Disclaimer : Characters and CSI are not mine, the song is Sarah McLachlan's "Push", not mine, either, don't sue.
A/N : It took me so long that I can't even remember when I posted my last fic. And yes, I'm still working on my WIP, don't worry. :P Thanks Gomes and Syd for their wonderful betaing, there would be no this fic without you. ::bears hugs:: I want to dedicate this fic to Marielle, thank you Mar, for always being there for me, love you.
Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affection
He couldn't remember a time that he had a thought of not loving her. And he couldn't remember a time that he didn't love her in his life.
It surprised him every time the thought came to him. He was a scientist, all he had been taught about love was that it was only some chemicals in the cerebrum and nothing more. But it was before Catherine came to his life, it was before she showed him what love was and how love can be.
Catherine showed him how much he could be loved by someone and love someone in a way he never thought he could have.
Just one look of her, he wished he could stop the time and both of them could stay in the moment forever. And when Catherine smiled at him, Grissom knew the smile was only for him. He felt something that he never thought he could have, the melting of a heart.
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land
He remembered how scared he was of losing of his hearing. He was so closed-off and pushed everyone away, including his best friend, but to his surprise, Catherine let him hide in his shell.
He knew he hurt her. But he couldn't help. He didn't know what to do at that time and most of all, he was afraid of her reaction. He didn't want to lose her, not in this life. He didn't even want to have a second for the thought of losing her. Not his Catherine.
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
This situation was kept going for months. When his doctor told him he needed to have an operation as soon as possible before he could completely lose his hearing, he finally made the decision.
He told Catherine the news and he would never forget the emotions on her face when she heard what he told her.
Shocked, angry, confused and sad.
The hurt of not telling her the truth as a friend. He knew he was the one who caused the pain in the deep blue eyes.
He thought he lost her in that moment. Forever.
You're all the things that I desire you save me complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
But when he was nervously waiting in the hospital room for the surgery, he heard that familiar voice of hers. Surprised he raised his head and saw Catherine standing beside the door, those blue eyes he loved, filled with tears, staring at him, with her beautiful smile as he always loved to see.
And when she hugged him so tight that he wished he could stay in her arms forever, he knew it. He knew that he was finally completed by someone, and he would never be lost again.
He had got her. He would never be scared anymore. Because Catherine would always be there for him, and they would go through it. Together.
The first sight of waking up from the long surgery and opening his eyes was Catherine's face, the beautiful one he had longed to touch for almost twenty years. And her soft and small hand gripping his hand made his heart melt.
"Hey there."
The first words that came from his dry mouth were these words that he had wanted to tell her for almost twenty years.
"I love you, Catherine."
And her answer to his heart was a passionate kiss with tears.
I get so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're too good to fight about it
He thought he could never love her more but he was wrong. Every time when he woke up beside her soft and creamy body shining with her beauty ; every time when he watched her peaceful face and listened to her breath blowing over his skin ; every time when he fondled her rosy breasts, he knew he just fell in love with this woman, the angel he held tight in his arms, all over again.
And having her in his arms, watching her sleep like this moment is one of those things he would never change even gave him the world.
Because he already had the world he needed and longed for all his life. Catherine was his world. She was everything he wanted and everything he needed.
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You won't stoop down to battle but you never turn to go
Right now, he held her hand in his, it had been a habit he had picked up when they started dating. He liked to hold her hand, and he did it every time when he had the chance, during work, pushing papers, when they were out and especially in bed while they were sleeping.
Catherine thought he was cute to do it and teased him all the time. But Grissom knew she loved it when he did it. Because every time he looked into her deep blue eyes when he held her hand in his, he could see the love in those deep blue seas, the love she only had for him, the love they only shared with each other.
And what he wished for was to take her hand, hold it tight and safe in his, for the rest of their sharing life together.
He knew this moment was the right and perfect time to make his dream come true, else the dream would end too soon, perhaps even scaring the hell out of her, but he was still going to try - one way or another.
