Doth the moon care for the barking of a dog?
Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy (1621), Part II, Section III. Mem. 7.
—-
You knew it was love at the age of thirteen.
Lea was looking at the walls with such intensity that you thought they would fall down just because he wanted to go outside. The sun was setting on his face, his smile lighting up the whole city. His hair burning with the colors of the sunset. It could have been only a second, but the realization was there and for some reason you felt more alive than ever, strong enough to do anything. On that single moment you could have ripped the walls down and every titan out there just for him.
—you where just kids, how could you know?
"Hey Isa, tell me again about those books. How was it? That place with a lot of water, and sand. It must be nice, with the sun shining bright and a warm weather, can you imagine it?"
There was a promise about joining the troops, becoming heroes and watching the outside world together. After all it belonged to both of you, because freedom was beating inside of Lea when you told him again all the stories about the world beyond the walls, with conviction and the heart pumping through your veins as his smile grew wider.
—-
You knew love was stupid at the age of fifteen, when you stood in front of your house in ruins watching the titans shatter everything you knew.
—and him, strong, immortal Lea with the face full of terror couldn't understand (could you?) because this wasn't what was supposed to happen. How could love exist in a world full of misery, where you have to be reminded the fragility, the futility of the human being every day?
You grabbed him by the hand and ran, ran, ran, ran far away. Because you were supposed to live forever.
(Or die young.)
He was crying, and that was the only thing in your mind. Not the screams, not the pointless attempts of the troops to stop them, not even roars from hell of those six times bigger than you.
You never noticed your own tears.
—-
You knew love was the only thing that could save you at the age of nineteen, because love was all you had.
It was the same day of the vow to join the scouts. There was a silent fright in the face of the new recruits, but you grew colder with time, a distant look on your face. When you have nothing to lose, you have nothing to fear.
(Liar.)
We have changed, you thought with the moon above your heads and the heart on the throat for some unspoken reason. When two people saw the world end together there are only two options—
They fall apart, or they die side by side
Your answer was in Lea's side glance when the captain made the final speech, the knowing smile and his hand touching yours softly. If someone asked you what were you fighting for, the answer was a simple one.
Humanity could rot, except for him
At midnight, from the rooms, both of you sneaked to the training camp, just to take a final look of the place were you spent the last four years.
(You never forgot the way he looked with the 3D gear, a rush of red through the trees: someday I will understand lightning. He was just the way he lived, a flash of energy, life itself flying as if he was born to do that. The earth wasn't enough, he will conquer all. A precise cut on the fake titans, clean but not strong enough.
That was your part, the final blow was always yours, followed by punches of your fist and a smile that could set the whole world on fire
"Good work, Isa. We are the best team. Titans should be fucking afraid.""
Not only titans, the whole world. We will take the whole world.)
When the sun rose above your heads, Lea was laughing with some old joke, as if the world wasn't on pieces, as if death wasn't waiting for him on the other side. He laughed like everything was right, and maybe it was right, maybe his laugh could set things right.
Some things never change, you thought.
—-
The first time you killed a titan it was like a final shot, the ultimate farewell to a life you never had, a normal one. The fact is that you could have been a professional in some less dangerous area, maybe a doctor. One to look up and admire, with a comfortable life, maybe settle down with a wife and have kids.
The reality was that you were in love with your best friend, who happened to be one of the best soldiers of humanity (without counting you). He was a dangerous assassin with a heart of gold. In another life Lea could have been a knight and you his king, or that is what you often thought. But in this life all you had were bloody hands and death behind your backs
The first time you killed a titan was a team work with Lea, as it would always be from that day forward. There was a single second of surprise in his face, as he realized what happened. It was only a second because after the first titan, the second appeared.
Four in total the first day. The superiors couldn't believe it.
The first night after the first titan you kissed him for the first time. You said that it was because of the adrenaline, the feeling of being capable of doing everything. It was a lie, you did it because you were afraid.
You couldn't die without telling him. When humanoid giants ate people in front of you and crushed lives as it was nothing, telling him was a detail.
When he kissed back you knew that love could make the difference.
—-
At the age of twenty five both of you discover than love couldn't always save the world, but sometimes saving each other was good enough.