringing her boyfriend."
"She's what?"
Scorpius sprung off the sofa, closing the distance between Albus Potter, who was leaning on the door frame, and himself.
"She's what?" Scorpius repeated, slowly and growling.
"She's bringing her boyfriend with her to my graduation party. And you're gonna be fine and nice and a gentleman. Because I know that's who you are. You're Scorpius Malfoy. One of the nicest persons I ever had the pleasure to know."
The blonde man ran his hand over his face, nodding slightly.
"But I love her so much."
"I don't think so. I think you love the idea of her. The power she gave you, the confidence. She and James and I, we helped you becoming you. Of course you love her because she's as much a part of yourself as I am. But you have to let go. Please, Scorp, please let go of her. It doesn't do you any good to still be hurt."
"She broke up with me via a letter, after she went off to Bulgaria without telling anyone, including her boyfriend. After I hadn't heard of her for two weeks, I get a letter, saying that she had to leave in a rush and she's sorry but she's gotta stay in Bulgaria and she really loves me but long distance is not what she does and good luck, Scorp, hope you'll do just great. Yeah, very easy to get over."
"That was a dick move. It was a dick move that she never really explained anything to you. But she's Rose. This impulsive wild child you love so much. "
"I never got a proper last kiss."
Albus sighed. There was no way on earth Scorpius would ever stop loving her. Five years he had to put up with his friend's pain. It sucked to see him suffer, yes. But by now he was mostly annoyed. And angry. At Rose for breaking Scorp, at Scorp for allowing Rose to break him, at himself and James for not being able to mend their best friend.
"Come on. We've got be there in two hours. You're going. No discussion. If it's too hard, you still have James and me and we'll get drunk together."
"Promise?"
"Promise", Albus nodded, hugging his friend, "Off you go then. Shower, suit, my parent's place."
Three hours later, after Albus had been awarded his Bachelor degree, Scorpius had calmed down a bit. He had seen Rose, but only briefly, not wanting to talk to her. He mostly went with James and Albus, who tried their best to keep him from doing something stupid.
But since everyone went to the restaurant to celebrate, he couldn't avoid talking to Rose anymore.
Scorpius was sitting at the bar, drinking some firewhiskey to drown his pain. Actually, he wasn't in much pain anymore, which surprised him greatly.
Maybe it has all been a lie.
Maybe he had just wanted to feel pain.
Maybe he had just wanted for someone to pity him because his teenage love had been kind of nasty to him.
Maybe he was already over Rose but never noticed.
"You look old", she told him once she'd sat down on the stool next to Scorpius.
What a nice thing to hear after five years of complete silence.
But Scorpius didn't say it. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but he didn't. He didn't say any of it because it wouldn't change a thing.
Instead, he just said: "Yeah. I do." And continues drinking.
"Not much in the mood for talking, are we?" Rose asked him, smiling brightly, "but it's such a great party, don't you think! Oh and I was so excited to see you again! James and Al have told me so much, about how awesome you did in your studies and how great of a Healer you've become."
"Oh, have they? Well, that was nice of them, wasn't it?"
Rose sighed. "Scorp, please... I know I've made a mistake, I know I should've talked to you in person. But it was urgent and it was my only change to go on a great and awesome adventure. To do everything I ever wanted."
"And you never wanted me to be part of it."
"Of course I did. You were such a big part of my life and you remained a big part of it. Just because we broke up doesn't mean I don't care about you anymore. I just can't deal with long distance and you know that as good as I do."
"Yeah, I know. I don't blame you. You focused on your future and you've come so far. It's amazing, Rose, it really is. It's just..."
Scorpius sighed and ran his hand through his hair, trying to find the right words.
"I just wished I had known that our last kiss would be our last kiss. I would've made it last forever, I would've savoured every moment of it. But I didn't know. And for five years I've been wondering: when you left me that day, did you know? Did you know it would be our last kiss?"
Rose stared at him, big hazel eyes full of feelings.
"I..." she started but trailed off. Instead, she just hugged him tightly. It was a bit awkward, though, giving they were both sitting on bar chairs.
"I never knew, Scorp. I never really thought that I'd hurt you. I mean... I knew I did but I never figured you thought about it that way."
"Well, I do. Now you know." He pushed her away softly, turning once again to his drink.
"I didn't know it would be our last kiss. Because I didn't know that I'd be off the next day. Because I wanted to have a future with you. So badly. But I wanted to be an adventurer even more."
"I know. As I said, I don't blame you. It's fine, Rose, it really is."
"You hate me, don't you?"
Scorpius could hear the insecurity in her voice, even without seeing her. As he turned around to face Rose, she was biting her lower lip, looking so small and afraid.
Why the hell would she be afraid?
She had everything.
The looks.
The brain.
The boyfriend, who, from what Scorpius could tell, adored her to death.
The job.
The life she had always dreamed of.
And still, she looked afraid of him, a guy she hasn't talked to in five years, would be mad at her.
"I don't hate you, Rose. I never could. You were my everything back then and losing you broke me. Not because of the fact itself, but because of the way. It made me feel so worthless. You couldn't even talk to me. You just vanished for three weeks. No owl, nothing. I thought you were dead, Rose. I was so afraid. And one day I get a letter. In which you break up with me. I never thought you'd be such a coward." Scorpius shrugged his shoulders, taking another sip of his firewhiskey.
