Fruit Bowl
By Agent Dalton
Rated PG-13 or R, I dunno
Summary: It's not about the fruit bowl. Pure genius from Agent Dalton! Just read it, k?
Archive: Well, ok. Email me at Cello6909@aol.com if you wanna.
Spoilers: Ummmm, none that I can think of at the time.
Feedback: Be a nice person, do a good deed. Send me feedback.
Disclaimer: Not mine! Fox, CC, and the "I made this" people own them. If I owned them, there would be no need for shippy fanfic. No more UST if I owned them!
Before we begin: I have a few notes. The capital letters are me. This may be a little bit hard to understand, but bear with me. I wrote it all at night before I went to sleep.
This was written in a notebook, so we make quite a few references to it. K, lets go!
************************************************************************
"Hey Scully", Mulder asked, "Do you want to go to the fruit bowl with me?"
Of course, Scully didn't know what the fruit bowl was. She was already fed up with Mulder, since he was just being his spooky self. "What is the fruit bowl, Mulder?", Scully asked, a bit irritated.
Mulder was a bit offended because he was serious about the fruit bowl. He somehow knew the exact location and all of the passwords to the fruit huts one morning when he woke up.
Hmmmmm, imagine that. If only he could do that when he wanted to know about his Truth. Oh, well. The fruit bowl is MUCH more interesting than conspiracies and stupid stuff like that.
"Well Scully, its a place where humans and camels can interact", he said matter of factly. "Would you like to-"
SUDDENLY
A voice that seemed to come from the sky said, "HEY YOU STUPIDS, LETS NOT GET THIS FIC CONFUSED WITH ANY OF MY OTHER ONES. GEEZ, YOUR NOT EVEN IN THE CRISCO SERIES YET, MULDER. UGH, ITS LATE, I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY, AND I EVEN HAVE A TEST THAT DETERMINES IF I STAY IN AP MATH FOR ANOTHER YEAR! AND TO TOP IT OFF, MY CHARACTERS ARE STUPID! THANK YOU, MR. CARTER FOR LOANING ME THE STUPID MULDER AND SCULLY TO USE IN MY FIC. UGH! (book slams closed)
"Urmph. Hey Scully, whats up her butt?"
"Mulder, will you please shut up until she goes to sleep?"
DAMMIT, WHERE IS MY WHITEOUT? OH, WHO CARES. MY ENGLISH TEACHER CAN GO TO HELL! SHE NEEDS TO BE KICKED IN THE HEAD!
"Sounds like shes doing something for English."
"uh huh"
"Hey Scully, didn't she say she was going to bed?"
"Must have been an excuse to get away from you, how stupid it was of you to mix up the stories!"
"Scully I-"
"Save it, Mulder. I'm going to go join CADF and AFML."
END OF SCENE ONE
FADE TO BLACK
(Sorry, DJ. (If you watch MAD TV you'll probably get that one))
"Scully, I think she's asleep now"
"Yeah"
"So Scully, where do you want to be?"
"What so you mean?"
"Well, we can be anywhere we want. The author didn't designate where her story was going to take place yet. We can be anywhere we want!"
"Ok, uh, lets give it a try. Hawaii"
"Woohoo! Hawaii!"
"Alright, lets get some casual clothes on. Chris always makes us wear these uncomfortable suits."
"Hey Scully, I have always wanted to see Skinner drunk. Wanna give it a try?"
"I guess so. It would be funny."
"Agents?"
"Skinner??"
"Yes, Foxy. Ohhhh, casual clothing. Looking awfully nice in those jeans, foxy man!"
"Erm, Scully, maybe I don't want to see the Skinman drunk."
"You're right. Skinner, go away!"
"K, red. Bye bye!"
"Mulder, I know this is very out of character for me, but lets blow this PG13 rating and turn this into a NC17 smut fest!
"I would Scully, but we don't have any white out. This is written in pen, as with the rating. I think on PG-13 you can have implied sexual situations."
"Well, implied it is. We are in Hawaii, and the bald dude is god knows where, so lets get it on!"
"Ok, but first we need to write a nice little room into the story. There, done"
"Let's go!"
"Here, lemme shut the door so we can imply it!"
END OF SCENE TWO
After a long night of implied sex-
"Scully, I don't know how to finish my narrator thing!"
"Read it to me."
"After a long night of implied sex, and thats all I've got."
"Ahhh, who cares. Let's go cow tipping."
"Cow tipping? Thats stupid."
"Geez, Mulder. Chris did loan the author the stupid Mulder and Scully, so lets take advantage of that and be stupid!"
"Ok, cow tipping it is!"
"First we need to- what the hell?"
