Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, a sherwood smith fanfic

Disclaimer – The characters are Sherwood Smith's. The song is Cake's. I OWN NOTHING!

A/N – this is a ONE SHOT, I will only write more if many people ask for it. I know it's slightly OOC, but I decided that because of who it was about, and how it was written, it would really be different to anything I've read. NOTE – I have not read Beauty or Vidanric's Birthday Surprise.

Dedicated to ShannonLynn, my wonderful beta, she's managing to cope with everything I throw at her and that means she's an angel, she's even reviewing! THANKYOU!

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

A tall man sat in the gardens of the palace at Athanarel. He did not seem to notice the beauty of his surroundings; instead, his interest focused inwards. Every now and then he would smile slightly before lapsing back to a somber face. Footsteps sounded on the path leading past his seat and he heard the swish of silk skirts. The footsteps halted before him and the man could see petite slippers just poking out from the folds of a dress.

"Russav."

The blue-eyed man looked up into the sky-blue eyes of the one he had just been thinking – no, dreaming – about.

"Tamara." He spoke the name softly. "What brings you here?"

She bridled slightly before replying. "Walking, Russav. There is no law against that, yet, is there?"

Russav sighed. "No, Tamara, I was merely curious. But why, if you were walking as you say, did you stop?"

You won't admit you love me.
And so how am I ever to know?
You always tell me
perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

The woman sighed. "Can I not bid good-day to an old friend?

You haven't spoken to me since Danric and Mel announced their engagement." Russav sighed. At least I've been promoted back to the 'old friend' category, he thought. Better than 'dirt from the gutter', as I was before. He stood and offered his arm diffidently. "Does this mean I am allowed to walk with you again?"

Tamara looked down at the proffered arm and took it lightly. "Of course Russav," she said with a tinkling laugh, "You have always been allowed to walk with me. Now come, let us talk of other things. You are coming to the ball to welcome Mel into the Renselaeus family, are you not?"

Russav chuckled slightly. "Of course, you do not think Danric would let me off such an important event, do you?" He smiled down at her. "I will see you there?"

"Now Russav, what a question! Of course I shall be there, when have you known me to miss a ball? I have danced at every ball since I came to court!" Tamara flushed slightly as she thought of the number of dances she had shared blissfully with the man beside her. Mel said that Russav loved Tamara, but Tamara had never been sure, especially not after Danric –

"Why I believe you have." Russav interrupted her line of thought musingly. "Or at least every ball I have attended." He liked the way she flushed and wondered if she knew how beautiful it made her look. Forcibly turning his thoughts away from ones like that, Russav turned his mind to the upcoming ball. It was a masquerade. Taking a risk he asked. "May I enquire as to your costume for the ball?"

Tamara wondered whether she should tell him and decided not to. It should be a surprise… And perhaps she would get a dance or two from him before he realized who she was. "You may enquire, but I may choose not to reply," She answered coyly, batting her eyelashes and fanning herself languidly while beckoning slightly with the other hand.

Russav cleared his throat, trying not to smile. "Forgive my forwardness, Tamara, I meant no offense." He said, hoping to trick her into saying something open.

This sent Tamara into a slight spiral downwards; she had not meant to seem offended at all! Then she realized his ploy, and decided to play along. "No offense taken, I merely wished to keep it as a surprise for you, but if you would prefer…" She trailed off and Russav spoke hastily.

"No, it is no matter, if you wish it to be a surprise, a surprise it shall be."

Russav lightly turned the subject of the conversation to lighter matters, loving the way she leant on his arm trustingly and spoke so freely with him. As they spoke, Russav remembered the last time it had been this good.

A man and woman walked through the gardens after the ball to announce Mel and Danrics betrothal. They talked of many things, but mainly of the strange courtship that had taken place between Danric and Mel, and their obvious love for one another.

The full moon was shining down, and Russav looked at Tamara's face, his breath catching at the vision in front of him. The moonlight softened her glorious black hair and made it glow softly, while her pale cheeks were flushed with the exertion of the dancing they had just done.

His eyes darkening slightly, Russav waited for an appropriate break in the conversation before speaking softly.

"I don't suppose we could ever have something like that Tamara? You and me?"

Russav's usually fluent tongue was made clumsy by the strong emotions he was experiencing, and he caught his breath as he waited for a reply. That breath left him quickly, and his face went white as Tamara pulled away from him, saying

"No, I don't suppose we could." Before she swept off into the darkness.

Russav stood there,a hurt look on his face. "Life, what do I see in that woman?" he muttered under his breath before collecting his shaken nerves and walking dazedly to his rooms and collapsing on his bed, to lie sleepless till morning.

Russav's painful memory finished as they walked down a long avenue of rose bushes. Seeing them, he was struck by an idea.

He reached out and pulled a white rose, a light pink rose, a red rose and a yellow rose from the nearby rosebushes. "Wear one of these, that I might know it is you," he said, quickly stripping the thorns from the rose stems before offering them to her.

Tamara hesitated. The white rose symbolized purity of intent, the light pink was admiration, the red was love and the yellow was friendship. Which to choose? After a long moment, Tamara knew.

"No, I don't suppose we can"

Tamara had swept away from Russav, frightened but what she saw in his eyes. Almost immediately, she regretted what she had said and turned back to him in time to see the hurt look on his face, and hear the muttered.

"Life, what do I see in that woman?"

Tamara turned again, here eyes sad, what did he see in her? He obviously didn't love her, she was just a passing fancy. Well, he need not think she would bother him any more. Taken up with regret and little confidence in her self, Tamara stumbled to her rooms blindly and fell into bed, to cry herself to sleep.

