Hi! This fic will be about 2-3 chapters long! i'm not exactly sure when the next one will be out though. the next chapters will have less pesterlogs.
Anyway, this is an au where Karkat sends Equius after Eridan instead of Gamzee. And in turn, Tavros goes after Gamzee instead of Vriska.
hope you enjoy! Reviews are greatly appreciated!
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]
CG: EQUIUS, ARE YOU THERE?
CT: D - Yes
CG: OK, GOOD
CG: ARE YOU STILL REALLY STRONG?
CG: LIKE, IS THAT STILL YOUR THING?
CT: D - I am still e%ceptionally STRONG
CT: D - Strength continues to be my STRONGEST attribute
CG: OK GOOD.
CG: I GUESS THAT WAS A PRETTY DUMB QUESTION.
CG: I NEED YOUR HELP.
CT: D - With what
CG: ERIDAN IS ON A RAMPAGE
CG: HE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL IF WE DON'T STOP HIM.
CT: D - You mean
CT: D - The seadweller
CG: WHAT?
CG: YEAH, I GUESS
CT: D - Oh dear
CG: WHAT
CT: D - Are you saying the seadweller has finally embraced his natural urge to e%terminate those of land dwelling caste in a way that actually poses a threat
CG: NO I'M SAYING HE FUCKING SNAPPED AND WANTS TO MURDER US ALL
CT: D - Yes e%actly
CG: DAMMIT, WHY DOES THIS CONVERSATION HAVE TO BE SO PREDICTABLY TERRIBLE
CG: ALL I'M ASKING YOU TO DO
CG: NO, ORDERING YOU TO DO
CG: IS GO FIND ERIDAN AND BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH YOUR BARE HANDS, OR POSSIBLY TWO HALVES OF A BROKEN BOW, BEFORE HE KILLS ANYONE ELSE.
CT: D - I certainly appreciate the debauchery inherent in receiving an order of such gravity from a rogue-b100ded foulmouth
CT: D - But
CT: D - I'm not entirely positive I can raise a hand to the seadweller
CG: WHY THE FUCK NOT.
CG: I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU DON'T LIKE HIM.
CT: D - Yes
CT: D - He is a seadweller
CT: D - Our feud is codified in tradition
CT: D - Neigh, we are obligated to be at odds
CT: D - It's dignified
CT: D - But
CT: D - Is it completely necessary to kill him
CG: OH MY GOD
CG: HE JUST MURDERED KANAYA AND FEFERI IN COLD BLOOD AND SOLLUX COULD SLIP INTO A FUCKING COMA ANY SECOND NOW.
CG: I'D SAY IT WOULD BE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY NECESSARY TO CHOKE HIM WITH HIS OWN PRETENTIOUS DOUCHEBAG SCARF BEFORE HE SENDS MORE PISS WHITE BOLTS OF SCIENCE BULLSHIT THROUGH EVERY SKULL ON THIS METEOR.
CG: IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO IT JUST PASS YOUR NASTY SWEAT SOAKED DUDEBRO SHADES TO NEPETA SO I CAN MAKE HER DO IT.
CT: D - No
CT: D - I will do it, should no other option arise
CT: D - I just
CT: D - Do I really have to
CG: GOD, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM NOW
CT: D - I'd prefer not to interact with him
CG: WHY
CT: D - It's primarily that his advances make me uncomfortable
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHA.
CG: I WOULD HIGH FIVE YOU IF IT WOULDN'T SHATTER EVERY BONE IN MY HAND.
CG: AND IF YOU DIDN'T SMELL TERRIBLE.
CG: BUT SERIOUSLY, IF YOU COULD CARRY OUT MY ORDERS IN THE LEAST PERVERSE WAY POSSIBLE, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
CG: I NEED YOU TO COME THROUGH FOR ME, BECAUSE WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF MANPOWER HERE.
CT: D - We are
CG: YES. WITH FEFERI AND KANAYA DEAD WE'RE RUNNING PRETTY DAMN LOW. NOT TO MENTION THAT SOLLUX IS KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT, TAVROS IS AS GOOD AS DEAD, AND TEREZI IS MISSING.
CG: OH GOD, I HOPE SHE'S OK, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO LOOK FOR HER.
CG: DID I MENTION THAT VRISKA IS PROBABLY TEARING TAVROS APART AS WE SPEAK.
CT: D - She is
CT: D - How many of us are rampaging murderously, e%actly
CG: I DON'T KNOW, AT LEAST TWO PROBABLY, BUT WHO EVEN KNOWS AT THIS POINT
CG: JUST DO WHAT I SAY, OK.