"We are being abducted! Why is it dark? Why do the aliens have a copy of Transition Mathematics and a sandwich! What are they doing with a pencil and a note to Craig?
"Mulder, settle down. We're just in the kid's backpack. We must have not heard her get up."
"Thats what they want us to think."
"Uh, no. I don't think aliens have crushes on Craig or do math homework"
"Shut up!"
"Geez, Mulder."
"No, I really mean it. I hear something. I think shes at school."
"Ok, lets be quiet."
The Assasination of John F. Kennedy
By Ra
"Hey, wrong notebook."
UH, WHAT the author said with a confused look on her face.
I DIDN'T WRITE THAT I HAD A CONFUSED LOOK ON MY FACE! the author said, still confused.
WHAT IS HAPPENING? the author said a bit angrily
"Oh, me and Scully are writing the story now."
UM, WHAT IF I DONT LIKE IT? the author asked
"Who cares? The Unnatural was good"
I DIDNT LIKE IT TOO MUCH... the author said.
"Well, I dont care what you think, you sorry excuse for an author! You SUCK! I am much better than you!"
WHATEVER... the author said I HAVE TO GO TO MY MECHANICAL DRAWING CLASS NOW.
"Bye"
"Mulder, I'm getting sick of this little piece of fluff. Let's end it"
"Yeah, I guess. But first can we tell all of the secrets about the consortium, the Truth, and all of the other stuff? Can we tell about season eight? Can we say that the baby is a-"
"MULDER!!! Don't ruin it. We will put all of those wonderful spoiler sites in total misery! Chris would totally kill us too. Let's wait a while. Maybe next time, k?"
"Well, ok. But can I write END at the end?"
"Whatever you want, Mulder."
END
HEY, WHY DID YOU GUYS END IT SO EARLY? I WANTED TO WRITE MORE! YOU GUYS HAD ALL THE FUN! I'M GONNA DELETE THIS OFF OF FF.NET! I READ IT AND IT TOTALLY SUCKS! I HATE YOU GUYS! I AM GONNA-
"Don't you dare delete it, or we will send a copy to your english teacher, and we will tell Craig what the note you decided not to give him said. We have CONNECTIONS!
OK, UH, SORRY. BYE.
END (the real one)
Sorrie foer anie mispealid werds
Love me? Hate me? Tell me.
Give me feedback or give me death
By Agent Dalton
Rated PG-13 or R, I dunno
Summary: It's not about the fruit bowl. Pure genius from Agent Dalton! Just read it, k?
Archive: Well, ok. Email me at Cello6909@aol.com if you wanna.
Spoilers: Ummmm, none that I can think of at the time.
Feedback: Be a nice person, do a good deed. Send me feedback.
Disclaimer: Not mine! Fox, CC, and the "I made this" people own them. If I owned them, there would be no need for shippy fanfic. No more UST if I owned them!
Before we begin: I have a few notes. The capital letters are me. This may be a little bit hard to understand, but bear with me. I wrote it all at night before I went to sleep.
This was written in a notebook, so we make quite a few references to it. K, lets go!
************************************************************************
"Hey Scully", Mulder asked, "Do you want to go to the fruit bowl with me?"
Of course, Scully didn't know what the fruit bowl was. She was already fed up with Mulder, since he was just being his spooky self. "What is the fruit bowl, Mulder?", Scully asked, a bit irritated.
Mulder was a bit offended because he was serious about the fruit bowl. He somehow knew the exact location and all of the passwords to the fruit huts one morning when he woke up.
Hmmmmm, imagine that. If only he could do that when he wanted to know about his Truth. Oh, well. The fruit bowl is MUCH more interesting than conspiracies and stupid stuff like that.
"Well Scully, its a place where humans and camels can interact", he said matter of factly. "Would you like to-"
SUDDENLY
A voice that seemed to come from the sky said, "HEY YOU STUPIDS, LETS NOT GET THIS FIC CONFUSED WITH ANY OF MY OTHER ONES. GEEZ, YOUR NOT EVEN IN THE CRISCO SERIES YET, MULDER. UGH, ITS LATE, I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY, AND I EVEN HAVE A TEST THAT DETERMINES IF I STAY IN AP MATH FOR ANOTHER YEAR! AND TO TOP IT OFF, MY CHARACTERS ARE STUPID! THANK YOU, MR. CARTER FOR LOANING ME THE STUPID MULDER AND SCULLY TO USE IN MY FIC. UGH! (book slams closed)
"Urmph. Hey Scully, whats up her butt?"
"Mulder, will you please shut up until she goes to sleep?"
