I'm out of breath.

Pant, pant, pant….

I'm running.

*Crack* I hear the twigs snap under my feet…

I'm freaking out, I'm crying, I'm sobbing, I'm a wreck, I'm reaching out for help, but the more I reach the help I seek sprints out of reach.

I'm freaking out, I'm crying, I'm sobbing, I'm a wreck, but all of my screams stay on the inside.

I'm freaking out, I'm crying, I'm sobbing, I'm a wreck, I'm running, but he comes closer the faster I run. No matter how fast I go he is always right there, so close. He's advancing on me.

Oh no.

I feel him on me.

Shit.

His skin, his touch, his breath, his force.

Him.

I twist, I turn. But I'm not strong enough, just like everyone thinks. I'm weak, and their right.

Oh shit, I'm too caught up in my thoughts, here he comes again.

But he's so close, the faster he runs the slower I go.

Oh shit- he caught up.

I feel his breath as I feel his shadow creep over me.

I feel his hands on my wrist.

I feel his strength, his force.

I feel...

Him.

*DING*

I jolt awake at the sound of a notification from THE SLAP.

I'm conscious like that now.

I'm hot, sweaty and on the verge of tears.

Then it starts.

It starts with a quiver of my lips, and a tear falling from one of my eyes.

Then I freak.

I freak out.

I cry.

I scream.

I sob.

Yet so silent.

I'm sad, lonely, scared, afraid.

Who would believe me?

No one believes half of the shit that pours out of my mouth. They pretend to listen, but it's all fake. They treat me like a child. They treat me like I'm emotionless. They treat me like I'm stupid. Like an animal. They neglect me….

I sob some more. I pour my eyes out, there's a lot more where that came from.

It's 4AM, I have to get up soon, but I can't go back to sleep.

I'm paranoid like that.

I do the best thing I can to sooth myself which is shower, the best I can do in a fruitless attempt to get his feel off my skin.

Wash him away.

It never works.

I'm balling. I'm screaming. I'm crying.

Yet so silent.

I was just showering, but somehow I've managed to curl up in a ball and cry in the shower.

I thought I saw him.

I thought I felt his touch.

After what feels like after forever, I get up, turn the shower off and dry off.

But only because the water began to get cold.

I throw my hair into a wet bun until it dries and go to my closet to find something to wear.

Eww.

Pink everywhere.

It's too happy.

It's too bright.

It's too Cat.

It's too stupid.

I pick out the best I can, which are tights, a Victoria secret shirt and hoodie, and sport it with some UGGS. Something more casual.

I view myself in the mirror. It's not very Cat. Where's her dress? Where's her smile?

So I put on some jeans and change into a vintage pink colored shirt (long sleeve) but keep my boots on.

Better? I don't care, do I? Why do I? Tori, Jade, Robbie, Andre, Beck and even Rex don't care about what I think about their clothes when they put them on.

I go back to my hair. It's still damp, so I just leave it out. Oh well.

I stare at my Phone, it's 6AM.

I still have time.

I look back at the mirror.

It doesn't look like the Cat everyone knows, and I used to.

I cry again.

I'm losing myself.

Oh never mind I already did.

I don't know how long I sob before I hear a knock on the bathroom door.

"Cat?"

My dumb ass mom.

I try to make myself sound like I haven't been crying as much as possible before I answer.

"Yeah?"

"Are you up?"

"Yea" (for a real long time FYI mom)

"Ok, well hurry up its 8AM"

Oh shit School starts in 30 minutes.

I wipe my face and dart out the bathroom.

Only how will I get to school.

Dumb. Cat. Dumb. Stupid. I hate Cat, I hate her, so dumb, so naïve. Which is why I, Caterina is where she is now. Mentally and Physically Fucked up. Forever.

And Ever.