I Do not own anything!

Sirius Black's 10 ways to fixing Azkaban!

By Sirius Black

Now I write this list on the account on everyone locked up at Azkaban. I mean really the place is so boring when you're not getting your soul sucked. Now I am going to spend my time and effort to tell you the Minster of Magic ways to change Azkaban for the better. Oh and Harry if you are reading this you still own me 5 galleons. Just because I am dead does not mean you can get out of paying me! Give it to George Weasley. I believe I own him money. Onwith the list!

1. Proper Meal.

Give the prisoners a proper meal. Is it to much to ask for you to make one home meal once a week? Like homemade Mac and Cheese with ham. Oh and stop feeding the prisoners rotten and spoiled food. Even thought they committed horrible crimes they do not deserve that crap. Okay maybe they do, but you guys are the good side. You are supposed to be nice. Oh and before I forget during the holidays like Thanksgiving give them a nice turkey dinner with mash potatoes, stuffing, and gravy even if they do not celebrate the Muggle holiday.

2. Bathroom Needs.

For this step you should install bathrooms in EVERY cell. Some people actually like to take a shower once a day. Not once in 12 every years. You should also install a toilet. I do not know about you, but I do not like peeing in a cup. Oh and you should bring a change of clothes to each prisoner every couple of weeks. Do you know how dirty I felt after escaping? When I finally got to Grimmauld place I took a shower every five minutes for weeks. I mean really is that too much to ask?

3. Game Time.

Now could you just spare some money and install a Quidditch area in Azkaban. You could use spells to make sure we don't escape. It would help get a lot of the prisoners' anger out. It does not even have to be Quidditch; you could teach the prisoners a Muggle sport like baseball, soccer, or football. It would also get alot of energy out if the prisoners too.

4. Therapy.

You could fix a lot of the prisoners' problems if you gave them a session of therapy once a day. Like try to figure out why they did the crime they did. I mean come on you are the good side, you should be trying to help the prisoners. Think of what Bellatrix could have become if you gave her therapy. She once had the dream to become an opera singer. Do not ask me why though. I thought it was a crazy dream of hers myself.

5. Books.

Like I said before it gets very boring in Azkaban. So you should put in your own personal library. Have Muggle books in the library. Try to get the prisoners into liking Muggle books. It will give them a whole new perspective. Oh and if you were really nice like the good side is suppose to be you would let us watch a Muggle contraption called the T.V. I am hooked on those crime investigation shows.

6. School.

Now I do not mean really take them back to school. I mean teach them what Muggles are really like. That should not be too hard.

7. Hot Tub.

It is a need for the prisoners to have a hot tub room! I mean a NEED! You have one Minster so you know how relaxing it feels. Even if we did bad things we still deserve a place to relax. You should also give the prisoners swimsuits.

8. Bar.

I know that we are criminals and everything, but we do need a taste of Firewhiskey once in a while. I mean how could you be that cruel? Another one of the first things I did when I escaped was drink a BIG bottle of Firewhiskey. I mean a big bottle.

9. Chocolate.

Isn't there a saying 'Chocolate can heal anything' I believe there was. So lighten up a little so what if the prisoner killed somebody that does not mean you have the right to take chocolate away from them!

10. Snowman.

When it is Christmas or winter whatever you celebrate during the time snow is on the ground let the prisoners out to make a snowman or girl. Better yet let them have a snowball fight. It would really help them get their anger out.

11. Guards.

I know I said this was 10 steps, but I had to add this step. Find BETTER guards! Instead of using soul sucking creatures use cute harmless non sould sucking ninja bunnies. It would bring joy to the prisoners knowing that they are being guarded by cute little ninja bunnies. That is all.

So I hope you appreciate my steps on how to make Azkaban a better place. Please use these steps!

Oh and Remus Lupin would like me to write something.

Dear Minster of Magic,

Pay no attention to Sirius' rules. He is still insane from his years in Azkaban.

Remus Lupin

No Minster! Pay no attention to Remus! Remember use these steps!

Peace out!

No Remus I will not help you clean the drawing room. Go do it yourself!

Man Remus is such a needy person.

Hope you like it! Review!

I do not own anything!