After reading exercise: 1984 – George Orwell
My heart will ache forever
He had been captured, and sooner or later, – he thought sooner – he would be killed.
He couldn't recall how it all happened. He remembered the last look into Julia's pale blue eyes. They had looked troubled, as if there was something she kept from him.
He hadn't noticed how much he missed those eyes up until now, he yearned for them, needed them to survive.
After three days – or at least that's what he thought it was, you couldn't be sure of the time; there was no indication of time at all. – O'Brien came in the room. He was wearing a long white coat, it was stained all over and if he hadn't of known any better, Winston would've believed that there were spots of blood on the coat.
O'Brien didn't look straight at Winston; instead his eyes travelled around the room as if he was anxious that something would happen the moment he blinked.
Winston got to his feet; not sure what to expect. This was the moment he had been dreading so much; the moment O'Brien came to save him.
"Are you ready to die?" O'Brien asked, "Because if you're not thenyou will not reach the goal we set."
"What do you mean Sir?" Winston asked doubtfully, knowing that he had to be careful; he couldn't trust anyone at this point, by playing it smart he might just get to know who he could really trust.
"Don't play 'the smart guy' with me Smith; you know well enough that I'm not the man to play with. I asked you a question, are you ready to die?"
"I am Sir" Winston answered, his voice a bit weaker than he meant it to be.
O'Brien gave him a brief smile "Good, because don't doubt it Winston you will die." His eyes widened when he took in his newest member.
Would he really be up for the task he was about to be given?
O'Brien looked him up and down and finally spoke: "Wilson I'm not going to talk around it. You're here because of your so called girlfriend. She's blabbed about you and because of that it makes it hard for me to set you on the task you were meant to do.
You're lucky that I work here; I was able to get you in this room. I told my colleagues I wanted to take care of you myself and don't doubt for one minute that that's not exactly what I'm doing." He looked at Winston with disgust, his eyes scanning Winston's; taking in every move he made. "I'm going to give you a task and I want you to do it Winston." His tone didn't go one octave up, it stayed the same monotone sound; not giving away anything beside the message.
"You will escape out of this prison and you'll kill Julia, she's the one who did this to you Winston, she's a danger to all of us. She has to die."
Winston stared up at him, obtaining, and maintaining eye contact, without making a move. He looked back; his dark brown eyes drilling into Winston's.
Winston blinked and knew he hadlost. He would do it, he wasn't strong enough to resist the orders given to him, how stupid and ridiculous they sounded. He would do them because they made sense. – He finally understood what they meant by doublespeak. – It's incredible how easy it is when you believe two things but just ignore one and follow the order.
"I'll do it" He answered. O'Brien gave him one long look. "I knew you would Winston; I've always known." A small smile revealed itself on his lips.
Winston was given the exact place he was meant to meet Julia. He didn't try to think about it too much, when the day came he would just act on the order.
The day came sooner than he expected. O'Brien walked in his room and provided him with the key. He wasn't allowed to use it until the lights were turned off; when finally the lights went out Winston started to feel nervous. He would see Julia again today; but then he thought about what he was going to do. The thought made him sick and he vomited on his shoes.
How would he ever be able to kill Julia and live with that fact?
He tried not to think about it.
He did as he was told and met with her in the secret place.
They regarded each other; knowing that too much had happened between them and that they would both die today; Winston spoke: "Hi comrade"
Julia looked at him in disbelief. Comrade? He hadnever called her comrade before. Her pale blue eyes looked straight in his and then she saw what had happened. His eyes had turned vague; they weren't his anymore; they had gotten into his brain and he wasn't thinking for himself anymore. She realised just then what would happen; it was her last chance to say something to the one she had loved so much.
"I love you Winston" tears started to drop from her eyes.
Wilson looked in her eyes, not recognizing her and just thinking about his task. He took the gun out and shot her straight through her head.
When she fell down; a cold wave of sorrow came over him. He finally captured what had happened; looking down at his beloved one he realised that live was over.
It was just as O'Brien said it would be. "You will die Winston, don't doubt me." He kept hearing the words. He hadn't died physically but deep inside everything he ever was had died; and that was just as bad as being dead physically.
He didn't want this anymore; he took up the gun and shot him through his temple.
Dead once more caught the one who could feel what it was like to lose.