CT: D - I will 100k into it
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]
Equius sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as the Trollian window minimized out of his computerized shades. Truth be told, he'd been expecting a message of this sort for a few hours now. He had known that excrement was hitting the whirling device lately and that Karkat, as "The Leader", would be in need of his incredible STRENGTH sooner or later. He had just hoped that it wouldn't need to involve killing anyone.
"What did Karkat say, Equius?" Nepeta grinned up at him, poking his arm lightly to take his attention away from his shades.
"How do you know I was even talking to him?" Equius inquired, only slightly feigning an offended tone. He switched off the computer mode on his cracked glasses to see the cat troll's bright yellow eyes staring back at him.
"You always squint your eyes when he starts messaging you. Like this." Nepeta scrunched up her brow, squinting her eyes until they were nearly shut, and putting on a particularly grumpy scowl. That earned a hearty chuckle from her moirail.
"His walls upon walls of abhorrent grey text is a strain on the eyes after a while." Equius mumbled mostly to himself as he settled back down on the large pile of broken robot parts. Nepeta nimbly leapt into the spot next to him, resurfacing with a few stray wires tangled around her horn.
"Well, what did he say? Is he trying to get everyone back togethpurr?"
"According to him, there is hardly an 'everyone' to get back together." Equius replied, "The seadweller has just murdered Feferi and Kanaya, as well as incapacitating Captor."
"You mean mister Ampurra? I thought something fishy was going on with him recently."
"Nepeta, this is serious. Karkat has instructed me to go apprehend him. He's finally embraced his social calling. And this time, with less doomsday devices that do nothing more than kill my lusus." Equius folded his arms over his chest, leaning back into the ruined torso of a brutalized robot.
"I'm still not sure I can believe it!"
"That's because you still refuse to 100k upon our b100dlines as the deciding behooviroal factors they are."
"Uh...behooviroal?"
"Behaviorial. Sorry, my heart is galloping and I canter nunciate properly. The horst case scenario is upon us." Equius quickly summoned one of his captchalogued towels and dabbed gently at his forehead.
"Pfft." Nepeta snorted and untangled the stray wire from her horn, tossing it back into the pile.
"Ampora's bloodline is among the highest, even among seadwellers. As a result, he's prone to being more ruthless and unpredictable than the rest of us."
"Wait, so did Karkitty tell us to actually go out and kill Eridan?" Nepeta scratched her chin thoughtfully, "Beclaws I've been wanting to try out these new claws I alchemized!"
"No, abso100tely not." Equius shot back sternly, "This will be incredibly dangerous and I refuse to allow you to get hurt. You will stay here."
"But the claws have barbs!"
"It is not up for debate." The blueblood's expression fell, "Eridan was able to kill two of our best fighters. If anything were to happen to you…"
"I'm purrfectly capable of taking on Mr. Fishbreath!" Nepeta pouted, folding her arms.
"I am aware. But...Just allow me to access the situation on my own first. Should I require backup...you will be the first troll I contact. Until then, you will hide where we discussed earlier." Equius' expression had become stoic and unreadable again, but Nepeta understood very well.
She nodded in agreement, and after a few more rounds of roleplay to lighten the mood, she bid farewell to her moirail as he shooed him into the paint-covered room they dubbed as her hiding spot. She kept a well tuned ear to the wall as Equius pushed some towers of heavy crates to hide the outline of the steel door. Most trolls knew this room was here already, but they would have a hell of a time moving these boxes without the blueblood's STRENGTH.
Nepeta knew her moirail. And she knew that he wouldn't be calling her for backup, even if Eridan had him beaten into the ground. He worried about her too much to do that.
Which is why she was taking matters into her own paws.
oH,,,hOLY SHIT,,,
They were the only words Tavros could put together in his mind that made an inkling of sense when he transportalized into the room. Which was absolutely trashed.
The bodies of Kanaya and Feferi were on nearly opposite ends of the room, yet their blood splatters collided in several places. Even ignoring the corpses and vast amounts of blood, the room was a disaster. Clown horns and robotic parts were scattered everywhere, his Fiduspawn host dolls were all torn apart, several of Nepeta's teapots were shattered, and not to mention the huge scorch mark where Aradiabot must have exploded. As Tavros scanned the wall in stunned silence, he also noticed the large splatter of dull yellow blood next to Karkat's computer. The slightly metallic smell of psionics in the air gave him a hint as to what happened. If Sollux hadn't died from that kind of an impact, Tavros decided that he certainly died from blood loss. But his body was nowhere to be found.
