THREE WISHES
She wishes things were different, but passing by the graveyard at three a.m on a chilly Wednesday is the closest they've gotten since marriage. She wishes they could talk about it, but the mere whsiper of her name might send him off the deep edge. Besides, they don't talk much anymore. Not since Ryan found the letter. Not since they moved back to Newport. Not since Seth and Summer announced their engagement.
Because in the end, Taylor knows that Marissa still has his heart- dead or alive. She used to be optimistic and think that maybe she was Ryan's soulmate; maybe things happened for a reason, maybe, maybe, maybe. But now she's not young anymore and she understands a bit more about life. She understands that Ryan's soulmate died in a car crash, and she is just the replacement. She is just someone to love.
And love, oh love, love she does.
Taylor loves her husband enough to crawl out of bed every morning and follow him with her car. Taylor loves her husband enough to let him leave. Isn't that how the saying goes, after all? If you love something you have to let it go. And sitting in the chilly car on an even chillier Wednesday morning, Taylor understands that if Ryan wants to leave, if Ryan wants to sort some things out, if Ryan wants to stay dedicated to a ghost, she will never try to stop him. Because she's his wife. Because she's just somebody to love.
--
His name is Brayden.
Brayden Cooper Cohen.
Taylor holds her nephew in her arms and rocks him back and forth, back and forth. It's three in the morning and Seth and Summer are in New England for the weekend. Ryan is asleep, out like a light after a long day at work.
Brayden Cooper is crying, and as Taylor rocks him back and forth, back and forth, she tries not to think of his name. Cooper. Her last name.
She understands that Summer and Marissa were like sisters. They grew together and she can't expect to just swoop in and become the new best friend, nor can she expect Summer to automatically forget about the bond she and Marissa had.
But as Brayden Cooper cries and Taylor rocks him back and forth, back and forth, she can't shake the stinging feeling of betrayal throbbing through her body. She'll never be Marissa, no matter how many shopping sprees they go on together. No matter how much advice she gives. No matter how many times she babysits.
Taylor knows that she's just there to be there. She's just there because Summer needed a best friend, or else, would they even be close?
But it's okay, because Taylor is willing to shop and babysit and give advice until the cows come home. Summer is her best friend, and rocking baby Brayden back and forth, back and forth, Taylor understands that Summer needs her and will probably need her for the rest of their lives. She's willing to be there, to be the best Marissa she can be, for the sake of her best friend.
Eventually, Brayden lulls off to sleep.
--
Taylor is on the verge of leaving. Because it's been six months since Brayden was born, and it's been a year and Ryan is still going back to the graveyard. Taylor has a new state, a new city, all planned out. She's been searching the ads for an apartment in New York City. Some place where the name Marissa Cooper doesn't mean anything to anybody; some place where she remains what she is. A ghost.
But then, she glances down at her feet and realizes that she hasn't been able to see them in months. She walks into the nursery and sometimes catches Ryan in there, fluffing the pillow or smoothing out the blanket. She visits Summer and they're making up baby name lists and tacking them to her fridge. Taylor takes a step back. Floats outside of her bode. She asseses the situation.
Maybe Marissa and Ryan were soulmates. Maybe Summer and Marissa were practically sisters. But Marissa isn't here. And she is.
Taylor rips the Real Estate section of the New York Times. She turns the shreds into shreds and crumples them up and throws them away.
Sitting in the kitchen of her house, fighting off morning sickness and waiting for Ryan to wake up, she realizes that Summer and Ryan will always miss Marissa. But she can't leave them. She is all they have. And they are all she has.
--
"It took you long enough, you know."
Taylor's heels sink into the soft ground and she feels suddenly sheepish, as if she shouldn't be here.
"Guess I should have hid better, huh?"
"Yeah, you should of."
Ryan's tone is cold, and Taylor flinches. The words hit her like a thousand knives.
"Ryan... I'm sorry... I should-"
"Stay."
Taylor hesitates for a second. Her husband needs her. So her heels sink deeper into the ground with each step, until she reaches Ryan, until his arm finds her waist and her head rests against his shoulder. Until maybe they both say goodbye to Marissa, for once and for all.
--
"Dear Ryan;
By the time you read this, I'll be gone. Sailing halfway around the world. Kind of sounds like Seth's dream, huh?
I'm writing to say thank you. I don't know where I'd be without you right now. Probably dead... I probably would have died in TJ. Or with Oliver. Or, something else would've gotten me if it wasn't for you. You've saved me Ryan, but I can't continue living my life like that. I can't keep digging graves for myself and you can't keep pulling me out. Not anymore, anyway.
It's time I learn how to save myself.
We've been through so much together that it seems kind of stupid that we we're not together. Because the truth is I love you. And I love you too much to keep on sucking you into this... whirlwind my life has become.
When I get back I'll be better. I promise. No more crazy boyfriends or playing the poor little rich kid card. Promise.
Love,
Marissa.
PS: Try and take care of Summer. I mean, I know she has Seth and everything but I mean, she's going to need someone semi-normal in her life, right?"
Ryan reads the letter over for the six millionth time that day. It's his last sentiment of her. He'll always love her. But downstairs, Taylor is cooking birthday cake. Summer is keeping the girls entertained, and Seth is playing Legos with Brayden and Josh.
Ryan will always love Marissa. But he won't always need her.
He places the letter in between the first few pages of his Harbor senior yearbook. He shuts the book, places it back into a dusty box, and realizes that right now, and for the rest of his life, he will not need Marissa Cooper anymore.
He shuts the attic light and ascends the stairs.
He leaves her where she should be. In peace.
Okay. Just a brief little thing I came up with just like that. Maybe I'll make a second chapter about how Summer's dealing, but I doubt it.
Anyways, in case you're a bit lost-
Brayden: Seth & Summer's son
Josh: Ryan & Taylor's son
The girls: Taylor and Ryan & Seth and Summer's daughters. Just because, let's say their names are Katherine and Lola.
Just felt like I had to clarify that.
Anyways.
R&R ! :)