Okay, so when I wrote this I had planned on it being a one shot, but as I wrote it I got ideas for another chapter and possibly a third. So I will leave this as a oneshot but if enough people ask for me to continue, I will gladly write another chapter or two. It's all up to you guys!
I would also like to make clear that I'm not really into Ben/Carlos, but I had to pick somebody to kiss Carlos, and I didn't want it being Chad or Doug or an OC, so I chose Ben. If Ben/Carlos makes you cringe, I'm sorry! If you like it, then yay!
Anyways, enjoy.
Jay's life train wrecked the minute he fell for his younger best friend. He knew it was over for him when he first started to get butterflies at the way Carlos smiled; when he had to stop himself from touching Carlos, afraid that he would act upon his feelings with the slightest of touch. The boy slowly became his world, and Jay had hated it. Liking him made Jay's job a lot harder. He would screw up perfect stealing moments, too caught up in thinking about the blond haired freckled boy. He gave him feelings he had never had before, and he didn't want them. He didn't need them. Most of all, he hated that the boy had no clue. He was so innocent, dancing around like a lost puppy, slowly setting Jay's heart on fire. It made Jay feel much worse because he wasn't supposed to feel like he did. Not for his best friend.
On the Isle he had no intention of telling Carlos of his feelings. Feelings, which they weren't even supposed to have in the first place. He wasn't going to screw up a friendship over something that could very well be a simple infatuation. But then Jay does something stupid. He decides to let himself get close to Carlos, allow himself to wrap his arms around the boy again, and to let his fingers linger on the edge of Carlos' arm. He chides himself at first, because now it was only going to be harder to stop himself from doing whatever he might want to do to Carlos. However, he notices quickly that Carlos doesn't shy away from his touches, not even once. Sometimes he's almost positive Carlos actually leans into him when he does touch him, and Jay thinks then, maybe. Maybe this is okay.
So they slip into that for a while. They settle into the okay, and they are both happy. Okay consists of lingering touches and whispers meant just for them. There are no promises; no commitment. Just the two of them with no worries and flirty smiles. They're both fine with it, at least Jay had thought so, until one day they slip right out of okay and fall into hell.
It happened all at once, and Jay sometimes still can't believe it was real. He doesn't know why he let it happen but he does know they were joking around with each other in an alley way when Carlos stepped closer and grasped his lower arm. Jay remembered feeling as if his stomach had been rearranged into his throat, and a jolt of energy had rammed through him. In a split second Carlos' back was on the cement wall and Jay was plastered on top of him, hands grasped firmly on his sides and his mouth meshing with Carlos'. Carlos had let out a moan and Jay had gladly grinded against him, intertwining their tongues together.
He wanted to stop; knew he had to stop. They both had agreed a long time ago that this was not okay. This was hell, but it felt so good. The thought of parting from Carlos only made Jay want him more. His hands roamed further and Carlos' hands grasped harshly at Jay's long hair.
Carlos is the one who stops it. He goes limp under Jay and Jay feels a harsh pressure on his chest as Carlos uses his fists to push him away. When Jay stumbles back he looks at Carlos with nervous eyes. Carlos' face is flushed and he's grasping at his shirt anxiously, shaking his head, mumbling incoherent thoughts.
" We can't," He had stated shakily, still trying to catch his breath. Jay had gulped heavily, shaking his head in response. He wanted to protest, to beg Carlos, that maybe this was the new okay, but he knew it could never be. Knew this would always be the hell, the unreachable. The restricted. Their only rule in their not relationship, because whatever they had going on was not a relationship.
So Jay states simply, " I know."
This doesn't stop them from doing it again and again, however. They always manage to fall out of the okay and into danger zone. Jay hadn't considered it hell, not at first. It was something they agreed not to do, but it was still fucking amazing. Slowly, over months Jay knew why they had named it hell in the first place. It always ended the same. The mantra of "We can't" and " I know" always repeated afterwards. They'd slip back into the okay for a couple days and then they'd get each other alone at night and they'd fall right back into hell. Jay couldn't help it, neither could Carlos. They were each other's drug. They were addicted and they couldn't get enough.
It was fun at first, but then it got dangerous. It messed with their minds and their feelings. It left one or both hurt, and it started to end in arguments. They were slowly hurting each other, but they didn't stop. They couldn't stop. Jay tried, he tried so hard, but he didn't know how.
