Yes, I've considered it. Who hasn't? I would never do it, but sometimes suicide sounds like a perfect release. Reality is, it's the most selfish thing a person can possibly do; free yourself from pain but cause immense pain for others.
For me, this isn't exactly the case. There aren't a whole lot of people who would miss me. My dad left before I was born, and my mother's always blamed me for his disappearing act. I've had a tendency to repel people all my life, whether it's on purpose or not. Not many people like being near me in general, so therefore, there are few people who would miss me.
My cousin, Tessa Malin, in America would miss me, but I don't get to see her too often. Her parents think I'm a bit of a bad influence on her, when I'm actually a positive role-model for her. Tessa's a bit of a loose-cannon, and too spontaneous for her own good, so when her creepy-ass boyfriend, Thomas, tried to get her to try smoking a joint, I kinda kicked his ass. Luckily, he was too intimidated to try again, or to call the cops. They broke up the next day, which is when I had to return to Japan from my visit, so I'm hoping I won't have to do it again.
My friends, Hikari and Hikaru Sasaki, Rin Fujioka, and Maiko Ijuin, would miss me too. I would definitely miss them; I couldn't imagine never hearing Hikari and Hikaru babble like the little birds that live in the trees outside my house, constantly talking about crazy stuff like how they're always "Twinning for the win!" or how "Astoundimagical!" or "Kawaii!" something is. And then there's Rin, she tends to be quiet, and some people would call her cold, or severe, but I like to think of her as dignified. I remember when we were younger when a boy named Shika called her a demon, just because she wasn't Christian like he was, and doesn't attend church; to say it simply, Rin is a genius, she always has been, and it showed when she responded by quoting, "'Thus says a man who admits to worshipping a god who vilifies pleasure, relegates women to roles that are little more than servants and broodmares, though they are the backbone of your church, and seeks to control his worshippers through guilt and fear,'" from P. C. Cast. The boys face was one thing: perfection. He was literally stunned silent with his mouth agape. "You better close your mouth or you're gonna catch flies," Hikari and Hikaru added, green eyes glinting, and finally snapping Shika out of it. He simply glared and walked away, our laughter trailing after him like words from an authors mind, even though he obviously wasn't bright enough to have a mind, since he tried to mess with Rin. And last but not least, was Maiko; our nickname for her is Tiny Dancer, since she's only 4'11", but she could be a prima ballerina if she wanted to. She's won the talent show every year in middle school, but stopped doing it, "to give other kids a chance," yeah she's kinda arrogant, but she's not like that all the time; she cries every time she see's those commercials about adopting a rescue animal, and can't resist giving change to people on the street.
This leaves one person left who would miss me.
Me.
I would miss me. I would miss being with my friends, I would miss Tessa calling me at four AM because it's only noon of the previous day where she is. I would miss staring at cute guys and talking about it at lunch, and Hikaru threatening to go and tell said cute guy what I said, and me punching his arm. I would miss all of it.
Which is exactly why I don't kill myself; exactly why I haven't just ended myself to avoid every beating from my mother which I am sure will come. And because of said reasons, it's exactly why I met them.