I was sitting on my bed, reading Jump and listening to some music when heard a loud knocking at my door.

"Come in!" I called gaily, pausing my song. I brushed my long, orange hair out of my face, expecting Tatsuki to burst in, fresh from karate practice.

But she didn't.

Ichigo nearly kicked the door down in his hurry to get in. He was so unfocused that he didn't notice me at first. When he did, he reached for my hand quickly and wordlessly. I felt a flutter of happiness fill my gut as he did. I gladly accepted his hand. He gripped mine in a vice and began pulling me off the bed and out of the room.

"Come with me," He ordered frantically. The desperation in his voice made me follow him unquestioningly.

After running for a few minutes to a part of town I had never seen before, I couldn't help but ask "Where are we going?"

"Emergency. We're going to the Urahara Shop."

"Okay," I muttered, wanting more information. When he didn't give any, I pouted a bit without really realizing it.

We reached the shop from another angle (obviously. We were coming from another direction.) Only to meet Chad and Ishida.

"So you got the message too?" Ichigo asked.

Uryû scoffed. "I got the message to come here, and to get this one." He nodded apathetically towards Chad. "He didn't get a message at all."

"Well, I got the same message, except instead of getting Chad, I got Orihime," Ichigo said, not to be outdone by Uryû.

"Messages?" Said Chad, "Was I supposed to get one?"

"No," a voice came from behind us, "I only sent messages to Ichigo and Uryû. But those covered Chad and Orihime too."

Kisuke Urahara jumped dramatically from his perch behind us. "I have a mission for you."

I could see Ishida roll his eyes at the man's dramatics. Personally, I found them rather entertaining.

"A rather nasty Hallow has been sighted in the area. Due to Rukia's injury, she will be unable to assist you in the defeat of this creature. However, I am confident you will be able to handle this one on your own. You in?"

I nodded. It sounded like fun. Fighting, cheering Ichigo on, watching Ichigo deliver the final blow to the Hallow…Yay.

"I'm in," Ishida said with a smile. He was obviously more interested in the battle prospect than he was in Ichigo, but that was okay. More Ichigo for me.

Chad nodded slightly and silently.

"Sure," Ichigo said with a shrug. He wasn't even nervous. He was so brave…

I snapped down to Earth to listen to boring details of our mission before Urahara dismissed us.

I skipped alongside the others as they walked like normal people.

Normal people are no fun.

We reached the site. "Okay…It should be about here…where is it?" Ichigo wondered. His question was answered with the deafeningly unmistakable roar of a Hallow.

Uryû turned quickly to shoot an arrow at the beast and Ichigo drew his Zanpakutô. Chad and I just gaped at the hundred-or-so foot tall monster.

The Hallow quickly snapped its large paw (hand?) at Ishida, its primary target that had just slightly inconvenienced it by putting an arrow in its leg. The Hallow hit its mark, sending Ishida, and what looked like gallons of blood following him, a hundred feet away, where he lay still.

Still enough to be dead.

I gasped and stepped back. Chad seemed to snap out of his funk and went to attack. The Hallow hit him in almost a slapping motion and, though he didn't bleed, die, or fall unconscious, he broke a few bones, I think. I saw a tear escape his eye. I glanced away from my fascination, Ichigo fighting, to comfort him, but he refused my hand.

Not being able to bear not watching Ichigo, I turned once again toward him.

Although the Hollow probably killed Uryû and he hurt Chad, I had faith in Ichigo. He'd win. I just knew it. If I didn't distract him or anything, I knew he'd beat that Hallow.

Still thrashing Zangetsu around like a maniac, he stole a glance toward us.

You idiot! I thought harshly, we're fine! Focus on the battle!

But the Hollow had noticed Ichigo watching us. He jumped at his worthy opponent's temporary distraction and dug his hand into Ichigo's vulnerable body. Claws dug into flesh, some tearing all the way through his body. Blood oozed from his wounds. His face became one of total surprise and frustration. He realized now how much his look at us had cost him.

The Hollow pulled out. Ichigo, who had obviously been using the giant claws as support, collapsed to the ground, gasping out his last few breaths. I screamed at the sight of him lying there like that. He gasped one last time and went limp.

Tears flowed down my cheeks as I watched the scene, unbelieving. He couldn't be dead. He just couldn't.

I answered my own thoughts. "No. No. No. No…No! NOOOOOO!!!!" I collapsed to my knees, losing it. Ichigo…He couldn't be dead. He just couldn't.

Chad placed his good hand on my shoulder. I shoved him off a bit more violently than I probably should have and sprinted towards Ichigo's body.

I knelt by his side, staring into his eyes, their last message to the world being "I should have known better." I gently closed the lids, making him so much more peaceful in appearance. Still hysterical over his death, I threw myself onto the corpse, not letting go, even when Chad touched my shoulder again. In fact, he had to pull me off the body, thrashing and screaming.

He ran us away rather quickly, despite his injuries, and dumped me onto the cold ground. I hugged my knees to my chest and rocked back and forth. This was just terrible. Losing Uryû was bad enough, but now Ichigo…

Another hand clasped itself around mine, this one smaller and gentler than Chad's. I looked up into the blood-covered face of Ishida. His wounds were simply awful, and he looked like he was ready to collapse for his final time any second, but he was there. Alive. And that was more than to be said about Ichigo. But still, at least I had that one small comfort, of having one more friend survive. Too hysterical to be surprised, I sniffed and intertwined my fingers with his. He gave me a small, weak smile. It was terrible, but there was something to say about him caring enough to try. I let out another cry and launched myself into his arms. He just held me feebly while I covered his already filthy body with blood, snot, and tears. I couldn't see his face, but I knew it was dark and unsmiling. While he and Ichigo always seemed to be fighting, I knew neither one wanted the other to die. But Ichigo had…I let out another round of fresh sobs.

