Didn't check it through fully. Sorry for any mistakes that you might pick up along the way.
Spencer thinks that Ashley dosen't know what she wants. She muses this over as she changes to out to a club with Carmen. Ashley wanted Spencer when she was alone and wanted Aiden when she was losing Spencer, etcetera.
She knows, though, that she will never tire of being wanted by her.
Spencer thinks, and finds it hard to believe as she walks into the club with her girl, that Ashley seems to be a better girlfriend now that the two of them are apart. Theres more attention, more affection and Spencer thinks it's all just to make herself feel better.
She knows that when they were together Ashley was the one thing that made her want to wake up. And she knows she still can't get to sleep without holding that damn teddy she bought her months ago.
Spencer thinks Ashley must be a little jealous when Carmen wraps her arms around her waist and pulls her closer. She keeps eye-contact with the brunette and enjoys watching her squirm as Carmen brands her neck, marking her territory.
She knows, that no matter how branded to Carmen she is; she will always be Ashley's girl.
Spencer thinks she can see hurt in Ashley's eyes when she maintains their lock during a kiss with Carmen. Spencer thinks she likes it a little, because now Ashley can understand how she felt before.
She knows Ashley feels that pain everytime she mentions Carmens name.
Spencer thinks all that never really mattered as Ashley pushes her up against the cold tile wall in the toilets.
She knows, and remembers, the familiar taste of Ashley and knows she wont ever get used to it.
Spencer thinks that by kissing Ashley back she is saying goodbye to the past. No words, no tears, no pleas and sorrows. Just lips and teeth and tongues; all rolled together in a heartfelt goodbye against the cold wall in the toilet cubical.
She knows, though, she will never be able to say a true goodbye to Ashley because the brunette always had a way that brought her to her knees.
Spencer thinks she is being used in the best possible way when she feels two fingers move deep inside her. The two girls have yet to speak and Spencer thinks that it dosen't matter, because actions always spoke louder than words. Especially, when it comes to Ashley.
She knows that none of that matters, though. Because when she collapses around Ashley it's in a blur of reds and blues and yellows, and everything in that moment is crystal clear. She knows when she hears three words in her ear, it's her time to take action.
Spencer thinks that Ashley only really, truly, said those words so she would relent under the cheeky smile and the confident eyes to return the gesture. To make Ashley feel how Ashley wants to feel, because Spencer thinks that the girl in front of her only ever wants all the attention.
She knows that she could care less though, because when Ashley comes all the wisest words in the world and the most breathtaking sculptures in Europe are nothing compared to the innocence and bliss that flash over her features.
Spencer thinks that Ashley is lying when she tells her that she is the most beautiful person she had ever seen in her life. Spencer thinks that Ashley only ever says it after they have had sex and that cancels out all possibility of it being true.
She knows that Ashley only ever means it after they have had sex, because Ashley says that Spencer didn't need make-up or perfect hair to be the most beautiful girl in the world.
Spencer thinks she has the upper hand when the two walk out of the stall, happily sated and rid of all that tension. Silently, she washes her hand and looks at the brown eyes behind her through the mirror and chooses not to answer when Ashley asks if she loves her too.
She knows that by answering that question, Ashley will assume that all is forgiven and when in reality all Spencer can think about is the love of her life running from her.
Spencer thinks those quiet sobs and mascara coated tears are out of needing sympathy from Spencer, than heartbreak. She thinks that Ashley never really knew what love was, or is, because Ashley has always been flippant about someone else's feelings.
She knows, though, that Ashley tries hard to love her to the best of her ability and it crushes her to know that Ashley's tears are because of her. She knows that the depth of love she had for Spencer scared her, and that's why she ran.
Spencer thinks she is a fool for grabbing Ashley's arm before she turns to leave. She wants to take things slow, at snail pace, and she makes sure that Ashley understands this. The girl nods, sniffles a little and holds onto her; whispering things that Spencer can't hear into her hair.
She knows that this is where she belongs, in Ashley's arms, because she is scared at how much she needs the brunette too. Life is just a predictable, tedious, drag when Ashley isn't in it and Spencer knows that.
Spencer thinks that Ashley is her support, her rock, her one when she hugs her back and lets a few stray tears escape. Because Spencer thinks it's always easier to face your fears with someone who is afraid of the same thing.
She knows that Ashley was right that one time when she told her that she thought a little too much for a seventeen year old. She had swatted her playfully and Ashley told her she liked it, that thinking simply made up another part of Spencer she could love a little more.
Spencer thinks that Ashley's ego is big enough, so she dosen't tell her what is going on in her mind when the brunette asks. Spencer shrugs and sends her a little smile, that she hopes says it all, and sways out of the bathroom.
She knows that Ashley will follow.