~It was the controller's fault~
Written By Tora
"So I mean, I was thinking," Genesis Rhapsodos said. He had gotten an idea. And everyone should know by now, that when Genesis gets an idea… RUN. For heaven sake, to spare your life, R.U.N. "I got this new Wii, for only an arm and a leg."
Angeal Hewley raised a skeptical eyebrow, "For only an arm and a leg?"
Genesis waved Angeal's comment aside. "Well the Wii U costs two arms and two legs."
Sephiroth's eyes were so narrow they were almost closed. "Angeal," He said softly. "Cut off Gen's legs and arms and let's see if we can get a Wii U out of it…"
Genesis glared daggers at Sephiroth. "That's not funny!" He snapped angrily. "Anyway, as I was saying, I bought this new game, Super Smash Brothers, it's totally flippin' eps. You wanna come down at my place and give it a try?"
"Eps?" Sephiroth mocked coldly.
"Yeah," Genesis said bouncing up and down. "It's totally eps."
"Eps," Sephiroth replied.
Angeal blinked and said to Genesis, "I don't think Sephiroth knows what eps means, Gen. Explain."
Genesis threw his hands up in the air and said, "Why does he need an exposé?!"
Angeal rubbed his eyes and said grouchily, "Gen, just tell him and then move on with your life!"
"Fine," Genesis said in a hurry. "Eps equals epic. Sheesh. He should know! As I was saying. You wanna come down at my place?"
"Did he say something?" Sephiroth chided to Angeal.
"Who knows?"
"All I heard was, bllahhhblllahhh blahhhh blaaahhh…"
"STOP IT!" Genesis roared angrily. He glared intently at Sephiroth and Angeal.
Sephiroth gave Genesis a rare smirk.
Angeal ran his fingers through his hair. "I dunno, Gen… we're getting promoted to Second Class at the end of the week. Shouldn't we get in some more practicing and sparring?"
"What do you mean 'practice'?! We just finished 'practice'! All we ever do is 'practice'! Look, Angeal, I like to practice as much as the next SOLDIER does, but this is a Wii! C'mon, give it a try." Pushed Genesis.
Angeal made a pfftt sound and said, "Obviously someone does something other than sparring. How much have you played it?"
Genesis thought and said, "Ohhhh, I've been gettin' into character with Marth—"
"Marth?" Angeal interrupted.
Genesis said, "You know, the guy with the sword?"
Angeal blinked blankly. "Dude. Give me a better description other than, 'the guy with the sword'."
Genesis paced back and forth and said, "Well at first I thought he was a girl, but it turned out he just didn't have a lot of man vibes."
"So, basically," Sephiroth said. "He looks like you, playing around with a toy sword?"
Genesis went crimson in the face and stomped his foot in frustration. "Rapier is not a toy sword!"
"Who the heck names a rapier Rapier?" Sephiroth snapped back.
Genesis placed a hand over his heart and said, "I do!"
"That's Genesis Rhapsodos in a nutshell, everyone," Angeal loudly.
"SHHHHH!" Genesis hissed madly.
Luckily, it was just the three of them at the moment.
"I want to see this girly character," Demanded Sephiroth.
Surprised Angeal looked at Sephiroth. "Seriously?"
Sephiroth gave a sharp nod.
Angeal shrugged and said, "Okay, I'm game then."
"Here's your controller," Genesis said simply.
The controller was a little odd looking. It was completely white. It looked like a TV controller, except it only had so many buttons. At the top, it had the power button, near the top was this cross like pad. There was a A button, a weird button with a plus and another weird tiny button with a minus. Between the plus and minus button was a little button with a house. Angeal wondered why there was a house on the controller.
Angeal flipped the controller in his hands to find there was a trigger button with a B stamped on it. The controller fit snuggly in his hand, the trigger button feeling nice.
Angeal pressed the B button.
"Stop it, Angeal," Genesis snapped. "I can't get to the game with you hitting B constantly. And take this nunchuck."