DAMMIT, WHERE IS MY WHITEOUT? OH, WHO CARES. MY ENGLISH TEACHER CAN GO TO HELL! SHE NEEDS TO BE KICKED IN THE HEAD!
"Sounds like shes doing something for English."
"uh huh"
"Hey Scully, didn't she say she was going to bed?"
"Must have been an excuse to get away from you, how stupid it was of you to mix up the stories!"
"Scully I-"
"Save it, Mulder. I'm going to go join CADF and AFML."
END OF SCENE ONE
FADE TO BLACK
(Sorry, DJ. (If you watch MAD TV you'll probably get that one))
"Scully, I think she's asleep now"
"Yeah"
"So Scully, where do you want to be?"
"What so you mean?"
"Well, we can be anywhere we want. The author didn't designate where her story was going to take place yet. We can be anywhere we want!"
"Ok, uh, lets give it a try. Hawaii"
"Woohoo! Hawaii!"
"Alright, lets get some casual clothes on. Chris always makes us wear these uncomfortable suits."
"Hey Scully, I have always wanted to see Skinner drunk. Wanna give it a try?"
"I guess so. It would be funny."
"Agents?"
"Skinner??"
"Yes, Foxy. Ohhhh, casual clothing. Looking awfully nice in those jeans, foxy man!"
"Erm, Scully, maybe I don't want to see the Skinman drunk."
"You're right. Skinner, go away!"
"K, red. Bye bye!"
"Mulder, I know this is very out of character for me, but lets blow this PG13 rating and turn this into a NC17 smut fest!
"I would Scully, but we don't have any white out. This is written in pen, as with the rating. I think on PG-13 you can have implied sexual situations."
"Well, implied it is. We are in Hawaii, and the bald dude is god knows where, so lets get it on!"
"Ok, but first we need to write a nice little room into the story. There, done"
"Let's go!"
"Here, lemme shut the door so we can imply it!"
END OF SCENE TWO
After a long night of implied sex-
"Scully, I don't know how to finish my narrator thing!"
"Read it to me."
"After a long night of implied sex, and thats all I've got."
"Ahhh, who cares. Let's go cow tipping."
"Cow tipping? Thats stupid."
"Geez, Mulder. Chris did loan the author the stupid Mulder and Scully, so lets take advantage of that and be stupid!"
"Ok, cow tipping it is!"
"First we need to- what the hell?"
"We are being abducted! Why is it dark? Why do the aliens have a copy of Transition Mathematics and a sandwich! What are they doing with a pencil and a note to Craig?
"Mulder, settle down. We're just in the kid's backpack. We must have not heard her get up."
"Thats what they want us to think."
"Uh, no. I don't think aliens have crushes on Craig or do math homework"
"Shut up!"
"Geez, Mulder."
"No, I really mean it. I hear something. I think shes at school."
"Ok, lets be quiet."
The Assasination of John F. Kennedy
By Ra
"Hey, wrong notebook."
UH, WHAT the author said with a confused look on her face.
I DIDN'T WRITE THAT I HAD A CONFUSED LOOK ON MY FACE! the author said, still confused.
WHAT IS HAPPENING? the author said a bit angrily
"Oh, me and Scully are writing the story now."
UM, WHAT IF I DONT LIKE IT? the author asked
"Who cares? The Unnatural was good"
I DIDNT LIKE IT TOO MUCH... the author said.
"Well, I dont care what you think, you sorry excuse for an author! You SUCK! I am much better than you!"
WHATEVER... the author said I HAVE TO GO TO MY MECHANICAL DRAWING CLASS NOW.
"Bye"
"Mulder, I'm getting sick of this little piece of fluff. Let's end it"
"Yeah, I guess. But first can we tell all of the secrets about the consortium, the Truth, and all of the other stuff? Can we tell about season eight? Can we say that the baby is a-"
"MULDER!!! Don't ruin it. We will put all of those wonderful spoiler sites in total misery! Chris would totally kill us too. Let's wait a while. Maybe next time, k?"
"Well, ok. But can I write END at the end?"
"Whatever you want, Mulder."
END
HEY, WHY DID YOU GUYS END IT SO EARLY? I WANTED TO WRITE MORE! YOU GUYS HAD ALL THE FUN! I'M GONNA DELETE THIS OFF OF FF.NET! I READ IT AND IT TOTALLY SUCKS! I HATE YOU GUYS! I AM GONNA-
"Don't you dare delete it, or we will send a copy to your english teacher, and we will tell Craig what the note you decided not to give him said. We have CONNECTIONS!
OK, UH, SORRY. BYE.
END (the real one)
Sorrie foer anie mispealid werds
Love me? Hate me? Tell me.
Give me feedback or give me death