After the shock of memory, she decided this time would be different and reached out…

She took the red. Tamara blushed slightly at the look in Russav's eyes. He spoke quietly, almost inaudibly.

"Keep the others also, but wear that one tonight." Tamara's heart sped up as she carefully took the roses from him and cradled them in her hands. She spoke almost as softly as he had.

"I will." Russav was sure she could hear his heart pounding, it was almost all he could hear, and he nearly missed her quiet words. He felt and offered all the feelings represented by the roses for her, and she had chosen the deepest feeling of all. He spoke again, softly.

"Thank you."

Tamara, slightly embarrassed by what she had just done, and realizing how near they had drawn, to one another, a step and said, calmly, "Now Russav, let's not seclude ourselves too long. Someone might almost believe that we have feelings for each other."

A million times I've asked you,
and then I ask you over
again, you only answer
perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Russav barely refrained from grinding his teeth. Why would anyone think that, Tamara? Maybe because I am madly in love with you? Instead of speaking his mind, Russav just drawled, "No, we couldn't have that."

They walked along together for a little while before Russav had endured all he could take. "I'm sorry Tamara, I must leave you here. Until tonight." Russav caught up Tamara's hand and kissed it swiftly before turning down a side path and walking quickly away.

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Russav arrived at the ball early, dressed as a fox. He quickly scanned the room for the bearer of a deep red rose. She was not there yet. It's not like I need her to wear the rose, he thought. I'd know her in any disguise, the curve of her cheek, the wonderful blue eyes, the way she glides along the floor…

Music started and Russav's train of thought was interrupted for the entrance of the couple of the moment, Danric and Mel. Danric had dressed as a dragon, and Mel as a phoenix. Whew, it's good Danric is a guest of honor; otherwise I'd be under his scrutiny the whole night. Russav surveyed the room again, and his heart skipped a beat. She was there, over on the other side of the room, dressed as a swan, with the deep red rose clasped in her glorious hair.

Russav swiftly walked across the floor and bowed to the swan. "May I have this dance, my lady?"

Tamara's sweet voice replied. "I would be honored."

Russav took her arm and led her out to the dance floor, before placing one hand around her waist, and the other in her left hand. She placed her right hand on his shoulder. The music started and the couple began to dance.

"How are you tonight, my lady?"

"In good health, thank you, my lord."

"That is good to hear. May I add that you are looking particularly well tonight?"

A faint blush tinged the swan's cheeks. "You may. And may I return the compliment?"

"Why thank you. If I may enquire, what is the meaning of the flower in your hair?"

If you can't make your mind up,
we'll never get started.
And I don't wanna wind up
being parted, broken-hearted.
So if you really love me,
say yes.
But if you don't, dear, confess.
And please don't tell me
perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

The swan blushed and was silent for a while before replying. "I do believe you will have to ask me that later in the night, my lord."

"Of course. Forgive me for presuming."

The dance ended and Russav reluctantly handed Tamara to another partner. He was accosted by the dragon shortly after.

"Mel wants to talk to you. Ask her to dance, won't you?"

"Of course Danric. Surely you can't be this weary of her already, that you are so impatient for me to dance with her?"

"Russav, you know it is only polite for her to dance with a few others before I can claim her for the rest of the night."

"I'm going, I'm going. Take Tamara for a dance, won't you?"

"If you wish it, Russav, I suppose I owe it to you."

"Thank you." Russav turned away from his future king and walked across to the woman who would soon be queen. "Would you honor me with a dance your grace?"

The woman laughed softly. "So formal Savona? Especially since I'm not even Queen yet."

"Ah, but you summoned me, and a good subject answers his summons faithfully and with every courtesy possible."

"Yes, yes, let's dance. I wish to speak with you about something."

"Your wish is my command." Russav led Mel onto the dance floor just as the music began. As they danced, Mel spoke.

"I happened to notice that a certain lady was wearing a red rose in her hair tonight. I could not help but wonder what it meant?"

"If I knew, I would tell you. She was offered four roses: white, pink, red, yellow. You can see which she chose. She directed me to enquire later in the evening."

"It's like that, is it? Do not worry, it means what you wish, I am sure of it. Plus," She added archly, "I am led to understand that you have much advice for the frustrated and longing suitor. Why won't you take some of it?"

"I have been!" Russav spoke with anguish. "How do you think I have survived this long?"

"Well then, ask her again. Look, she is free." As she spoke, the music ended and she released Russav. "I do not think you will be disappointed."

Russav, heartened by Mel's advice, walked cross the floor to Tamara. "Would you care to take a walk on the balcony, my lady?"

"If you wish, my lord." Tamara had watched him approaching, sure he was not coming to talk to you, but, like a bee drawn to a flower, he had come to her. And now he wished to walk with her, alone.

"I do. I wish to talk to you." Russav offered his arm and Tamara took it. They walked slowly together to one of the large glass doors which led to a long balcony, which looked down onto the rose avenue they had walked in earlier that day. Once outside, Tamara spoke.

"What was it you wished to speak of?" Tamara struggled to keep composed as she looked up at the handsome man standing so close to her. He was so handsome, and smart, and funny, and she loved him so much. She had lost her resolve when last he asked, but this time she was prepared for the question.

"Your flower, what does it mean?" Russav thought Tamara looked more beautiful than ever, out in the moonlight, like that last time, after another ball. No, this one would be different, he was sure of it!

"Why, it means that I love you my lord."

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FelSong – I'm not sure if I'll continue this…thanks for the notes on mistakes, hope I fixed them all!