Tales of Fluffy, the Albino (and Sometimes Toy) Cat…Nah, Only Kidding!
By Centauri Cruxis Angel and Cruxis Gypsy
Centauri Cruxis Angel: If you want to know what this fanfic is going to be about please read on. But just note, 'MAJOR-RIFIC SPOILERS!' inside on all characters from Yuan to the Mystery Chef and many other very strange people who you have not probably heard of in Tales of Symphonia before.
It basically tells of Lloyd and Co.'s exciting…oh bugger it, all crazy and weird stuff happens on this certain adventure with X-tra crud side quests, which weren't mentioned. Why you ask? ...Because they were crud.
Many things happen such as the girls in the group revolt and take Kratos as their 'prisoner', and start a crazed Amazonian cult. Raine eats the wrong type of mushroom and declares herself as Xena's rightful heir. Zelos gets mauled by demented Chipmunks and Prairie Dogs and makes hilarious, yet perverted statements. Lloyd stands on a clichéd and corny hill, with wind blowing thraough his hair and discovers he has very informative dreams. Mithos finds his true clling as a choir singer and forces Yuan and Kratos to join him. Genis becomes the Messiah of the Katz, and threatens to make a Java Coffee uprising. Presea plans a mission for an unmanned Rheiard to bomb the Tower of Salvation, and take care of those pesky angels once and for all. Sheena decides to make a sacred pact with the Summon Spirit of Kitchen Utensils. The truth is found out about Regal's 'true' murder victim. Yuan gets (almost) mugged for his hair and has a sugar rush. My best friend, (almost) mugs Yuan for his hair and makes informative comments. Colette gets abducted by rouge Unicorns and has to escape their cud-chewing plans of world domination. Kratos finds wood, then realises how dangerous that stuff can be, and gets worshiped as a god.
The gang run into a 'Rhu-Tastic®' seller, a strange, spring worshiping cult, Mic Ronalds®, the fast-food giants of 'Tales of Symphonia' and Magical Mushrooms. They find out about the Mystery Gourmet Wonder Chef's real identity, the secret base of the Unicorns and their secret alliance with the Pengnuists', and play a Roman name game.
They all get lost more than once and many are kidnapped, whether it is for a cult, choir, critturs, or Cruxis. Squirrel hunting becomes a handy thing to know and elves lie about their ages.
So if this little starter still hasn't made you bat an eyelid, go read a soppy ToS fanfic about love and romance. Yuck! They're okay to read sometimes, but when a true piece of classic work like this is written, it's not to turn up against 'A heart-warming tale of young love, between Lloyd and Colette' or 'Can Kratos finally open his heart to love again?' I mean, come on! Lloyd's oblivious and Kratos couldn't give a bum!
Kratos: I love Anna! (Throws Flamberge) I am loyal, damn it!
Centauri Cruxis Angel: I know you do! Damn But we like to have fun with you!
Kratos: …I'm…scared…
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Don't worry. …Just don't read R rated Fanfics, especially 'Rain'…
Kratos: What's so bad about rain?
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Err…It's not the rain…it's more what you DO in the rain…with Raine.
Kratos: Goes white …An…cough…what do I do with Raine…?
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Let's just say that what this person has made you do wouldn't make Genis happy.
Kratos: …Oh………… Children these days are far too knowledgeable about this stuff… In my day we didn't actually know how to do it until we were doing it… But then that brought up problems… we didn't exactly know where to go…
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Ewwww!
Kratos: What?
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Uhh…um…hee hee!
Kratos: …
Centauri Cruxis Angel: …And don't go near any that say; RXK, RXRXK, SXK or say Kraine or Kreena and especially LXK, and ZXK those are icky. Or say 'Kratos gives in to his sins' or 'Kratos takes what he desires (forced or un-forced)', 'Kratos has fun', or 'It started with a kiss…' okay?
Kratos: Humph…Fine.
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Good lad. This fanfic isn't like those.
Kratos: Yay! Err…Umm…I mean…good.
Centauri Cruxis Angel: It's weirder.
Kratos: Damn!
Chapter Guide:
Intro…Other Stuff, Rhubarb, Rhubarb…Spanking…ew! Other Worthless Dribble
Concerning Kratos
I NEED WOOD!
Xena Returns… Sorry it's Raine
Sacrifices, Sex Gods, and Sporks
Nightmares can be Extremely Instructive(Especially in Cheesy Stories like This)
Fours a Party, Sixteens the Square of It
Be It Ever So Corny
Deadius Corpius, of the Ninth Legion
For Some Reason, Sporks Figure Prominently in This Story
Genis Sage and the Coffee Shop
Attack of the Hairballs
Who Killed the Wonder Chef?
Buying Secrets
Head Hunters
The Tragic Tale of the Welegian Boy's Choir
Zelos and the Randy Rabid Rabbits (and Other Small Fluffy Creatures)
Call Me Horny
Village of the Elfy Guys (Their Ages All could be Lies)
We Know What You Did in the Beginning…
Call of the Wild
more to come…
1.-Intro…Other Stuff, Rhubarb, Rhubarb…Spanking…ew! Other Worthless Dribble-
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Hahaha! This is my first 'ToS' fanfic, but I think I'm gonna enjoy writing it!