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
"Are you planning on watching me all day long, while I sleep, bugman?"
Grinning at her sleepy voice, Grissom turned to look at the beautiful woman in his bed, naked and eyes still closed, but he could see the same grin on the creamy face he would never get tired of touching and kissing.
"Well, if my sleeping beauty wants to stay in the bed and sleep all day, I'm more than happy to watch her. Besides, she's beautiful when she sleeps, especially when she's naked in the same bed with me."
"Flatterer."
And the word made both lovers" grins wilder and they started a deep kiss with passion and love.
It's a great way to start a day, Grissom thought. And he knew it's gonna be a beautiful day. Hope after he asked Catherine the question, he would make today more beautiful, and made his life complete, too.
You're all the things that I desire you save me you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
Catherine always knew it when Grissom watched her,. She could feel his eyes following her everywhere and seeing through her soul, even when she was sleeping.
She loved it and enjoyed Grissom's attention on her. She also loved the habit of his holding-hand. Catherine found out the habit after they started dating, and it truly amazed her.
She never knew Grissom liked to be close, it was almost not the same Grissom that she had known for twenty years. She teased him for his habit, but both knew she loved it, she wanted to be close to him, too.
She loved the old Grissom, and the new Grissom? She loved him, too.
Love is just the antidote when nothing else can cure me
There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
Catherine couldn't remember when she fell in love with this wonderful man, maybe she loved him at the first sight but she just was too young to see, maybe she loved him by all these years that went by, but there was one thing she was sure with all her heart.
Grissom was there for her, from the beginning to now, from friends to lovers, he was always there for her, and she was there for him, too. It took both of them for a long time to admit their feelings to each other, but it was worth it.
"Penny for your thought."
Catherine Felt Grissom's warm breath on her neck, he kept placing some soft kisses making her gasp and groan, finally she found her voice.
"Just thinking when I fell in love with you, bugman."
With a smirk on his face, Grissom stopped his kisses, turning Catherine's body so he was on top on her.
"I think you think too much when I try to seduce you, catwoman. I need to do something to distract you."
"Go for it, bugman."
And these were the last words he let her say before he explored her beautiful body like last night.
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm okay
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day
Sweaty and lying on Grissom's chest, Catherine tried to slow down her breath from their love-making. She listened to his heartbeat as her and his became one, it just felt so right, she and Grissom, and she hoped the feeling would never fade away. It was how love should be. It was how happiness should feel, she never thought she could have something so beautiful like this in her life. Yes, she dreamed of it before, but never dare to think she could truly have, but Gil knew her dream and he just made it come true.
Grissom wrapped his lover in his sweat arms, stroking her strawberry-blond hair while he was took her hand in the other. He felt every sense of his was filled with and focused on Catherine : the sweat on her back, her breath on his chest, the feel of her soft breasts pressing up against him as she closed the space between them. He loved moments like these - moments only for them, for Catherine and he alone.
Catherine smiled at Grissom's addiction to hold her hand, she thought it was cute, especially from her bugman. Raising her head to gaze into the blue that melts her world away, blue met blue, the love in each other's eyes, but the gaze didn't last long when their lips met again.
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
"Why did you look at me like that, Cath?"
Catherine chuckled at the question and the little fear on Grissom's face. Oh, how she loved to play with him, she couldn't help grinning.
"How did I look at you bugman?" She asked innocently , Catherine knew the look made him nervous and she enjoyed the power over him, every part of it.
"The 'I-have-something-on-my-mind-and-you're-going-to-play-with-me-like-it-or-not' look, and you know it scares me."
Grissom spoke like a pouting kid, making Catherine giggle.
"If I'm going to 'play' with you, Gil, you don't need to worry about a thing, you know I'm going to take care of you and you're going to enjoy it with me, don't you"
Smirking at the deep red she brought to his face, Catherine left a soft kiss on Grissom's lips as she put her hand on his beard.
"Be honest, I just want to ask you a question."
"Go ahead."
