Author: Starbuck
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Do I need to go there? Okay, okay. No, they don't belong to me. Yes, they belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and Fox. I am only borrowing for the non-profit enjoyment of myself and others who are big fans of the show. So no one needs to bother suing me because I have no money. What would be the point?
"Scully"...Merry Christmas Chicky.....
Mulder stood in the middle of the department store amidst hundreds of scurrying last minute shoppers. They reminded him of little ants running around trying to pick up every last morsel of food they could find. It was rather pathetic to watch them like this, he thought to himself. Normally these people would be calm, sedate shoppers. Now, only days from the big day they were like a pack of wild, hungry dogs. Mulder was tired of being pushed, shoved, and poked by them as they passed him in search of the perfect gift. God help the next salesperson who asked him if he needed help. "Yes, I need help. Mental help. I shouldn't have procrastinated this long to buy Scully's Christmas present."Mulder and Scully had previously agreed to not exchange gifts this year. Yet, as Christmas drew ever nearer he felt this growing intense guilt in his gut. He had to get her something. Though now, as he stood somewhere between the perfume and jewelry departments, Mulder wished he had settled with getting her a Hallmark card with ten dollars worth of instant lottery tickets in it and called it a day.
"You look lost." Oh God, it was another salesperson. Here we go..."Let me guess. You want to get the lady something for Christmas but you have no idea what she'd like. Am I right?"
Mulder was surprised by her candor. For once someone didn't make him out to be an invalid. A confused shopper, yes. An idiot...well that was up for debate depending on who you asked. In this case, he just had a major bout of confusion.
"Actually yes and no. She's not my 'lady' exactly, she is my partner. We're really close friends though. We had decided against exchanging presents this year but...I don't know...We had a tough year this past year." I'm telling you this because....? "Sorry I shouldn't be dumping this all on you." Mulder was about to turn around and walk away when he heard the woman's voice. "Let me help you. I have a certain amount of skill in this area." It was something about the way the woman smiled at him that made Mulder agree to accept her offer of assistance. Mulder nodded in agreement.
The woman asked him the usual questions. The size clothing Scully wore (which he actually did know), what kind of jewelry she would wear, and even what color her hair was. WIth each question Mulder gave a dismal response. He didn't want to buy Scully clothes because that seemed too impersonal for his liking. The only jewelry Scully wore was that simple, yet beautiful gold chain that held her crucifix. There was no way he was going to mess with that one. To the best of his knowledge, Scully didn't wear anything in her hair except during those times when she went running. Which usually meant she tied her hair in a ponytail with one of those scrunchy things. Mulder was even more depressed now then when he first started his misadventure into Christmas hell. He let out a deep sigh of frustration.
"Don't get upset. We've only begun to scratch the surface. Come, lets' take a seat over there and talk for a bit. Maybe we can figure this one out sitting down." She pointed to a small bench that was located in the main thorough way of the department store. Strangely, no one was sitting there for as crowded as the store was. In fact, Mulder couldn't remember seeing that bench when he walked in earlier. Maybe it was the crowd of people that obscured the view from where he was before. In any case, Mulder's legs had begun to ache almost as much as his head. Sitting down seemed like an excellent idea.
"My name is Marie, in case you were wondering."
"Oh, I'm sorry. My name is Fox Mulder. No one ever really calls me Fox. I usually answer to my last name."
"Nice to meet you Mulder. So, we have got quite the problem here, don't we?"
"Yes, as usual I find myself in the thick of complete chaos. It's a gift." Mulder couldn't help but chuckle at that one.
"Why don't you tell me about your partner. Starting maybe with her name. We can go from there."
"Her name is Dana Scully. I call her Scully though. It's a pitfall of where I work. Everyone refers to each other by their last names."
"Where do you work?"
"The F.B.I."
"I see. How long have you been partners?"
"Seven years and counting. It seems like we have known each other much longer than that. We have been through so much in those years I can't even begin to tell you. It is funny really. When she first walked into my office I disliked her right off the bat and she felt the same about me. I thought she was way too close minded and judgmental. She thought I was too 'out there'." Mulder started to laugh. He couldn't help it. He still remembered the way she glared at him every time he argued with her about her scientific stubbornness. He always hated the way she seemed to question his motives with every case. They still argue but it was more balanced. It has become more playful. In fact he rather enjoyed it. Mulder continued. "Our work isn't what you would find under the normal realm of the F.B.I. I wouldn't hold your breath for a TV show featuring two F.B.I. agents uncovering government conspiracies and chasing after little gray men if I were you."
"So your work is a little off the beaten path?"
