Not one of my best stories, but loosely based on one of my own drunken experiences.
Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own Harry Potter.
Drunk
I never thought I'd see the day where Lily Evans was laying in my arms asleep, willingly! Granted she does stink of Firewhisky and looks a little worse for wear, but I'll take it.
"Ow" She mumbled, scrunching her nose up with her eyes still firmly shut.
"Good morning how-"
"Shhhhhhhh" She whispered "Why are you being so fucking loud James?" She groaned, burrowing her head into my shirt. Then she seemed to realise something as she froze and opened her eyes wide.
"Why are we laying together?" She asked.
"I did try and take you to bed, but you didn't want to, well actually you said I could take you up to my bed as long as we were both, er, without clothes."
"I'm going to kill Sirius"
"Nice to know that you think of Sirius when the topic of you and I sleeping together comes up"
"Shut up" She said laughing "No, because he was the one who gave me the first glass of Firewhisky claiming I needed to loosen up."
"True, but it wasn't him I saw dancing on the table, chugging the whole bottle." She looked up at me with a puzzled expression.
"I did what?"
"You really don't remember?" She shook her head with a queasy expression on her face "you're not going to throw up are you?" She shook her head again.
"I'm fine, but what the bloody hell did I do last night?"
"Okay, you danced on the table and I had to quite forcefully stop you from removing your clothes." I said, listing it off on my fingers "You might want to apologise to Remus, you tried to give him a lapdance at least three times I think, don't worry he was too much of a gent to do anything other than push you off. What else? You made Sirius give you a piggy-back ride for about an hour, but he was too plastered to really care. You nearly strangled me at one point for taking your drink off you. You pissed off all your friends by running off screaming whenever they tried to talk to you. That's when Marlene said, and I quote "You deal with the bloody slag, just make sure she doesn't choke on her own vomit in the morning" but I personally think it was said out of love. That's all I can think of right now." Lily lay there shaking her head and muttering "oh god" over and over.
"Is that everything?" She asked.
"Think so" I replied, not looking her in the eyes
"I'm the most embarrassing drunk ever, and I will still kill Sirius- Oh my god I must be squashing you I'm sorry" She said, sitting up quickly. I followed suit and looked at her worried face.
"Don't worry about it, you were there the whole night, got a few weird looks from some first years this morning, but don't worry, they were probably just worried I might catch girl germs." She laughed
"Nasty things those girl germs" Just then there was a loud crash from the boy's staircase.
"Ow, bloody fuck, who put's stairs anywhere" Grumbled Sirius. He looked up at Lily and I sitting on the sofa "Mornin' people. So did you have fun last night Lils?" He said winking at her.
"Just to let you know mate, she's planning on killing you. All your fault apparently."
"It was not! You were practically stealing the drink by the end of it! Probably owe me a few galleons in fact. You were up on the tab-"
"Yes I know about the table Sirius" she said, grimacing "you don't have to remind me."
"Ah so Prongs has been giving you the run through of last night's events?"
"Unfortunately, yes" She said with a wince.
"So you weren't too happy about snogging him then?"
Silence
"WHAT!"
"Oops, miss that part out did you?"
Shit.
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