"Impatient for round two, bugman?"
"Catherine!"
"Okay, okay, you're such a baby. My question is what's the hand-holding habit?"
"You don't like me holding your hand?"
"You know I enjoy it as much as you do, I just wonder why."
Now that was Grissom's turn to smirk, offering the possibility ask THE question.
You're all the things that I desire you save me you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe
"Do you know what 'holding-hand' means in Taiwanese?"
"You know Taiwanese?"
"Uh huh."
"You never told me that!"
"Well, I have to keep you interested in me then."
That statement and the grin on Grissom's face caused a hit by elbow from Catherine.
"Ouch!"
"You're such a mysterious puzzle, Mr. Grissom."
"Glad to hear it, because I know you love puzzles."
That made both of them chuckle before smiling at each other silently for a while.
"So?"
"So what?"
"Are you going to tell me nicely or should I make you tell me in my own way?"
Grissom's eyebrows raised.
"How are you going to make me?"
"Oh, I know of some ways to make you talk."
"Really?"
"Never to question a woman's power over a man, Mr. Puzzle."
And with an evil smile, Catherine's hand dangerously wandered down to between his legs and stroked his half-hard erection. The sudden action caused Grissom to gasp and moan. God, I'm in big trouble now, he thought. Catherine kept going her little play, she began sucking his nipple hard as she still continued stroking and squeezing Grissom's hardness.
"Cath..."
"Huh?"
"As much as I enjoy your power, I...I surrender."
"Do tell" with a victorious grin on her face, Catherine stopped torturing Grissom.
"Well, I had a roommate from Taiwan in my days at University. He taught me some Taiwanese and I taught him sign language..."
"I see, then what's the meaning of 'holding-hands' in Taiwanese?"
Grissom didn't answer her immediately. He gently took Catherine's hand in his and placed kisses on each finger.
"I remembered one day, my roommate played a Taiwanese song. I didn't know what the female sang about, but it was a beautiful melody. So I asked him about the song and what it meant. He told me it was called 'holding-hand', and it was a love song a wife sang to her husband, because in Taiwanese, 'holding-hand' means wife, a man's half."
"That's beautiful, Gil."
Catherine returned Grissom one of her angelic smiles for his story, feeling moisture in her eyes.
"That was how I felt when he told me, and I still feel the same."
Grissom smoothed her cheek tenderly as his eyes gazed into her blue ones. And they just kept that peaceful moment for a while until Grissom broke it first.
"Catherine, may I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Would you be my holding-hand?"
For a long time, almost as it for a lifetime, there were only silence still and each other's breath. Grissom could even hear their heartbeats. Catherine didn't say anything, she just stared at this man below her naked body with emotions on her face. Grissom couldn't tell what was on her mind, but she didn't slap him and run away, either. It's a good sign, Grissom thought.
After what it seemed like an eternity, Catherine leaned away from Grissom's body and straddled his lap, looking at him with a serious look on her face – a look that scared him a little.
"Are you asking me the same thing that I'm thinking?"
Crystal tears filled her blue eyes but Grissom didn't know if they were tears of fear or joy – all he knew was that he wanted to be the one to make her happy, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Catherine...something he wanted more than anything in the world.
"I'm asking you to be my wife, I'm asking you to let me hold your hand for the rest of our lives, Catherine, I'm asking you to be my holding-hand, my half, my Mrs. Grissom. Will you marry me?"
The answer to his question was Catherine's kisses on his lips, cheeks and everywhere her lips could reach.
"Yes, I'll marry you. I'll let you take my hand and hold it whenever you want, and I'd love to be your Mrs. Grissom, bugman."
Grissom saw the tears dropping from Catherine's face like rivers, the beautiful smile of hers started to blur, and that's when Grissom found out he was crying, too.
"Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world, Catherine. I love you."
"I love you, too. Thank you for asking me to be your holding-hand, Gil."
Grissom took her hand and held it tight in his with twinkles in his eyes.
"And I'll never let go."
The End