"You could say that." Mulder smiled to himself as he thought back on the past seven years with Scully. He never would have dreamed that she would have stuck by him for so long. It was amazing to him that she hadn't left years ago to pursue what he knew would be a promising medical career. She had many opportunities to 'bail' on him but she never did. She never gave up on him. She always chose to stand by him no matter what. That made him admire her even more than he already did.
"You have gotten quite close, you and Scully, over the years. More so just recently, am I right?"
"Yeah we have. For me it started years before I was really aware it was happening. And when I did realize it I still pushed it aside. Primarily, I believed, because we were friends and I didn't want to ever lose that."
"You said it started years ago. How so?"
"It was when Scully was struggling to fight cancer. I was sure that I was going to lose her. It was the finality in that, that caused something inside me to click. Almost like...."
"Two pieces of a puzzle snapping into place?"
"Exactly. I remember the one night going into her room while she was sleeping. She looked so peaceful, like an angel, lying there in front of me. If I couldn't see the tubes in her arms I would have sworn that nothing was wrong with her. I did see them. They were there. No amount of wishing on my part was going to change that. God, I felt so helpless. I sat down next to her and I put her hand in mine. I needed to feel her warmth. I guess it helped me to know that there was life still in her. I'm not sure why I am telling you this."
"No, please continue."
"I couldn't help it once it started. I was sitting there with her hand in mine and I wept uncontrollably. I was terrified of her losing her. Now I think I was more afraid of losing myself . I know that doesn't make sense to you but all I can say is that if she had died whatever was of value in me would have died with her. That horrified me. I wasn't used to feeling that about someone. I prided myself as being the consummate loner, like the brooding guy you always see on TV that everyone wonders about. I didn't count on being the guy that found so much of himself lying there with a woman on what could be her death bed. I wasn't suppose to be that guy that cared so much. That location was supposed to be reserved for someone else."
"Who?"
"Someone who could give her things. Promises of a future. All I can promise her is the moment. Our job is at times life threatening. I worry about that constantly. She has lost so much since she met me. You can even argue that the cancer that almost killed her was because of her work with me. Anyway, I just never thought I would be there in that room with her as a scared, helpless man."
Mulder now felt as emotionally exhausted as he did physically. He looked at Marie shyly, like a child would look to a father or mother after revealing some deep, dark secret. Marie reached for his hand reassuringly.
"Mulder, to be afraid of losing yourself to another person is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a natural feeling that we all have succumbed to at some point in our lives. The trick is to not let it keep you from learning the real truth."
"What's that?" he asked her.
"I can't tell you that. It is something that you just have to discover on your own. We each have to find our own path. Who or what is awaiting us at the end of that path will only be revealed to us when we are ready, and not a moment before."
"So, how does all this soul searching help me find a gift for her?"
"You already know what you want to give her Mulder. You're just afraid to let it go. Think about everything you just told me. All of the things you have both been through, good and bad. Think of all the times you have been together and did nothing but enjoy each other. All the times you have laughed. All the times you have cried. More importantly, remember that the best gifts we can give each other will never be found in a department store. The ones we treasure most can only be found in the heart." Marie rose from the bench as she released Mulder's hand. She gave him a warm smile and simply said, "Merry Christmas Mulder." Mulder extended the same wish to her and watched her walk off into the holiday crowd. In an instant she was gone. Swallowed whole by the swarming crowds of shoppers.
Mulder rose from the bench and walked from the store to the main corridor of the mall. He saw several couples holding hands as they walked by him. They never saw him though. They were too busy gazing at each other. Normally this display would have disgusted him on many levels. Tonight it just created this deep ache inside his stomach. He walked into a few more of the stores while trying to remember the things that Marie had told him.
It was then that Mulder saw him. He was perched in the middle of the mall sitting in a red, high backed rocking chair. It was nestled in a small cottage surrounded by animated reindeer and busy looking elves. There were a half dozen parents waiting in line trying desperately to keep nervous or even terrified children from screaming and crying. It was then that the idea hit him. He was embarrassed that he even had let the thought creep into his mind. Nonetheless it was there and he couldn't get rid of it.
"Stranger things...", he muttered under his breath. He was about to walk away when, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a familiar face in the crowd. He would have sworn it was Marie, the salesperson from the department store. Mulder decided that it was just that his eyes were tired, like the rest of him. They were just playing tricks on him. Still, it made him wonder. "Oh what the hell." Mulder couldn't believe it but here he was standing in line waiting to see Santa Claus. He made a mental note to make an appointment with the bureau's psychologist at the earliest available moment.
Thirty minutes later Mulder reached the young lady elf that was taking the photo orders. "How many kids do you have sir?", she asked innocently without even looking up at him.
"Um, technically none. It's just me." Mulder shifted his weight from one foot to another anxiously. Maybe this was a stupid idea...no it definitely was a stupid idea. He was waiting for the poor girl to start laughing uncontrollably, yelling out to all "Hey, check out this loser!"