Angeal looked at the joystick like thing and then took it from Genesis's hands. He saw where he was supposed to connect the nunchuck and the remote together and did so.
"I'm the best player ever," Genesis bragged. "I'm going to crush you guys, hope you're ready. 'Kay, now choose your character."
Angeal looked at the screen. There were so many characters! How was he supposed to choose?!
Genesis chose a guy who almost looked like a girl. Genesis changed the colours of the guy's outfit.
"How'd you do that?" Angeal demanded. He had chosen his character. How would you pronounce his name? Ganondoor? Gunondorf? "Gen, how do you pronounce his name?"
Genesis looked at Angeal's character. "Oh that's Ganon."
"No, his name is Ganondoor."
"It's Ganondorf," Genesis corrected Angeal.
"Then why did you say his name was Ganon?!" Angeal snapped back.
Genesis glared at Angeal. He leaned over Sephiroth, who was unfortunately stuck between them on the sofa, and snarled, "Ganon is short for Ganondorft, stupid!"
"Don't you dare call me stupid!"
"Fine! We'll fight in the game and see who wins, puny face!" Genesis barked.
Sephiroth pushed Genesis back to his side of the sofa.
Genesis looked back at the screen and said, "You're being Ike? You know, Ike and Marth are from the same game. Fire Emblem."
"What's Fire Emblem have to do with the pretty boy and Ike?" Angeal asked curiously.
Genesis swished his hair to the side and snapped back, "Ike and Marth are from Fire Emblem!"
Angeal still didn't get it. "Is Fire Emblem a place?!"
"NO! It's the game they're from!"
"Then are we playing Fire Emblem?"
"ANGEAL!" Genesis said in dismay, giving Angeal a hopeless look. "This game took a bunch of characters from other games and made a new game called Super Smash Brothers."
"But that's copy writing!" Angeal pointed out stubbornly.
Genesis spat back, "Look, can we just play?!"
"We were kinda waiting for you to stop yacking," Sephiroth said quietly.
Genesis ignored Sephiroth and began the game.
Genesis chose a weird stage. While the background was pretty enough, the actual stage was a little boring. It was just a bridge. A long bridge, but it was boring looking, Angeal thought.
"Is this from Fire Emblem?" Angeal said.
"It's Eldon Bridge," Genesis said sulkily.
"On your mark! Get set! GO!" Said the ref's voice in the game.
Genesis's character zoomed into action, while Ike and Ganon were a little slower.
"How do you play this?" Angeal said looking down at his controllers.
Genesis ignored Angeal's question and lunged his character at Ganon. Marth's sharp pointy sword stabbed repetitively at Ganon.
"Where's the blood?! Why am I not dead?!" Angeal said in wonder, as his character took in more blows from Marth.
Ganon was pushed a little to the side. "How do I move?"
"Stick," Sephiroth said. His character had now joined the action and was now slashing at both Ganon and Marth.
It was an intense battle.
Genesis was frowning hard and punching buttons like heck. His character was moving fast and quick.
The percentage bar went higher on Marth, which Genesis couldn't believe.
Finally, with a deafening blow, Ike sent Marth flying out of the screen. There was a shriek from Marth as he was no more.
"The heck?!" Genesis said, looking at Sephiroth with awe.
"Where'd Marth go?" Angeal asked.
"I died!" Genesis snapped angrily.
Marth popped up at the top of the screen. He was hovering in midair.
A weird orc looking creature, riding on a strange beast ran across the bridge. It dropped barrel that was obviously an explosive. And sure enough it did explode, it blew up a little bit of the bridge.
Angeal was finally getting the hang of the game. Ike and Ganon were in a mad frenzy. Ganon kept grabbing at Ike's throat and raising him up into the air.
"Why can't I crush his windpipe?!" Angeal snapped bitterly.
"Here comes the Hero," Genesis said a drop dead serious and dark voice. His character stop hovering in midair and fell. His character jumped several times, but it was all in vain, as his character plummeted into the abyss, giving another scream. "Nooo!" Genesis wailed. "I couldn't jump to the side in time!"