Kratos: Oh, great. She'll probably just make me take my top off somewhere in it…
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Drool
Presea: Kratos…is going to take his top off?
Raine: What! Um, I mean…Look! That ruin over there…It's so…old…and informative…
Sheena: Huh, yeah right, She just wanted to see Kratos with his shirt off
Presea: Oh
Raine: I HEARD THAT!
Kratos: Err…
Zelos: Don't worry my beautiful hunnies! I'll take mine off anytime for your womanly needs!
Everyone: …
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Err…we'll put a rain-check on that Zelos.
Zelos: Anytime, just remember I want some sort of payment, maybe a kiss?
Sheena: What about a Liverpool Kiss, with extra hurt?
Zelos: Ouch, you wound me deep Sheena…
Genis: Not as much as the time she gave you a stealth wedgie…Hahaha!
Zelos: Uhh, come here!
Genis: Ahhhh! Raine!
Colette: Please everyone calm down!
Genis: javajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajavajava……
Raine: Who gave Genis more coffee?
Lloyd: I only thought he had two cups this morning?
Kratos: Opps. I gave him some.
Regal: Same.
Mithos: No one said that he was addicted!
Yuan: I don't think I should have given him permission to use Renegade coffee maker.
Presea: Or give him an… industrial amount… of coffee beans.
Zelos: Hyper is just his normal self.
Genis: Hey!
Regal: I think we should move out of the way Presea, this might turn ugly.
Genis: Like Zelos.
Zelos: Brat!
Lloyd: Come on everyone! She needs to read the disclaimer! Ow! Professor! Why did you hit me?
Raine: You should have said!
Lloyd: …Man…Please hurry up Sam…
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Only my companions can call me by that name!
Lloyd: Ow!
Mithos: Hey that's my line!
Centauri Cruxis Angel: …
(Sound of rapid footsteps and a door opening)
Cruxis Gypsy: MUST HAVE HAIR!
Yuan: Aaahhhhhggggggg!
Cruxis Gypsy: No! Come back here Yuan!
Yuan: Not until you put that "'Close-Trim' electric razor" down!
Cruxis Gypsy: Damn! I…just need your hair! I love it!
Yuan: Can't I just give you the name of my hair stylist?
Cruxis Gypsy: Sigh It isn't the same. I need to take my anger out on something…
Lloyd: Ow!
Cruxis Gypsy: Hee hee! Your hair's cute Lloyd!
Lloyd: That doesn't make up for the sore arm…
Cruxis Gypsy: Oh well! I'm writing some chapters of his too!
Lloyd: Is it 'Beat Lloyd Day'?
Cruxis Gypsy: Maybe.
Colette: Are you fun to spank, Lloyd?
Lloyd: Ummm…I dunno.
Colette: Let me try!
Lloyd: No!
Colette: On your bum, hee hee!
Everyone: …
Zelos: Lucky bastard.
Cruxis Gypsy: I'm scared…
Centauri Cruxis Angel: I'm scared too!
Kratos: If you are under 13 years of age please, please, for your own sake, stop reading this and run out the room. Also don't tell your mommy and daddy about what you just read… They already know.
Centauri Cruxis Angel Cruxis Gypsy: Yay! We're both 15!
Lloyd: How do you know dad?
Kratos: …Shared 'man' stories…
Zelos: Tut tut! Heheheh. I don't think so! Cough-naughtywithanna-cough.
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Err, this 'spanking' talk is getting awkward. And Zelos might start telling dirty jokes…
Kratos: Tell me about it…
Lloyd: Uh oh…
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Disclaimer time!
Disclaimer: I do own Kratos' underwear and Yuan's hair stylist…opps, err, I mean we don't own Tales of Symphonia, AND/OR any brands of coffee drunk during this. All copied lines, scenes, and all stuff, etc…We don't own and never have.
Kratos: My underwear?
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Sorry Kratos, just aslip of the tongue, note to self: keep fantasies to self!
Kratos: What was that? I didn't hear…
Centauri Cruxis Angel: N…Nothing!
Lloyd: Hey Kratos, didn't you say that you were missing some boxers the other day?
Kratos: Yeah, does anyone know anything about their whereabouts?
Sheena, Raine, Presea, Centauri Cruxis Angel, and Mithos: NO!
Kratos: You don't have to shout!
Sheena, Raine, Presea, Centauri Cruxis Angel, and Mithos: O…o…okay.
Colette: Come on everyone! I want to listen to this Fanfic.
Centauri Cruxis Angel Cruxis Gypsy: Thanks Colette!
Zelos: I'm interested in the chapter 'Sacrifices, Sex Gods, and Sporks'. I know it's gonna be about me of course! It's so hard to contain ones' sexiness!
Centauri Cruxis Angel: Uhh… You'll just have to wait and see Zelos…
Sheena: For some reason I don't think its going to be Zelos…
Cruxis Gypsy: How did you guess?
Zelos: Aww…
Centauri Cruxis Angel: I'm starting…
Regal: I think we are going to regret this…
Raine: 'Xena Returns…?'
Lloyd: Guys…RR this okay? …Please?