Instead, to his surprise, she leaned in close to him and whispered , "5 x 6 or 8 x 10?"
Mulder nearly fell on the floor. "Excuse me?"
"Or would you rather wallets instead?"
Um no, I mean I don't know exactly. This is a spur of the moment thing for me." Mulder knew his face was a nice shade of red by now. He could already feel the heat rising in his cheeks.
She leaned in closer. "If it is for a friend and you want to be obnoxious go with the
8 x 10, if it is for a girlfriend go with the 5 x 6 in the gold frame that we offer. It says I want you to see my carefree side without adding the I am so in love myself that you must be able to see into every pore in my face statement. You're probably wondering how I know this. I have been running this stand for five years. I've learned a lot. Trust me on this one.""How much is the 5 x 6?"
"$15.95" she answered cheerfully.
"Done." He gave her $22. When she went to protest he said, "A tip for a tip."
"Thanks sir. You're after the two year old twins."
Mulder couldn't help but smile. He had no choice. It was either that or fall on the floor laughing at how absurd he was being. Sure enough the twins began to scream the instant they sat on Santa's lap and the photographer tried without success to get them to smile. Mulder decided that since he was here he might as well try and help. Mulder stood behind the photographer and made every funny facial expression and sound effect he could think of. Little by little the twins focused less on Santa and more on Mulder who was now doing his best impression of Barney. All the kids that stood behind Mulder were laughing and giggling, temporarily forgetting why they were so upset in the first place. Finally the twins let loose a great big smile and the photographer took the shot. The parents of the twins stopped by to give Mulder a copy of the picture on their way out, to thank him for saving the day.
This was it. It was Mulder's turn on the big guy's lap. He walked causally up to Santa and noticed that this was the most authentic looking Santa he ever saw at a mall. He had a real beard and mustache. He wore a genuine red velvet suit and from what Mulder could see his stomach was as round as "a bowl full of jelly."
"Hello there", said Santa. "Awfully big to sit on my lap aren't you?"
"Yeah I guess so."
"Go ahead. I can take it." So Mulder did the unthinkable. He actually sat on Santa's lap.
"That was a nice thing you did for those two young boys. You have been good this year I can tell. So, what do you want for Christmas?"
"I don't think you make what I want in your toy shop Santa."
"Try me. Go ahead and whisper it into my ear." Mulder whispered the words into Santa's ear much as any young boy or girl would do.
"Hmmmmm. That's a touch one but I'll see what I can do." Mulder then turned at the cue of the photographer and smiled for the picture.
Mulder picked up his picture in a frame and again thanked the young lady that helped him. Mulder wasn't as embarrassed as he was earlier. In fact for the first time in a long time he actually felt the Christmas spirit. A feeling he hadn't had since they took Samantha away.
Mulder decided to wait until Christmas day to give his present to Scully. He called her early that morning to make sure she was going to be home. She told him that she was going to her brother's to see the kids but should be back by three.
Mulder was at Scully's door at exactly three o'clock but when he knocked on the door no one answered. With the spare key she gave him he opened the door and walked inside. Scully had decorated the apartment beautifully. They had been so busy lately that he hadn't had the chance to come see what she did this year. She had a small table top Christmas tree with handmade ornaments obviously made by the kids.Lighting it were the tiniest lights Mulder ever saw. They twinkled like tiny stars. Under the table there remained only one gift. He leaned over to check the tag only to see his name.
"She didn't."
"She didn't what Mulder?" Mulder instinctively jumped. He turned around to the familiar voice of the woman that was standing behind him. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you Mulder."
"No that's okay. I let myself in."
"I can see that."
"Right, sorry."
"Mulder stop apologizing. It's okay, really. Please sit down." He sat down on the sofa in the living room. "Want some coffee, tea?" she asked from the kitchen.
"No. I'm okay thanks. How is the family? Looks like you scored big this year." Mulder pointed to the bags of gifts Scully had placed on the side of the couch.
"Yeah, but I don't really care about what they got me. I just like to actually get to spend time with them for a change. With work, it gets hard to see them."
"I know." Scully instantly recognized the familiar tone of guilt in his voice.
"It's not your fault Mulder. I wish you would believe me when I say that." She came out of the kitchen with a cup of herbal tea and sat down next to him. "I have something for you. I know we said we wouldn't give each other gifts this year but I couldn't help it."
Scully leaned over the side of the couch and removed the small square box from under the tree. She placed in it his lap. "Here, open it."Mulder fumbled with the wrapping paper. Carefully removing each piece of tape one by one. He put the paper on the coffee table and held the velvet jewelry box in his hand. "Scully, you shouldn't have done this."