Angeal's character was kicking at Ike. But Ike kept dodging it.
"To heck with you!" Angeal screamed angrily at Sephiroth's character.
Ike powerfully kicked Ganon out of the screen.
There was, "Uhhhaggg!" From Ganon.
Now Ganon and Marth were hovering in the air. They both fell about the same time… into the abyss.
Genesis swore aloud and said, "I hate this place!"
Finally, a black thing at the top of the hole popped up and reformed the missing bridge parts.
"I don't know whose bright idea was it to have the bridge blow up right where you pop up after you die!" Genesis said over dramatically.
Ganon and Marth both fell onto the bridge and charged at Ike.
Ike was prepared. He dodged Marth easily and slashed at his back. Then he quickly spun around and deflected Ganon's attack.
"How are you able…?!" Genesis howled at Sephiroth.
Sephiroth said calmly, "I've played this game before. One of the Firsts invited me to one of his parties. They had a big Super Smash Brother's tournament."
"Who won?" Angeal asked, as Ganon once again went flying out of the screen, but he was able to gain control of his character.
"I did," Sephiroth said simply.
Genesis and Angeal were silent for the rest of the minute.
"Five! Four! Three! Two! One! TIME!"
The round was over. Sephiroth had won, with Angeal in second, and Genesis in last.
Genesis's face twitched. "It was the controller's fault," Genesis said quietly.
Angeal and Sephiroth gave each other secret 'yeah right' looks.
They played a few more matches, usually Sephiroth won, sometimes Angeal. Genesis always landed in last. It ended with Genesis constantly insisting that it was his controller. 'The controller was out of batteries', so Genesis had to go and get new ones. 'The controller had problems', so Genesis had to switch with Angeal's controller. 'The only good controller was Sephiroth's controller', so he had to switch controllers with Sephiroth. 'The controller's nunchuck wasn't working', so he took out the nunchuck and plugged it back in.
Finally when Genesis stated that it was the controller's fault for the third time, Sephiroth and Angeal both snapped at Genesis to shut his trap or they'd shove the controller down his throat and the nunchuck up his nose.
Suddenly, Genesis said, "Let's play random!"
Angeal gave Sephiroth a glance. Sephiroth shrugged and moved his character to random.
Angeal did the same thing, and so did Genesis.
Once they chose a random stage, they all held their breath.
The characters popped up, and there was immediate shrieks of laughter from Genesis and Angeal. Sephiroth was Princess Peach!
Angeal himself was this pink little round ball creature, with arms. He was completely bald and looked like a marshmallow with pink legs. "Who the heck?" Angeal said studying his character.
"You're Kirby," Genesis said. He was frowning, no longer laughing.
"Um, Gen, who is the dude with nipples on his breastplate like thing?" Angeal said, studying Genesis character.
Genesis's dude was a weird looking guy, with a goofy helmet and a tight looking outfit. His breastplate/shirt was so tight, you could see his six pack and nipples.
"Oh Gaia," Angeal snickered.
Genesis snapped, "Shaddup! It's Captain Falcon…"
"Captain Doofus more like it!" Angeal howled.
Genesis's character punched Angeal and began to chase him down.
Princess Peach smashed Kirby with a pan and then whacked him with a golf club.
"Peach is violent!" Angeal said, as he was sent flying from Peach.
In the end, Princess Peach one.
There was a DING-DONG!
Angeal, Sephiroth and Genesis looked at each other.
"Oh yeah! I got pizza!"
Genesis raced around the corner, digging into his pocket for the money.
"Quick," Whispered Angeal to Sephiroth. "Make Genesis be Princess Peach!"
Sephiroth's creepy eyes lit up and he quickly took the controllers of Genesis. Sephiroth made Genesis Princess Peach. Revenge.
Sephiroth and Angeal took their own characters, Angeal being Link and Sephiroth being Ike. They quickly started the game before Genesis could stop them. Then they paused and waited for Genesis, as if nothing happened.
Genesis came back into the room and said, "Piz—you guys started without me?!"
