Disclaimer: We totally don't own the Gundam Wing characters, man. They're not ours!
Summary: Duo and Wufei fight it out in a battle to the finish. Relena's spilt blood marks the end of the world as we know it. A deep drama that will leave an acidic taste in your mouth. Relena-bashing. Rated PG for implied violence.
The Wolf Reborn
or Citrus Kills
One dark, dreary, detestable day, Wufei said, "I wants me some cotton candy!"
Heero said, "I don't normally care, but why do you want this cotton candy?"
Wufei said, "The cotton candy insulted my honor!"
"Wtf?" said Heero.
"Did you just say 'wtf' out loud?" asked Wufei.
Heero glared and replied, "Now we must duel! Choose your weapon!"
"I choose lemons!" shouted Duo.
Heero and Wufei stared at Duo incredulously.
"You aren't part of this fight, Maxwell, step down," Wufei growled angrily.
"Oh, that's right, I have to insult your mother or something right? Well, guess what, she smells like cheese!" Duo snarled, pointing dramatically at Wufei.
"That's not really an insult, seeing as my mother made cheese for a living," the Asian martial artist replied calmly.
"Oh, well, she's stupid then," Duo said offhandedly.
"Oh, you totally didn't just go there, did you?" said Wufei.
"I totally did; what you gonna do, boy?" jeered Duo, dancing a mocking dance.
"I accept your challenge, we will fight!" shouted Wufei.
"I actually didn't really challenge you…" Duo said uncertainly, stopping his dance.
"Ooooohh, look at Mister Technical-Face! I like to use words in ways that only I like because I'm great and blah, blah, I'm Duo…" Wufei trailed off sarcastically.
-
Three weeks later, the remaining Gundam pilots stood mournfully around Duo and Wufei's graves.
"Who knew that lemons were one of the two components that make up weaponry stronger than nuclear bombs, and that Relena's blood was the other?" pondered Trowa.
"But why did Duo have a pint of Relena's blood on him?" queried Quatre.
"I can answer that!" replied zombie Duo. "That's right, I'm REALLY the god of death now, because I'm dead! You see what I just did? That was wit. I'm awesome."
"Have you found peace in death, Duo?" asked Quatre.
In response, zombie Duo killed Quatre with a toothbrush, don't ask how.
-
The following year, Relena had a toothache. It really hurt. But that's beside the point because nobody cares about Relena. Anyway, Trowa and Dorothy had become the rulers of the Sanc kingdom, the final defense against zombie Duo's evil army of destruction, known only as Decaying Wolf (primarily because that's what it was called).
"We must go on a quest to obtain the Holy Gundam of Disruption," said Trowa.
"No, let's not," responded Dorothy.
"OK," agreed Trowa.
Later, they both died of starvation.
The End