He tried to blend out the loud music, the smell of booze and cheap perfume. It was a nice bar, though. And right now, he didn't need a nice bar. He just needed nice alcohol to get over the fact that Rose Weasley was talking to him.
"You were never worthless", she whispered, softly touching his hand, squeezing it, "You mean the world to me."
"I believe you wanted to say I meant the world to you. Past tense."
"No. Never past tense. Always present tense."
"And that from the woman who didn't bother to write a single letter in five freaking years."
"You've learned to swear."
"Spend a lot of time with James and Albus."
"It's cute. But... why should I write you a letter? You never responded to mine."
"Your so called letter was a note, saying that you're breaking up. Merlin, Rose! What the hell was I supposed to answer? Oh, it's nice you've made this decision, I totally support you shattering my heart into millions of pieces, have fun in Bulgaria."
"If you put it that way... Scorp, can we go somewhere private? Can we talk about it?"
He sighed and took his time to answer, feeling her growing more anxious the longer he thought about it.
"Sure. We should talk about it, although there's not much to say."
Scorpius stood up, waiting for her to lead the way outside and around a corner, where they could talk in peace.
"I..." Rose started but didn't finish. Instead, she just threw her arms around him, hugging her former best friend slash boyfriend tightly.
Again, Scorpius pushed her away gently.
"You've got a boyfriend. Nice bloke. Don't let him get the wrong ideas."
"Yeah, well, he's actually my fiancé. We just didn't make it official yet. Didn't want to steal Al's spotlight."
"Oh, you're engaged? That's nice for you."
"It is, yes... Will you come?"
"Hell no!" Scorpius laughed. "Never in my life will I attend your wedding. I'm sorry, Rose, but no. I couldn't bear it. You've caused me too much pain. You know, it's actually rather funny. Up until a few hours ago I was certain I'd still love you. And now I see you and it does nothing for me. It just makes me want to never see you again. Because I can't forgive you. It might be a very mean thing to say and a very selfish one, too, but I can't and actually don't want to forgive you. Because it's a nice story to tell. The way you broke me. Because while you broke me, you made me stronger than you could ever imagine."
Scorpius leaned against the wall, running his fingers through his hair, smirking.
"You see, I was devastated. But thanks to that, I was too sad to actually do something. So I studied. Became top of my class, graduated with honours. I'm a pretty awesome healer, thanks to you. And I've learned a very valuable lesson: Lasts aren't always expected. The ones who are hurt you. The ones who aren't break you."
"God, Scorp... what have I done to you? Where's the cute cheery boy I fell in love with? The one with the brilliant ideas, the one who always made me laugh instead of scaring me to death."
"I suppose he's gone. Went away five years ago and never came back."
"I never knew, Scorp. I never knew I broke you so much."
"Neither did I." He smiled at her, softly, pushing himself off the wall. "Well, I better get going. Nice chatting to you, though. Have fun being married and an adventurer. Please don't send me an invitation to your wedding. Won't come anyway."
He buried his hands in his suit's pockets, winking at her.
"Scorpius. Just... can I give you a proper last kiss? A one we will both remember, a one which might just mend you a little bit."
"No. You've got a fiancé and I've waited the last five years for you to come back. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of pretending. I'm sick of lasts. I think we've both missed our chance. Now there's no turning back."
"We had great eleven months", Rose smiled at him.
"Fantastic eleven months. But we had to grow up eventually."
"Maybe a last hug?"
"I'm fine with a last hug."
Scorpius removed his hands from his pockets, drawing Rose into a tight hug, lightly kissing the top of her head.
"And my last words, Rose Weasley, remember them well: I'll always love you, no matter what. You made me the man I am, in every way and you'll be in my heart forever."
He watched her choking, trying to hold back her tears.
"And my last words, Scorpius Malfoy", she said while trying her hardest to smile bravely, "Remember them well: I'll always love you, no matter what. Because you dragged me out of misery and showed me beauty where I least expected to find it: inside myself. I'm eternally grateful for the years I was allowed to call you my best friend and I'm even more grateful for the months I had the luck to call you my boyfriend. We will always have our memories. Forever Rose and Scorpius in Hogwarts."
Scorpius smiled at her a last time, memorizing her last words to him, his last words to her.
Then he turned around, for the last time, leaving Rose behind.
For the last time.
Unexpected last times. Never could he have guessed that his encounter with Rose would end this way.
Unexpected lasts were better, he decided.
Because they didn't hurt in the moment.
And yet, those lasts were still expected lasts.
He could memorize the scents, the looks, the words, the touches and the feeling inside of him.
Unexpected-yet-still-planned lasts were the best, he decided while he was walking away from Rose to never ever see her again.
Though he would and he knew. He knew it wasn't the last time he'd see her.
There was still so much to come.
Albus' wedding day, James' wedding day. She'd be there, he'd be there.
He'd see her again.
But not like this.
This had been the last time they'd ever be Rose and Scorpius.
The next time they'd just be Rose and Scorpius.
This was their last goodbye to Rose and Scorpius and the first hello to Rose and Scorpius.