Carlos goes to find Jay one day, and he finds something he wishes he hadn't. Jay has a girl pinned to the wall with his hand up her fucking skirt, and Carlos can't help the gasp that escapes him. It startles the couple and they both turn sharply to look at the noise that sounded from the door. Jay jumps back immediately, looking like a child who had just sneaked a cookie from the cookie jar. Jay doesn't know why he reacted like he had been caught red handed, because it's not like him and Carlos were a thing. He could go around and kiss whomever he wanted to. Carlos wasn't sure why he was jealous, either. He knew Jay did this. (It was just different to see him actually doing it).
"Carlos!" Jay had shouted, surprised. He stepped forward and Carlos opens his mouth as if he's going to say something, but instead bites down on his lip and bolts out of the room.
Jay's chest tightens and he curses as he runs after Carlos. "Carlos!" He had shouted again, looking frantically through the litter of people. He shoves through the mass and when he spots the mop of white curls he picks up his pace and rams through passerby's to get to the boy in time.
Jay shouts his name again, but Carlos pays no attention. Jay groans in frustration as he leaps and pulls at Carlos' arm.
"What!" Carlos had snapped, eyes dark with familiar anger. Jay tenses, running a hand through his hair.
"You weren't supposed to see that," Jay stuttered lamely.
Carlos scoffed. "Obviously."
"Look, I'm sorry you-"
"I think we should stop hanging out," Carlos states suddenly, loud and clear above Jay's voice.
"What?" Jay's voice is strained, confused at the sudden confession.
"Whatever we're doing is not good. We have to end this," His voice wavers, but he stands tall.
"Carlos,"Jay pleads.
"We can't be around each other. Not anymore."
"Sure we can," Jay tries to smile."We can just go back to before. Back to normal, right?"
Carlos closes his eyes, gulping heavily. He lets out a shaky breath before stating,"No." He opens his eyes and Jay forces him to look at him."We can't be friends anymore. This is it."
Jay had been waiting for this; for Carlos to light his match and let whatever the hell this was, go up in flames.
He had just hoped it would never happen.
When they're invited to Auradon Jay doesn't like the idea. He's sure it's a trap of some sort, or some way to make them into a mockery. Then he finds out Carlos is invited, too, and he doesn't hate the idea of Auradon so much anymore.
Two days before they're supposed to leave Carlos comes up to Jay and smiles, muttering a meek, "Hey."
Jay is confused, because Carlos hasn't spoken to him in almost a year. But he responds back anyways. "Hey."
Carlos lets out a laugh, and Jay is still confused. After laughing Carlos says, " I guess we have to be friends again?"
Jay doesn't know what he means. Doesn't know why going to Auradon means they're required to talk to each other again, but he's not going to reject it. He may've been pissed at the boy, but he had missed him a whole lot. And if this was the way he would speak to him again, then so be it.
"Yeah," He smiled and put his arm around the boy, and that was that.
If you had told Jay he would've survived living in Auradon for three months, he would've never believed you. If you told Jay him and Carlos would be best of friends again in that short of time span, he definitely would've never believed it. But it happened, and Jay was glad.
He thought it would be awkward to talk to Carlos again. Harder to keep his hands away from Carlos, harder for the both of them to restrain themselves, but it wasn't. Carlos seemed different, and Jay thought maybe that was why they were friends again. He notices new scars along Carlos back and he can't help but feel as if it were his fault. Like he could've stopped it in some way. He wants to ask Carlos, but he doesn't feel like he's worthy of knowing.
Two months into their stay at Auradon him and Carlos are practically attached at the hip. They laugh and talk to each other like nothing had ever been wrong between them. Carlos lets Jay hug him, and Carlos teaches Jay all the things he had learned on the Isle during their 'time apart.' They don't discuss their flings. It's burning in the back of their minds, but they both decide to leave it there, knowing if it is brought up then they'll go down in flames again. Jay and Carlos poke fun at each other like old times, and Jay still gets butterflies when Carlos lets his laugh loose, and Jay can't ever be thankful enough that he got his best friend back.
By the third month Jay is the most famous player on the Tourney team and Carlos never stops telling him how proud he is. Jay tries to tell Carlos that he's a great player too, but he never believes him. He ducks his head and denies several times, and Jay hates that. Old Carlos had never been like that. Jay hates that he missed seeing what caused this new Carlos to form. (And sometimes he can't help but think it was his fault).
It's a Friday and it's several hours before the big game. It has everyone at school on edge, and Carlos can't seem to stop talking about it.
"Do you think we'll win?" Carlos mumbled as he took a big bite of his sandwich, not bothering to chew with his mouth closed.
Jay cringed, but couldn't help but chuckle afterwards. " I hope so."