"Go ahead. Open it."
Mulder carefully opened the box and almost cried when he saw what was inside. It was his father's watch. Scully had taken it to a jeweler and had it fixed for him. She even had them add a small diamond on the face to replace the one Mulder had lost. It was exquisite. It hadn't looked this good since the Christmas that his mother gave it to his father.
"I had them inscribe something on the bottom."
Mulder turned the watch over to see the inscription. "To F.M. with love, D.S."
"I hope you don't mind me doing that. I just wanted you to have something to remind you of two people who loved you.Your mom gave me the watch before she died. She wanted to give it to you herself but she didn't get the chance to get it fixed. I promised her I would do it for her."
"Scully, this...this is the best present I have ever gotten. I don't know how to thank you." Mulder took the watch from the box and put in on his wrist. He placed the old one in the box and placed it on the table. He couldn't help but let his fingers run across the smooth face of the watch. He admired the way the tiny Christmas lights on the tree made the diamond sparkle just like his own little star.
Mulder then fingered the small package he had hidden under the left side of his coat. He was now unsure if he had the courage to give it to her.
"What's under your coat Mulder?"
"Nothing."
"Let me see it Mulder."
"There's nothing there." Mulder and Scully wrestled with each other on the couch as Scully tried to get the package from his pocket. She gave him a sharp jab to the rib and as he drew back in shock she lunged for the package.
"Got it!"
"Scully don't open it. It is stupid compared to what you gave me. I'm embarrassed."
"Don't be silly." Scully ripped the wrapper off the present in sharp contrast to Mulder. She threw the remnants on the floor and sat silently as she looked at the small picture in a gold plated frame.
"This is so humiliating." Mulder got up off the couch only to have Scully pull him back down by his pant leg.
Mulder sat nervously on the couch as Scully examined the photograph. After what seemed like an eternity to him she finally spoke. "Mulder I can't believe you did this."
"I know, neither can I." Mulder said sarcastically.
"This is the sweetest thing I have ever gotten from anyone."
"Excuse me? Did you say the sweetest thing?"
"Yeah."
"Are you feeling okay Scully? I mean I know I lost my mind the other day when I did that but that isn't uncommon for me. You? That's a different story."
"No I mean it Mulder. Really I do. It had to take a lot of guts to get up there and sit on Santa's lap. You did it for me. I really don't know what to say other than 'Thank you'."
"You're welcome Scully."
Scully placed the photo of Mulder and Santa on the table next to the tree. Right where everyone could see it when they sat down on the couch.
"Can I ask you something Mulder?"
"Anything."
"What did you ask him for?"
"Ask who?"
"The big guy in the red suit."
"You mean Santa right because I just had a vision of Skinner in a pair of red boxers. Terrifying."
"Yes, I meant Santa and stop avoiding answering me by cracking jokes. What did you ask for?"
"I can't tell you."
"Why not?"
"If I tell you then my wish won't come true."
"That's only when you blow out candles on your birthday Mulder but nice try. Now fess up. No more stalling."
Mulder couldn't breathe. He had a sudden tightening in his chest. He tried to speak but he couldn't find the words. Mulder just looked at Scully. Never did she look more beautiful. He brushed a stray auburn hair out of her eyes with his hand. Instead of letting his hand fall away he held it there on her cheek. Mulder leaned into her to test the waters. She didn't pull back. Mulder leaned in further and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. To Mulder's surprise Scully deepened the kiss. After a few moments Mulder reluctantly ended the kiss. He put his head down into his hands.
"What's wrong Mulder? Did I do something wrong?"
Mulder looked up at her and she could clearly see the tears in his eyes.
"What's the matter Mulder?"
"You wanted to know what I asked for. It was for that. For you to kiss me back when I kissed you. You did."
Scully didn't know what to say. The only thing that seemed to fit was "I love you Mulder."
"I love you too Scully." Mulder began to laugh and cry at the same time.
"Now what?"
"I was going to ask for that next year."
Scully grabbed the pillow and hit him hard across the head. "Hey, knock it off!" Mulder yelled. "I'm going tell Skinner."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
Mulder and Scully just laughed. Taking comfort in knowing that the path the had begun traveling was one they both wanted to take together. What was in store for them at the path's end would come to them in due time. For now, all that mattered were the gifts they gave each other. The most important of these gifts was the gift of love.
Sappy I know...but it's Christmas time. It started last night when I was watching the Christmas episode from last year and again wondered what those gifts they gave each other at the end of the episode were. So, this is my humble interpretation. I really don't know if Mulder was ever given his father's watch. It really isn't important. After all, it isn't the tangible things that matter when leave this world. Often it is the ones we take for granted that we will miss the most when they're gone.
Merry Christmas!
~Starbuck