"We paused," Sephiroth said.
Genesis frowned and opened the pizza box. He took one of the largest pizza and stuffed it in his mouth, the rest of the pizza hanging out.
"That looks intelligent," Angeal said sarcastically, looking at Genesis, who looked like a hardcore gamer, letting the pizza hang out of his mouth that like.
"Muff muf ma may?!" Genesis snapped through his mouth full of pizza.
Angeal raised an eyebrow. "Gen, take the pizza out."
Genesis took the pizza out of his mouth and said, "Just play—"
While Genesis's hand was full of pizza, Sephiroth hit the plus button, resuming the battle. Genesis shrieked in indignantly, threw a few swear words, stuffed the pizza back in his mouth. Then his eyes saw what his brain refused to believe.
"Whaut muf hefk?! I mun't munna me Minshess Meach—" He quickly pressed the pause button.
"Don't you dare start the game over," Snarled Angeal.
Genesis went red in the face and shouted, "MUFF MUFF MARSH! MUUUFFF!"
Genesis spat the piece of pizza out, which fell to the floor, and shouted, "I quit!"
"Baby," Jeered Angeal.
Genesis said, "I'm going to kill myself over and over!"
And so he killed Peach by jumping off the cliff.
"And that's how he sulks," Mused Sephiroth.
Genesis killed Peach over and over and over.
"Scardycat," Sipped from Sephiroth's mouth.
Genesis stopped and then charged Peach at Sephiroth. "Take that—!" Peach hit Ike with a pan. "And that—!" Then she hit Ike with a tennis racquet. "And this—!" She whammed her hips at Ike, sending Ike and a bunch of pink hearts away from the screen.
The game was over.
Genesis might not have won it, but he did surprisingly well, even though he killed off Peach over and over.
The next game, Genesis won as Princess Peach. Genesis stood up, picked the pizza off the floor and took a bite off it. "Gentlemen," Genesis said with a swollen head. "I believe I win. The Hero has won. He is the best. He's the best and will be the best!"
Genesis trotted off into the kitchen, continuing to talk about how amazing he was.
Angeal smirked and he and Sephiroth both said the same time, "Brat."
Genesis strutted back into the living room with a plate for his pizza.
"Let's play truth or dare," He decided, flipping off the Wii.
Angeal and Sephiroth glanced at each other. "It's getting kinda late, Gen," Angeal said, glancing at his watch.
"Aw c'mon!" Genesis begged. "I'll go first. Umm… Sephiroth! Did you mom or dad have silver hair?"
Sephiroth glared daggers at Genesis.
"Whoa, wait, Gen, you have to ask Sephiroth 'truth or dare'," Angeal broke in.
Genesis sighed and plopped down on the sofa again. He turned is gaze to Sephiroth. "Sephiroth, truth or dare."
Sephiroth glared at the redhead.
"You're just going to ask that question again."
"I won't."
"Truth…" Sephiroth said skeptically at Genesis.
"Did your dad or mom have silver hair?" Genesis asked trickily.
Sephiroth said back, "That's the same question."
"No it ain't," Genesis said, spewing crumbs at Sephiroth.
"Yes. It. IS."
"I asked did your dad or mom have silver hair. I promised not to ask 'Did your mom or dad have silver hair'," Genesis said triumphantly.
Sephiroth continued to glare.
Genesis smacked on his pizza, the smacking growing louder in the silence.
"Um, Gen, why don't you ask me a question," Angeal finally broke in.
Genesis rolled his eyes and said, "Fine. Angeal, truth or dare?"
"Truth," Angeal said seriously.
"Do you like a girl?" Genesis asked, grinning slyly.
Angeal raised an eyebrow, showing no trace of a blush. "Aren't you a little too old to ask those teenage girly questions?"
Genesis blinked and thought it over. "Will you just answer?!"
"No," Angeal said simply.
"Sephiroth, do you like anyone?" Genesis prodded.
Sephiroth snorted and Angeal said, "Hey, it's my turn to ask. Sheesh, wait your turn, Gen."