Carlos nods happily, saying incoherently," Me too."
It's two hours before the game is supposed to start and Jay is trying to find his Tourney jersey when Carlos comes barging into their room. Jay halts a moment while rummaging through his drawers to glance at the boy. He's fidgeting with his hands, something he did when he was scared, and his expression was one of nervousness.
Jay stands up straighter and begins to say, " Are you-" when suddenly his body is sent tumbling backwards and Carlos is upon him, grasping at his back, and the familiar pair of lips are against his own. Jay makes a surprised whimper in the back of his throat and has to fist the side of Carlos' t-shirt to regain his balance. Jay is confused and wants to push him away, but his body is in instinct mode. Instead of using his hands to push at Carlos' shoulders, they grasp at his sides and maneuver Carlos' head to get the perfect angle.
And here they were again. Perfectly settled in hell, and Jay has no clue how it happened. They had been doing so well. Everything was normal again and then suddenly Carlos comes in and sends them down the hole once more.
When they break apart, Jay can't help it when his body leans forward again and his mouth begins to nip along Carlos' jaw. Carlos makes a familiar sigh and Jay smiles against his freckled skin. Carlos fits his hands under the hem of Jay's shirt and attaches his nails onto the skin of Jay's hip.
After several minutes Jay finally picks up the will to pull away, and he breathes out heavily, "What?"
Carlos smiles timidly, gazing down at Jay's shirt instead of his dark eyes. "Can we try something?"
"Hmm?" Jay hums, still not able to form a coherent sentence.
"I was thinking," Carlos begins, slowly hiding his face from Jay. Jay frowns and pulls at the bottom of Carlos' chin. "I was thinking, maybe..maybe we could try," He pauses before stating, "dating."
Jay pales and his heart plummets. He has to prevent himself from stumbling away from Carlos. "D-Date?" He stutters out in disbelief.
"Yeah," Carlos thinks about stopping. Running out and pretending this never happened, but he couldn't back out now."It's different here. We don't have anything to worry about. We don't have our parents to obey anymore, and we can't hurt each other here."
Jay latches onto Carlos' arm, and he wishes he could get out a simple sentence. Dating was a weird concept. They never did it on the Isle, and now Carlos suddenly wanted to do it? Carlos wanted a relationship. And who was he kidding, Jay totally wanted one too.
"Yeah," Jay beams, licking his lips. He nods his head quickly,"Yeah, C. Let's date!"
Carlos laughs, jumping in the air, and Jay laughs back. Who would've thought Auradon could be so good to them?
Throughout the game Jay is beaming. He doesn't even care that they're tied, he just wants to get the stupid game over with so he can kiss Carlos senseless. He has to stop his eyes from wandering to Carlos sitting on the bench because it's causing him to miss goals, but like he said, he could really care less about that.
In the last minute and a half of the game the coach puts Carlos in, and Jay whoops excitedly. He gives Carlos a big thumbs up and he hopes he's able to keep his eyes off of him and on the goal instead. He's finding it hard, especially with the way Carlos is doing so well. It's a little surprising, because Carlos generally was not so enthusiastic to play the game. He watched as Carlos zipped past the kill zone and actually rammed someone to the ground. Jay found himself yelling and when he noticed Carlos was the one who had the ball and was aiming right at the goal, he was screaming and jumping up and down like a lunatic.
The cheers of the crowd got louder and right before the buzzer sounded, Carlos hit the ball and it flew through the goal. The crowd cheered and Carlos stood stunned, because no way did he just make the winning goal all by himself. Jay threw off his helmet and ran towards the crowd of people who had began to surround Carlos, applauding his victory.
Jay was about to make his way up to Carlos to give him the best congratulatory kiss he had ever received when Ben placed his arm around Carlos' waist. Jay slowed his running pace, and cocked his head curiously. He watched as Carlos turned his head to look at Ben and suddenly Ben was leaning down and their lips connected. Jay felt his stomach twist as he watched Ben kiss Carlos deeply, and Carlos do nothing about it. There were whoops from people in the crowd, but Jay hardly noticed them. He saw red and he felt like he couldn't breathe, because there was no way this was happening.
Jay hadn't felt sorry for Audrey. Now, however watching his boyfriend kiss Ben in front of the whole school, he had a new change of heart. This was a new kind of pain; a pain Jay never wanted to experience again.
The match had lit, and it landed straight on Jay.
Screw the match- Jay felt like his heart had been doused with gasoline and lit on fire, and now all that was left were ashes.
Who would've thought they would've gone up in flames so easily.