I've taken the theory of many fans that Light developed a schizophrenic second personality as Kira, and came up with this, Light speaking from within Kira.
Leave me alone. Just leave me alone.
I'm dead. I don't exist.
Who am I?
I'm Light Yagami.
At least, I was. Before all this happened.
Before my world changed.
I was the Light that wanted a better existence for humanity. One without crime or murder. A peaceful world. I was hopeful.
That Light is gone now. At least to the outside world.
Kira is all my body knows now. The mind of a mass killer.
But I still sit, watching within. Watching kill after kill after kill.
We may be separate entities, Kira and I, but we're one in the same.
Even at the beginning, I could feel this murderer seeping slowly into my psyche. Kira enveloped me. My wishes were his. What he commanded, I obeyed.
But I didn't mind. I thought I was the one in control. I thought I was Kira.
At one point, I-Kira-gave up the notebook, and I regained control of myself again for a time. I was totally committed to catching Kira. Committed to catching myself! The irony of it is almost laughable.
But Kira was still there, sleeping within me, hibernating, like a dragon under the earth.
Like the very monster he is.
He made thousands of people die. He made my family suffer. He made me kill the man that I loved…
Yes, I can admit it now. Ryuzaki-L-I loved him. It was only for a time-such a short time!-but it was the most sweet and blissful time in all of my eighteen years.
It wasn't like other relationships, since neither one of us really trusted one another.
But I know now that even if you don't trust a person, you can still love them unconditionally.
And I did. Oh, I did.
But then I regained my memories. That piercing scream wasn't just from the physical pain. It was the sickening horror, the truth of what I really was. Of what I had done. Of what I would do.
I'd have to kill my lover.
Maybe I myself didn't kill him, but I'm the reason he's dead.
I could have turned myself in, saved him. But Kira wouldn't allow it. No, It wasn't that he wouldn't, it's that I couldn't.
I couldn't sacrifice myself to save him.
I'm a coward. A miserable coward.
I couldn't live with myself any longer. But Kira's will had never been stronger.
So I merely submitted myself to him, the way so many have done.
My body became completely his.
The man who walks in my body, thinks with my brain, speaks with my mouth- it's all Kira.
And now I'm the one silent on the inside.
But I'm not sleeping.
No. I'm watching his every action, screaming in silent, helpless pain.
It's like being in the jail cell again. No, I am in the jail cell. But this time, it's worse.
Because this time, I know it's true. I am Kira. Kira is me.
I see, but I can do nothing. I'm completely helpless.
All I can do is watch. And pray.
Pray to God that this torture will end someday.
Isn't that ironic? I wanted to become God, and now I'm begging Him for deliverance.
I truly don't mind if I die along with Kira. At this point, death would be a relief.
Maybe then I'd see L again…
Watch him sleep nestled against me, like a kitten, all warm and soft and delicate.
Hear the rustle of his soft hair that made my stomach give a little flutter.
Oh, L…
I hate you, Kira. I hate what you've done to me, to L, to the world. You controlled me. You took advantage of me. Damn you, Kira. Damn you to the deepest pits of Hell.
But what can I do now?
Just wait until this-this thing dies?
No, I can't do anything.
Just let the world be done with me.
Leave me here.
Leave me.
Alone.
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