"Truth or dare," Angeal asked Genesis.
Genesis scrunched up his face and said fiercely, "Dare!"
Angeal thought a little and said, "Okay. Sing Justin Bieber's Baby song."
"What? No! To heck with that idea! I—" Genesis started, but Sephiroth broke in, "That's a dare…"
Genesis went red in the face and warbled out, "BABY BABY BABY OHHHH! LIKE BABY BABY BABY NOOOO!"
Sephiroth closed his eyes tightly and Angeal covered his ears. "SHUT UP SHUT UP! I GET IT! OKAY?! YOU DID FINE!"
Genesis continued. "I THOUGHT YOU'D ALWAYS BE MINE MIIINNNEEE! YEAHHH! BABY BABY BABY OHHH!"
Finally Sephiroth kicked Genesis, making him stop singing.
Genesis threw a temper fit and snapped, "You guys wanted me to sing it!"
"Chillax!" Angeal swore. Angeal dug his finger into his ear and said, "I think my ear drum died away…"
Genesis snapped, "Sephiroth! Truth or dare?!"
"Dare," Sephiroth said without hesitation.
Genesis took three of the hot pepper packets and opened it. He dumped the spices onto a slice of pizza. Then he opened three more packets and dumped the stuff onto the pizza. Then he carefully put it on his plate and handed it to Sephiroth. "Eat," Genesis commanded manically.
Sephiroth took the slice of pizza and began to eat it. Three bites. Six bites. Ten bites. He finished it. He brushed off some crumbs from the crust and handed Genesis the plate back.
Genesis and Angeal stared disbelievingly at Sephiroth.
"Gaia," Genesis moaned incredulously.
"W-was it spicy?" Angeal was almost afraid to ask.
"Was what spicy?" Sephiroth frowned.
Genesis and Angeal looked at each other blankly.
"Genesis," Sephiroth boomed, which made Genesis jump.
"Shiva!" He replied.
"Truth… or dare…" Sephiroth asked.
"Uhhh… umm…" Genesis quickly thought of the worst horrible outcomes that Sephiroth could do to truth or dare. "Umm… truth?" He said, he thought he was safe.
"How many crushes do you have around in Midgar?" Sephiroth sneered at Genesis.
Genesis grinned a small grin. "I dunno…?"
Sephiroth smirked again. "Angeal. Tear down Gen's room to find how many love letters he has for women around Midgar."
"NOOOO!" Genesis said hastily. "I like at least fifteen different women in the women!"
"At least?" Sephiroth said in disgust.
Angeal shrugged and made an amusing pffft. "Pervert," he mused.
"Am not!" Genesis said, his face red with anger.
"Angeal! Truth or dare!"
Angeal hummed a little. "Hmmm… truth."
"Do you like Princess Peach?" Teased Genesis. He smirked at his friend.
Angeal gave Genesis a weird look. "What kind of question is that?!"
Genesis shrugged. "Dunno. Answer up, pal."
"Not really," Angeal said.
All the sudden, Genesis said, "How about we play twenty questions?!"
Angeal blinked. "You stink at twenty questions. I've seen you and Reno play it. You go like, 'is it a guy or a girl?'" Angeal mimicked Genesis.
A cold smile formed on Sephiroth's face.
Genesis snapped, "I'm thinking of something!"
"Is it a thing?" Angeal asked with a sigh.
"Duh…!"
"Is it Loveless?" Angeal and Sephiroth said at the same time.
Genesis blinked. "How the heck…"
They both glared at Genesis.
"I'm thinking of something," Sephiroth finally said, in a quiet way.
"Hmmm… can you hold it?" Angeal asked.
"Not really," Replied Sephiroth.
"How big is it?" Genesis said seriously.
Angeal did a facepalm. Genesis stunk at twenty questions.
"Is it large," Angeal interpreted to Sephiroth.
"Not really."
"What colour is its hair?" Genesis asked.
"Does it have black hair?" Angeal translated to Sephiroth.