Ding.
Out of the corner of his eye, Tavros saw a Trollian window pop up on Karkat's computer, along with the dull ring of a notification sound. He instantly recognized the indigo text color and hurried over to the keyboard.
terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
TC: honk.
CG: gAMZEE!
CG: oH, sORRY, wAIT,,,
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]
adiosToreador began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]
TC: OH.
TC: hey there, tavbro.
TC: WHAT'S A MOTHERFUCKER LIKE YOU DOING GETTING HIS CHAT ON IN MY BEST FRIEND'S COMPUTER?
TC: :o)
AT: sORRY,
AT: eVERYTHING IS KIND OF, NOT GOOD,
AT: iN THE MAIN ROOM, I MEAN,
AT: aND I SAW YOU MESSAGE KARKAT, aND IT WAS THE CLOSEST COMPUTER, sO I JUST DID THAT,
TC: it's so fucking chill bro, don't worry.
TC: HONK.
AT: uH,,,
AT: aRE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT, gAMZEE?
AT: yOUR TYPING QUIRK, iS KIND OF NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE,
TC: i'm the chillest motherfucker this side of the circus.
TC: AND SO AM MOTHERFUCKING I.
AT: ,,,
AT: wHAT?
TC: i'm just surprised to be chatting up with you.
TC: I WAS EXPECTING MY SWILLBLOODED BEST FRIEND AND ALL.
AT: sWILLBLOODED?
TC: last i heard, you were fixing to fight the spiderbitch.
AT: oH,
AT: wELL, i WAS, bUT I DID SOME FALLING DOWN OF THOSE REALLY TALL STAIRS,
AT: aND MY LEFT KNEE CAP IS LOOSE NOW, sO I CAME TO FIND A SCREWDRIVER,
TC: :o)
AT: aRE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY? kANAYA AND FEFERI AND MAYBE SOLLUX ARE DEAD NOW, i THINK, aND YOU COULD BE IN TROUBLE TOO,
AT: yOU SHOULD, GET BACK HERE,
TC: I'M MORE THAN OKAY, MY BROTHER.
TC: i'm finally getting to under motherfucking stand who i was meant to be all along.
TC: FINALLY GETTING TO UNDER MOTHERFUCKING STAND WHO I WAS MOTHERFUCKING MEANT TO BE ALL A MOTHERFUCKING LONG.
AT: tHAT,,, iS KIND OF WORRYING,
AT: gAMZEE, wHERE ARE YOU?
TC: i've been kicking the wicked ignorance on this shit.
TC: BEEN MOTHERFUCKIN SLAUGHTERING THE WICKED IGNORANCE, BRO.
TC: you should come chill with me, tavbro.
TC: DOWN BY THE BIGASS TEST TUBES.
TC: we can talk.
AT: aBOUT, wHAT EXACTLY?
TC: STUFF.
TC: see you soon, brother.
TC: :o)
terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling adiosToreador
Tavros leaned back in his chair and ran his fingers through his mohawk in both confusion and anxiety. Something was obviously wrong with Gamzee, but he just wasn't letting on. Whether Gamzee was suddenly going off his goddamn rocker, or if he was in serious trouble, or a mix of both, Tavros didn't know. But it was obvious now that Vriska was going to have to wait. That confused jumble of Trollian had pushed "Finding Gamzee" to the top of the priority list. The clown troll had been one of his closest friends for more sweeps than he could remember, and never before had Tavros seen him type like THAT. Sure, there were times that Gamzee had tried to wean himself off the sopor pies and gotten a little irritable but he still tried to stay upbeat. This was just pure unfiltered strangeness on top of all the strangeness that had been occurring in the last few hours.
Isolation on this meteor and the fear of death was doing some funny things to everyone's thinkpan, though. He supposed he wouldn't be all that surprised if Gamzee had finally gone off the deep end. He always thought that the clown was unnaturally chill and passive for someone of his blood color. Indigobloods were usually so aggressive and eager to cull. Gamzee was nearly the exact opposite of that. But Tavros had learned to not look a gift hoofbeast in the mouth.
He suddenly remembered what he had come up here to do in the first place and waddled over to Equius' computer, retrieving a screwdriver that had been used to fix a minor error on Aradiabot earlier in the night. After a few quick turns, his knee was as good as new. Luckily his robotic legs had suffered no dents during his fall. Equius sure knew how to build sturdy robots.
Tavros drew his dagger lance and stepped onto the transportalizer. He didn't know what to expect at this point, but he would be ready. He was nervous, maybe a little terrified, but he was ready.