Disclaimer: I'm not J.K. Rowling. I just like to do inappropriate things with her characters.

Author's Note: This fic is currently in incomplete status; it was meant to be 13 parts, from an lj prompt table (each chapter is named for its prompt). I'm posting what I have written because it's a fun read, but I make no promises about when I might continue to work on it. (Feel free to beg, though, it tends to provide incentive.)

Opportunity Knocks

by Scribe Teradia

Chapter 1 - Perhaps

"You're being awfully civilized about this."

"I can afford to be. There was a reason I had you draft that prenuptial agreement."

"You suspected this would happen?"

"A proper Slytherin should be prepared for every eventuality, Blaise, you know that as well as I do."

"Still..."

"I didn't foresee walking in on her fucking the Weasel, if that's what you're getting at."

"There's the Theo I know and love."

"Fuck off, Blaise."

"Your capacity for profanity never fails to astound."

"Just tell me what I need to hear."

"That's my boy. Everything is in order, of course. I was quite thorough in making sure that your assets were protected in the event your spouse was unfaithful. I wonder if Granger was this well prepared."

"That's her business, isn't it?"

"Come on, Theo, you can't tell me you aren't at least a little curious."

"Not in the slightest."

"You walked in on your wife fucking her husband, and you're telling me you're not at all interested in how she's handling it? I call bullshit."

"Your capacity for profanity never fails to astound, Blaise."

"Personally, I hope she takes the Weasel for everything he has."

"That'll get her a cup of tea and maybe a scone if she's lucky."

"It's nice to know your sarcasm and wit are as sharp as ever."

"Married life hasn't been that dull."

"I beg to differ, given the reason behind your pending divorce."

"Don't make me have to hurt you."

"Sorry, mate, but you know you're never going to live this one down."

"I am going to have to hurt you."

"Not the face!"

"I swear to Salazar I'm going to hex you into next week if you don't shut the fuck up."

"All right! You win! I still think you should go check up on Granger. Think she'll go back to being just Granger now?"

"The hell if I know."

"Oh, come off it, Theo, we both know you fancied her back in school."

"That's entirely untrue."

"Would I lie to you?"

"At the drop of a fucking hat."

"All right, that's fair, but I'm not lying about this. I know you, Theo, better than anyone. You fancied the chit, I know you did."

"Perhaps."

"And now is the perfect opportunity to seek her out again. If nothing else, you can give her my card."

"Ah. The plot thickens."

"Please. I'd take her case on for free if she asked me, just to rip the Weasel into little pieces, and that was before I knew your soon-to-be-ex-wife was shagging him. Now it's a win for everyone involved."

"Excepting the Weasel."

"That's a given. Theo, man, think about it, will you? I can't approach her, that's hardly Slytherin."

"I suppose I can find an excuse to drop by that won't look too terribly suspicious."

"No one does evil like you do, Theo. It's one of the things I've always admired about you."

"And the documents?"

"This afternoon's mail. Feel free to throw her out on her arse before then, though, the documents are just a formality, at this point."

"You're my hero, Blaise."

"Fuck off, Theo."