"No."
Genesis thought hard and said, "Does it have hair?" Angeal was impressed. He was getting the hang of it! Maybe he wouldn't have to translate to Sephiroth. Sephiroth was not fluent in stupidity.
"Yes…"
"Is it a girl or guy?" Genesis demanded.
"That isn't a yes or no question," Stated Sephiroth calmly.
"Just answer it," Genesis said.
Angeal sighed and translated to Sephiroth, "Is it a boy?"
Sephiroth nodded. "Yes."
"Does it have green hair?"
"What the heck?" Sephiroth spat back to Genesis. He came up with the dumbest questions!
"Just answer," Genesis said carelessly.
Angeal was growing mad. Genesis was throwing their questions left and right! "Wait! Does it have red hair?"
"Oo, I like Angeal's question more. Answer that, 'cause red hair is eps," Genesis said, running his fingers through his auburn hair.
Sephiroth said, "Yes…"
All the sudden Angeal seemed to get who this person was.
Angeal grinned. "Does he like certain stupid books?"
Sephiroth and Angeal exchanged secret sneering smirks. "Yes…"
"Is he buff?" Genesis asked, not paying attention to Sephiroth and Angeal.
Angeal snorted.
"Not really," Sephiroth said.
Angeal went on, giving Genesis the strongest hints. "Is he good with the ladies?"
"Unfortunately yes," Sephiroth said to Angeal.
Genesis thought hard. "Hmmm… this guy is good with the ladies? I need to get some tips from him… do I know him personally?"
"Yes…"
"Is he exceedingly stupid at times?" Angeal asked.
"Yes."
Genesis frowned. "Maybe I don't wanna get tips from this guy. He sounds like a freakin' jerk!"
"He is," Agreed Sephiroth.
Genesis said sourly, "I'll get him away from my girls! He ain't gonna know what hit him!"
"No he ain't," Agreed Angeal.
"It's going to hit him so hard! He's going to shriek with anger!" Genesis said, getting all pumped up.
"He sure is," Smirked Sephiroth.
"And he—wait, why are you agreeing with me? You never agree with me…" Genesis said suspiciously.
Sephiroth and Angeal both looked at him with no duh faces, yet it still didn't hit him.
"Is he a SOLDIER?" Genesis prodded.
"Yes."
Angeal laughed and added, "Does he have an obsession with crimson?!"
"Heck yes."
"Ohhh? So he's a little copycat, is he?!" Genesis snarled angrily. He threw a punch at an imaginary copycat.
"Gen…" Angeal said.
"Wait…" Genesis's face looked confused. "This guy… umm… does his name start with a G and end with an S?
"Yes," Sephiroth said in a final way.
It completely dawned on Genesis.
"YOU LITTLE—" Genesis shouted angrily. "HOW DARE YOU!"
He stood up from the sofa and stormed into the kitchen. He shouted some swear words.
Angeal and Sephiroth gave each other a high five.
They stood up and grabbed some pizza slices.
Then they went off to join their arrogant redheaded friend to torment him even more, because that's just how their friendship worked.
A twisted smile formed on Sephiroth's face.
He couldn't stand him when they first met. He hated that Third Class fool who was so arrogant, even though he wasn't a First. Rhapsodos constantly strutted around ShinRa, pretending to be First. Sephiroth had so much fun popping that swollen head of his! Somehow, Genesis managed to dig deep under his skin.
Sephiroth was warming up a little to this brat. It would be boring to have a normal friend.
Rhapsodos, Sephiroth thought. Keeps things interesting.
Little did they know about their future and their big role in ShinRa yet to come. But for now, it was best to keep things easy and simple, before the hard times came for these three Third Class SOLDIERs.
The End!
Yayz, I think I wrote this story too fast… my head is going a little wonky and my eyes are heavy with sleepiness. ZZZZZZZ…tell me what you… thought... leave a question or… leave a… comment… all comments are greatly appreciated…
(-_-)...zzz
~Tora Rivers of the Sh!n0b!-Saru-C0rp