"Umm…Guys?" Chad said. I unburied my face from Uryû's chest. We both remembered the reason we were where we were and stood up, now itching for vengeance. I made a silent promise to Ichigo to kill this Hollow for him. I stood up, ready to avenge him.

But Ishida and Chad had beaten me to it. They were fighting as hard as they could while not opening or angering any wounds, which was actually pretty weak, but still, they were fighting. I was about to join them when the Hollow once again sent out its deadly hand at Ishida. He once again went flying, though this time, not as far. He landed, a bloody mess, about fifty to a hundred feet away. My feet, acting on their own, raced toward him.

I knelt by his side, this time while he was still alive, as opposed to Ichigo. He coughed and suddenly as much blood that I picked up from Ichigo was on his chest and chin. He breathed shallowly, desperately, begging for air. "Can't…like…" he muttered before he lost all ability to speak. He probably meant to say "I can't go like this." I felt so terrible for him, being killed by the thing he existed to destroy.

I leaned over his bloody face. "Tell him I love him." Obviously, I spoke of Ichigo. His body tried to smile as a reflex, but he was unable to. He used all of his strength to give the weakest nod imaginable. Suddenly, his breaths quieted and his eyes closed. Under my hands, his heartbeat ended. His whole body wilted.

"NO! URYŪ!! NOT YOU TOO!! I WON'T LET YOU DIE!!!" I screamed, tears still flowing. I knew it was pointless, but I was acting purely on emotion. I shook the corpse, but of course, to no avail. He remained, as he always would, dead. No, no, NO, NO! NO!!!

I looked toward my last living comrade, Chad, for assistance, but he was…preoccupied. While I had been fretting over Uryû, I had forgotten that I'd left Chad still fighting. He had received an injury not nearly as bad as the ones Ishida and Ichigo had managed to live through, but terrible still. He was no longer fighting, but left to die by the Hollow, who was now heading away looking for more plentiful prey. The hole through Chad's stomach kept him too busy to follow. It went perfectly cleanly through his body. His oversized hands covered it on either side, but the crimson liquid still flowed through his giant fingers. He looked toward me helplessly, whispered "I won't be able to stop it," and let go, letting the blood flow naturally. This new flow of fluid made his fall come more quickly, his large body landing with an earth-shaking thud. His death, though still awful to watch, seemed to be a lot more peaceful than Ishida's or Ichigo's. It was probably because he let it happen by letting go. He pretty much had committed suicide, although a lot more…influenced than suicide usually is.

I didn't drop to my knees again, that seemed pointless. Instead, I ran for the Hollow, my friends' killer, screaming at it, begging it to kill me. The things I had just seen should never be seen by someone who lives. I ran until I stood in front of it, eyes closed, arms spread, welcoming the death that I knew awaited me…

It never came. After about thirty seconds of strangely peaceful waiting, I opened my eyes and turned to the Hollow that had walked past me, bored with killing kids like me and my friends. I begged and pleaded for my demise, running to catch up with it again, but it either didn't listen or didn't hear me. Either way, I didn't die. Oh, I continued my chase for what felt like and probably was miles, but the Hollow didn't show me the strange mercy I so desperately wanted. I was exhausted, depressed, probably suffering from some type of mental condition, and covered in multiple people's blood, but I continued running until I was finally caught from behind by warm human hands. I struggled for a few moments before I gave in and collapsed from exhaustion. My final thoughts as I was going down were, maybe I did it. Maybe I'll die from this exhaustion. Maybe I'll join Ichigo, Uryû, and Chad. Maybe…

But no such luck. I woke days later in the back of the Urahara shop on a comfortable makeshift mattress laid hastily on the floor to cradle me. (Kisuke must have been the one who "saved" me.) I didn't open my eyes at first. I wanted to listen to the conversation going on between Kisuke and Tessai in the hallway outside my room.

"– She could have died," Tessai was saying.

"I know that. I think that could be what she wanted. She probably didn't know it, but when I arrived, but she was speaking, or more, screaming, in gibberish. But I think she was asking the Hollow to kill her."

"Do you have proof of this?"

"Well…no. I don't. But I think I'm right."

"Why?"

"I've seen a lot of suicidal people, and she was one of them. Trust me. I know what I'm talking about, Tessai."

"I believe you, but I'm just saying, if we make a big deal about this if it isn't true…"

"Tell you what. We'll just keep a really close eye on her for a while to make sure she never gets…up to something. Is that okay?"

"I guess so…"

I groaned. That reminded me of my death wish that I still had. I really needed to kill myself, but now with them watching me, I knew I wouldn't have a second of time free enough to end my life. Damn it!

Oh, well, maybe I could slowly starve myself or something like that. It might not have been as quick as I might have wanted, but I'd die, and that was all I wanted. I could wait.

Urahara must have heard my moan because a split second later he was at my bedside, playing doctor. The question that I had to hold back giggles when answering was "Are you feeling alright?"

He never mentioned his intent to keep watch on me. I didn't expect him to.

His eyes were more difficult than I thought. I couldn't do anything to myself that would put me in any danger of dying. I was forced to eat at his kitchen table at his house and I was only allowed to use a spoon, never a fork or knife, so I couldn't spontaneously stab myself. In fact, I spent every second I wasn't at school with either him or some other member of the shop. It became very frustrating.

They were forcing me to live with what I'd seen, what I'd gone through.

Let me tell you. Life can be so much worse than death.